Its been a long journey and one that is nowhere near over, thankfully.
I grew up in Illinois near Chicago.
My mother and father were nomadic before settling in the small towns about 2 hours away from the bigger city.
They had sold plants all over the USA till i was 41/2 and decided it was time to find a place where they could stay put.
Im not sure why they chose that place or that house but i remember all the snowy winters and digging ourselves out of the house when it (the snow) piled up. My father was a strong man with a very strong will and he had married a strong willed woman. My mother was a childlike person and even in my own childhood years i can remember watching her do things i couldn’t believe shed get away with. She lied about me and my little sister to get my father to hit us when we’d outsmarted her childish and abusive behavior. My father had the mindset that she was his partner and second in command. she reported things and he took care of business but it soon got to the point where she began complaining that he had not taken enough of the reigns in the “disciplining” area. She wanted him to do more punishing than he was willing to do. I can remember explaining to him the situation our mother was lying about and after a time he would just pretend to discipline us. i can remember wondering why in all of his power he did not simply set her straight and protect us. i soon realized that he would rationalize away anything that would not allow for harmony between himself and his wife. i say his wife because she has never been my mother. biologically yes, legally yes but nothing that ever bound me to her after all the s~~~ she had put myself and my father through. My lil sister however learned how to survive while showing her just enough affection to keep my sister out of harms way and away from reproach.
The only way for me to do that was to change myself and i had decided that was never an option i could live with. for years she made my life a living hell and coerced my father into going her way. how she saw it. how she wanted it. the dude couldn’t even make his own vacation what he wanted it to be w out her acting up like some spoiled lil child and he worked harder than anyone to give his family everything they needed. There were years of frustration and anger were the only thing that helped was the long car rides with my father where we would talk about it all and he would just be himself. It was my search for the truth that i believed has saved me a lot of trouble and allowed me to see a lot of things.
later i learned that i never wanted to be like my father. not with the way he fell in my eyes. he told her hed never give her a divoce and to be sure that she wanted to be married to him because it was for life.
but
I would watch as the personal code he had decided to live by wreaked havoc on his health and mental state. I am still watching him fall even now. he is now almost 70 and im missing time with him because of her. he allows her to overstep her boundaries with him and believes her to be a saint. he recognizes my issues “but” and i don’t talk to him about “your mother” s~~~. i refuse to talk about what he wont acknowledge, there’s just no point.
I do not speak to his wife and even now she will try to play through him when she wants to. We talk almost every afternoon while hes on his way home from work. Its ironic how much better it has been being thousands and thousands of miles away from my relations. Sad too. I am surrounding myself with people who i can actually call family now and avoiding women has brought more peace to my life than i ever had while i was in even the best of situations w women.
i disregard anything that comes from her as i should. my son does not see her. i moved two major times. I am now near Seattle WA and getting help with my education. that is needed due to the havoc my fathers wife caused with the authority over my life he gave her.
lack of a decent education being only one symptom of female control.
i hope that is enough but please ask if you need more details. rt now im too worn out to keep having to think about this s~~~ and cant give anymore.
hope you could glean something from part of my story. maybe more later.
harpo-my-“SON” 4 years, 10 months ago.
