My first girl

[Anonymous 1]

I want to start of by saying thank you to all of the men in here that shared their personal stories.  I never posted anything from my personal experience because I have never been in a relationship or date around.  My reason for waiting: was to finish college, get a job and get my sh*t together first. I met my first girl 10 months ago.  She is someone that I should stay away from but I just can’t let it go for now.  I have a feeling if I don’t walk away from her soon she will get me into some sort of trouble.  She has a lot of family issues and is involved in a lot of questionable behavior.  I know I have not been very detail  about my story but I would rather leave out all of the dark stuff and how exactly I met this young lady.  I want to help her and do care for her. I know I shouldn’t be the guy to save her but I just can’t seem to let go.  I need advice.

[– Deleted on Request –Spectator 936]

Help her with her problems.  Gentlemen sometimes do that.  But remember that her problems are her problems, not yours.

 

[…Spectator 1165]

RyuHadoken: Hey man, ListenUp! here. I’ve been through some crazy s~~~, and I love sex with crazy women. there is nothing like it. However,

when your gut starts telling you some bad things are going to happen, it is usually right. Do mind me asking you to give more details? Hard to tell how to help you if you don’t say more about your situation.

one thing i tell ALL guys that show up here with relationship issues is that NUMBER 1 guard your money and your bank accounts. lock up everything of value. is she into drugs or something?

[StargazerParticipant 12505]

It’s been said that when you see a person struggling with poverty, addiction, abuse or some other sort of failure in their personal life, you have to trace their path back in your mind and consider the choices that brought them to where they are.

People aren’t broke, desperate, drug addicted, crazy or violent for no reason… somewhere along the path they made a series of decisions and you’re looking at the result of that equation. Sure, we all have our challenges and not everyone had the same starting point or opportunities along the way, but we’ve all got the same number of hours in a day and we are all adults and we can all reach out for help and support to respond to and address our problems.

The person sitting across the table from you today is the way they are for a reason… they have been that way for some time in their interaction with previous people and they will continue to be that way when they interact with you. You can’t fix them, you can’t save them and you can’t expect them to be different today or tomorrow from where they were yesterday.

I’ve tried to be “Captain Save-a-Ho”… and I’ll confess here that I had it in my mind that if I found a female who was broken, the competition to get her would be less and if I could somehow help save her, she would be grateful and love me in return. Or at least need me. Or maybe blow me. Yeah, pretty much if I saved her she would blow me. But I got about as much action for my trouble as Mario did from Peach. I never even got a cake.

Soooo… you’ve got to ask yourself. What is your real motivation for trying to save a female? Would you do the same thing for a guy you’ve known the same amount of time? I doubt my experience was unique.

[BrainPilotParticipant 7640]

Being rescued can feel pretty good to a woman. When you are older and have done this enough, you may find that some women manufacture problems and drama so that you will have something to reduce them from and they can feel good like that some more. She made through life ok without you rescuing her before you met. That’s not to say I think you should abandon her for having problems. But pay attention to the post above re: her problems are hers. You will not be rewarded for solving them for her. It only works that way in fairy tales and movies…

Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you

[THE BigzomanParticipant 0]

 

 

 

 

[PhoenixParticipant 7]

Hi Ryu,

You know deep down that you need to remove her from your life. It’s better to listen to that instinct. I know it’s hard, I’ve been there myself, but you have to do it.

What I found helpful before is to use a gradual stepping-away instead of a cold cut-off. If just shutting her out of your life in one swoop is too difficult, you can always do it more gradually. Just become more unavailable than before. Little by little, move a step further away until you are at enough distance from her that you can both forget about each other. When it’s happening she’ll use various tactics to try to pull you back into her life, but don’t let her. Keep becoming more and more unavailable, bit by bit, until she accepts that you’re gone.

I wish you well.

[GoneGaltParticipant 361]

BrainPilot: I know you’re a medical doctor but is your user handle indicative of your specialization or something else?

“Being rescued can feel pretty good to a woman. When you are older and have done this enough, you may find that some women manufacture problems and drama so that you will have something to reduce them from and they can feel good like that some more.”

