My mom called: I've been disowned?

[UmbreonParticipant 152]

I have had trouble getting ahold of my mom lately. Magic jack is always down! Still, I have made attempts to at least stay in contact even if I don’t tend to come over. When I do come over she always tends to offer me junk she’s getting rid of, which I politely accept then donate to charity. She hasn’t called me in almost a year.

Today she called me saying that I had been saying hurtful things about her to others and that I never come over unless I want things. She claims she heard this from “multiple people”. I know a bunny boiler I cut ties with a long awhile ago has been schmoozing up to her HARD lately and that bunny’s friends also come by and talk to my mom. I knew the bunny was up to something and tried to warn my mom, but the bunny was “so nice” that mom didn’t listen. Now mom calls and it sounds like she’s disowned me because Bunny Boiler has been spreading lies and having her friends echo them so “it came from more than one person”. She didn’t even have the guts to say it directly: she just garbled stuff, hinted at disowning me and hung up on me. Magic Jack is now “down” again so I can’t call to clarify. She would just break down into a mess and start crying/screaming if I showed up in person, so I’m just letting things be for now.

Mom’s been pretty useless as a person. She was a high school dropout beach bunny who has never held a full time job and generally relied on a man or Uncle Sam for support. The only times she has gotten any education was because I made her. It’s sad having a five year old make mom go get a GED. She can’t support herself and doesn’t even try. One time I went to pick her up to take her to an interview (her junker broke) and she was wearing a sweat suit because “it’s a laid back place”. She whined at me because I was in shock at her wearing that to an interview, and then blamed me for her not getting the job as “I made her nervous”. She got disability (she really does have problems) and uses that to get pity from others.

I left home because mom’s friend leaked to me that mom was going to keep my inheritance when my dad died then kick me out unless I give her half of anything I make. Apparently it kept nagging on her conscience so she warned me! It was the final blow. Mom had been progressively less and less kind since dad had died and was forever blaming me saying my girlfriend and I stole her savings, even though I know it was her own mom that did it. Grandma even told my mom that she “found money under the rug” so she went on a shopping spree, but mom forgot so it’s my fault and she’s never forgotten it even to this day. I left and moved in with my girlfriend (Hey- I was fresh out of high school. I had an excuse to be stupid.) but she ditched me in another town three months later when she’d spent all my money. Mom bailed me out by letting me move back in, but then started to bitch: make money or get into college.

So I did both. It wasn’t much money, but I gave her half of everything minus bus fare as school and work came first. I had to pay for everything for my everyday life out of pocket (she wouldn’t even let me join her for dinner) and I slept on the couch. When mom got a new boyfriend who didn’t like that I would protect my little brother from his drunken attacks, he demanded that I be kicked out. She left me on the streets with my stuff in boxes because the boyfriend made more money than me. She tells everyone it was” tough love”. She left the boyfriend within the year when his booze started eating up all his money and part of hers as well. I was homeless for six months, lived in a closet after that, then slowly worked my way up and am slowly working my way up still. She also holds it against me for not letting her move in with me when she lost her apartment due to stupid stuff despite the fact that I found her a new place and her current room mate and helped her pack and move everything on top of it.

So here I am, guys: looks like mom has disowned me because Bunny Boiler gives her more stuff than I do and says nice things while feeding into mom’s preconceptions that I’m a terrible person who abandoned their disabled mother. I have tried to stay silent but I’m tired of this. I have honestly tried to do good by her without letting her run my life or sap my money but nothing is ever enough unless she has it all.

My bro already has walked away and maybe calls twice a year at best. He still mails Christmas gifts, but dodges the rest as he’s in another state. She didn’t even call on my birthday but she calls bro frequently (even if he doesn’t answer) and sometimes sends him a present. Admittedly, he’s always been the favorite anyway so he gets away with no reproach in general.

I’m tempted to mail the presents I already bought her when Christmastime comes around (I collect gifts year-round to lower the impact), then never bug her again. Would this be vengeful, just, or a bad idea? More thoughts on where to go from here?

Beauty fades, dumb is forever.

[Anonymous 42]

Umbreon wrote:

Now mom calls and it sounds like she’s disowned me

@Umbreon I feel bad your mom is the way she is. With that aside……

Disowned? think about that for a second….  Who “owns” you? You? Take title to your life and claim “self” ownership! You need to look forward and blow off that s~~~ty situation!

Imagine yourself as the owner of a car,,, Who’s the driver? Who pays mechanical costs? Who gets f~~~ed for speeding? Who pays for others abusing your car? YOU DO! Don’t let people in your life that abuse you in any way, shape, or form! The more respect you have for yourself by keeping your person polished, clean, and running good and strong, the more you will deny others to abuse it by sitting on the hood and scratching the paint, then burning the interior because they smoke, and to top things off, they’ll drive it recklessly!

Self ownership, remember that, “self” ownership.

[Just a ManParticipant 934]

I hate to hear stuff like this. As it so happens parents’ love can also be conditional. These are the worst kind of parents because even negative attention is some attention. My hero(dad) was indifferent and I left him back in ’92 and never spoke to him again. Heard he died last year and still did not care. My mom, well just another female “victim” like all women are, even though I was actually born broken(posted that a while back) and had Shriners offer to help. Lived in her area now for 23 years and basically it has always been about her. Moral of my story is, cut your losses now and move on. You will be much happier down the road I guarantee it.

