MY FATHERS WISDOM

[harpo-my-“SON”Participant 2410]

Some true male bonding took place when I was four years old. My dad was 24 in 1967. Had been honorably discharged from one hitch in the navy two years earlier. I was the oldest of three children but the only child sired by my dad. the marriage was over. He got me alone and told me “son, lets have a secret that only you and me know about. do you know what a secret is?” I just stood there so he continued “You cant tell anyone what we talked  about. OK?”  I said “ok” He said “your mom is gonna ask who you want to live with me or her” He added “you need to tell her you want to go with me and your Mamaw.”  Mamaw  was my paternal grandmother. I only asked one question  “why?” he said “Because I give you my word that you will have more fun and be much more happy.” At four years old that’s all I needed to hear.His smile was reassuring, his word was given and ironclad.

Later the same day I was playing in the front yard as both my parents came from the house towards me I heard my dad say  “Just ask him, he is old enough to make up his own mind” My mother knelt down I remember she was crying dad was not just winked at me and smiled a knowing smile. She asked the Question I quickly answered and to this day my mom has never been privy to that secret. He kept his word and I had a carefree happy childhood. He taught me the value of making your word your bond and how it builds trustworthiness. A secret is kept forever. He taught me much more through the years, more than I have time for here. He insisted that she do the asking so she never knew the outcome was rigged. My father died in 1999. He is buried in the national cemetery fort smith AR.

I Don’t hate my mother she was there when I needed her later. She is getting old now pushing 72. I told her often that I give her the credit for me learning that I had freedom of choice at a very young age.This was me giving her some validation. It makes her feel good. But in reality I credit her with little if any for adding to my moral being. The credit goes to my dad for being wise enough to gain control and agency over the only child he fathered in the marriage. I would not have learned any of his teaching had he not had the situational awareness and cunning to pull that off.

The book I am writing about all this is for my grandchildren (I have none yet) my daughter is not even married and in college.

 

 

I was bound to be misunderstood, and I laugh at those who misunderstand me. Kind mockery at the well intentioned, but unfettered cruelty towards those would be prison guards of my creative possibilities. This so as to learn as much from misunderstanding as from understanding. Taking pleasure in worthy opponents and making language fluid and flowing like a river yet pointed and precise as a dagger. Contradicts the socialistic purpose of language and makes for a wonderful linguistic dance, A verbal martial art with constant parries that hone the weapon that is the two edged sword of my mouth.

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