Doc is right – don’t be Captain Save-a-Ho. The warning signs are there – heed them. You’re young and inexperienced and there’s a very good chance that your hormones are shading your perception of reality with respect to her. I want to assure you that most of us was in the same boat in the past, and though it may not feel good for a while you will get over this and further, you’ll be the better for it because you didn’t allow yourself to get sucked down in her cesspool of emotional and financial s~~~. From your vagueness about what she’s involved in and how you met her, I have my suspicions about both but right now you seem to be caught up in a similar situation I’ve been in twice. Which is the Captain Save-a-Ho scenario, where both women needed help, I gave it to them and they either wanted more and more and more and I got friend-zoned for my efforts. It is not your job to fix her problems, it’s hers. Men including me have this compulsion to fix problems just as we would fix machines and you’ve got to understand that she has to seek help if she needs it from someone other than you, like her family, her priest, the police, whatever (I don’t know her details of course).

I have this long-time woman friend whom I’ve really distanced myself from lately as a result of all the learning I’ve done recently concerning the behavior of females, and I could not agree more with BrainPilot: women seek constant attention and affirmation of their value from men and one of the ways they do it is to stage ongoing dramas and become a princess in her own little fantasy world, a Sleeping Beauty that needs to be rescued by her White Knight. Right now I think you’re in the White Knight role but you’ve got to stay away from that. This local woman I know does have a long term ailment and I’ve always been there for her, but I am sick of the s~~~ I go through in dealing with her because any attention I pay to her calls or emails results in even more of them – it never ends. Ever, until I finally noticed that she almost always ignores what I tell her about my life and simply continues the ‘woe is me’ s~~~ about EVERY GDAMNED LITTLE INCIDENT in her f~~~ing life. Jesus. I even told her twice in emails about one of my brothers being diagnosed again with cancer and another one having to go to the ER and she’s never even mentioned either, nor expressed concern about them like a normal human being. Which brings up another point – they’re NOT NORMAL!!! It frightens me to think of all the time I wasted trying to give women advice in my life when all they wanted was my money, attention or both – they saw me as a utility always, a beta male provider and even sometimes (like the woman I’ve mentioned) as a mangina she could dump her problems on. Don’t waste your time trying to fix her because it will only fail or better yet it will appear to have worked for a while until inevitably it doesn’t, since she’ll continually want your attention again. You can however at least give her advice about who to talk to as I said above, but don’t fall into that cesspool because she’ll find ways to claw you back down every single time you try to get out. And Phoenix’s ‘easing the ho out de door’ advice is really good and that’s exactly what I’ve been doing with this woman.

Good luck – as ListenUp! essentially said the value of the advice you get here will be in direct proportion to the details you provide. This site is not about judging men, it’s about trying to enlighten them, as I like to think happened to me in late December. 🙂

[BrainPilotParticipant 7640]

I’m a cardiac anesthesiologist. In many of the procedures I provide anesthesia for, we intentionally stop the heart while surgeons work on it, or replace it with a transplant. This presents a problem as the physiology of the brain does not appreciate having interruptions in blood supply. There are ways to artificially replace the supply from the stopped heart, and ways to minimize the brain’s demand for a blood supply, but all of them require continuous attention and adjustment, with very small margins for error. The most critical part of my job is to steer the physiology of the brain somewhere between asleep and dead… comparable to flying a plane somewhere between a storm above and the ground below. Hence: brain pilot…

Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you

[…Spectator 1165]

f~~~ yeah brain you f~~~ing genius!

[BrainPilotParticipant 7640]

I don’t really go around calling myself that, but I have been able to learn from the mistakes of other people and have made a few of the more common ones of my own. Pain is a very good teacher, but better to learn from someone else’s pain when you can…lol. When I can pass something on that will save someone a mistake with women, I try… those are some of the most expensive mistakes a man can make, and I believe that they are avoidable.

Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you

[…Spectator 1165]

i agree bro 100% that s~~~ is avoidable. good thing you do so much around here. always enjoy your posts man. i learn something every time.

[Anonymous 1]

Thank you all! Sorry to disappoint you guys and I know you all mean well, but I will most likely continue on seeing her for the time being.  Although nothing has happen yet, but my guts is telling me it bound to happen and I like her too much to just go when nothing has transpire. I guess this is a risk I am willing to take for now.  You have to understand one thing: in 26 years that I have been alive I have wasted my early twenties in school and avoiding people and social event at all cause that I did not doing anything but school, stay home, gym and help babysit my niece. I did not get to enjoy anything at all since I graduated from high school back in 2006.  I guess this is my way of making up for lost time.  I  have never experience with alcohol  or any types of drugs.  I know I am doing it wrong, but  I need to live a little and experience something significant to learn from.  I missed out on so many things.

