Home › Forums › Introductions › My relationship as a deaf man, or a dead man
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Crazy Canuck 3 years, 7 months ago.
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You are a MAN just because you like to do stuff boys do does not make you not a man because guess what? Other men like to do that stuff too. That is just a shaming tactic used by our gynocentric society for you to “man up” and put a ring on her finger and pump out kids.
Yeah, I agree. A lot of men are obviously doing boys stuff, and it has nothing to do with attracting women. It p~~~es me off that women think that men doing boys stuff is a way to attract women. Women are way off base on that, because it has nothing to do with women. A woman should learn that not every man should sit around her and idolizing her. I read a book recently called Hold onto Your N.U.T.S., and it was talking a lot about how a man should stop listening to his inner boy-ish self, because the boy has a very dependent trait or bond with his mother, which is why it’s such a turn-off to a lot of women. In my opinion, the writer might be onto something with that issue.
As for the sex thing go on pornhub.com or youjizz.com and rub one out with or without a flashlight over time you will not need women for sex. If you have to have sex with a woman why does it have to be with her? Go out and get an escort,
Pornography doesn’t work for me anymore. It’s frustrating for me, because my friend down there is always flaccid when I watch, or look at porn pictures. Interaction of man and woman during intercourse always put me off. This is weird, because I used to be VERY horny over pornography, but I guess it wore off, and I become more attracted to my own girlfriend.
Solo pictures work for me, but not always, cuz I have to know who she is so my pole can get harder. Sites like rylskyart dot com and metart are the best ones, maybe because no man is touching my dream girl, and she’s looking straight at me.
It’s weird, because I use my girlfriend’s pictures and videos, and my friend down there always gets ultra-hard. Even harder than rylskyart and metart. I can’t even do that with pornography, because I had to work it up for almost 3 hours to finally ejaculate (very frustrating!), but when I only masturbate over solo nude pics/vids of my gf, I can easily ejaculate 4 to 6 times in one day. I think it might be because I know her as a person, a real person, her friendly personality can really help rise my horniness to a higher level.
I forgot what an escort means, so I looked it up on the internet… lol. They don’t exist. Even if an escort exists, my girlfriend still wins over that. An escort is… just low.
Right now, my body is average at best. I used to be muscular, and I miss that, so I gotta get back in shape again. Feels like looking good and feeling good is the only way a new girl would try to steal me away from my girlfriend. It feels like that’s the only way to get out of the relationship.
ALL BPD’S CHEAT – this is an exact science (they cheat and lie as easily as we breathe and s~~~).
… I fear my gf actually does this. It feels like all women do this. I guess we men should just NEVER TELL ANY WOMAN ANY OF OUR PERSONAL BUSINESS WHATSOEVER UNTIL WE DIE!!!
Seriously, I don’t think it’s only BPD women, I think all women have this problem to contain secrets about their man.
A lot of women have told me secrets that weren’t supposed to be told. They love gossip. Period.
. If you do not break up with her, you can expect a pregnancy scare as she will most likely try to lock you down.
But she has Implanon birth control in her arm. She can’t get pregnant. Am I still safe if I have sex with her with a condom on?
The longer you stay, the worse it will be for you. You’re settling for someone you cannot and will not trust, who you think may be retarded in some way, who is constantly manipulating you and trying to force you to conform to her demands, and worst of all is a confirmed BPD. Now imagine yourself 15 years down the road (married to her) when she’s lost her physical attractiveness, the BPD is spinning out of control and she decides to falsely accuse you of abuse over something and has you kicked out of your house, prior to raping you in divorce court. 15 years of either giving in to her demands or arguing – is that something you think you want in your life?
