My policy, the 'F~~~ me around once policy'.

[lukeylalaParticipant 56]

Since becoming a MGTOW I have realized just how much bulls~~~  is going on around me and cant believe how I never noticed it before. It’s been there all along.

I’m losing patience and am finding myself unable to put up with people’s bulls~~~. So I have a policy to help me deal with people and decide whether they are worth my time or not.

The ‘F~~~ me around once’ policy.

For example, I have a work colleague(a girl, surprise surprise!) who invited me out with a bunch of friends for some birthday drinks. But here’s the kicker, she never told me when and where to meet. If you didn’t want me to come then why invite me? I wasn’t surprised really, and actually had a better night staying home than if I had gone out, so no loss.

Again this seems to be exclusive to women. Any time I have been invited out by male friends this never happens. If plans change they let me know etc etc

Anyway since she ‘F~~~ed me around’ I’ve decided to not bother with her anymore, still stay friendly at work(as you should with colleagues) but anymore invites etc will end with ‘No’ since I can now guess as to what type of person she is.

I know it may seem like a harsh policy to some, but since losing my ability to deal with bulls~~~, it’s the best way for me to be. It helps me cope and stay stress free.

The harsh reality is that most people(male or female) are just not worth your time.

[AposematicParticipant 2671]

One strike..you’re out! Good one.

Afinogyny.. from the Greek Afino {to abandon/ to set down/ to leave /to allow/ to let } + Gyny {Women} MGHOW’s philosophy to not engage women without “hating them”. Narcorca =Narcissistic Orca typically spouting to a bathroom mirror taking an arms length selfie ; Wallinate describes post wall females whose SMV is terminally negligible New Years resolution "To not make women happy" . Instadestitue: yet another Neologism for Men that cohabit with women that decide to pull the handle of intervention orders.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Since becoming a MGTOW I have realized just how much bulls~~~ is going on around me and cant believe how I never noticed it before. It’s been there all along.

Your attitude is right on the money, but the first line really hit home. If you’re still losing patience , then you have a way to go still, because mine is gone. But it’s only in the last year or two that I have started drawing big fat lines (for even my own family). And I really LIKE it this way.

I recently mentioned an example of chick (23) who is cool and fun and we made plans to go out for a drink after work. The day before I confirmed in an email and actually ended the message by typing out “flake and die”. She responded in a hurry , assured me we where definitely on and she was very much looking forward to it.

The following day, 2 hours before we were supposed to meet, she sends a message about having to take care of her mom’s / family dog / blah blah / some totally predictable female s~~~…… BEGGING me to re-schedule. (F~~~ her if she thinks I’m playing second fiddle to a DOG – or anyone else). When I told her I wasn’t kidding and never tolerate flakes, she blew up my phone with even more apologies and was GENUINELY upset.

There was no reply from me and she is DEAD to me now. When a mutual friend of ours asked me why I was so unforgiving in front of his wife… I just said “one chance. Per chick. Per lifetime. No exceptions.“. And I said it with a smile.

This has a different impact than “f~~~ me around once (and you’re out)”.

“F~~~ me around once” is a good policy, but if you advertise it, it gives the impression of one too many butt-hurts, and you won’t teach anyone a lesson that way. It’s like you’re looking for a mistake, and it’s like writing a rule for THEM instead of YOU.

…. but “one chance. (Per chick). Per lifetime. No exceptions.” is a different attitude. It allows you to still go through life with a friendly and open attitude towards people and you may even show interest from time to time… but it’s a personal rule for YOU. Instead of drawing the line for others and setting a trap, you draw it for yourself. It’s a guideline for you – not them.

•••

Remember, when a woman asks you out, invites you, or initiates, she is asking for two reasons:

1. To find out if you have any other plans.

2. To see if you will say “yes” too easily.

Even if your birthday plans are to stay home and watch TV with a bucket of chicken, you don’t change them because she asked. You say “I already have plans”. So “no” is the right answer – but for another reason. Saying “no” because you don’t want to get flaked on is very different than communicating you have better things to do.

