My Funniest Revenge Story

[Anonymous 11]

Many years ago when I was in school, I once got shot down by a bitch at a bar. Well, that was not really the issue as it’s always water off the ol’ duck’s back when that happens. About 20 minutes later, I caught her directly pointing at me and mocking me with her friends all having a good laugh at CPig’s expense. She did not know I was watching her out the corner of my eyes. Needless to say I got a little bit p~~~ed.

The stupid c~~~ went off and left her purse in an accessible area. Being the opportunistic prick that I can be, I ran up to her purse and hocked up the biggest ball of nasal drainage that I could muster right into her open purse. The cigarette smoke really helped me in that endeavor too. I immediately grabbed my friend and told him that we had to leave NOW.

Over the next two weeks, I had two male bartenders at two different bars where I normally hung out too tell me she was coming by the bars describing me and was still very irate. They played stupid as they knew I did something. They loved it when I told them what I did. No regrets for doing that one either.

[mgtow_85Participant 752]

F~~~ing hilarious! I gave you a +1 for that one. Too bad it couldn’t be more.

 

My revenge story was when a girlfriend online was cheating on me and she accidentally sent ME the email intended to her boy-toy, poor grammar and all. I mean, seriously, check the f~~~ing address before you send it, right? Don’t rush into it if you’re cheating on someone!

Well, anyway, the letter was full of the s~~~tiest grammar and spelling you could imagine, as if a first-grader was typing it. I sent the letter back to her with all my grammar and spelling corrections, like an English teacher, and added a little note saying that if she was going to cheat on me, she should have better spelling when she’s doing it, and not sending the email to the wrong address. This obviously humiliated her, and she tried to apologize and explain her way out of it in the next email. I told the c~~~ never to talk to me again, and as time went on, I forgot about her…until I read a journal entry dated back from the fall of 2012 that I wrote describing the story bit by bit. I laughed my ass off until I nearly cried, and then decided to post this hilarious story on here.

[BrainPilotParticipant 7662]

I heard about this story years ago, but was never able to confirm it: Fraternity at university in my state invites a sorority to a frat’ party, but sorority (snobs) turns them down. Things get testy and rumors start to circulate. Friction builds around the campus as rumors and insults fly.

Finally, after weeks of this, sorority house gets a knock on door one day. It’s a delivery man with card signed by all the frat brothers apologizing and asking for sort of truce. It’s accompanied by couple dozen doughnuts from a local doughnut shop as peace offering. Girls take the doughnuts and card, but their attitudes only worsen at this indication of ‘victory’. Frat’ brothers do not respond further… for about a week.

Finally, after another week, another delivery man shows up at door of sorority house. This time, he has big brown envelope addressed to sorority house, but with no return address. Suspecting another gift, girls sign for it and eagerly take it inside to open it.

When they open it, they find a series of pictures of naked frat guys shown only from the neck down. Many are holding beers. All have raging hard-ons… all with doughnuts around their dicks.

Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you

[Anonymous 11]

BP: You killed me with that one. I think it’s true. Thanks for sharing it. I guess that’s why doughnuts have holes.

mgtow_85: It’s great you can laugh at it. It sounds like she was a complete ‘tard.

I even told some women who knew me well at the time it happened, and they laughed their asses off over my escapade too. I get rhinitis during pollen season fairly badly which was when this happened. I must have hit her with 3 to 4 ounces of it. My only regret was not having had a sinus infection as it would have been ten times more disgusting.

[Anonymous 1]

Oh, geez! CPig that was disgusting, and hilarious! 🙂

I have one that might not be as good, but is a memory I kind of keep fondly. It is a little bit long, and it was an unintended revenge of sort, I guess. Well, I will let you guys decide.

So, it happened when I was a kid (I don’t remember my age at the time), but I was still getting the school bus to the school and home. At the time, there were this mantra running around, where if you were a boy, you “never hit a girl, no matter what”, or something on these lines. Now, I was one of the outcasts, one of the weaker boys of my class, so girls didn’t pay attention to me, but nevertheless, I ended up hearing this “rule” from other people’s conversation. I also heard that the girls were starting to beat up boys and as soon as they were to hit back the girls would summon this rule and the boys would refrain from retaliate. I am assuming my father also ended up hearing this, after talking to the father of the other boys. I say that because one day he asked to talk to me and the conversation was something like this:

Father: “Son, I heard that some girls are starting trouble at your school, did they hit you?”
Me: “No”
Father: “Good, if they do, you hit back, understand?”
Me: “But you never hit a gir…”
Father: “Bulls~~~. If someone hits you, you defend yourself, got it?”
Me: “But what if it is a girl?”
Father: “I don’t care. You defend yourself, it doesn’t matter if it is a boy, or a girl. They hit you, you hit back. Don’t start trouble, but don’t be there standing just getting hit. Understand?”
Me: “Yes”
Father: “Say you promise”
Me: “I promise”

Fast forward a couple of days, the incidents and the talk are not on my immediate memory anymore. I am sitting at the back at the bus, waiting for it to leave. The bus has nobody in it yet (by the way, this is Brazil, so the buses were more or less like this: http://rs.olx.com.br/regioes-de-santa-maria-uruguaiana-e-cruz-alta/veiculos/caminhoes-onibus-e-vans/micro-onibus-mercedes-benz-23006621), and then it enters a group of 4 girls. One baby land whale (4 times my size); and average girl, taller than me; a girl more or less the same body build than I and an albino little girl. At first I didn’t saw anything strange about it, until they “parked” next to me and started to talk among themselves, loud enough so I could hear: “You know, a boy don’t hit a girl, no matter what.”