You, sir, are making so much sense. Woah. It really does feel like my relationship is going into that direction. (sigh) I don’t think I’ll ever break up with her any time soon. My heart says “don’t break up with her” but my mind says, “Are you crazy!??? Break up with her NOW!! NOW! NOW! NOW!” but still, my heart says “if you break up with her, you might be breaking up with a unicorn, or NAWALT, and never see her again!” “if you break up with her, she might commit suicide due to depression of not being with you anymore” “if you break up with her, she might never see any other man again, go on binge eating to become overweight, and nobody wants her anymore, and she misses you in grief because you broke up with her when she was finally being faithful to you.”
Maybe I should try to give her one last chance in this relationship?
Still, it feels like she is being controlled by her own mother, like she’s her puppet. Her mom is the one doing all the stuff for her, like she got her a new condo, a new car with low mileage (expensive!), she kept telling her not to move here, and she actually took her to the country club on her 16th birthday. This makes me not like her mom, and become suspicious of her. She has a very controlling, intimidating demeanor.
They think I’m a bad boy, a cheater, a player, a liar, etc, etc. I’m nothing like that. Maybe I seem that way, because I’m a poor man. I can’t even make half of $30,000 salary.
She’s deaf. You may think it makes no difference, but I’m dead serious, it really makes a huge difference. She’s VERY dependent on her parents, because she’s scared to go out anywhere she wants all by herself. She’s a petite girl, she can’t feel confident by being independent like SOME hearing women can. It’s even rare for hearing women to be that independent like men are.
Anonymous3They think I’m a bad boy, a cheater, a player, a liar, etc, etc. I’m nothing like that. Maybe I seem that way, because I’m a poor man. I can’t even make half of $30,000 salary.
Manboy, welcome. You have been given many advises on what to do. I will help you understand something that causes me a lot of problems: good boy syndrome.
I learned this from a “verbal conflicts” online course that I had to take to understand my limitations when it comes to arguing with people. Parents raise us to be a “good boys”, and we carry all our lives the need to be seen as a good boy.
The problem is that women, as expert manipulators they are, pick these weak spots in us and play with them. So, you do not want so do something that would leave other people thinking you are a bad boy. How much are you willing to sacrifice for the good opinion of people that you could never see in your life again?Another question, with her manipulations of your good name, do you think you could ever be seen in a positive light?
Think on your investment in time, effort and the emotional sacrifice to be a “good boy”. She only has to open her mouth and lie for a minute to destroy all of it. You cannot win this game.
She’s deaf. You may think it makes no difference, but I’m dead serious, it really makes a huge difference. She’s VERY dependent on her parents, because she’s scared to go out anywhere she wants all by herself. She’s a petite girl, she can’t feel confident by being independent like SOME hearing women can. It’s even rare for hearing women to be that independent like men are.
My friend, think this very carefully. You feel a bond with this girl because she is exactly in your situation. A rational male analysis would carefully consider the difficulties of a relationship with a girl that is not deaf. Therefore you may subconsciously see her as your only chance for a relationship.
When you only see one choice you have a lousy decision margin.
A second issue is that you might feel like being her “white knight”, and save her from herself and from her parents. That is very noble but misguided. If you cannot save yourself first you have no conditions to save anyone else.
I had a deaf aunt, and I would compare her behaviors at old age to that of 12 years old kid. She would be the most infantile and problematic woman. The limitations she had on her life just made her ignorant of reality. The protection she was always surrounded led her to act like a spoiled brat. I would pity a man that would marry her.
Think about this. Women thrive in their weakness and victimhood. How do you think a handicapped woman would act? Exactly, far worst than others…
With regards to implanon as an effective form of birth control: not only is it not 100% effective but there a number of women who are experiencing serious depression as a result of using it – Google ‘implanon reviews’ and start researching; I provide one such searched link here: http://www.everydayhealth.com/drugs/implanon/reviews
So it is possible that her use of it combined with her BPD is making things worse. According to Planned Parenthood, every year about 1% of the women using it will become pregnant anyway. My question to you is this: are those odds you like? Besides, going in without wrapping exposes you to numerous possible STDs, STDs which she may have contracted without knowing from someone she’s been cheating with, someone who ALSO is not using protection because of her implant.
