My Child Support Nightmare

[USMC0331Participant 40]

Back in the 90’s, I was serving in the military and I had a brief relationship with a woman in the town where I was stationed. When things got to the point of it becoming a sexual relationship she told me that she had some past medical issues that would prevent her from having children. Now being that she was in her mid 20’s and a medical professional working at a local hospital, I figured she knew what she was talking about. She started doing what a lot of women do in relationships in trying to take over much of my free time. She would expect to see me every weekend and starting asking me if I considered her my “girlfriend” I was honest with her and told her I was leaving soon and did not want to start a serious relationship. Well that didn’t go over well and so I decided to just stop seeing her. After a month or so I got a random letter from her declaring to me that she was pregnant and that the child was mine. Well I don’t really believe in miracle births so I figured either she was lying to me about the pregnancy or she obviously lied about not being able to have children. Either way I didn’t trust her so I told her to p~~~ off. She tried to guilt me into paying for an abortion and even though I’m not morally opposed to that, I told her no because I didn’t trust her anyway and I didn’t want to be a part of that. I also found out she had at least one STD she never told me about before we had sex. I was fortunate I didn’t catch it from her, but the idea that someone would knowingly have unprotected sex without telling someone they had an STD just infuriated me.

 

I ignored her and left the military to move back home. I got married to a woman i had a relationship with previously and we had a child together. Life went on pretty normally until one day I got a letter from some child support agency saying that I owed them over $10,000 in back child support and I was ordered to pay $400 a month. Now at the time I was married and had a child and I was making maybe 25k a year so where anyone got the idea I could afford $400 a month, I have no clue. Apparently my ex-girlfriend, and I’m being nice in even calling her that, decided to cash in on the goodies the state gives to irresponsible women who have children when they can’t support them. Naturally when you apply for these goodies they ask you who the father is and she gave them my name. Of course she knew I was long gone because this was 5 years after I left. Well the way the law works is that if some woman says you are the father of their child, you basically have 30 days to contest it. If you don’t then it is congratulations, you are now the father by way of “default” So for years she sat around getting free health care or whatever else they give people like her while I was piling up debt I never knew about. I contacted the state child support office and they informed me that the time had passed for me to do anything to contest it. I refused to pay anything so the government started taking money out of my bank account and my paychecks. Well it didn’t take long before I couldn’t pay my bills and I lost my job and my apartment. Also during this time my marriage fell apart not because of this, but it sure didn’t help the situation obviously.

I lost everything and had to stay with family because I couldn’t have a bank account or a job without all of my money taken away. I decided to drink myself to death but that only landed me in rehab. My drivers license was suspended as well and liens placed on my property even though I didn’t own anything. Eventually I was ordered to show up in court because I wasn’t paying. By now I had filed for bankruptcy  and divorce so my ex-wife could at least move on with her life. After years of court summons I was finally charged with a felony and several police cruisers showed up to my mothers house to arrest me. This was sort of bad timing since my mother was having chemo for stage 2 breast cancer at the time. I was facing a one year prison sentence and the bill was now over 50k owed to my ex and over 20k owed to the state for all her free goodies. I spent a week in jail and was released on $5k bond. I was now living in a homeless shelter for veterans until my court case was concluded. When I showed up in court with my public defender I explained the situation to the judge and the prosecutor agreed they would order a DNA test since none was ever done. After months of hearings I showed up in court to get the test results and hope that I didn’t to go prison for the next year of my life. My lawyer gave me the results of the test right before we went into court and wouldn’t you know it, the test showed there was a 0.0% chance that I was the father of this child. Now mind you this kid was already 17 at this point and was being told his whole life that I was his father by this wonderful woman who gave him life. Never once did she ever tell anyone that there was a chance someone else was the father. That doesn’t go to well with her goody two shoes Christian woman routine she likes to play off. The magnitude of damage that this woman did to her son, my family, and the real father of this kid is totally lost on her. All she cared about was herself and her reputation. She didn’t care one bit how much she ruined anyone else’s life as long as she looked good and could prop herself up as one of those wonderful single moms tirelessly collecting state benefits to care for her child. Well the prosecutor dropped the charges and the judge seemed disappointed that she didn’t get to sentence me to prison. I resisted the urge to tell her how I felt and walked out without saying a word, because I knew I would just end up back in jail.

Now you would think that this DNA test would put an end to all of this right? I mean we release people convicted of murder based on DNA evidence right? Not even close. Just a week after my near miss prison hearing I got a call from this nice lady at the child support office saying that they were still going to enforce the order and that the only way to change that is to get the original court to change the order. So basically I was guilty even after being proven innocent. I went to court in my home state and had the order suspended so I could at least get my drivers license back that was suspended for 6 years. Hopefully I don’t get arrested again, but I’m still trying to get all of the various states involved to stop sending me bills for a child I have already proven is not mine.