“Out of sight, out of mind.”

and

“Time heals all wounds.”

are factual statements.

Philosophy, the female repellent

[BestoftherestParticipant 285]

Its a messed up situtation just be glad your not attached to her hip like so many mangina with their mothers.
Keep doing you brother and in time you’ll be where you want to be.

"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power."
Abraham Lincoln

[sidecarParticipant 35837]

At some point she will need someone to take care of her in her old age. The way she’s going that won’t be you or your brother (if you both have any sense). It sure won’t be the bunny broiler. She’s making her bed, and she will have to lie in it.

It is not your job to repair the bridges she’s burned.

Walk away.

[RoyDalParticipant]

Go Your Own Way.

Umbreon wrote:

I’m tempted to mail the presents I already bought her when Christmastime comes around (I collect gifts year-round to lower the impact), then never bug her again. Would this be vengeful, just, or a bad idea? More thoughts on where to go from here?

I would be tempted to give those presents to a nice charity and send her a dollar store Xmas card. I would not get within her reach ever again. That’s just me, but I see it echoes the sentiments of the previous posts.

Edit: This brings back fond memories. The short version is you are not alone. This kind of thing happens a lot. (Remember that video where the teenage son would not get out of the car? I think it’s in the Archives.)

I was in the clutches of a bunny boiler once. Actually, she was more like scissors girl in Play Misty for Me.

Fortunately for everyone she never met my family. I had rigged things so that family lived a long day’s drive away. She did know my circle of friends, which is how I met her, and she did her best to poison the well for me. It worked. I had to find a new circle of friends. The women all took her side and dragged their boyfriends along with them.

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[felixParticipant 406]

Umbreon wrote:

So here I am, guys: looks like mom has disowned me because Bunny Boiler gives her more stuff than I do and says nice things while feeding into mom’s preconceptions that I’m a terrible person who abandoned their disabled mother.

I am curious @umbreon.  Does your mom watch ‘Days of Our Lives’?  Maybe you should take her TV away from her.

more throttle ..... less brakes.....

[uchibenkeiParticipant 7965]

I cut my mother off a long time ago for less than what you’re going through.  i don’t have time or energy in my life to keep assholes around and that includes family.  Family should be the most important people in your life but that’s not the reality of it.

I bathe in the tears of single moms.

[SilverBackParticipant 37]

I am currently living with my mother and can’t wait to cut her off on a DAI-LY ! She brings odd dudes home since she divorced my father. Yet,  he still complies with her nagging and bitching about me, but isn’t aware of the way she talks about him to those dudes… Your mother is not treating you like a son, hence my suggestion about doing it the other way around : Cut the emotional string and you will be even better with yourself.

[Anonymous 42]

Hey SilverBack, I see you’re a new member, we’re glad you joined, welcome to MGTOW!

[AttonParticipant]

She sounds like a right bitch, you would do well to steer well clear of her.

A MGTOW is a man who is not a woman's bitch!

[SilverBackParticipant 37]

Oh thanks mate ! I felt the need to join since I can so relate to the topics.

[Sessna12Participant 119]

That’s rough bro. This will make you stronger. Welcome to the fam

Sebastian

"We can no more stop him from marrying than we can stop him from making a well researched decision to poke his eyes out with a stick."
-Sidecar

[mgtow_85Participant 752]

I never had to wait for my mom to disown me. I disowned her 8 years ago and ever since then, she’s not been a part of my life.

My mom has always been a raging psychopath c~~~ in the times I lived with her. She suffers from more than one mental disorder and has been very abusive and has four failed marriages under her belt. All her seven kids are grown by now. At the moment, she is homeless, constantly makes delusional stories about how she’s suing her former employer for sexual harassment(five years and she’s never even seen a lawyer), refuses to get a job, and seems to think that she should live off the charity of her kids. She actually claimed one day, “I had to raise you all through the years so now you have to take me in and take care of me.”

We all laughed our asses off at that, and so she got no assistance, can’t qualify for any from the government, and not even her numerous siblings and cousins will even help her out since they disowned her too. So she has a pathetic waste of a life and none of us lose any sleep over it. I actually feel pretty good thinking about it after the personal hell she put me through.

<span style=”line-height: 1.5;”>She made her bed, she can lay in it.</span>

 

[UmbreonParticipant 152]

Over the years I have noticed that she hasn’t been much of a mom but it seemed like it was just me as the rest of the world seems to think moms are sacred and beyond reproach. Sometimes it’s nice to know you are sane and not alone. Thanks for all the replies.

I really don’t think I’m losing much by not keeping in contact from now on. The irony is that the same thing happened with my mom and her brother. I never got to know my uncle, but I still think he got the better deal considering how grandma and mom turned out. Now, to do my best to continue the family tradition…

@Felx: thankfully she doesn’t like soap operas: it’s all romantic comedies and kids films. In short, not much better.

Beauty fades, dumb is forever.

[Author]

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