F~~~! I suddenly remember about the rumors of girls hitting boys a few days back (these went quiet on the previous days, so I didn’t connect the dots when this little mob entered the bus). I also remember my promise to my father. I brace myself for the beating. I stare to the empty space in front of me and I start saying to myself, just loud enough so they can hear me too: “I don’t want trouble, but if you hit me I will hit back”. I say this 2 or 3 times to apparently no one. The girls are looking at me now, I can see with the corner of my eye. I also notice movement. The albino girl (the weakest of the group no less) try to go for my backpack. I grab it at the same time as she did, and pull it with all my strength, I follow this with a forward motion of my upper body. They didn’t hit me, so I don’t hit them, but I am hoping they got the message. That I will fight back if necessary. She recoils to the back of the remaining 3 girls and they all stare at me. I can feel their gave. I am thinking of how the hell I am going to fight the landwale and the tall girl, pretty much doing my last will in my head. They turn their backs and leave the bus. The rest of my “colleagues” arrive with the bus driver. I am relieved beyond belief. No more incidents after that.

A few weeks later another rumor started to spread. The boys started to fight back. The ones that actually hit the girls were sent to the office, but that was enough for the girls to stop with that s~~~.

All the girls of my class  pretty much avoided me for the rest of the school year. They didn’t talk to me, but they didn’t give me s~~~ either. I preferred that way.

I hope you guys enjoy this little story of mine. I am living at Canada now, and from what I hear and see, I doubt boys have any chance to defend themselves nowadays against girls, if they decide to pull this kind of nonsense here. It is a shame.

Every time I remember this story I can’t help but smile though. 🙂

Hope you guys enjoyed too.

Cheers

[Anonymous 11]

BadKan, there is a MGTOW moral to your story so thanks for sharing it.

If we don’t fight back, they’ll just keep getting worse and worse. MGTOW is the way we fight them now. Fighting against MGTOWs is like fighting at shadows.

Seriously, that land whale could have done some serious damage to you. We only had cat fights when I was young, and they were awesome to watch. I predict bully girl gangs will arise here if the present trends continue.

[Anonymous 1]

GPig: Yeah, I realized that at the moment I figure it out why they were there and the size of the whale. The first thing I tried to see was an escape route, but since I was in the back the only way out was through them, and I am pretty sure that was what they wanted. I was freaking terrified, but if I was going down, it would be fighting (I knew I would get at very least a broken nose. The whale alone could do serious damage, but I doubt the others would just watch if things went down that road).

As for gangs of females starting forming soon, I would not be surprised if there already was something of the sorts in the schools today, at least in Canada.

Brazil might be in the clear for a while, but this trend of women sacred and men not worth it is already making its way there. The current trend is still traditionalism (which Im already not a big fan of), but I already saw signs of this plague that is female nature (hypergami) making its way there. On the carnaval of last year for example, a man was accused of rape, and sentenced to 7 years in prison for stealing a kiss. Even if he forced the kiss, I think that an accusation of RAPE and 7 years in prison (Brazil’s prison at that!) is an extreme overkill. And on the carnaval of this year, the “organization for women’s rights” from the ONU was trying to spread more information about what and what is not allowed to ensure women’s safety. Only the women’s safety. Do you have any doubt that this will end up badly?

Anyway, I could go on, but I will stop here. This is going to dark places, and the thread was supposed to be funny.

I might make a thread about my observations on the reactions of white knights and manginas from Brazil to all this hypergami thing here in Canada. It is pretty interesting to see them struggling to understand what is going on and fail. I would like to help them, but to say half of the things you guys say here to them would cause me trouble… deep trouble.

Well, that’s it for me for now though.

Cheers

[Anonymous 43]

My Funniest Revenge Story
Good topic, my revenge story involves allot of broken glass, 2 closed classrooms, and Mizzzzz Parkins (my geology teacher in Jr high).

My brother, after destroying his favorite teachers windows (closed classroom 1) WITHOUT ME!

We decided more work was needed to be done, I threw Mizzzz Parkins under the bus. Ha Ha, we went to my school on Sunday, about 3:00 PM, had the whole thing planned out.

Remember those cheap nail bags they use to give away at the hardware store… We had our cloth nail bags filled with rocks during the 1 1/2 mile walk, we went to the back of the school hit that f~~~ing classroom with a barrage of rocks in less than 1 minute, old school, single pain windows, we peppered it, REAL GOOD, f~~~ing ran like the bastards we were…

Talk about a mouth full of s~~~ and couldn’t say anything on Monday morning…. They had a whole crew of guys repairing her windows, and the janitors cleaning up all the broken glass….f~~~ing rocks and broken glass everywhere, all over desks the books, allover everything, looked like an atomic bomb blew out the windows.
Her class was moved to the auditorium for that day.