The moral of this story is if you are a man and you are caring for a child, or ordered to pay child support, you have a right to know if that kid is actually yours. DNA tests are not that expensive and it is worth your piece of mind to know the truth. It is estimated that as much as 25% of men are caring for and paying for children they don’t even know are not their biological kids. The laws vary, but from what I have found these laws are horribly unfair to men with “default” judgements and unreasonable amounts of income being taken from them. All of it is designed to recover money spent by the state to support these children of these irresponsible women. The media talk about single moms as if they are saintly heroic people, but the truth is they are mostly selfish, irresponsible, lazy people who feel like it is up to other people to pay for their bad decisions.

With all the talk about equality I hear from women I never hear anything about the inequality in the courts. Someone getting pregnant is a 50/50 situation, but after that the equality ends. Women get to make all the decisions at that point. Women get to decide if they want to have the child or not, if they want to give the child away, and in many cases outright sell the kid of cash by way of “private adoptions” Now I’m not saying men should be able to force a woman to have a child or have an abortion, but why don’t men get these same choices? Men are forced to live with the bad choices women make. If a woman can decide she isn’t ready to be a mother then why are men forced into two decades of financial responsibility for a child they weren’t ready for? Then if you don’t pay you have your life destroyed and can be thrown in jail like a common criminal. You can have your career ruined and your picture plastered up all over telling the whole world what a terrible dead beat loser you are for abandoning your kids. This system is totally unacceptable and needs to be changed. No one should ever be ordered to pay for a child until there is proof that the child is even theirs in the first place. Too long the issue of child support has been dominated by greedy selfish women who only seek to use men as a meal ticket. I would encourage any man to educate yourself on the laws where you live and I’d bet you would be shocked to find how totally nonsensical and unfair they are. Hopefully at some point this situation can be changed because there are a lot of men who are literally homeless simply because some woman put their name on a piece of paper. So much for innocent until proven guilty. This is not the country I swore an oath to defend.

[experiencedParticipant]

Staying away from laydeez would’ve prevented misery. Or for the more adventuresome: immediate DNA testing would’ve prevented this misery.

Well I don’t really believe in miracle births so I figured either she was lying to me about the pregnancy or she obviously lied about not being able to have children.

Exactly what I’d have thought, except for reading here at MGTOW.  Because of this site, the immediate thought was, “the child’s not his.” And now, “she was already pregnant when you met, or when the ‘girlfriend’ question arose” –  she knew the other guys were all less financially sound.

 I couldn’t pay my bills and I lost my job and my apartment. Also during this time my marriage fell apart not because of this, but it sure didn’t help the situation obviously.

Don’t be hard on yourself. Following the money here indicates that “not because of this” might be 100% incorrect. Laydeez conveniently blame all manner of other factors.  Forever and a day there are no such factors, but then job loss or wage cut, and these other factors are brought in by them, but the direct correlation timewise is too much.

Hang in there and listen to the advice of the other guys here. Thank you for serving.

"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."

[USMC0331Participant 40]

Well I know now that she got pregnant shortly after we stopped seeing each other. Pointing the finger at me was a great way for her to avoid any custody issues with the real father who lived in the same town. She knew I was long gone and gave the court some bogus military address that she knew was not current. I never had an opportunity to get a DNA test when the kid was born. I would have rather they arrested me and forced me to get a DNA test, but that isn’t how the law works. They only care about collecting money not what is fair or best for anyone. What a great system.

[Soldier-MedicParticipant 2566]

The criminal justice system in the united states does not allow for the idea of paternity fraud.  So a woman that manages to defraud a man out of child support (whom she selected because, let’s face it he has a job and the drummer from Rotten Phlem is unreliable) stands zero chance of seeing one day behind bars because of her lies.

Has anyone been able to successfully pursue a civil action against a woman that has done this?

It may be worth some time to investigate this issue from a perspective of civil damages.  Wikepedia has some interesting national and international citations of men successfully either getting out from child support even after the court has ruled that he must continue to pay and for receiving damages.

In Korea, a man successfully sued his ex wife for pain and suffering when he discovered the child that wasn’t his.  That his wife claimed was switched at birth.  Was the child she gave birth to.  Perhaps this and other options are something that can be explored.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paternity_fraud

At any rate.  Unscrupulous women will continue to commit this type of fraud just so long as there are little to no consequences.  In your set of circumstances securing an attorney costs money which is something that you don’t really have.  Is there any attorneys in your area will to take this on probono?

