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DeepInThought 4 years, 2 months ago.
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I am new to MGTOW, but have been a MGTOW without realizing it for most of my life. Theoretically, this should mean that by now I should be a tremendous success in life. Such isn’t the case. I made the terrible decision to pursue music as a career in life, and take whatever job I could get in order to achieve that ambition. So, I didn’t really acquire an economically viable skill. I became an aircraft electronics technician, straight out of the navy, and then became an oyster fisherman for about 8 years immediately after. During that time period, I was in a band for 5 years that quite honestly should have gone somewhere. We won contests, one of which was supposed to give us a record contract, a video, and a tour opening for the band 3 Doors Down. (This was in Mississippi, by the way). Being an awesome guitar player hasn’t made any difference in my life. Perhaps it would, if I knew the right person, but I have been financially paralyzed, and therefore socially paralyzed by default. I have talent, but I’m unable to share it. The fans killed the business by pirating music, and refusing to pay; while venue owners refused to pay to begin with. I have redirected my efforts recently into learning how to code. I have basic web development skills now, and I’m also learning the C# computer language, but I’m only a novice really. A mentor would be a blessing, but nothing like that exists anymore; in fact, it occurs to me that leadership is actually extinct. I was in a serious relationship (the only one) for 2 years before realizing that the woman I was with was fake. So, I kicked her to the curb. Once again, I’m paralyzed. No money, no job, no vehicle and living with my mother now. The quintessential loser. I didn’t lose to drugs. I didn’t lose to women. I lost to…a lack of understanding of economics, the market, and finances. I lost to the absence of a father, and the presence of an overprotective single mother who wasn’t raised by anyone. I lost to nescience and naivety. If any of you know of the existence of a person who might be willing to mentor me, please let me know. I’m willing to pay, even, once I get set up. I have the intellect. I just do not have the knowledge. I am making an effort to change that. I accept full responsibility for my mistakes and bad decisions. I accept full responsibility for my own happiness. I need a social network though; there is no way around it.
Welcome!
My boss was a strong mentor, but it was about 20 years ago & it was a small private company & I’d say, atypical… I was hired in at a low rate of pay, since my skill level was low. My boss doubled my salary over a couple years and taught me much of what I know & in return I was loyal. So I think mentors still exist. I’d be honest in interviews and note you’d accept lower pay for more mentoring & training & wouldn’t jump ship after trained You can also consider doing work for non-profits to gain experience and build a resume. Or combine interests — do web pages and promotion for bands.
That’s GREAT you’re learning highly marketable web and computer skills. I’ve done database and process control system/PLC work. I’d read as many books as you can, take classes with projects if possible, and try computer based training & see which work best for you.
I’m no good at networking, in my experience, it isn’t as relevant in STEM. As long as I have job references that honestly answer I did well, I’m golden. That’s one plus with STEM; you can be kind of a loner but still do well as far as salary.
I have no musical talent, but if that’s your passion why not do a weekend band? Or just screw it, live in a trailer (minimalist lifestyle or whatever you want to call it) and ENJOY life doing gigs. I don’t see how being poor makes you ‘socially paralyzed’; quite the opposite often! In my case, I’ve often had ‘time poverty’ in my 20’s and 30’s — fairly long work weeks, long commutes. In contrast, shorter work week = more time for social activities/fun! You may not be able to afford eating at 5 star restaurants but you can enjoy walks in the park, biking, getting together with friends, etc.
Welcome, brother! Help and support is here. Step 1: Drop ‘loser’ from your vocabulary. You’re only a loser when you give up. Coming here shows you haven’t given up. Keep learning, keep working, you will make it.
Safety rules: All guns are loaded. All knives are sharp. All stoves are hot. All women are like that.
Thank you. I will crawl out of this grave.. I will rise from the ashes
Anonymous42@veniversum, No kids? No child support? No drama? MGTOW? Dude,,, You got it maid better than a millionaire married to a blood sucking bitch! You have the opportunity to be happy! No father figure? Don’t worry, we have MGTOW figures you can relate to! Just soak up the mantronium and you’ll be glowing in no time!
Enjoy some weapons grade mantronium, welcome to MGTOW!Welcome.
Love is just alimony waiting to happen. Visit mgtow.com.
That’s as good an intro as any I’ve seen… welcome to the site.
I agree with your analysis that a strong father figure in your life would have given you the information you needed to think about your economic security first and your art second… not to say you would (or should) have done things differently, but you can’t act on information you never received.