Now look at her mother, who you said is very controlling – do you imagine that would stop if you were to get married? Don’t you think that she would then try to force you to live close to her so she can be close to her daughter? And some age-old and sage advice: take a look at the mother to get a good idea of how the daughter will turn out. Controlling YOU.
You have all the warning signs you need, now you have to decide what’s best for you, regardless of how strangers like me are telling you to hit the road. But maybe what you need is to read marriage post-mortems by formerly married men elsewhere in this forum and on the Net which are there almost solely to prevent men like you from making the same mistake they did.
You also have to stop giving a f~~~ about what anyone else thinks of you and/or your relationship with this woman – THEY are not going to have to live with her and her dramas, YOU are. Like someone said here, drop that ‘good boy’ s~~~ right now.
I think you already understand at heart that you need to get out of this relationship and you’ve come here seeking support, and you’re getting it. But there’s only one way to end it and that is to END IT. End it unequivocally, you don’t have to write up a laundry list of why, you just have to say ‘it’s final’, I don’t love you and I don’t want to be with you. She will of course attempt all kinds of delaying actions, demanding detailed explanations so she has the chance to refute you point by point, using her sobbing and pleading to weaken you, and then once she’s succeeded NOTHING WILL CHANGE. Sure, for a few weeks or so but then she’ll fall right back into her old patterns. She will also be more emboldened because she will have triumphed over you again.
Do you want to live your life yourself the way you want it or do you want to be told how to live by someone else like her (and her mother)? Comes down to that. No one claims that breaking up is painless but that pain fades a lot faster than the pain you will experience IN a longer relationship with her.
I’m going to presume that you are not quite 30 yet. So the clamoring and pressure on you to accept a woman is going to be at it’s highest. Especially if she is in the 25-30 age range herself.
I’m 29 and she’s a year younger than I. Does that mean she’ll eventually stop being so cunning? Even if she does stop, I might still have to look over my shoulder constantly for the rest of my life… still thinking if I should stay with her or not.
No it means the opposite, you have a BPD who is approaching the wall the abuse will jump up ten fold. Her goal is to cripple you and make you a complaint slave.
As her looks are due to start fading she will feel the need to make up for it by being more abusive to maintain control. As you get a little older your hormones are going to be calming down making it easier for you to think more clearly, she will work to prevent this by being more abusive.
If your not familiar with it look up “stockholm syndrome” that how BPDs work and the only way I can describe some of your thoughts here.
Look back at your own writings on this thread and imagine that it is not you but another friend of yours who is saying these things and consider what you would want to advise them.
She is not some innocent deserving of love, she is a vile being that enjoys causing you pain more than you enjoy sex. As she gets older abusing you is going to be as important to her as breathing.
I can assure you your girl will not get better and will only get worse. You are fortunate to be a state away and having never moved there, this will make it easier to cut her out and save yourself while you still have a life.
The intent of acting like a victim of your abuse is to cut you off from your friends and family as much as possible. To her someone that cares about you is a threat to her and her ability to maintain absolute control over you.
The laws and conditions of society make all woman dangerous in relationships (and out side them too) but a BPD is a whole other level of bad.
In your case I think this sight might be of use to you; and you might want to give the blog a good read:
This place (MGTOW) is a good place for men to have brothers who will tell your the truth, but that sight might have some additional usefulness to you in your case for seeing what’s going on. It belongs to one Dr. Tara J. Palmatier; she has somewhat specialized in looking at BPD people and helping their victims.
Funnily enough, I hadn’t read your post until after I posted. the reference to ‘nuclear waste’ was pure chance…..or maybe not.