"I asked you a question. I didn't ask you to repeat what the voices in you head are telling you" ~ Me. ........Yes I'm still angry.

[BigDParticipant 3024]

This is scary.  There seems to be a lot of stories coming out of men being accused of fathering children that they haven’t.  That means, right now, there can be woman stating I’m the father of her kid because she picked my name out of a hat.  As you have shown, this has ruined your life and there is nothing you can do about it.  If this keeps up the true natural law of Might Makes Right will come out.  I foresee a lot of blood in the streets.  This may or may not be a good thing, but I know I will be watching from my lawn chair eating popcorn.

Don't stick your dick into anyone you aren't willing to put up with for eighteen years and nine months.

[RoyDalParticipant]

BigD wrote:

This is scary.

 You know what? This does not make me want to rush down to the local bar & club scene and score.
Just the opposite in fact.

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[USMC0331Participant 40]

As much as I would love to drag this morally bankrupt piece of trash into court I’d probably be wasting my time. I’m sure she would once again paint herself as a victim and make up some sob story about how hard her life has been as a single mom. The reality is even if I got a judgement in my favor collecting any money from some middle aged broke single mom would be nearly impossible. My only consolation is that I know that she will never see a penny from me since I had the order suspended and the local agency blocked from enforcing it. She missed out on 18 years of pay checks because I refused to pay and it is too late for her to go after the real father now. I hope he is a rich man and has a great life.

It is too late for me, but hopefully not for other guys. Now I spend my time trying to help other men who have been screwed over by the system. I work with veterans a lot because they are a very common target of child support fraud. Hopefully stories like mine can help get the laws changed. Many men are homeless because they can not afford the outrageous payments they are forced to pay. If you have ever spent any time near a military base you know that loving portrait of the wonderful wife sitting at home waiting for her husband to return from his 5th deployment is a bunch of bulls~~~. Most of those women are at the club every weekend jumping on every c~~~ they can find. Then when their husband comes home all the sudden, hey surprise its a new baby on the way. I would tell any man to do your own DNA test on any kid someone claims is yours. A private DNA test is not good in court but it sure will give you a great reason to go into court and ask for a court ordered DNA test. Most men are afraid to do that because of fear of backlash by the mother if the test is positive. Once you pay out that money it is damn hard to try and get it back. The state will not help you and is not an impartial entity. They work for the mother and will ruin your life if you aren’t careful.

[Anonymous 42]

@USMC3301, The laws won’t change because that would mean solving a problem, when has government “solved” anything? They like maintenance and preservation of “problems”, it’s good for their poverty industry. It made you poor and them in control.

MGTOW cuts the b~~~~ off this gynocentric abuse, we recommend NOT to trust a woman EVER! We encourage our brothers to destroy their seed. Never allow a woman any form of control over your life.

Abort women, and all the ills of this society are solved….IMMEDIATELY!

Justice is sometimes served in the strangest of places, far from any court of law, and far from conventional thinking. The MGTOW resolve things, we don’t waste our time fighting a fight that can’t be won. We win the fight by not participating, it’s a default they never saw coming. We get to enjoy our lives, while they do all the suffering….We win, they loose, that’s true justice…

[Joel75Participant 14]

I have two children that are mine that I pay child support for.  I feel that if they are yours you should support them that being said s~~~ happens.  Men lose their jobs, get sick, the economy gets bad, etc… NO man should be thrown in jail for getting a little bit behind in child support.  I live in Louisiana and here the child support laws are crazy strict.  If you get 1,500 dollars are more behind they can legally put you in jail; for 10 dollars you are behind you spend one day in jail.  Because of health problems I am well over 3,000 dollars behind.  I am not in jail but at any point they can come and pick me up legally.  They know about my health problems but here in La. that does not matter; here if you are a man your only right is to pay your child support and shut the f~~~ up.  I have seen my children 2 or 3 times in 3 years.  In La. they don’t give a s~~~ if your kids want to see you are not and you ex can run you down keep them from you and the judge does nothing.   I think child support laws and father’s rights in this country need to change and soon.  Our government is all to ready to ruin a man’s life over child support and not even care if he is being treated fairly.

[JinParticipant 77]

USMC0331 wrote:

if some woman says you are the father of their child, you basically have 30 days to contest it. If you don’t then it is congratulations, you are now the father by way of “default”

Thank you for your story. You have very insightful information that I will apply to my life. Keep fighting, man.

I recommend you watch a youtuber named Terrence Popp. He’s a guy who’s been through your situation and he offers a lot of mgtow advice.

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it"

[Author]

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