I’m guessing you’re now in your mid to late 30s and that you’re technically adept, artistically expressive and willing to do hard work under difficult conditions. And you’re clearly articulate and possessing of self awareness. That makes you a better person than 90% of the people I know. Definitely not a loser, just needing to make a transition. There’s no shame in that.
What part of the world do you live in?
Lease sql server at arvixie.com. very cheap.
I believe you can still set up a free tier MySQL server at Amazon Web Services. Bitnami has a pre-load that will give you a fully working LAMP stack (Linux, Apache, MySQL, PHP) for free that you can play with and develop on until you’re ready to deploy something that requires more resources (in the paid tier).
And yeah, killing your TV and cutting drugs and heavy drinking from your life will give you the time and attention to achieve things most people can’t even imagine.
Rejection builds character
Your only a loser, if you believe it. It’s time for you to rebuild your life, speaking about economics, your not a loser, your just in a recession. It’s time for to get out of it.
Shit Tested, Cunt Approved.
Yes, I do not wallow in self pity. I have transcended that stage; I only told you gentlemen these things in order to share with you my background. I am grateful to be healthy, and alive. I am also grateful for the advice. I will follow it. I never really watched TV. I didn’t do drugs and rarely drink either. I don’t even smoke cigarettes. I suppose my mistake was tethering the possibility of my success to other people, when I should have pursued a body of knowledge that I could excel at completely on my own. Lesson learned, and onward. Likewise, in todays world it seems to me that for a person to be successful, they must somewhat develop a social network. I have been a hermit wizard all these years.. specializing in the sonic school of magic, which the public has now rendered powerless. Then again, I only presume these things and may be mistaken. The amount of learning that I require in order to assimilate now seems so massive. I will tunnel through the mountain with a tea spoon, if it is necessary
A mentor would be a blessing, but nothing like that exists anymore; in fact, it occurs to me that leadership is actually extinct.
Sadly I am under the impression due to the cultural demasculinity in North America of the past 50 or so years yes this is a reality. But already some of the guys here seem to be giving some good suggestions, better than I can anyway. Bunker mode makes some great points on really grinding it out.
One thing I can relate to: it seems you done a lot of different work in your life as have I. Being a jack of all traits has advantages and drawbacks, play up on your strengths and learn to understand your weaknesses. I’m a believer in doing what you love for little money is much better than doing something you hate for great success. but that’s just my humble opinion.
Most MGTOW don’t let society labels effect us. It’s not always easy to move past the loser label. but by being here you are taking the right steps to letting that persona go.
Welcome brother, sorry for all the clichés but sometimes they are helpful.
cheersA mentor would be a blessing, but nothing like that exists anymore; in fact, it occurs to me that leadership is actually extinct.
Sadly I am under the impression due to the cultural demasculinity in North America of the past 50 or so years yes this is a reality. But already some of the guys here seem to be giving some good suggestions, better than I can anyway. Bunker mode makes some great points on really grinding it out.
One thing I can relate to: it seems you done a lot of different work in your life as have I. Being a jack of all traits has advantages and drawbacks, play up on your strengths and learn to understand your weaknesses. I’m a believer in doing what you love for little money is much better than doing something you hate for great success. but that’s just my humble opinion.
Yes. I built hotels, condominiums, as well as fishing oysters, and then I moved on to casino work, being a slot tech and then a casino dealer. Unfortunately, the casino work didn’t really provide me with valuable skills. Truth be told, I didn’t enjoy being a casino dealer. Living in the past is a waste of the future, though. I learn from my mistakes and move on. Maybe the next 20 years of my life will be better, if I live that long. I will try. What kind of a future does civilization have though, when the intelligent men stop breeding, and the stupid ones continue? Have you seen the movie “Idiocracy”? Whatever the ruling class is doing with ideologies is extremely harmful. How can people who are so powerful, be so ignorant? Perhaps they desire a stupid populous to make it easier to control? A stupid populous is unreliable though, and incompetent at their jobs. I can’t help but wonder what in the hell is *really* going on. To some degree, I understand and appreciate that the current system prevents the psychopaths from uniting and murdering the rest of us to take what we have by force. However, in the past, government has murdered far more people in a larger scale than I believe any half organized group of bandits could have ever accomplished. It’s like they are trying to murder their goose, and golden eggs be damned. Meanwhile, on the other side of the world, stupid brutes are breeding at exponential rates. If they continue to cull their own, they will have nothing left to stop their enemies with.. or worse… they will make enemies of their golden goose.. On a side note, doing music simply isn’t an option anymore, other than recording and playing my own home. There simply is *no* money to be made anymore. That means just living a life of playing gigs, isn’t possible anymore. I’d still have to work a job that I hate during the day to pay the bills. So my options are basically, learn to do something I like that will empower me to create things (programming), and use the money I make from that to fund playing live, or work a day job that I despise for someone who doesn’t appreciate me, and pay money out of pocket to play music for free at night. The path seems pretty clear
I will try. What kind of a future does civilization have though, when the intelligent men stop breeding, and the stupid ones continue? Have you seen the movie “Idiocracy”? Whatever the ruling class is doing with ideologies is extremely harmful. How can people who are so powerful, be so ignorant? Perhaps they desire a stupid populous to make it easier to control? A stupid populous is unreliable though, and incompetent at their jobs. I can’t help but wonder what in the hell is *really* going on.