So if she really wants you to go, she has to make the effort to turn your “no” into a “yes”.
That’s the position you want to be in.

To be clear, I’m agreeing with you 100% (particularly the bottom line) – and endorse your policy – but you also want to show them THEY are scum and THEY are f~~~ed up and you hold yourself to higher standards. You want to show them it’s not your problem.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[FitzBonesParticipant 304]

‘Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me’
Dont ever let anyone kick you in the teeth twice.

"If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds' worth of distance run,"

[DocParticipant 112]

‘Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me’
Dont ever let anyone kick you in the teeth twice.

I am more of a don’t even kick me in the teeth once kind of guy. Women can be nice and friendly or they can get lost. I won’t be sticking around long enough to get kicked in the teeth.

[lukeylalaParticipant 56]

Good point Keymaster. Since I haven’t been a MGTOW very long I’m still learning the best way to act. I don’t openly say ‘F~~~ me around once and you’re out’ it’s more in my attitude. I’m not an asshole, just a guy who wont take any bulls~~~ anymore, but if people call me an asshole for it then so be it! The truth hurts! In the end that will gain me more respect from people around me and more importantly give me more self respect than being the pushover I once was.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

I’ve been the same. A “friend” of mine once got schooled by me (and how) when he made a jab in front of his girlfriend. I jabbed him back even harder right where she could see it. She laughed and he was SO p~~~ed. He asked me why I was such a dickhead in front of her…..

So I told him “if you kick my leg, I’m gonna break yours”.
It took a while for it to really sink in, but he backed off eventually.

This attitude kinda stuck with me over the years and has served me very well.

You definitely have the right idea.

Cheers.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[Cap285Participant 6007]

As time goes on and you become a crotchity old f~~~ like myself, you’ll realize that your patience tank and your nice tank don’t even run on vapor but are bone dry. I have literally turned into my grandfather. Eventually, you won’t give people the chance to f~~~ you around because it will be second nature to avoid them.

“I put my faith in the people, but the people let me down.” -Rare Earth-

Fuck this planet.

[Cap285Participant 6007]

<cite>@mgtow.com said:</cite>The following day, 2 hours before we were supposed to meet, she sends a message about having to take care of her mom’s / family dog / blah blah / some totally predictable female s~~~…… BEGGING me to re-schedule. (F~~~ her if she thinks I’m playing second fiddle to a DOG – or anyone else). When I told her I wasn’t kidding and never tolerate flakes, she blew up my phone with even more apologies and was GENUINELY upset.

This!

Flaking should simply not be tolerated. Then they sit around and wonder why they can’t get dates. I did the same thing in the summer, got the flake text hours before we were supposed to go out. When I replied “Go f~~~ yourself” the bitch was actually shocked. Their excuses border on my 4th grade excuses about why I didn’t to my homework. Women just don’t care and/or are stupid. They’ll cancel and a date and 5 seconds later their F~~~Book status is “I’m going out tonight!”

One told me she couldn’t go out because her son got hurt sledding and was in the hospital. She sent an 8 year old on a night sledding run without doing recon on the hill. Are women this stupid? Yes. On the other hand, sounds like another lame flake.

Fuck this planet.

[TYEParticipant 291]

Sounds like she was doing the “good ole” ass kisser test KeyMaster many women (my mother included) like to see how much B.S. you will put up with, and if she sees that you’re an ass kisser, or someone that will tolerate her unacceptable behavior she will continue to misbehave. Woman are like Children that have to be taught right from wrong, and whats acceptable and whats not.

[DybbukParticipant 182]

I don’t think a “one strike and you’re out” policy is the best way to go. That strikes me as something you would do if you don’t trust yourself to consistently handle situations deftly in the future, so you make a one-size-fits-all rule as insurance to keep yourself from erring on the side of being a sap/wuss/beta/mangina/whatnot.

