My Intro

[Jon92Participant 16]

Found this website and wanted to introduce myself. My name is Jon, Im 37 years old and I discovered the MGTOW concept through Tom Leykis and of course personal experience. I wanted to share my personal experience to see if any of you dudes can relate.  I was in a relationship with a single, divorced mom for 5 years. As a woman she was wonderful. She has a successful career, makes a lot of money, sweet, cooks like a pro, generous and didn’t really ask much of me other than to love and be there for her. Her son was 3 when I first started dating her and being that I was like 29 at the time, I thought her having a kid was a good thing. I was like sure, no problem. This will be fun lol. The first 6 months to a year were perfect. It really was. Problem was, the kid was starting to get on my nerves. I guess I tried to come to grips with this and push through it  but he was massively spoiled, catered to, over mothered etc. Some of is traits improved as he got a little older but he’s still very spoiled and hyper active. I tried talking to her, reasoning with her etc. No avail. She would say I had power but I never felt like I had any. He was the worst at age 3,4 and 5. I felt we never really connected. At the same time I did fall in love with his mom and I probably would have married her if there had been more harmony between her son and I. We broke up in 2012 but I was going down to visit here and there to feel it out. Just felt very conflicted for a long time between my feelings for her and my issues with him. I felt he would act up also when I came to visit. This definitely wasnt a classic case of Your not my father but there was an issue. To make a long story short, the negativity I felt about her son spilled over into the relationship pretty quickly and it ultimately ruined it. Have any of you ever been in this situation?

 

 

[ExsliventxsParticipant 1067]

Um… the son didn’t ruin the relationship. The woman did…

The woman did not enable you to discipline, hence you weren’t really being a father figure. Fathers have power, they can discipline.

You were a wallet, and a c~~~, and an emotional cushion. You were never that kids father if she kept things running that way.

This is not your doing, it is not you fault. This is probably the BIGGEST problem I have with single mothers, they, “Don’t want little Jimmy growing up without a father in his life.” Then they go and revoke all the fatherly powers just because your gamete wasn’t the one that gave her stretch marks.

MOST single mothers do this, with or without realizing it.

Not to be the bearer of bad news, but while you were living with her, and f~~~ing her on the regular you HAD all the power you were going to get over her.

Worst case scenario, she is lonely, needs c~~~ and recreation, takes you back while promising things will be different. They are for a few weeks, then she removes your b~~~~ and puts them in a jar again.

Best case scenario, you realize shes been blocking your rights in that partnership from the start, you have LESS power than you started with and things are NOT going to get better. The BEST thing that can happen is that you move on…

I’ve dated a single mother too… ONCE.

Once was enough, I don’t recommend it. You do not marry them, you do not move in with them. You bang them senseless and leave.

[J.D SilvernailParticipant 383]

No, and i would try to avoid that situation at all costs. I would never raise a child if it isnt mine.

I'm married to the game,but she broke her vows.

[Jon92Participant 16]

Hey Guys, Thanks for the replies and sorry it has taken me so long to get back here. I loved the answers and you guys are right. I have a question. Are there any exceptions to the rule of you should never date, marry, or move in with a single divorced Mom? Even though I left her, Im still reeling from the fact that we did share many good moments and happy times. I also feel that perhaps I could have done more to try to work it out before I pushed the red escape button. I know that I sound like a pussy right now but I’m trying to work through it.

[BrainPilotParticipant 7640]

I might make an exception for a dating single mother whose kids were grown and gone from the house. I might make an exception for dating one who’s ex/father was deceased (although I’m not certain is this has never come up for me). I cannot think of any circumstance under which I would sign a marriage contract, regardless of kids.

I see women acknowledge sometimes that they don’t think it’s ideal for a kid to grow up without a father. At the same time, I see these single mothers saying things like, “my kids will always come first…”. To me, that sounds suspiciously like a situation I always aggressively avoid: I do not accept responsibility without an equal measure of control. If I were going to date that single mother you describe, and have any responsible role in the life of that kid, I would demand an equal portion of control, or withdraw. I have the same rule in my career, personal life, whatever… Once the ratio of responsibility to control deviates AT ALL from 1 to 1, I abandon that situation. No exceptions to that rule.

Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you

[Jon92Participant 16]

I totally agree about having to have an agreement of total power. we spoke about it and she said I had power over the kid. What would happen though is he would act up, act like a f~~, act hyperactive, act mad annoying etc and when I would go to discipline him she almost always would have to get involved. There were times when she would even get stiff with him but it was never when I saw that there was an issue. This kid is on a pedestal in her life as she always wanted to be a mother, plus its her only kid that she will ever have. She’s 41 years old.  He is always there and always in the mix.  She has pics of him all over her place. Like huge pics on the wall not just 8×10. She was very good to me except for when we wee fighting about him which is what makes it hard. What a mindf~~~.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Single mothers. Sigh. Just read your previous post and wanted to check out your intro. MGTOW are very strictly against dating single moms for a laundry list of reasons.

She “said ” you have power but you felt like you have none?

You were more right than she was. If she has to come out and say it (to reaffirm it for you), you’re not in control of the situation. With a single mother and her son, you’re always going to come in 3RD place. And if the boy’s father is in the picture AT ALL… make it 4th.

Jon92 wrote:

Are there any exceptions to the rule of you should never date, marry, or move in with a single divorced Mom?

Wouldn’t pretend to know. But dating a single mother is not going end well. Biggest reason is legal – if you even ACT like a “father” you could be ordered to pay support to a child that’s not your own. AND if she gets pregnant, she’s going to have it. But this one is 41, so maybe that’s off the table.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[Author]

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