I believe anti-intellectualism is a very real thing and I hope our society wakes up to this soon or we will not be around as a species for much longer.
haven’t seen that movie but I’ll check it out.
On a side note, doing music simply isn’t an option anymore, other than recording and playing my own home. There simply is *no* money to be made anymore. That means just living a life of playing gigs, isn’t possible anymore.
Might be a stretch but have you ever considered working on a cruise ship? I worked on a few as a photographer. the pay isn’t great but I did meet a lot of musicians who enjoyed the work and travel. Of course as a guitarist you would have to be proficient in reading music to get work there. just a thought
Your Introduction got me started writing again for the past eight hours. When I went to reply to you, all of the other MGTOW’s said everything on my mind and did it much better and with more humor. The reading suggestions and advice is awesome. Many of them go in directions that I haven’t thought about and I am now inspired to try them myself.
I will try to provide you with other things to consider. I have just trimmed the fat and used some of it to create new topics. I am struggling with social media and am learning that it is best to keep my replies to a minimum. Nevertheless, I suggest that you look up everyone who replied, even me, and check out what they are writing about on this web site. There are options to follow MGTOWs you enjoy. Some guys rarely post their own topics but their replies are outstanding and it is possible to read them.
You have some good things going for you and some things that initially seem like a curse.
The good things are that you found MGTOW. MGTOW.com is a miracle and there are lots of goodies in the posts and archives. It is a fine “band of brothers.” Enjoy it while it lasts.
Dude, you were in the Navy! Anyone with military training gets to move to the head of the line in most Union jobs. And they are worth it. Guys with navy training have been the bane of my existence. I could only get close to their skills and training. Naval vessels have the same equipment as any high rise building. Navy trained men are gods in the building trades. Your aircraft electronics technician background gives you a good reference with building automation and HVAC-R jobs. And just being exposed to Navy culture gives you an advantage over us mere mortals.
It is important to get over the Oprah Winfrey narrative of having “job satisfaction” or “following your bliss.” Even the humblest janitor’s job is a good job. I was a janitor for a few years. There is an art to making floors look good. Navy guy’s floors were so nice that you could eat off of them. I knew many great musicians and Academics who worked as janitors to fund their interests.
I was fortunate to work in most trades. My favorites were being a plumber, pipe fitter, electrician, machinist, HVAC-R mechanic, carpenter, elevator mechanic, and brick layer. Brick laying was the most physically demanding, I am grateful for the experience, and it is the only trade not dominated by Navy guys.
For most guys, what you do to earn a living changes over time. I believe that it is important to stay flexible and be open to new experiences.
It is not how much money you make, it is how much you get to keep.
Spending/ giving away more money than you make and living in debt is a big problem.
Twelve step programs like Debtors Anonymous and Al-Aonon have helped me and many others.
The following link is for a musical/ dance community that has empowered me. It occurs all around the USA:
Here are the titles of my forthcoming posts in the Forums which you have inspired:
Work, business, jobs, and careers: “Is being a musician a curse or a miracle these days?”; “A Course in Miracles.”
Health and Fitness: “The Soppy Wanker.”
What happens when a man finally comprehends the cold and calculating thoughts that are going through a woman's mind, while her eyes are brimming with tears?
Welcome, I’m new here myself getting through my own issues.
Honestly, unsure how long it has been since you were in the Navy but it may be worth a shot using that experience to land some sort of job similar to your skills. I don’t know where I would be without my Navy experience. It has proven to be a Godsend yielding me a job that pays well and during the 2009 economy crash. I’m very fortunate, but I did my due diligence. Hope you figure something out.