Instead, I like the idea of a “converse golden rule”, which means that I expect the other person to put forth as much effort in making up for a transgression as I would. S~~~ happens, and once in a while you have to cancel plans for good reasons. But I know that if I were the canceler, I would go way out of my way to make up for it. If the other person isn’t willing to be equally accommodative, THEN I give them the boot.

As an example, if she cancels a date with almost no notice, first she has to profusely and sincerely apologize, and if we try again, she has to come to my place or at least my neighborhood, while I of course have other plans in place if she flakes again.

 

[MjolnirParticipant 23]

Was gonna write something similar dybbuk, good post. I kinda lived with a similar philosophy before, expecting people to screw me over and to be honest it didn’t do me that well to always expect the worst of people. It’s very draining. Not every slight is personal, sometimes it’s just a mistake or something actually did go wrong. I find that lowering expectations on people makes everything so much smoother. I think it also helps in attracting good people because people are not afraid to get to know you. The key is just not to invest too much in new people, expect them to be a bit flakey and if they do flake, se if they want to do something to remedy the situation.

[RoyDalParticipant]

Believe it or not, mathematicians and biologists study these strategies. Here’s one article:

Does it pay to be nice? – the maths of altruism part i
http://plus.maths.org/content/does-it-pay-be-nice-maths-altruism-part-i

Full disclosure: I use the f~~~ me around once policy. If someone (she or he) treats me that way early in the game while she is trying to make a good impression, then what will she be like once she has her hooks in me? However, I do allow people slack for small slip ups, “to err is human” and all that.

This applies to shop keepers, potential dates, casual friendships. Life is too short for me to cater to someone who does me dirt.

Also, I don’t try to reform their characters. I just cut things off and go my own way. I’m not a relationship consultant. That’s Dr Phil’s job.

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[KeymasterKeymaster]

That’s an interesting angle (and article): “Does it pay to be nice?”

There’s of course an alternate angle we haven’t talked about here, and thats to “kill them with kindness”. I personally subscribe to that too from time to time. You’re going to come across c~~~s very often, and if there is one thing that drives them NUTS, it’s when they are c~~~s and you are SUPER kind back to them.

They really hate that.

Not only does it make you look like the better person, but it also doesn’t satisfy their desire to bring the worst out of you. The more they dial up the c~~~ing behavior….. the more you dial up the manners and politeness.

Use sparingly. Results may vary.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[RoyDalParticipant]

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[KeymasterKeymaster]

That’s what I’m talking’ ’bout! Excellent.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[FitzBonesParticipant 304]

If someone (she or he) treats me that way early in the game while she is trying to make a good impression, then what will she be like once she has her hooks in me? However, I do allow people slack for small slip ups, “to err is human” and all that.

An excellent perspective on dealing with people. Allow for humanity, but only in proportion to how well you know them, how they have treated you and their response to said mistake.

My best mate got diagnosed with cancer about 6 months ago, he got scared and angry and started a massive fight with me over something beyond stupid. We usually catch up a few times a week, after the fight neither of us bothered for a few months. He messaged me one day and we caught up, he wasnt asking for a renewal of friendship since he felt he didnt deserve it. He simply wanted to apologise and hoped that one day I’d consider calling him again. My response? “You ever pull this s~~~ again, dont ever f~~~in call me.”
I’ll take it once, given circumstances and attitudes towards it but not twice.

The more they dial up the c~~~ing behavior….. the more you dial up the manners and politeness.

My ex got beyond f~~~in furious with me when my only contact with her after the split was very formal.I refused to let her wind me up. She absolutely f~~~ing loathed it. God it was worth it

"If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds' worth of distance run,"

[lukeylalaParticipant 56]

I love the killing with kindness. I’ve used that a few times and it does drive people nuts or at least shows that they cant bother you, so they just stop.

Dybbuk I realize that life is not Black and White and people make mistakes, we all do. But generally If someone who isn’t your best friend is going to f~~~ you around in the short run, then how do you think they will act in the long run?

The girl who invited me out is the typical ‘loves Rugby players, makeup and all things girly’ type girl, so I wasn’t really surprised.

[Author]

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