My sobering experince

[Once bitten twice shyParticipant 78]

Hi, first time posting after a while of lurking, just wanted to share my story in the hope of it helping others. Like the other stories here that opened my eyes. A prior warning this will be a very, very lengthy post. I cannot reiterate this enough, it will be essay like. Names omitted for legal reasons (things are due to go to court, etc)

I’m from the UK, born in the early 80’s. Only child from separated parents. They divorced when I was around 10 years old. Mum wanted kids, dad didn’t. I was raised by my mum and to her credit was very amicable towards my father in terms of finances and contact with me. I won’t go into their story as this post is about me.

So back to me – through my teenage years I had a good group of mates, we did what most young lads do, play football, ride bikes, play games, etc. Try the odd cigarette and drink a few beverages down the park at the grand old age of 15.

I got mediocre grades at school, was predicted to be this bright star but I just don’t get on with exams, never have done. Girls were in the background, snogged a few at school, they were just there, my sexual drive hadn’t kicked in… yet.

Grades aside, I started College at 16, the world ahead of me. First day, no, even the first week was a culture shock, nothing like school. I got on with all my classmates there, good bunch of guys and a girl. Well woman but I’ll get to that very shortly. College made me feel like an adult, even though I was a 16 year old boy in reality. I soon had a much more immediate interest in girls, I wanted to get laid.

The one sole woman who was in our class was twice my age, I kid you not, she was a MILF in my eyes (she did have kids by the way) I was a virgin but I wanted this women. So in one quiet lesson I flirted with her thinking that nothing would come of it, however that night we met up and you know the rest.

A few months of constant casual sex with this women made me feel like god. She was amazing in bed and to be honest probably the best sex I’ll ever have. But at 16/17 years old there was no way I was settling for just this one women. So with my downstairs brain doing all my thinking, a big wide world and many more women to explore I set out to explore as many as I could. I’m not proud of this but I would get through women like they were disposable items, didn’t matter about age, height, weight, looks, I had no standards and no intention of settling down. I just wanted to get my dick wet. I will however say I never led any of them on, they knew I had no intention of settling down, no strings, etc.

I never finished college, I dropped out, I hit my early twenties having gotten myself mediocre job after mediocre job, basically working to pay for nights out, constantly getting hammered and eventually hit my own “wall” so to speak. I was slowly watching my mates settle down, having kids, getting their homes, growing up and thinking for the long term. I however was single, in this constant party mode with a feeling of where next for me? I’d already secured a semi-decent job at this point, just not the women, house, the kids, the social stereotype.

A few months later I ended up meeting what I thought was “the one” this girl who was very attractive, funny, fun-loving, all that bulls~~~. At first I played things very cool, like I always had done in the past but with my own caveat of not f~~~ing things up, in case she would actually be this unicorn I was looking for. She was my age, she had children from a previous relationship (yes, yes I know) all the warning signs were resonating in my head but I ignored them. I hadn’t discovered MGTOW unfortunately.

Casual dating, turned into casual f~~~ing, turned into me stupidly asking her if she wanted to have a relationship to make it “official” I soon meet her children and it suddenly dawns on me as I begin to figure out the entire situation, taking steps back and absorbing what is to ensue in being the biggest clusterf~~~ of my life.

All of the analogies in this forum sum up the last 6 and a half years of my life to a tee.

I soon learn she is saddled and I mean saddled with debt, the kids barely see their dad as she has told me “he aint no good for them” she had rented out her family home to an absolute waster who wasn’t paying the rent which was one of the reasons she was in debt, the list goes on.

If anything shouted “RUN THE F~~~ AWAY AS FAR AS YOU CAN BOY” any louder than this I would call you a liar.

Trouble is I was in full on BETA blue-bill defcon 1 mode for whatever reason. The brain in my skull was not in the driving seat, the brain downstairs had overruled any semblance of rational thinking and logic.

However like any man faced with an obstacle to overcome I set out to tackle said obstacles, I finically supported her, I went to the kids father and acted as a mediator and eventually got her to see sense and agree to letting her own kids see their dad! All the while acting as a father figure to them when they were in our care. We got her problem tenant evicted and decided to move in and fully renovate the property, I did everything for her.

The obstacle tackling took place over the course of the first two years, a steady stable relationship was in place, and we both had plans together going forward. I got myself a much better job that paid better, I still had contact with my mates, did overtime to pay for fancy things, I bought her a car when hers broke. Literally a white knight.

We had a child together towards this second year of us being together, this was planned, I wanted my own child and not just to be a father figure to hers.

