My ex wife… the divorce and situation…

[HopeGloryRespectParticipant 2]

So i got married on 1/1/11…

Was served with divorce papers on 3/13, and now im fighting to stay out of jail and live on my own while paying child support (the cause for incarceration)..

 

So, lets look inside of my thoughts, as well as hers (speculation, anedotes, stories, experiences) etc.

 

As well as all the manipulative s~~~ she’s still pulling post-divorce, also, why stop there? I will also mention my memories of my pussified father and domineering mother that groomed me to be exploited in such a way.

So, i was 19…. Looking to move out of my parents… Had low self-esteem, my mom basically my whole life micro-managed me all the time. Made my bed, made my food, did my laundry, moved my stuff around in my room. Made fun of me – by making embarassing comments to me whenever i showef interest and curiosity in women – even when i was five years old.

 

I also grew up with a sister, six years older than me. She was pretty much jealous of me taking center stage when i was born – and almost did nothing but villify me, lie, persecute, ratout, etc.

so my mom was super controlling. She watched everything i did – basically barging into my bedroom as she pleased asking questions like ‘is my little Anthony hungry’, or ‘is my little pikachu hungry’, i would generally take a deep, aggravating breath – like ‘come on, really?’ But this would make her laugh. She thought it was funny to laugh at me in my face after she had done something to irritate me.

 

My sister was more distant, just always stayed in her room with the door shut, and whenever i wanted something – she’d blow me off like she couldn’t hear me – or like she does now – pretends like there’s just something wrong with her phone.

 

Let’s see how a basic interaction with my ex gf/wufe went.

 

Mind you, before i dig in. I met this woman on facebook through some people that i was in highschool with. These people were pothead goths basically, they thought i was super funny and probably kind of cute to f~~~ with i’d imagine.

 

So i looked at her profile pics and she was hot. She had big boobs, an overbearing personality – which at the time i thought was a plus – before therapy. An overbearing personality is usually about control and domination, which is usually an indication of significant childhood trauma. See the ‘ACE’ study for more info.

 

So my point so far is, i saw the warning signs early. She said she lost like 80lbs just so she could find a boyfriend. She told me her sister was raped when she was young – she was older than her – so that was probably why she ate so much, as self-protection from potential male predators. See dr. Gablr Mate’s ‘In the realm of hungry ghost’ book, for more info on that. Basically, in his experience nearly all women that suffer from addictive substances have been sexually abused in some way. I was also sexually abused when i was about seven and can see how that could play a role.

 

Anyhow, this nasty ex of mine would continually get all bitchy with me. I basically had to move over 1,200 miles to be with her, but i said i wanted to go to school first, to have some moneh saved – and she pressured the hell out of me. She told me that basically if i didn’t move down soon she’d find someone else. This is where, if i had the knowledge i do now – i would’ve just hung up and closed off all contact with her. She had no empathy for me whatsoever. When i moved down i just spoke my mind freely and i could see that she was regurally agitated. I chalked it off though as just her way of getting adjusted, like maybe just she was feeling overwhelmed and all. She said she was concerned ( i flew in by plane) that i wasnt really coming (we got lost looking for each other for a bit – or really, she overreacted and started going everywhere bec. She didnt stay in one place or i would’ve found her – ah, i did the same thing though). I then asked ‘what would you have done if i didn’t show up?’ She said, ‘well, it wouldn’t have mattered, i would’ve just said ‘w.e.’ and gone home. When i asked her this she seemed both aggravated and sad too. But you could always tell there was this hostile temper just bubbling under the surface in any interaction we had. This is also how my father was – so it didn’t throw me off, but anything, i just looked at it as better than living with my parents because i could f~~~ her – while i wouldn’t f~~~ my parents.

 

More examples – also, i’ve made adjustments to specific details in order to protect the identity of myself and ex wife.

 

Now,  she worked fastfood for a while, and was only 18, i had just turned twenty. She was probably a 8.5/10 in terms of looks, although the lack of self-esteem really made her like a 3/10 sometimes – for me at the time as well i’d say, although i could get pretty self-righteous and egoically defensive upon any moment if it served me – something we’d continually do to each other.

