My Journey to MGTOW

[BushidoParticipant 637]

Gentlemen,

It’s a pleasure to introduce myself and join the community. I’ve been browsing from outside the MGTOW window for long enough now and I believe it’s time to open the door. I’ll get right to my introductions. Forgive me, I’m still shaking off my blue-pilled past so I may come across as painfully naive at first.

I’m a young guy of early 20s currently serving in uniform. I’ve seen and felt my share of “loved and lost” moments in the one place known for “Dear John” letters. My Blue Pill life initially began while I was young – far younger than 20. During my early childhood, my folks never tied the knot and just after a few years before my memories began I found myself in a tug-of-war between my father and mother. My mother had some psychological troubles of her own following the miscarriage of who would have been my older brother. My father inevitably became the main parental influence of my life; my mother’s difficulties made it hard for me to imprint myself on her as kin – take it as you will.

Needless to say, a few years later when my younger sibling came into the picture I grew tired of bouncing back and forth between two different worlds and elected to remain with my father in defiance of court order. And so it remained that like that, unchallenged back the courts or my mother. This milennial era of course is where we see many inspirational folklore in both books and film, and it inspired me to a blue pill calling in which I would raise a family that would not be so torn. In essence, a White Knight was born, one that would keep me on the blue-pill diet for quite some time.

Following my childhood, my first love was in high school and it went alright as far as first loves go. I would act the happy fool sending hand-signals back and forth across the room, meeting between classes, meeting at the lockers, etc etc. After a year of this, she eventually was my first in, well, everything. Life was good … until “breaks” came in. It was spread out over our nearly 4-year relationship; I would become “stifling” or otherwise needy (emotionally immature) and she would snap her fingers and we would be “just friends” for a week, maybe two, until she decided that we could be together again. Out of the 3 times it happened (I’m a slow learner) I found my capacity to blindly love her diminished more and more. Eventually the only thing keeping me going was the terribly blue notion of maintaining the “first love, highschool sweetheart” business that I was so sucked into after years of a split world.

Fast forward to senior year, I found interest in the military and started searching. Around this time I found another female who I felt much more natural with, and after a few months I separated from my first (we had disputes about my choice of future) and then officially began with my second “perfect fit” about a month later. She was a wonderful girl; she could carry on the deepest of conversations, we had similar personalities, similar tastes – and damnit, she was attractive! Her past boyfriend tended to smother her personality, dictating her choices and for some reason being totally uninterested in the color yellow. It even became an inside joke between us as our relationship grew – I was quite the opposite, encouraging her to seek independence and be her own person. By this time I figured my entry into the military was already a given and with her knowing this, it wouldn’t be a surprise as it was with my first. We enjoyed a wonderful summer together before I left for basic training – I had my first motorcycle by then and would happily meet her and literally had no concern in my mind that we would ever separate. My family adored her almost as much as I did. Life was perfect. In my bubble I thought nothing about one random occasion when she remarked about one of my former best friends showing interest in her. After all, isn’t it much more badass to brag about being a Marine’s girlfriend?

We shared a tender moment as I was dropped off at my recruiter’s office as summer ended and less than 72 hours later I was at Parris Island, South Carolina for the next 3 months. Many letters made it back and forth between us with much longing for my graduation and eager for our reunion from both sides. After my training was complete I went home for 10 days, enjoying a Hollywood-perfect airport reunion in uniform with plenty of tears from both sides. After those days passed with plenty of time in between, I left for more training and eventually job school training before my entry into the active forces. I even became her first – and noticing how difficult it was at the time, I have little doubt that was the case. That even further cemented my unshakeable belief that we were perfect soulmates, absolutely inseperable. The military kept me quite busy – so busy in fact, I didn’t notice when our conversations slowly became more and more…repetitive.
The Red Pill never warns you if you choose to ignore it.
After almost a year together, she drops the bomb. The long distance was getting to her and she believed the conversations we had weren’t talking about anything “real” anymore. My life was shattered. I had been so busy with the military, focusing on myself and all the demands the military expects that I never saw the relationship gradually ripping itself apart. I was (fortunately) alone in my room at the time that she told me and I found myself in a miserable ball of tears for hours. Towards the end of it, I wondered just how much damage a fall from my 2nd story room would do…perhaps it would kill me?