When our child was born I soon got this gut feeling this was the beginning of her get out clause in having any responsibility in being my partner. Her deed was done, she had given me my child which is more than anything else she could ever offer. True to a degree but this is where things started to go south, fast.

We always had the odd argument, the slight pushing each other back but always sorting things out in the end (usually me sucking up to her even if she was in the wrong, which 99% of the time she was) but after our own child was born we seemed to argue more.

I was and have never been a controlling person, I treat people the way I expect to be treated. Whenever I went out on a night (this rarely happened may I add) I would always send her a nice caring message to let her know I was thinking of her and that I was looking forward to coming home. The same however could not be said for her.

In year 3 of our relationship this one weekend she had planned to go out with her mates and as usual got herself tarted up to the nines. We all know that feeling of s~~~ why don’t you ever dress up like that for me? Who on earth are you trying to attract? You know that feeling guys.

Anyway I say goodbye to her as she departs the house, her mates in tow after they had already sank several glasses of wine and god knows what else. I proceed to check on the kids and then watch some TV downstairs, play some games and have some peace and quiet.

I don’t hear from her at all and its approaching 11:30PM so I think to myself, she’s having a good time I won’t text her like a killjoy and I go to bed. Deep in the land of nod I’m awoken at 4:30AM by my phone going off. It’s my girlfriend. I answer. I am greeted by the sound of a male voice. Am I dreaming still or something?!

This male voice says “I’m outside your house with your girlfriend, she is in a mess” I bolt downstairs open the door ready to lamp the motherf~~~er, as the door opens I see my girlfriend absolutely wrecked, trousers ripped, the lot and this dweeby looking chap who immediately says “I haven’t done anything, I found her like this in the middle of town and couldn’t live with myself if she didn’t get back safe” He hands me her phone. I mumble a thanks, she stumbles in and crashes on the sofa and spews her guts up everywhere. I close the door.

I go back upstairs fuelled with every emotion known to man. Has she been raped, what’s she done, who’s she done it with, why has she done this to me? Needless to say I didn’t get any sleep.

I get the kids up early in the morning, dressed upstairs and ready to go out with minimal exposure to their mother who looks battered downstairs, no kids need to see their mum like this, not when it’s self-inflicted.

I carry on my day with the kids, phone is switched off. I spend as long as possible out the house and when I return she is up, cleaned up and obviously very hungover. I don’t say anything as my body language and demeanour says what needs to be said.

No words were exchanged between us until the kids were put to bed and went to sleep. I then calmly had a word with her, basically felt like I was being her dad. Not good at all. At this point I should have packed my things and disappeared for good, the emotional baggage of kids had its firm grasp however and I couldn’t walk out on her and the kids. Shortly after this I hit massive depression, I had no trust in this girl, none. I started to hit the bottle big time.

This wasn’t the only incident, she would flip out if I asked her if she’d done overtime when she got back late from her part time job, she accused me of prying in on her, etc. Very guilty behaviour from such an innocent question. I can’t give you all the incidents as this already long story would not have an end. The above incident mentioned was the big one though.

Months and months went by of me drinking every night downstairs when the kids and she were upstairs and asleep. I would drink until I passed out, downstairs on the sofa. Contact with my mates had diminished and I was truly alone even though on the surface of things I was in a relationship and had kids. Nothing could be further from the truth. Pure loneliness was my life at that stage.

This continued, I swore to cut down my drinking as I knew it wasn’t good for me, her, the kids, anyone. I would manage it for a few weeks and then we’d have an argument and I’d hit the bottle again. A spiralling slippery slope. She knew she could do whatever she wanted as I was this soft touch little ball of putty in her hands that she could manipulate.

Fast forward a year or so, the fifth year of our relationship and a surprise birthday party was held for me that she had organised, everyone I knew loved and cared about were there, friends, family, the lot. This was a nice gesture but it wasn’t me, I’m not a huge fan of being centre of attention, it wasn’t really what I had envisioned, in fact its exactly how she wanted her birthday to be. I had suggested months prior what I would have liked, a helicopter tour somewhere and a nice meal just the two of us, something to remember forever and just for us to enjoy it. This may sound like I’m an ungrateful c~~~, I’m not. I feel like if she had listened and loved me for who I am she would know I’m not the centre of attention type with loads of people around me.

I got myself beyond drunk that evening and genuinely don’t remember a great deal, I know we got a taxi back home after having had yet another massive argument, we got back home and continued arguing but this was like nothing before, it was a full on row, on a big scale, she was pushy as was I. Constantly verbally pushing me to hit her. Then she got inches away from my face and muttered something that lit my fuse. Red mist overcame me and I grabbed her by her throat and she began to cry, I immediately let her go after realising what I had done, what I had become.