 

@ Listenup! No, she is not into drugs or an addicted.  Drugs is one thing that I will not tolerate at all.  I know what I wrote was vague and it was intentionally. I grew up in a household where we keep our problem inside and never express them, so even writing it is very difficult for me.  Not only that, I am a bit ashamed about what I am doing.  I guess by being vague I am trying to save face.  If you know any Asian people you will understand that saving face is a big deal.  I could never tell the people I know about this.  Even though you guys cannot put a face to this post I do have the b~~~~ to even open up completely to you gentlemen.

 

@ Docfenderson   Honestly, I really like her.  It is not really about saving her but help and being there for her. Maybe that is the same as trying to save her.  I don’t know.  I just know that I care for her and want to have some sort of relationship with this young lady.  I understand what you are saying, but it is hard to just let go for now.

 

@ The Phoenix  When something does happen my time is to step away slow and gradual as you said above.  I know cutting her of completely will be too harsh.  I know its a matter of timing before I get into some trouble.

@ Gonegalt  I will think about what each and everyone of you have said, but unfortunately, I won’t take the advice that is given.  I know I came here seeking advice but to say that I will disregard it all is like a slap in the face.  I am sorry to disappoint.  I will just have to deal with whatever is going to come at me.  Part of my vagueness was due to the fact that I was seeking general advice since I know what I am doing is something that you all have gone through already. So, being vague was not that big of a deal.  What each and everyone of you wrote was something I needed to hear, but I have made my decision.  I might have to learn the hard way.

Sorry about my grammar.  English is my second language.  Besides, I am an accountant and we are notoriously bad writers.  ha-ha

[RoyDalParticipant]

Not disappointed here: You chose freely and responsibly with knowledge of the situation. That’s all any of us can do when we come to life’s crossroads.

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[RoyDalParticipant]

Serendipity strikes again! Today’s Sandman video speaks directly to your situation:

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[GoneGaltParticipant 361]

RyuHadoken: ??? You’ve absolutely nothing to apologize for, every man’s got to do what he thinks is best for him and no one person here has all the answers. I wish you the best, just stay alert.

BrainPilot: Aha! Thanks for the explanation – my mother worked as a nurse and I was pre-med myself once but decided programming and analysis preferable to the sheer amount of work and study involved for so many years in the medical profession. Great work you’re doing, man.

[Anonymous 1]

@ BrainPilot  I thought I included you in my reply above, but I guess I forgot.  Thank you for your input.  I always enjoy reading your comment and always learn something new from you. Thank you, sir

[– Deleted on Request –Spectator 936]

Maybe Socrates said it best:  “By all means, marry.  If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy;  if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”

 

[Anonymous 42]

@RyuHadoken, thanks for sharing, and my grammar sucks too, I quit “PUBLIC SCHOOL” a the 9th grade, I have dyslexic tenancies with words and letters. But anyway I don’t care if somebody’s grammar sucks, I’ll read through it anyway! So keep on communicating, and don’t feel you’re slapping anybody’s face around here, again thanks for sharing!

[kbbroilerParticipant 886]

Hey guy read your thread. I new around here but I’m 43 so i do have some experience. Bluntly her problems are her problems not yours. Do not try and bail her out because in the end she won’t appreciate it and use you and go on to the next guy. Trust me. Let me tell you a story about myself. My first girlfriend who I met at work in 1989. Now let me say mistake 1 dating someone you work with. Then dated her for like a year than in January of 1991 her mom died. Now she had family problems before which made them worse. Now I was the one driving her around to get her s~~~ straight together. Now her and her brother never got along which made matters worse. Now I did this because I thought I was in love but in reality I was getting regular ass and I was really in lust. We move head to the summer she wanted to go out to clubs with her friends. Now do you see where this is going. Any woman that wants to go out to a club in skimpy clothing are seeking attention from other guys. This thing blows up with her, her roommate, and her brother. She ends up breaking up with me after all I did. Now dude this experiences are universal experiences. It’s best to leave while you have your pride and dignity. If the dark stuff you left out are like this, again leave as fast as you can!

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