I think we are just calling a spade a spade here. joller984
Just telling it like it is, nothing more nothing less.Manboy, this is what I can add to your situation. You are in a real bad situation right now when your own girl friend is even using your own family to manipulate you in getting you to marrying her. She has no business what so ever to even do that sort of sh*t, even if she is an innocent looking angel girl. Even if she is pretending to be the helpless angel to the point where she got all your family to feel sorry for her to the point where they are getting you to marry her, everything in the end is a form of manipulation. The best thing to do is to cut all the bulls~~~ that is getting into your head, and if that means cutting people from planting more bulls~~~ in your head so be it. This is one of the only ways to cope with this situation. Not saying for you to cut your family out of yourself, but at least learn what everyone here in this thread has to say so you would be more immune to future bulls~~~ ideas. Also, I do not think that there is a need for you to even socialize with your girl friend’s circle of people anymore just for the fact that many of them would be putting more ideas in your head which you do not need right now to recover from all of this.
"Question everything" - Albert Einstein
Welcome to the forums, Mr. Manboy. I think you’re self-loathing yourself by calling yourself a ‘boy trapped in a man’s body’ because no such s~~~ exists. There’s no defining behavior for a ‘man acting like a boy’. That is what women use as shaming tactics.
I think you are very insecure… don’t worry. All I want to say is that everything will be all right.
First of all, I would like to ask you if you don’t mind…are you on any sort of medication? That would help.
Second, I think you’re being too hard on yourself…you’re overthinking about this issue.Here is a piece of advice…. shut those thoughts out for now by indulging yoursef into something you like. I like video games, so whenener I need to get away from the world, I spend ots of time on quake 3 multiplayer. I even topped the leaderboard on a german host multiple times today. It felt good.
Indulge into something which you like. Starting right now. Don’t second-think it.
After spending some time self-indulging yourself, come back and re-read this thread. I promise you, it will get the job done.
Also, if you’re on medication, and you’re missing sleep because of that, please consult your doctor and tell him to give you something else that doesn’t disrupt your sleeping patterns.
Take it easy. Welcome to mgtow.com. We are always here to help.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Sorry for not responding for a while. Thank you to GoneGalt, and Executioner Maxwell for sharing links. They really help me open my eyes on people who have BPD. I read some scary stories from corrupt liars, and still can’t believe they do this.
A relationship is a big deal to me, because my life seem to revolve around a relationship. I don’t know if it’s normal or not. When I read the blog link, I couldn’t find any stories that seem to match what my gf is now. She USED to be like this (which is a strong instigator of me wanting to break up with her soon), but now, I don’t know. She might have changed, but I dunno.
Say, if I do break up with her, what do I do? Are there certain rules and steps to do this?
Heck, I had to buy a book called Mind Games recently. It describes what a manipulator would do to have the upper hand in the relationship. Strangely enough, some of these traits reminded me of what I did to her in the past. I did manipulate her without even knowing what I did was wrong. It’s kinda why I keep procrastinating the break up. If I stop doing what I did to her, she might change into someone who’s much nicer?
Know what’s more scary? There was another book I read called No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert A. Glover, and describes ME!!! It describes every exact personality traits, and character traits of myself. I was blown away by reading the whole thing, and couldn’t believe how accurate the writer was. Felt like he was stalking me my whole life and wrote everything about me. He said a nice guy tends to seek approval and validation from his own wife/gf, and that is a very bad way to have in a relationship. It’s like a little boy seeking approval from his own mother. Also, more scary is that nice guys are actually master manipulators, but their boy-ish selves deny this.
Remember how a boy denies responsibility of doing something bad, and his mom would always be there to defend him against his “mean daddy” or his sister?
Every time. Every time I read about on how to have good, healthy relationship by being a man, they always mention the danger of giving off the pubescent boy vibe in front of your woman.
David DeAngelo mentioned about the boy philosophy, too. I tried to do his PUA stuff in the past, and it worked like magic. So, he must know what he was talking about.
It’s just difficult for me to swallow all of this at the same time. I gotta think this over. I have a lot to think about. This is MY LIFE I’m try to protect, and making sure I’m making the right decisions.