She ran out of the house crying, I thought she had ran to one of her family members homes. She hadn’t, she had ran to the local police station. 30 minutes after this incident, I saw blue lights lighting up our street. I knew it was game over for me. Several officers entered our house with her in tow, I was read my rights and arrested then and there, carted off and chucked in a cell. As you’d imagine this sobered me up as it would anyone.

Every second there felt like an hour, every minute felt like a day, every hour felt like a year behind those bars. I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone.

The next morning I was asked to give my statement, I did, I was honest with it, niaveley thinking as I had no previous record or ever having been in trouble with the police before, that I would just get a caution. I hadn’t slapped, punched, kicked or done anything other than grab her. I hadn’t ever laid a finger on her or anyone else prior to this one incident. 5 seconds of madness soon landed me with a criminal record forever. A month later I was sentenced at court and convicted of domestic violence.

I am not proud of myself for this happening. Not at all. Feel free to judge me for doing what I did.

Needless to say that was the end of our relationshp and I decided to go to AA. That is another story altogether. All I will say is that I got what I needed from there.

A month later she wanted me back, after I had been convicted, a promise to start a fresh, rebuild the relationship. I politely inferred that I needed and that she also needed time to think long and hard about things. She took it upon herself to reply “I take it you never loved me or the kids then” along with a whole host of hate.

Already pretty much at rock bottom, that message was like dropping an anvil on my grave. I wanted to end my own life. I tried in fact, I overdosed, luckily I managed to f~~~ that up and was rushed into hospital.

Weeks went by, I got help from various people, amongst that help someone said the most important thing to me which was “no women on this planet is worth you taking your own life for”

I pondered for a while after this and decided to take her up on her offer and I went back into the relationship. I felt I wanted her and the kids. I felt I was the problem in the relationship all along and I wanted to go back in a completely sober and changed man. I wanted a second chance.

You know where this is heading right? I soon saw everything for how it was now that I was clean from alcohol, having been convicted for a 5 second mistake. Things were worse than ever as she couldn’t walk over me anymore, tensions ever high as I wasn’t the soft touch drunk that she could manipulate into believing that I was the problem for all her bulls~~~. She falsely accused me of having an affair a few months later. I looked at her, laughed and walked out the house. A week later when I went to collect the rest of my belongings I openly asked her “you don’t actually believe what you’ve accused me of?” she replied “no I was just pushing your buttons”

This was my big fat red pill jammed into my oesophagus right there, I remember looking at her and not actually seeing a human. All this time she had been playing me, pushing my buttons, sucking the life out of me to get a reaction just for her kicks.

She left the house to allow me to grab my belongings and had left me a note, a list of things such as my access to our child, bills to cancel, etc. All to suit her. I thought ok this seems actually reasonable but there was one other major thing which I politely asked her to meet me to discuss. The proceeds of the house as I wished to no longer be financially linked to her. Ever. We agreed a time and a place to have this discussion. The day before we were due to meet she asked to change that time to suit her. I agreed. She then stood me up completely, leaving me waiting for her.

I gave her one chance to meet me amicably in a mutual place to talk like adults about a fundamental matter. She blew it. It’s my terms now, one chance per women per lifetime. From that point of her standing me up, I ghosted her, even when picking my child up I wouldn’t say a word. Wouldn’t even look at her.

This obviously wasn’t good enough, she wanted attention, craved the stuff like any women. How dare a man ghost her? So she stopped me from seeing my child suggesting I seek legal advice. I did, as I knew I was in for a massive fight ahead. Solicitor on my side armed with the whole truth including my past, letters were sent to her and contact with my child was shortly resumed.

I knew this wouldn’t be the last of the matter and I wanted something in writing for a fair contact agreement with my child. I begged my solicitor to take it straight to court and save all the namby pamby bulls~~~. I wanted a judge to rule the outcome. It’s legally binding that way. I was told that UK law doesn’t not work this way and for it to be heard in court we would have had to attend mediation first and if that didn’t work then it could be heard in court.

So we did mediation and we came to agreement, both signed said agreement. This has lasted 2 months and for no reason whatsoever she decided 2 weeks ago to stop me seeing my child, again. This time with absolute disappearance. Couldn’t get hold of her, or her family. Police not interested as its a civil matter. Needless to say I was straight on the phone to my solicitor and pushed for an urgent court hearing. This was drafted for September, my solicitor pushed more, its now being heard rather soon.

