After 57 years of running I decided to take a break.
Six months ago I found myself in such a horrible position, no car Health in disrepair just broke up with a girl I have been drinking not taking care of myself I am 30 pounds underweight and I don’t want to look in the mirror.
Obviously that’s not the way we want to find ourselves after 57 years of life on this f~~~ing planet. How did I get here? what the f~~~ is wrong with people? What is wrong with me why don’t I get along with women? Why the f~~~ do they always turn into psychos?
I was a pretty happy kid raised in a home where my parents both worked (mom part-time). My mom was pretty manipulative and my dad pretty distant which describes every other kid who grew up in the sixties and seventies. Our parents were off doing better stuff then taking care of us, so myself and all the kids I knew got into a lot of trouble. Growing up in Los Angeles there is an awful lot for a kid to get into trouble with, and I did. Where I got into the most trouble was when I met my first wife. Of course back then I was so stupid I didn’t know what I was doing and I White Knighted and mangina’d my way into getting some pussy. This was kind of the pattern of my youth. We didn’t really have a Pua culture more like just do whatever you can to get laid. Along the way I found drugs and alcohol which when combined with female attention can be a very deadly combination. I was to find this out in Spades later.
My mom was a second wave feminist so growing up I heard all that bulls~~~, League of Women Voters, peo – all that 1970s women crap yep I grew up hearing the second wave.
My ex-wife was 15 when I met her in 1979 and I was 20. Both of us had no business getting married and especially we had absolutely no business having children two years after we met. For all men out there who don’t know any better, oxytocin does very strange things to our thinking, it makes us stupid. So in a zombie-like trance I walked into marriage @ 22. Children at 25. Along the way I discovered the joy of being a man because although I was married to this bitch I still found a way to enjoy making a living. I started out unemployed became a welder fabricated machinery learned how to work on jet engines you get the idea pretty much all the funny s~~~ you can think of back in the day in Burbank California. I got sick of working for the man so I started buying and selling cars which was great because I had plenty of time off all the time I could take my kids on vacation anytime I wanted to all the joys of self employment.
I became a stockbroker and a professional in the financial services industry a job which I held for 15 years. I am very proud of the fact that I never graduated high school and yet I ended up managing millions and millions of dollars. One aspect of mgtow for you young man is that anything is entirely possible when you have gone your own way if even somebody like me – who in a blue pill coma, can become a broker, money manager insurance company exec. Do you think a woman who could not graduate high school could ever achieve such lofty goals f~~~ no.
I stayed married to this bitch for 28 years, we had two children both daughters. During our marriage the word divorce was mentioned at least 3 or 4 times a day in response to any argument I would have to her bitchiness or just downright meanness. Daily sometimes hourly s~~~ tests, made-up dreamed up problems for me to solve only to be disregarded, so many weird little mind games. Looking back over 30 years I don’t know how the f~~~ I survived it I don’t know how any of us survived it but we did.
I always heard that you had to stay for the sake of the children and I felt that way because I knew how unstable this woman was by the way the children acted. Looking Back Now if I had been a social worker I would have pulled those children out of that home. Of course with an unstable Woman as a mother I thought that if I divorced her I would certainly lose my children (because this is California) and have to pay her and pay for the children so I just sucked it up and stayed. Not the smartest choice but I did not want to put my children at risk.
So after 28 years of marriage and both children had moved out of the house I filed for divorce in November of 2007. Just like the bitch that she is she got an attorney and then filed a countersuit which is absolutely ridiculous because it’s a no-fault state. Needless to say that the divorce was absolutely horrible I lost all my gynocentric friends after she spread rumors that I had molested my own daughters and beaten her just so she could get attention from all the blue pill mangina available men in her life. However because she is so unstable she acted like a complete tool in court and forgot like half of everything that she was supposed to ask for. So for the sake of argument let’s just say that she got the shaft by bending over and asking for it. I ended up buying her out of the house for 150k. It was so worth it. I am I agreed on $500 a month spousal because we have been married so long and this stupid unstable bitch goes out and find some blue pill beta male provider within 3 months and gets married. That’s where her spousal support ended is the way it works here in Arizona.
In the meantime a woman moved in of course a single mother and she became my live-in submissive. She was a very nice girl very wealthy heiress and the kids were good kids but they were not my kids. Looking back how f~~~ed up is that to raise somebody else’s children no way no bueno. I started having the kind of sex that you see in porn movies and it escalated to the point where we started taking ecstasy and going to strip clubs. She spiraled out of control on drugs and I had to recover from an operation on my neck, and I started using morphine which I was hooked on for 2 years. In the meantime the heiress moves out and into a rehab and I am living alone with my daughter using morphine completely f~~~ing out of it for like 2 years. Obviously I didn’t have any relationships while I was on the opiates.
In 2011 I started dating. I got on one of those dating web sites and met a woman…….. so needless to say that it really doesn’t make any difference what she looks like what her last name is or her origin because you know and I know that she is always going to turn out exactly the same way maybe in a different time frame but they always turn. I dated 25 women I think over a period of two years and I had a lot of fun it was a much different than it used to be. Because of the obvious defects of these women today none of the relationships lasted very long or we’re very meaningful not that I’ve ever had one that’s been.
So back to the point where I was six months ago looking in a mirror wondering who the f~~~ that old man is. The last relationship has really taken its toll on me like I said I was underweight suffering from depression adrenal spikes paranoia. I honestly thought that I was going to die. Perhaps the woman that I have been with was a psychopath? So I went to psychopathfree.com, hey guess what, she was a psychopath at least according to their definition. Then I went to another website about narcissists- she sounded like one of those too. Then somehow through some fluke of nature or some glitch on the internet I ended up on Sandman YouTube channel. Oh I had listen to Paul Elam over on Voice for oh I had listened to Paul Elam over on Voice for Men I had even had a session with the famous dr. T who pointed me in the direction of a book that she thought might help called Borderline Mothers (which I would highly recommend you guys to read if you have a problem that relates to your childhood and your mother).
I have to say that in my early days of just smoking weed and listening to Sandman videos my attitude and Outlook begin to get better and better with each day. I discovered Stefan molyneux Barbarossa turd flinging monkey rek’t feminist videos and the list goes on and on. I totally soaked in I totally soaked in everything that I heard like a sponge because For the First Time in life I started really enjoying reading things that men had written about themselves and the problems that they discussed spoke to me. Slowly I’ve been putting weight back on, cleaning up the wreckage of my past and present and I’m laughing again and enjoying my life.
Finally after 57 years I understand how things work a little better and I know it’s staying mgtow for me is not simply a lifestyle choice but simply a life-or-death choice.
Thanks to MGTOW
Always expect the unexpected and gird your loins appropriately. It's a no-fault jungle out there.
Atton 3 years, 8 months ago.