The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity. --Einstein
I got out of the Navy in ’98 and became an oyster fisherman to stay near my band. Believe it or not, Oyster fishing was a physically demanding job, but was one of the best jobs I ever had. I was in great physical shape. A sack of oysters weighed about 90 lbs, and we could catch 30 sacks per day on a boat. However, if you busted your ass, which I did, you could do two boats in a day, and I did. I made anywhere from 100, to 220 dollars per day. It felt like freedom.
I’d wake up very early and be done with my days work before most people were awake. It’s one of the few, if not the only job I ever did where hard work actually paid off, because you weren’t paid hourly, and we’d literally race the other boats. However, it was seasonal. Therefore it was feast or famine. If there were drastic amounts of rain, the state would shut the reef down and you could be out of work for a month. So I had to save what I made to get by on for the rest of the year. I still picked up other jobs in the summer, but I would always go back to oystering because it paid more, and was all around more satisfying. There was no future in it though. It was an instant gratification type job. It was irresponsible for me to do that for 8 years. I had developed a reputation as one of the best deckhands in Pass Christian. I had dignity.
The Navy is so far in the past, and so is my avionics skills, that I probably don’t remember anything I’d need to know to do the job now; not to mention technology has drastically changed since ’98. I still remember little things like formulas for power, current, and voltage, but I seriously doubt I’d get hired for a job at this point. I considered going back to school for it, at a major school in Tulsa, but the cost was like $80,000 for the school. At this point, I’m so extremely interested in programming that I don’t see a point in doing anything else. I just love creating things. I love that I can extract things from the void and bring them into existence. That’s one of the things I loved about music, and I’ve always been very imaginative. In fact, my imagination is so wild, that my brain just goes off on a tangent while I’m watching a video, or reading a book, and I have visualized a scenario in my brain so vividly that I may miss several minutes of video and have to rewind it to see what I missed. Someone can be talking to me, and I will be miles away.
Them -“Are you listening to anything I’m saying??” Me -“Sorry”.
It would seem that the only time I can actually focus is when my brain gets challenged, like when I was a casino dealer. I started off all shaky and nervous, and completely losing my concentration. Then eventually my focus became like a laser. I was able to deal craps, blackjack, roulette, and just about any “carnival” game in the casino well, and did calculations in my head all day. I liked the challenge, but I did not like the atmosphere. I didn’t like the bums, cheats, jackasses, and animals. After 3 years, I was burned out. I knew I didn’t want to do that the rest of my life. Surely there had to be something better and more fulfilling than swiping money from crackheads for the house. I then had also realized that none of my bandmates were fully ambitious like I was. They all had the wisdom and guidance to know not to chase it all the way, and to prioritize their main jobs. Not me. I was a flame. The word “passion” has lost it’s meaning, and is borderline cliche now. I was kamikaze.. so determined to do it that I gave up everything. So, from there I moved to Austin, Texas, found an excellent band to jam with and we did some of the best music I had ever done. Then after only a few months, the band just disintegrated. Everyone was having financial difficulties. My van broke down and I couldn’t afford to have it fixed. I was at a heavy equipment job where I was treated like garbage. I understand the concept of people having to earn respect, but what I don’t understand, is why people who deserve respect no longer receive it. Now I just don’t care what anyone’s opinion of me is.
The stark realization that people just naturally attempt to manipulate and exploit each other finally hit me. My heart was broken. I did not want to give up on my dream, but I had no one to help me there. I don’t think most people can fathom what it’s like to actually be totally alone in today’s world. If you are, and don’t have financial security, you are effectively a slave. I want sovereignty. I want financial security and independence. I want to be my own boss. I want to have several passports so that no government can lock me down. I will go where I’m treated best. With code, I can work from anywhere. Once I have developed my skills properly, I will probably leave the country and move somewhere that the dollar goes a long way. For now, I am living with my mother. I have not let her down; I helped her pay the bills, and before I left this recent job to learn how to program, I had saved up enough money to help her pay bills for a while. I help out around the house. I know she did the best she could for me; but her mother died when she was 15, and she had no dad.
All of her decisions in life were based on whims of emotional responses and a desire to be loved by men who weren’t worthy of it. I am glad that I have someone to talk to now. Thank you for hearing my story. I am relieved to know that people who actually care are out there. I wish you all the best. Some suffer the pain of being alone, and others suffer the pain of failed relationships. I suppose I am fortunate despite all. I am grateful for this community.
I’m so extremely interested in programming that I don’t see a point in doing anything else.
You and @StealthyMGTOW are gonna get along just fine.
Welcome to the site mate.
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