 

Here, i used to work overnight at a large retail chain, when i camd home, she basucally wanted to hang out. But i was tired, ate like crap, and often times had just worked out. I didn’t wanna bother with her in any way – or anyone, just sleep. So she would do s~~~ to keep me up – possibly out of feeling rejected or just not getting her way. But she’d do s~~~ like that all the time. In a lot of communities i’ve been reading that she was s~~~ testing, so here are some examples i think may fall under that umbrella:  before i flew down i asked for photos of the place – she very harshly said ‘fine, i guess’ but said it in a way as though i was at fault. I shouldn’t have requested pictures, and that’s the problem.

She’s right though, looking back, except i shouldn’t have f~~~ing had anything to do with her. But basically there were no red flags – i mean she showed me home videos with her family and stuff and they were just so dysfunctional. She was raised by a single Mom who was just so bitchy. It turned out that this woman, whom we’ll call “dips~~~” (my exwife), she was constantly hurt by her brother. He would say things to her like ‘alright, everyone’s looking at you now open your gift!’ In a very loud and domineering way – when she was only like three and just being a child.

 

I think she was trying to turn me into someone like her brother but idn. The dude is basically a sociopath, and my dips~~~ ex is bpd/npd/spd combined in diff. Overlapping ways.

 

She would lock herself in the bathroom and cut her legs up.

 

She would draw a knife on me.

 

She’d chase me around in her van threatening to run me over and follow me just for walking away from her.

 

She would throw her body in front of me if i tried to leave the house so id get physical with her – which i didnt.

 

Just endless…

 

Im curious this communities reaction to these thoughts.

[BrainPilotParticipant 7640]

In the limited time that I have to write this post, I can only say that what you describe is a whole forrest of red flags…any one of which is reason enough to bail out asap. Just pick any random one and GO. When the building is on fire, ANY EXIT WILL DO. The person you describe clearly has mental issues from which you will suffer greatly if you attempt to continue a relationship with her. There are 6 billion people on the planet. Half of them are women, so you have about 3 billion chances to improve on your current situation. Thought it seems the bar for improvement over the woman you have now is set pretty low, as you learn more from this site (I encourage you to read through all of it, and watch every video you see a link for), you may conclude that essentially all of them are more trouble than they are worth.

When you have more experience with women, you’ll recognize the signs of the worst ones far enough away that you won’t go stumbling into relationships with them on the assumption that they aren’t all that bad. A great many of them really are extremely bad news, and it sounds very much as if you have found one of the worst ones. The first step in avoiding them is realizing how bad they can be. Recognizing it from a distance will come with time. For now, get busy reading through the rest of this site and getting away from that toxic person you describe before you get trapped by a pregnancy or legally mauled by some wild accusation she makes…

Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you

[Krab_AssParticipant 267]

Sounds like she needs help if she is cutting herself up.   If I were you HopeGloryRespect  -I would distance myself as far / quickly as possible (what BrainPilot said) – and then, once you have settled into your new surroundings, join a church group (or any other religious – or non-religious) social group to try to establish a solid base of ‘family’ and friends near where you live.  From reading your story – things seem pretty dysfunctional with your ex and her family.   What is more, sadly enough, it seems like your own family isn’t very supportive.   I would make a new ‘family’, strike out – find friends and start anew.  Easier said than done -right??

Good Luck!!

"I care not what others think of what I do, but I care very much about what I think of what I do! That is character!"
~ Theodore Roosevelt

[…Spectator 1165]

Yo….we all see the warnings signs early but just can’t give up hittin’ the puss. then they get deeper and deeper into the wallet….

[In Which We ServeParticipant 111]

But you could always tell there was this hostile temper just bubbling under the surface in any interaction we had.

I think that’s called ‘married life’.

[RoninParticipant 42]

Since you have been served with papers, it is appropriate to collect all and any EVIDENCE!  Emails, letters, depositions from family, friends and neighbors, financial transactions, and visits to the doctor (physical/psychological).  In family court, drama and bulls~~~ typically rule.  However, if you are lucky, show your hard evidence of support and put on an act of your own; you might be able to sway and egotistical judge with a God complex.

[RoninParticipant 42]

Since you have been served with papers, it is appropriate to collect all and any EVIDENCE!  Emails, letters, depositions from family, friends and neighbors, financial transactions, and visits to the doctor (physical/psychological).  In family court, drama and bulls~~~ typically rule.  However, if you are lucky, show your hard evidence of support and put on an act of your own; you might be able to sway an egotistical judge with a God complex.

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