Hello,
so this is going to be a long read as this is my story of how i discover that i been living in the The matrix and how i discover MGTOW. because this is my third post please forgive me for my poor language and you may check my into post first for things to make sense.
New to world MGTOW
My hopes is after i share this possible i will heal and someone else can benefits from my experience.
Lets establish one thing every story has 3 side
this is only my side. not her side or what really happen. i might never know her side of story. this girl put me in situation i did not how to handle and she enjoyed seeing me completely destroyed and broken down to point i was having panic attacks and went to doctors and therapy. over smoked my self to death and she did not care in my opinion.
Story start i was a shy guy with anxiety disorder and going on my happy way dating women and getting treated like s~~~ because the i lived in world of the matrix. I believed i need to improve my self and my communications to become a pill and lovable so i can attract women. enjoy life like other 20 % of men do with sexy women and sex and fun times. On Dec 17th 2014 i met her the SH girl she was really nice and diplomatic and kind to me. we talked and met and have sex and that how our friendships started as Friends with benefits.
She: Married to cop, clams she does not sleep with him in past 5 years and she is seeing a man and talking to 7 including me. she is 45 white slim with 3 kids and she and her husband deiced to move on and date other people because no love left for both sides.
We started see each others as sexual lovers and best friend. we texted everyday and talk and did video sex and pic and meet in person and enjoy sex.
She never made me spend any money on her nor gifts or ask for anything in return.
She kept me and other men for months to come and she stooped talking to rest of guys ( she clams ) she also said she stop looking. she has 2 men as FWB she is happy.
This girl match every checklist i had for my dream girl and she made me so comfortable and happy and joyful that i tried to please her and stooped working on myself and build her for success. she never asked for any of my help but she never stoped me either. she just went with it.
In my experience her words and actions match 100 % and she never give one single reason to not trust her. by now she distant her self from other men and she started 1 on 1 relationship and started saying i love you and give me gifts and sex anytime i wanted and any way i desire. she was my Yes girl, she told me she stoped seeing other men so i am free to see other women but i should not tell her anymore as she does not want negative emotions. I was fully in love and devoted to her and she and me had child that did not live. that experience put me so close to her on Oct 2015 she changed and fliped. she no longer wanted to see me nor talk to me or even do anything with me. but she played by giving me excuse that she is busy and kids needs her and she needs to fix her life and she is going throw a change. In other reality she found other men on line and started sleeping with them while keeping me far a way but not give me honesty or want to meet me.since Oct 2015 until Sept 2016 i did not see her but she keep giving me hopes and lies about she is busy with kids and whatnot. she claims she is not seeing anyone and she will only sleep with me and no one else. Randomly send me naked pics. i went throw so much pain and suffering because of this and i told her in may ways in clear she read my text and went silent or become rude or said she is not responsible for my emotions nor she is responsible on how she treat me that is my issue. by then i give this fwb / love 110 % and waited for her and set with my emotions and pain. we had an event went in my area and she was in that event while i was there and she did not wanted to see me even for Hi or hug. i told her once i lost my best friend her response was i understand.
so i finally deiced it is over she moved on and she will never desire me again and all that love talk was bs or life happen and i will never know.
what drive me nuts is usually if someone is no longer interested they just move on regardless if they give the honesty or not.
so i establish few things :
1- she does not want to do anything with me
2- she will never come back
3- she does not trust me even as friend
4- she is scared i will hurt her if we meet
5- she give love and sex to a different man and i was rebound guy only
what i dont understand is what she wants from me: she keep randomly once every few weeks or so text me with bs respond
I really don’t get what she wants ? why would she like to be my Far Far a way text friend or face book friend if she moved on and love and having kid together did not mean anything to her.
Once side she clams she did not wanted relationship on other side she f~~~ other men and cheat on me and her husband and other side she is mad because i told her we are only friends with benefits.
Sept 2016 when i realized i lived all my life in the The matrix i started seeing true faces of human men and women and women i chase for love and sex. things started changing for me i am still in alot of pain and suffering and as some people said bule pill guy or whatever terms are but i saw the reality vs fake mirror world that been created by women and they controlling the game and men and use them.
what i dont get it is what did she get out of it ? i did not spend money on her nor i lost house and kids and everything to her. so in reality she could said hey man i do not love you and can we just be friends and i will see other men from now on. why giving me hopes and lies after she spent almost 1 year to get me into loving her. so much stuff she did to make me love her or even say i love you and it was over.
so the question is why did i fall for her?
She created a world of mirror that show loyalty and love and care. we had sex in her place everybody in her neighborhood knew me. everyone at her work knew me and all her best friends knew me. her actions and words matched 100 % until October 2015 and we connected sexually and emotionally. also i lived in fake world of hers love and romance.
so to help others also i created this link of some of the text between me and her.
https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B-DC2y4I-v9ALTVkNTdXd0VWQVU
Now my goal is to move on with my self and become MGTOW and work on myself and quit smoking and bring happiness from inside.
I hope i can end all suffering and leave The matrix world that we live in and i can live in real life and learn from past.
Thank you very much in advance
Airbander 3 years, 1 month ago.
