well, maybe here I can feel sympathy and understanding, for it is the place where I can honestly say that I’ve become so overwhelmed with what I’ve experienced in life and why I don’t trust the opposite sex.
I was born to a couple who clearly didn’t know what they were doing and they most definitely dislike each other, even nowadays. My childhood had some good moments but I also witnessed how everything turns to hell, having my father depressed and mom trying to kill herself with pills and until I was like 15 everything was pretty much fear of what tomorrow may bring.
After that, they still didn’t get along, but at least I wasn’t terrified anymore of what might happen.
This was my first encounter with relationships, but I figured… that’s ok, those are simply my insanse folks so who cares, I am going to get married and build a family of my own – so you might as well say I swallowed a whole pile of blue pills.
When I was 19 I met her, I considered her the love my life, she had a darker childhood than mine (her mom used to beat her up) and I felt really connected to her, she was down most of the time and I helped stand on her feets, to feel better about herself.
In the meanwhile, she had group of guys around her and she was always angry with me when I had female friends.. after a year and half she vanished without saying anything, other than leaving a note saying what a s~~~ty person I am on one of my friend’s grave (go figure, crazy sh*).
I was devastated, didn’t understand how could she do that to me? and at the age of 22 I tried to rebuild myself, which I managed to do well. When I was 26, I decided to give relationships another shot, but I just didn’t know how to talk to them.. they always treat men as if we are here to serve them and I couldn’t understand how to deal with their behavior.
Then, at the age of 28, I finally had my second relationship, and it ended after few months with a text message (because men don’t have souls, there is no reason to treat them with respect I guess).
After her, I met Jane(not her real name of course).
Jane, reminded me of my first love, so I was immediately hooked and she also acted as if she is interested and It was the first time I felt alive after all these years, but then after 3 weeks, she started playing dummb games with me.. saying that she can’t see me because she has family problems and I decided to support her emotionally with that..
Of course, eventually, I just couldn’t take it anymore and deleted her phone number, but she kept coming back, flirting, sending cute pictures of herself, making me believe we might get back to where we stopped.. what I kept asking her (so it’s weird to say that she didn’t know how I felt). an entire year, I was rejecting other women, trying to escape from her mentally, but couldn’t tell her to f* off.. during that year my mom was sick and I had to take care of her in my apartment, Jane didn’t care much and she kept whining about her own life. then the most terrible revelation.. Jane was married for 4 months and she didn’t mind telling me, I was ruined and angry and all she implied “you should have realized yourself”.
It was the second punch to the face I had from women, but still, I didn’t lose hope nor trust in women.
Then I met some other women who brought me to this point
1. cared only about my money and probably wanted me to rescue you her from some financial problem
2,3,4 – didn’t care about telling me that they are not interested anymore
5. I actually started to feeling for her, even bought her birthday gift and everything felt going smoothly till she heard that I didn’t do well with women and started mocking me about it, after that she ignored me for 2 days and then texted me she doesn’t want anything with me.
On that day, I’d decided to take the red pill after realizing that there is no point, and even if one does want me, she would end up using me like they always do.. I also read about how many men are ruined because of blood sucking wives.. and There is also my parents’ marrige that brought me to realize that this lifestyle of being a whiny little boy trying to get some attention from them is plain wrong.
I changed my habbits! I started to stop given a rats ass about their feelings, I dated girls who I didn’t want, I showed them almost no interest, if a girl asked about my money, I played along with the hope of having sex with her and throwing her away because dammit she deserves it!
I stopped living for the dream of a nice wife and few kids and started living for me, to love myself, to stop given a s~~~ what people think about me and most important of all stopped letting women use me.
forgive me brothers for the fowl language, I have much anger with me, I know it might seem that way, but I am actually a good person.
Anonymous 2 years, 7 months ago.