I just want to see my child and have nothing to do with her unless its in relation to our childs well-being. Nothing more, nothing less. She cannot understand this. She is an AWALT.

Moral of the story for any male, never ever get married (luckily I didn’t) do not raise your hand to a women no matter how much of an oxygen thief she is, just walk away (I wish I had) Never change for a women. Never back down. Do not in any circumstance give them a nanometre, they will want an astronomical unit. Be prepared to be financially screwed.

Learn not only from my experience but from the others on this website, women are bad f~~~ing news.

I’m still sober though armed with some hard life lessons. I will not make the same mistakes as I have previous. I will never, ever be in a relationship ever again. Pump and dump from now on I think is the saying around here?

I’ve obviously made some cuts to the story for the overall last 6 years of my life, I can’t lie to you and say it was all bad, just that the bad far far outweighed the good. Thanks for reading if you made it through the essay and I hope that one day my bitch of an ex will read this and absorb what an absolute c~~~ she is.

[wyrParticipant 591]

Welcome brother, I hope things work out!

Self-improvement is my religion. Sovereignty is my god.

[PrincekieParticipant 1042]

Welcome mate.

That’s one hell of a story. Hope your recovery on all fronts is going well.

[Anonymous 7]

Welcome brother.
There is soda in the cooler and coffee and tea next to the cooler help yourself.

[Anonymous 3]

Welcome! You did have a sobering experience ( and I don’t mean this in a mean spirtited way ) Now stay that way

[Anonymous 43]

s~~~ vortex.

omfg

[Anonymous 43]

umm sorry amigo, I was just rocked to the core there

Welcome to some semblance of sanity

Jebus on the cross, what can we mere mortals do for you, you are the God of survival.

[MaceyParticipant 19]

Your strength is inspiring. Well done.

[CarnageParticipant 22113]

Damn, close to spirit but with less time.

To those following me, be careful, I just farted. Men those beans are killers.

[Epiphany52Participant 70]

Wow your story has really made me think long and hard. I feel for you brother, reach out as you are. I burried one of my good friends two weeks ago because of suicide. The priest said it right ‘those who kill themselves take the pain they feel inside and project it onto those who love them’. This witch might not but your child certainly does.

If this woman is as bad as you say – and I fully believe you when you say she is – then you need to fight as hard as you can to get that kid away from her. Especially if your child is male.

There is either something or there is nothing and in the face of a paradox, nothing makes more sense than something.

[Man SoloParticipant 111]

Awight mate!

Welcome to the forum. Nice to hear from fellow Brits. Well done for finding your way through the jungle – respec! You have now made it to a clearing where you are free to do as you please for the rest of your life. Being alone takes a bit of getting used to but once the benefits really start to appear, there’s no going back.

I’ve got a mate who is currently being dragged through divorce hell and has been for around 5 years. Lost a s~~~load of money, time and hair, but still wants to know why I don’t have a girlfriend. Erm…wake up and smell the coffee!

"Marriage is a good way to meet someone you hate and then buy them a house'

[NomadicExpatParticipant 1785]

Damn bro, that’s one hell of a life story so far.

It’s also an amazing cautionary tale and a reminder to stay the course.

Take a rest brother, you’ve earned it.

[Anonymous 0]

Once bitten twice shy wrote:

I am not proud of myself for this happening. Not at all. Feel free to judge me for doing what I did.

Yeah, I do. I admire your self control.

Footage of me if I had been on your place:

bye

Nonetheless you sobered up and you cannot go full retard again. Just upwards from now on!

[CombatRollParticipant 2594]

Glad you are free. Imagine how many Blue Pillers would have stayed and bent to her bulls~~~, living a lifetime of misery. You broke loose and bolted – well done!

[LEO THE WISEParticipant 249]

Welcome to MGTOW,

That’s quite a long story you have been through.

I am Leo the wise, giving to all men their needed uprise.

You are quite the survivor here.

Anyway,
Have a nice evening/day
Bye
LEO THE WISE

Leo the wise : Giving to all men their needed uprise My MGTOW YOUTUBE channel, first vid : https://youtu.be/Xt-tJgVUGuI

[MonkParticipant 16988]

Once bitten twice shy wrote:

She hadn’t, she had ran to the local police station. 30 minutes after this incident, I saw blue lights lighting up our street. I knew it was game over for me. Several officers entered our house with her in tow, I was read my rights and arrested then and there, carted off and chucked in a cell.

… do not raise your hand to a women no matter how much of an oxygen thief she is, just walk away (I wish I had).

You didn’t need to do anything. All she had to do was ACCUSE you. Even walking away is no guarantee of safety.

[Author]

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