It was damn hard. Doing some research, ridiculously wanting her back, I decided the best course of action was to shut myself off for at least 30 days. No social media, no phone, no nothing. She would hear nothing out of me and maybe, just maybe she’d regret it enough that she’d grudgingly want me back. I was a damn fool. I struggled with this blackout for the first two weeks, dreaming of her and even waking up believing nothing changed from time to time. I had many dreams of death, some of which remained for an entire year after we separated. We were careful “friends” for some time before I found myself going overseas for about a month. I soon found out from her that one of my former best friends – coincidentally in the same damn state I was stationed in the States – was already in her sights, already her next monkey branch. This damn woman who couldn’t handle the long distance had found the guy she had briefly mentioned was interested in her years past, and he was just as far away from her as I was. Can’t stand long-distance my ass!

I internally grappled with suicide for some time, though my work overseas kept me busy – even earning a medal for my efforts, which was my first step to turning a new leaf. The thoughts of self-harm – If I even breathed a hint of my thoughts to the others around me I could be damn sure I would see myself out the door, or worse yet be looked at like a mental case for months beyond. I didn’t have time to think about her anymore. When she dropped that on me, I confessed my thoughts of suicide to her and shut her out, despite her half-hearted pleas against it. After I returned to the States, I kept myself busy with work. I wrestled with depression and painful thoughts for the better part of a year before I became satisfied being alone. I tried two other relationships, one of which still won’t leave me alone to this day and the other (an intellectual) I gracefully separated from and still talk to from time to time.

Somewhere in the middle an old crush (I’ll call her “Allie” to simplify it) from back home chatted up out of the blue and we’ve been fairly close ever since. I made my interests in her very obvious back in high school long before I had my red pill experience and for quite some time I would flirt infrequently, subtly gauging her interest in me. Regardless of my romantic interest she became an emotional outlet for me and I’ve allowed her access to some of my deeper thoughts, which she has done in exchange for some of hers from time to time. A few times I would mail her gifts – and I’d find a gift of my own in the mail not long after. I still look upon that curiously, as her mindset is one that seems to avoid being “indebted” to me in that fashion. More on that in a future post.

Months after I came upon MGTOW in my usual studies of the news, deep in the midst of some social discussion on a news article concerning MRA. That was an epiphany if ever there was one, a true awakening to the cogs and gears of the world. Everything made sense, especially with the effort I had been putting into inproving my charisma, persuasion and understanding of body language. The stories of fellow brothers here, such obvious patterns and signs that I could have seen so easily – I felt I had been played the fool for so long. Alas, there was no rage, only understanding.
My relationship with Allie shifted a little. Despite our fairly balanced relationship, I wanted to take the reins back – I wanted to be in control of myself and the way I was around her. A few quotes from other brothers here stuck with me that I began to think about:
“If you’re not her priority, you’re only an option.”
“One chance. Per chick. Per lifetime. No exceptions.”

My withdrawal began to draw more out of her – my reluctance to play the flirting fool made me more valuable and she began showing more obvious interest in me; the reduced supply made an increased demand, if you want to talk economics. I told her straight-forwardly I enjoyed being single and would remain that way – even encouraged her to do remain single for similar reasons. In our talks, she made it quite obvious that she would be interested a relationship with me following my time in the military. I naturally look at it with a grain of salt – years change people in unpredictable Perhaps she is a unicorn, perhaps not. I’ll have a few years to decide that.

Needless to say, the philosphy of a Man Going His Own Way shifted my perspective on life. It really can save lives. Not long after I found this new home here had I purchased my first truck. The only girl in my life now; what nagging I’ll get from her is nothing a good wrench or new drivebelt won’t fix. I still haven’t decided how I will choose to balance my blue heart with a red-pill reality but thankfully, I don’t have to go it alone. Brothers, it’s a pleasure to be here. It’s good to be home.

Logic guides your actions, emotion guides your morals. Only you may decide how you use them.

[joetechParticipant]

Welcome to the forums, brother. Your story brought back memories of my time in the Navy when I was married with a daughter. I’d seen so many of my friends trapped in bad marriages by my 3rd year that I truly regretted my decision more than before. This was before the internet and social media. During my divorce I met many guys that had been divorce raped. When I got out and was in college, many women my age were single mothers looking for another wallet to steal. I managed to avoid the pitfalls in later years and it does my heart good to see a young man with the realization of just what a s~~~ trap marriage and fatherhood has turned in to. I hope you’ll find a brotherhood here that will help you in fulfilling your life’s ambitions. Again, welcome.

"Don't follow in my footsteps...I stepped in something."

