My Introduction….WARNING: NSFW

[Nil DisperandumParticipant 60]

I can’t tell you exactly when I became acquainted with MGTOW. It was probably sometime between 2013 and 2015, when I was around 32 and 34 years old…

But I can tell you EXACTLY when I had my first dose of the bitter Red pill.

It was in the same precise moment that a beautiful, South American model was deep throating my 29 year old penis, in a seedy two-star Indiana hotel, just hours before a job interview.

As I watched her expertly suck my shaft, swirling her tongue across the head of my dick, with “America’s Got Talent” making an odd, colorful, and surreal reflection off her glistening wedding band…

I realized it was a lie. All of it.

Until this military wife was gleefully sliding her tongue up and down my hard c~~~, begging for me to ejaculate in her mouth, marriage had always been the ideal, the goal to aspire to. I had always put marriage and married couples on somewhat of a pedestal. Maybe that came from the fact that my Italian father and American mother had been married for over 35 years, and that for all intents and purposes, my upbringing was a happy one, in which all three participants (I am an only child) loved and respected each other very much. I had always treated marriage as something holy and sacred, with each of the spouses representing the epitome of mutual respect and companionship. Four adulterous wives later, I realize how wrong I was about that one.

The morning after the tryst, I proceeded to put on my suit, I grabbed my resume’ and I made my way across the road to the interview, with the South American model sleeping in the nude amidst the McDonald’s wrappings from the night before. I remember almost nothing about the interview that day; I don’t even remember what company I was interviewing with. I do remember being in a guilt-ridden daze, mortified by the deeds of the previous night, giving uninspired and canned answers to my interviewer. It took all the self-control I could muster to not break into tears of regret during the interview, and, perhaps unsurprisingly, I wasn’t offered the job.

But I didn’t really care. I hated myself for what I did, and to some extent, truthfully, maybe I still do. I hated that I had cheated on my girlfriend at the time and I hated that I had played a part in ruining a marriage. I do shudder at the thought that karma will come back to bite me in some shape or form, and perhaps that is also a contributing factor as to why I haven’t gotten married yet; in that I would hate for someone to do to my would-be wife what I have done to the wives of others. Although I think marriage is by and large a raw deal for the husband, there may be a tinge of cowardice influencing my stance.

What was most disruptive however, and what caused the most anxiety, was that my social paradigm had been essentially turned upside down. I realized marriage was not an insulated bubble of happiness. It instead consisted of a tenuous partnership between two flawed human beings, who could, and often did, do things that were unspeakably callous and cruel to each other.

Since that night, as much as I have tried, I haven’t been able to cough that pill back up.

****

Today, I am a 34 year old Caucasian male.

I work as a corporate drone, in an uninspiring job that I hate, but that pays well: I make approximately $105,000 yearly, including Bonus and 401k match. My Mint.com net worth reads ~$140k.

I have f~~~ed 35 girls of varying degrees of beauty, intellect, personality, and youth, as well as innumerable “professionals,” although I have stopped making use of the pros for some time: they are just not for me anymore.

Although I have dated quite a bit, I believe to have only been in love twice. I have never been married and I have no kids, and truly, the latter is the aspect of my life that makes me the most anxious. As an only child, I feel that I have a responsibility to continue the family tree.

Although professionally I have been relatively successful, I can hear the disappointment in my elderly father at not having a family of my own. His jabs at me for not having a girlfriend are becoming more insistent, and he has even gone so far as to make veiled jokes implying that my sexuality wasn’t hetero, although that made me livid, and he apologized. I love him and I do want to make him proud, and I believe that he is proud of me, but the pressure on me to have kids is enormous.

I am not afraid of dying alone; my real fear, I think, is to realize down the road that I made a mistake in regards to not having children, and, at that point in life, not having the runway and/or the SMV to make amends.

Yet, despite my existential anxieties, I am happy. Currently, I am pursuing interests that I had as a child but that I never had a chance to nurture. I am going back to school, learning how to ride motorcycles, and learning Karate (I’m a yellow belt). I enjoy all these extracurricular activities and I realize that these would not be possible with a nagging wife telling me to take out the trash or not to spend my hard-earned money on “stupid s~~~” like Karate.

I love my freedom, and I will not give it up without a fight.

Thank you for reading.