Breaking up with someone who has the same qualities as I do is very difficult as I’ve tried it before and failed. And good memories with her every time we visit each other makes it extra hard to break up. I think I fear to do this more than before is because if I break up with her this time, then… it needs to be permanent. No more reconciling. No more, “I miss old times, let’s get back together”. I need to stay my ground if I ever break up with her. That’s something I need to be prepared for if I do it.
My girlfriend has been texting me non-stop, because I haven’t responded to her since a day before yesterday. I just don’t know what to say to her anymore. Oh, yeah, that’s also in the book that if a partner gives another a long silent treatment, it’s a sign that he or she is a manipulator. I manipulated her without even knowing I did that? I just couldn’t find the right words to say to her, otherwise, she would start the drama and fight.
Not sure if I should say:
“We need to break up. Cancel your flight.” Then NEVER text or see her again for the rest of my life, and never even respond to her knocking on my door if she ever manages to fly over here without my permission.
OR
“Hey, babe, sorry I haven’t responded. Can’t wait to see you, so we can cuddle to watch movies, then go outside play with fireworks and watch the fireworks!”
The latter sounds so much better. Why would I want to do the first one?
She has paid for all our flights since her pregnancy. That’s, like, over 2 years. She paid half for almost all of our breakfasts, lunches, and dinners. She even paid FULL for our fancy, special, expensive dinners, and I paid none of that (I didn’t even tell her to go there, she was the one who wanted us to go there). She and I compromised on what to buy and what not to buy, but she mostly bought a lot of things for us together.
A BPD REFUSES to compromise. My gf doesn’t seem to fit in that category, at least not as far as I’m thinking right now, so it’s kinda hard to make the decision to break up this time.
My ex fiancé of seven years was
Clearly if not diagnostically . High on the BDP/NPD spectrum — no sense of her real self , eternal victim, low emotional IQ and ruthless as hell .Trust me if she is even high on that score run – run – run not all are dysfunctional cutters and such, my ex was a high powdered banking exec and had some of the top law marks in the country .
Trust me she will destroy you or try to at some point when the devaluation
sets in .This how filled with hate they are when we broke up she was still angry at the fact seven years previous she had made me eggs at 3am !!! that’s how much it irks these women to be submissive or do anything nice for anyone else unless they are gaining something .
Anonymous3Also, more scary is that nice guys are actually master manipulators, but their boy-ish selves deny this.
That is very funny! A nice guy is always manipulated and very easy to do so. Forget whatever book tells you otherwise. Let give you an example:
Pay for stuff with a good guy, he feels indebted for it and is not free to do what he wants.
Pay for stuff to a bad guy, he laughs, says thank you, and then forgets everything.You had the upper hand? Maybe, but I doubt. My definition: dominates a relationship the one that cares less about it.
Anonymous3I just couldn’t find the right words to say to her, otherwise, she would start the drama and fight.
Its not the words, its her displeasure. You fear her, she will hurt your feelings.
I know. I am there. Then you surrender, and just say “yes dear”. That is the sound of a broken man.
There is no book that will help you in relationships. There may be books to understand why relationships are so difficult.
Don’t text her back, call her.
Say the stupid lines women play on us: that you need time, that you are hurt, that you need space, that you feel you are not appreciated.
Then prepare yourself for the s~~~storm, the shamming, the crying, the call in of all the debts. And then, of course, she will say hurtful things.
This is not an exit strategy.
This is not to hurt her.
This is for you to learn about the person you may spend your life with.Dude I have been going my own way for 30 years, that was back in the mid 80’s before mgtow concept even existed. I have observed people in general and I can tell you most women aren’t worth the fuss.
You have been labeled as verbally abusing her. Isn’t that enough? LOL Come on dude if you married her she would tell her family the same s~~~.
If you want to risk everything you have go ahead and keep your girlfriend."If pussy was a stock it would be plummeting right now because you've flooded the market with it. You're giving it away too easy." - Dave Chapelle
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