[FrostByteParticipant 19005]

Welcome

Bushido wrote:

I still haven’t decided how I will choose to balance my blue heart with a red-pill reality but thankfully,

80/20 rule: Only this time you be the 80 and let her be the 20. When she knows you won’t miss her, and she is easily replaceable, she tries harder. Hypergamy works in your favor when you don’t give her what she wants. Woman always worry another woman will take their man away until it’s obvious he won’t go anywhere, then she dumps him.

If you rescue a damsel in distress, all you will get is a distressed damsel.

[black_knightParticipant 2602]

The epiphany is incredible, isn’t it?

I can’t remember exactly how I found this site, but when I began reading about other men’s experiences, and seeing the constituent parts of female behavior labelled (e.g. branch swinging, hypergamy, s~~~ tests, etc) it all made perfect sense. It’s so revealing and powerful.

You’re lucky if you’re early 20s and you already see through this s~~~. Just remain vigilant and switched on and you’ll be ok. As somebody said here the other day, women are like tigers: beautiful to look at, but given time they’ll attack you.

I’m a newbie myself, so from one newbie to another… welcome.

[FrostByteParticipant 19005]

black_knight wrote:

The epiphany is incredible, isn’t it?

That’s exactly what it is.

If you rescue a damsel in distress, all you will get is a distressed damsel.

[MACHOParticipant]

Welcome Bushido, make yourself at home ?

You must own a better Crystal ball than I

[AutoliteParticipant]

Welcome.

I remember my first years in the military. You have a new job and a new life and it feels like everything will go your way.

This tends to make a young guy perhaps a little overconfident. Then when reality hits, it hits hard.

But it sounds like you’ve got a proper perspective on things now. You’ve now got your head on straight. You’re going to be okay…

[BushidoParticipant 637]

Brothers, thank you for your warm welcomes.

Honestly I made it out lucky, being so young. I’ve been graced with the gift of sight of this potentially dangerous world early and I intend to put it to good use. I’m still convinced one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself was to study language in the big three – speech, text and body language. Now, a little side comment about an old friend interested in your woman no longer is a side comment but an obvious red flag that she’s getting attention elsewhere. I harbor no anger, no resentment – only a wistful understanding that experience alone can offer.

I no longer listen. I understand.

Logic guides your actions, emotion guides your morals. Only you may decide how you use them.

[Anonymous 0]

Welcome home, Bushido
Beer’s in the fridge
Looking forward to your posts

[HitmanParticipant]

welcome!

[AussieParticipant 2509]

Welcome home Bushido. You are among friends now who understand exactly what you have been through.

" I feel threatened "

[BlakeGuyParticipant 287]

You need to stay entirely away from women for a while, f~~~ a few escorts maybe, but figure this s~~~ out before you even go on another date. Read, read read and become an independent before even looking at a bitch.

Let the good times roll

[Anonymous 1]

Welcome brother. It’s sad to see how many men spend their time and energy on how to please women, how to lock one in their place inside of marriage. How many thinks that ‘it might be different for me’. While women, like others have pointed out, will flock over you when you stop thinking about what they want, and focus on what you want.

Please take your time to read around here. Have a great time.

[BushidoParticipant 637]

BlakeGuy wrote:

You need to stay entirely away from women for a while, f~~~ a few escorts maybe, but figure this s~~~ out before you even go on another date.

I did have a few FWBs back home in the months following my revelation while I was still finding myself. While the sex was good I still realized how empty it was – having had two fairly solid relationships in the past, there was nothing emotional behind it – just pump and dump. The few times I fell prey to it, it was almost like I was giving up a little more of my soul each time. I regret it now. Despite that, I have since found myself via MGTOW and I’m doing a lot better. I’m perhaps not exactly who I want to be yet but I’m definitely on the right path to find out.

I’m not going to be a Chad, a monkey branch, a quick lay or anything in between. I’m a Man damnit and I will decide who receives what I have to offer.

Logic guides your actions, emotion guides your morals. Only you may decide how you use them.

[BlakeGuyParticipant 287]

I’m not going to be a Chad, a monkey branch, a quick lay or anything in between. I’m a Man damnit and I will decide who receives what I have to offer.

Sounds like you are working out a decent plan. Takes time and reading and pushing yourself to be what you want to be. Not easy. Why the site is so popular, everyone thinking about what to do.

Let the good times roll

[MarketWatcherParticipant]

Bushido wrote:

currently serving in uniform

Thank you for your service. Welcome Brother!

Your story is very familiar to me. First love is Blue Pill Hell all the way. Young dumb and ready to shoot that pussy full of cum.

[Author]

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