Ahhh, that felt so vindicating, true satisfaction. Once again, F~~~ YOU Mizzzzzz Parkins, that was me, your special little prick!

[RedHeadedStrangerParticipant 204]

I got one.  My buddy and I went downtown in Denver to get drunk and fall into some puss.  We found a bar full of girls.  I mean full, like 6:1 ratio.  Having bartended through college, I muscled my way to the bar, handed the dude a 20 and my card, told him there was more cash for him if he kept my glass full, and ordered a couple pints of Guinness.  I mean, there was no way we were leaving for another bar, right.  Anyway, 2 hotties walk up to us and ask us to buy them a shot.  OK.  I flagged the bartender, ordered 4 shots — of water.  He smiled, gave me the nod of approval, and stealthily filled the shots with h2o.  I handed the shots out, my buddy was clueless.  “Cheers!”, “cheers, cheers, cheers!”  The brunette came unhinged; called me a motherf~~~er and threw the shotglass at me.  I dodged and it hit the bartender in the throat!  I said, “Dude, I’m sorry!” He said to the whores, “Get the f~~~ out of my bar NOW!”, flagged down the bouncer who promptly grabbed them both by the elbow and threw them into the street.  Turns out it was a bachelorette party and the 2 c~~~s were bridesmaids.  Their friends went out to get their side of the story, but they decided to stay.  Their friends came back inside — hellbent for leather, intent upon f~~~ing us up.  The bartender was no punk, so he told them they better cool the f~~~ down before they get thrown out too.  I felt bad for ruining the dudes tips that night, so I told him “thanks bro, but you need to work these tips, I’ll get out of here and you can play it off by having the bouncer escort us out.”  He said, “F~~~ ’em, these bitches are all on the same tab, and there is 15% added.”  I laughed, and said, “Well in that case, tab me out anyway ’cause I just s~~~ in this pool.”  Tipped him another 20, and we went outside.

This is the funny part:  On the sidewalk, my friend and I were laughing, it all happened so fast that he didn’t quite know what the hell was going on and was a little p~~~ed at me for f~~~ing it all up.  So there we were, laughing about it, recounting the events, when 3 of the girls came storming out of the bar.  I s~~~ you not, one of the bitches was DEAF and proceeded to chew my ass in that god-awful voice.  “you’re an ath-hole!” she bellowed.  I lost my s~~~ laughing at her, raised a finger to point at her face while covering my mouth with my other hand.  Her friends were all in chorus, but I couldn’t stop pointing and laughing.  On the sidewalk next to us was a young Hispanic couple.  The dude was laughing so hard, he came over to me, put his arm around my shoulder and we just wallowed in it.  His girl was NOT pleased, and started cursing at him in Spanish while repeatedly beating him about the head and shoulders with her purse.  He let go, and they disappeared from my life forever.

I proudly claimed my official asshole status that night.

I have arrived.

[Helen be DamnedParticipant 480]

Mine is more satisfaction than revenge, because the number of c~~~s that f~~~ed with me dropped drastically after I stabbed a girl in the arm with a pencil (anger issues.) She forgave me almost instantly, think she liked the dominance check. Separate story. Plus in college I am neither encouraged nor forced to hang out with females.

I was at a summer camp where there was a very developed girl that was way too friendly with some of the guys, particularly the roommate I had, and at the beginning of week two I told him that in our room. Little did I know that she was outside the room, else I would probably have waited. Her friend was there with her at the time, and according to her she contemplated coming in and confronting me there, but she didn’t. A few minutes later I went into the laundry room where the girl and my roommate happened to be. It was then that he confronted me and started bitching about what I said, at some point saying something along the lines of “If you knew my life, you would know why I act like that.” I could tell from the way she said that that she thought I meant she was trying to hard to be friends with people, and completely missed the slut shame. I told her “I don’t care if you heard me, I’m not taking it back and I don’t mean it any less, nor am I going to apologize” (my memory is a little fuzzy, but I believe at some point during our conversation she demanded an apology.)

Later still that day when I was playing cards with the afore mentioned friend, she told me about her recollection of the incident, followed by an informal poll by the people in the room (about half of whom were male, so it wasn’t just women being bitches about the alpha slut) were most of the people said they didn’t like her, the rest were indifferent. I was glad to see I wasn’t the only one.

Also, the thing that really made my week was one of the science things we did (it was kind of a nerd camp, at a college) was store saliva in little preservative containers and made necklaces from them, and once again the memory fails, but somehow she ended up saying something about seeing DNA with the naked eye. This was somehow a conversation we were having, I think based on my relative disinterest in it, as it was not at all intellectually stimulating (maybe I confronted her on the stupid comment, she didn’t make it in front of anyone else that could have heard it.)

So yeah, satisfaction mostly came from knowing she was stupid and people didn’t like her. As good looking as she was all the guys seemed disinterested.

"You can keep your soul, I don't want a cell-mate." - Them Crooked Vultures

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