[Truthseeker82Participant 6406]

Welcome. You are not to be blamed for wanting a family. Many men do. The issue is the society we live in. Women have always been manipulative and hypergamos – but it was never sanctified like it is today.
Think of the risks of marriage and children in this age – divorce rate over 50%, draconian divorce laws, custody almost always with the mother. I’m a 55 year old man who married and became a Dad in my 20’s. After a decade the marriage ended. I was fortunate – my sons mom was an accomplished professional who was very supportive of our kid and cooperative. The chances of finding one like that are highly improbable. I jumped into it again 20 years later – this time wedding a single mom – over two decades younger than me – and with a tween with an absentee father. I lived a true MGTOW life in between – built my career, bought a home, saved money – almost all gone now. I’m depressed, weary, broke, rented out the small home that I own (market stinks in my area – couldn’t sell)so we could live in a larger place to accommodate me, her and her 11 year old princess .
Bottom line – Marriage and kids today are just too risky. Enjoy your life – focus on your dreams – I’m not saying don’t date or get involved with women – but never entangle yourself legally with her aka marriage or in many states and countries now even living with a woman can enslave you. Hot women are eye candy. I married one – when I saw her at the beach in a bikini -32 years old after dating old post wall hags with sagging asses, miserable bitter personalities – she was like winning the lottery. That was two years ago. That’s all it took to crush me. Don’t let this be you.

[TaxGuyParticipant]

Truthseeker82 wrote:

Welcome. You are not to be blamed for wanting a family. Many men do. The issue is the society we live in. Women have always been manipulative and hypergamos – but it was never sanctified like it is today.
Think of the risks of marriage and children in this age – divorce rate over 50%, draconian divorce laws, custody almost always with the mother. I’m a 55 year old man who married and became a Dad in my 20’s. After a decade the marriage ended. I was fortunate – my sons mom was an accomplished professional who was very supportive of our kid and cooperative. The chances of finding one like that are highly improbable. I jumped into it again 20 years later – this time wedding a single mom – over two decades younger than me – and with a tween with an absentee father. I lived a true MGTOW life in between – built my career, bought a home, saved money – almost all gone now. I’m depressed, weary, broke, rented out my condo that I own to rent a larger place.
Bottom line – Marriage and kids today are just too risky.

Read this part again. “After a decade the marriage ended. I was fortunate – my son’s mom was an accomplished professional who was very supportive of our kid and cooperative. The chances of finding one like that are highly improbable. ”

In marriage you feel fortunate if you get divorced from a woman who is supportive and cooperative when it comes their kid. That’s one of the best case scenarios you can hope for.

Welcome. Great introduction. Have a seat and get comfy, you are among friends now.

Order the good wine

[RoyDalParticipant]

Welcome! Great story!

I am ashamed to say — in retrospect only, at the time it was all go for launch — that I had a roughly similar episode with the Uber-haughty German wife of a USAF fighter pilot. (Why that damnfool married that kraut must be an interesting story, but I never got to learn it.)

Happy am I that I’ve lived to tell about it and have no long-lasting health consequences to be truly sorry about.

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[Anonymous 42]

Welcome Nil Disperandum, you’re not alone, the one thing that soured me the most toward marriage is was when a married chick I was fooling around with swallowed. And she wasn’t the only one, just the last one.

So don’t feel so all alone about being with another man’s wife, if I know my wives, she came onto you all hot and heavy?

I started developing the attitude that married chicks were “legally” better. I knew I was untouchable and safe from the law, unlike her sexless marriage husband. The sexual revolution only served to f~~~ up my head, now my thoughts are pure MGTOW, it’s the trim fit and proper way to be untouchable by the law.

I had a gold ringer make a pass at me less than six months ago.

Never again started 19 years ago for me, I can’t erase history, I can only rewrite my future, That’s the best that anyone can do….

[RhinoParticipant 3477]

Welcome Nil! A lot of us have gone through this type of thing with married women and single moms who are hot it can’t be avoided when you don’t take the red pill. The married woman I was with loved to swallow my load too and she was a expert and doing everything right to try to keep me in her pocket. Those who have been with a married woman feel the shame of doing so afterwards it is natural and as for the karma thing it will catch up to you eventually but don’t look over your shoulder everyday. It won’t be as bad as you think it will be a small event and you will realize that it happened because of what you did and just move on.

In my case it was someone breaking into my house 2 weeks later and stealing 6 thousand dollars worth of electronics 2 weeks after I last had sex with the married woman and finally ended it with her in person before going out of town on business. When I was gone that is when it happened and she knew I would be gone. I have a feeling one of her male friends did the deed but could never prove it but you live and learn from your mistakes. Anyway now that you’re here it will be a life changing experience learn from all these fine gentlemen they know what they are talking about. If you need advice just ask we are all here to help.

[The Manipulated ManParticipant 1856]

Greetings Nil Disperandum,

Your introduction is remarkable. I especially enjoyed the porn. Your writing and stories are outstanding and I look forward to reading more of your posts in the future. It is encouraging to read about the lives of men with great life skills.

The shame you experienced after your tryst with a married woman is a testament to your integrity. I had the same response which was debilitating. Thankfully, I eventually learned how to stop worshiping the god of guilt.

Tower brought up some good points about f~~~ing married woman and I can also confirm that they had offered some advantages over single woman. I have f~~~ed enough of them in the past to say that there are still too many risks and some new ones to deal with, but the standard s~~~ is diminished a little. For example, a married woman has a home to go to and someone supporting her.

The situation reminds me of the following joke:

Old man: Why do we pay prostitutes?
Young man: We pay them to perform sexual services.
Old man: No! We pay them to leave us alone after we are done f~~~ing them.

About having a good income: After losing a couple million dollars throughout my life, I now understand that the income is not as important as the ability to hold onto it and make the savings grow.

Many young MGTOWs have discussed in the forums about the pressure internally, and externally from their families, to raise children. However, they cannot understand the overwhelming pain involved with seeing your child tortured and destroyed by this gynocentric hell.

Congratulations on doing Karate. The best Karate schools do full contact after a certain level of proficiency. One of the toughest guys I trained with got his Black Belt after he could successfully fight off a bunch of other guys attacking him simultaneously. He warned me to give up riding my motorcycle because he had lost too many sparing partners. I ignored his warning.
So, I lost my abilities after my motor cycle accident. He lost another sparring partner. I was c~~~y because I was a motorcycle instructor and my martial arts skills made me feel invincible. Now all of my martial arts strength is used to keep me out of a wheel chair.

What happens when a man finally comprehends the cold and calculating thoughts that are going through a woman's mind, while her eyes are brimming with tears?

[Mr_WhiteParticipant 48]

“I knew better but I did it anyway”, brilliant truth TMM. As I read more and more intros/stories I’m amazed at the patterns that become so obvious, but also the number of us who have been involved to varying degrees with married women. My experience would be a lengthy post on its own (which I am slowly writing); suffice to say I fell in love with one about a year after my own marriage ended. She made the advance on me and I responded immediately. It took her years to finally move out of her marital home, during which we had a very intense but very rocky on-and-off relationship. I wanted it badly, was ready to share everything i had with her (yeah, I know…) She wanted to be self reliant herself and still does/is, so wasn’t a monkey brancher, but wow was there other baggage… incredibly complicated and high maintenance. Nonetheless for over 5 years I thought I had my unicorn. I only recently woke up and gave up, and in retrospect dodged a bullet (though was cut many times). In no small part was this due to finding this community. I’m 49, my kids are grown and i’ve realized that the default position of men either having a partner (or they should be looking for one), is nothing more than gynocentric social conditioning. I’m out. I drive the car I want, I ride the motorcycle i want (when i want), and am currently purchasing a 20 acre parcel of wilderness on which I will build my retreat, both literally and metaphorically. A dream I never would have even entertained realizing in the past. Loneliness is only perception–it’s freedom in disguise during those times we’re led astray by the pervasive conditioning we are constantly bludgeoned with. A man stands alone. And that’s a good thing.

err.. apologies for the run-on tangent… Welcome!

Mr. White

Let go or be dragged -Zen proverb

[MattNYCParticipant 2329]

Hey Nil, appreciate your intro & welcome.

I’ll freely admit to having a problem with South America chicks – Colombianas in particular are my kryptonite. Have you ever been?

I’m fortunate when i saw the writing on the wall & got a vasectomy. No kids, no regrets. Perhaps food for thought for you as you consider changing this

Nil Disperandum wrote:

I love my freedom, and I will not give it up without a fight.

into this

Nil Disperandum wrote:

I love my freedom, and I will not give it up without a fight.

[Nil DisperandumParticipant 60]

A big “Thank You” to everyone who took the time to welcome me to this site. Through just a couple responses, I have already learned so much! I really appreciate it, and I already feel at home. THANK YOU.

The Manipulated Man wrote:

He warned me to give up riding my motorcycle because he had lost too many sparing partners. I ignored his warning.
So, I lost my abilities after my motor cycle accident. He lost another sparring partner. I was c~~~y because I was a motorcycle instructor and my martial arts skills made me feel invincible. Now all of my martial arts strength is used to keep me out of a wheel chair.

Manipulated Man, I am truly so very sorry to hear this. My heart goes out to you. It’s stories like yours that give me pause when I think about buying a bike, especially considering that my parents have not saved up enough money for retirement, and will probably be depending on me in their old age.

[NeroParticipant 1466]

I am also relatively new here, Nil. Thanks for sharing your story. I have also had a similar experience with a married woman. I’ll explain in detail when I update my own intro shortly. All I can say is I also felt much guilt afterwards. When I made my first confession since I was a kid, I cried like a baby when confessing that. Nowadays, I realize that it is just par for the course with women. I can’t tell you how many times women have cheated on me in the past. For many women, I was their Chad. It doesn’t f~~~ing matter. Someone will be hotter than you or have more than you do. It’s inevitable. You can’t f~~~ing trust them! Period. They are not trustworthy. Please don’t beat yourself up over this. Maybe you are more hurt because you cheated as well. It’s not worth doing to yourself. I can relate to that.

[AttonParticipant]

A porno / intro how original welcome.

A MGTOW is a man who is not a woman's bitch!

[Author]

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