Must read this guy's story.

[TicParticipant 4329]

I don’t know if this is true or not, but, it’s worth a look at how a man can be broken down by today’s divorce laws. Maybe it should be made into a sticky so the thread doesn’t get lost. Many here may have gone through some of what this guy experienced, but, I think being away from your family to fight in a foreign land and having to go through this has got to be gut wrenching.

http://black.blue/Story%28page1%29.php

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First, you can read about my background.

The Family Court system in the United States is broken.

More than just being in disrepair, it’s dangerous. It ruins lives. It destroys families. It tears children from loving men who are perfectly fit to be fathers. It rewards dishonesty. It promotes hostility.

Under the idea that litigation is the best way to solve family disputes, the Family Court system only escalates problems, with no safety valve. Lawyers dump fuel on the fires because they have no incentive to settle.

Family Court is a meat grinder that cares nothing for the truth or children. Through kickbacks, Family Courts have financial incentives to order lopsided custody so they can order fathers to pay huge support payments which are matched by the federal government. Unlike fathers’ child visitation orders (which go unenforced), judges and lawyers – and ultimately men with guns – enforce payments to mothers.

When I got divorced, I was ordered to abandon my children and pay my ex-wife more than 100% of my after-tax salary. Although my ex-wife and I each earned 1.6 million dollars during our 12-year marriage, I was ordered to finance her retirement at the expense of my own. We weren’t even 46 years old yet. Why should divorce be profitable for anyone? Why should any parent get rich simply by raising their own children?

When the US Housing Bubble burst in 2008, my ex-wife and I were dangerously overextended. Our entire net worth was wrapped-up in real estate that we couldn’t sell. We quickly lost everything. To keep food on the table and a roof over my family’s head, I volunteered to go to war. From 2009 to 2013, I worked in Iraq and Afghanistan, as a civilian defense contractor, where I earned more than three times my base salary. But it came at a steep price. I left just three days after my second daughter was born. The first time I heard her cry was over a satellite phone at an Iraqi base the Marines called Dreamland (video). I missed it all: her first words and first steps. By 2010, my ex-wife left Hawaii with my girls. It had been my home for 20 years, and the dream was finally over.

Several long years later, at my divorce, the support I was ordered to pay my ex-wife was based on my wartime income. The judge didn’t care that the war in Iraq was over, and the war in Afghanistan was ending. He didn’t care that, in Afghanistan, I worked 84 hours a week, in hardship and hazardous conditions. I slept in a bunkbed in a tent, and shared a shower in a filthy bathroom with a hundred other men. The internet there wasn’t fast enough to Skype my daughters. I missed birthdays. I missed Christmases. The judge didn’t care that I was weary of years in war and weary of living without my kids. I wanted to return to the USA to be with my children, my friends, and my family.

After the divorce, I filed a motion to have my payments reduced. When I explained to the judge the payments were unreasonable and impossible – using tax returns and salary surveys to prove my earning potential – his reply was “Pay what’s ordered or go to jail.” His exact words. Apparently, subjecting me to rape and violence in jail, purely for financial motives, is how Family Court works. With the court’s help, my children’s mother wants to put their father in a cage simply because she wants more money.

The support guidelines in a divorce are clear: find the “high water mark” of the father’s recent income (cherry-pick the data to determine his highest possible earnings) and award the mother some percentage of that income. In the two-year period prior to my divorce, I made less than $7,000 per month on average. I made even less after my divorce. But I was making $29,000 a month in 2009 – six years earlier. Naturally, my ex-wife’s lawyer waved my 2009 tax return around like a flag, insisting I can keep earning that much.

The judge apparently “split the baby”, and decided I should pay support based on a theoretical income of $18,000 a month (the average of $29,000 and $7,000). The judge called me “the Goose that lays the Golden Eggs,” but nevermind that such a job was unavailable to me. Lawyers who represent women will tell you the support guidelines are Holy Gospel, etched in stone tablets. When men complain they can’t afford the payments (like me, forced to pay $10,000 a month), the lawyers will shrug their shoulders and concede: “Hey, those are the guidelines. Tough luck, asshole.” By then, my ex-wife’s income had fallen about 95% since I went to war. The judge never told her to go get a better job. She let her real estate license lapse. No one noticed or cared.

I have always paid to support my children, without hesitation, with or without a court order. Of course I have a responsibility to support my children. OF COURSE. No one needs to explain that to me. I pay thousands of dollars every month, sometimes having to borrow to do so. But it’s never enough. Courts order support payments that have nothing to do with the actual cost of raising children. It’s merely a matter of how much they can squeeze from the father. It’s a shakedown.

I planned to leave the warzones in 2013, and return to the USA to be closer to my daughters, but I knew my salary would drop by about 70%. But such a drop in salary would technically be voluntarily, and therefore, unacceptable to the courts. In theory, the law says my payments should drop when my salary goes down. But this law, as one divorced father told me, is like Bigfoot: some people believe it exists, but no one can prove it.

The irreducible essence: I was ordered to abandon my daughters and go to overseas wars forever to keep earning the big bucks so my ex-wife could retire.

My divorce was final on January 23, 2015. I took my daughters out for dinner that night and I never saw them again. Two days later, I had all of my divorce paperwork destroyed, all 37 pounds of it (I stopped counting pages at some point, and just weighed it). I then flew back to the Middle East. Within a few months, I accepted a mercenary* job that would put me back into another Middle East war. As of April 2016, technical problems have prevented me from re-deploying. So, my debt to my ex-wife balloons by thousands of dollars every month, and there is no hope I can ever repay it. There is no hope that I can return to a ‘normal’ life in the USA. There is no hope that I can be a father to my girls.

*mercenary – when and if I deploy to the next warzone, I’ll be a stateless, self-employed contractor, not officially working on behalf of any country. I won’t enjoy the military and diplomatic protections of the United States as I did in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Did I flee the USA? Of course not. I wanted to come home. I dreamed of coming home. I used the word ”homecoming” many times at trial, and in e-mails to my ex-wife. I asked the judge for a resolution that would allow me to return the USA. I pleaded. In fact, I begged to come home. In anticipation of returning to the USA, I even bought a car in Virginia in 2012. But it was sold, with everything else, to pay for lawyers. The short story is this: my skills are worth more overseas, and I cannot possibly afford to live in the USA and pay what’s ordered. This is a matter of numbers, specifically the supply and demand for a particular skillset. Just ask any of the truck drivers who worked in Iraq or Afghanistan if they could make $150,000 a year driving trucks in the United States.

My parents are divorced. They both moved on to have separate lives. My father kept his old job, got re-married, and retired. He didn’t need to leave the USA. He supported my mother, but it was just 300 dollars a month. He simply wrote her a check each month and handed it to her. My support payments are DOZENS of times more, and I am compelled to deal with a frustrating array of Virginia state offices (and morons) just to pay my ex-wife. My mother didn’t expect to retire from her divorce; she kept working. My sister got divorced. She was a single mom and kept working. Her ex-husband went on to have a life and get re-married. My ex-wife’s parent’s got divorced and they both went on to have separate lives: they bought cars and houses and got re-married. They both worked. Everyone has a good job. Everyone except my ex-wife (even the Judge had two jobs!).

My marriage ended, but I expected to move on to another life worth living. I was wrong. I am expected to work forever to support an ex-wife who earned an early retirement through perjury, loopholes and the Family Court’s overt hostility towards men.

My daughters – now children of a single mother – are hurt because the Family Court forces me out of their lives.

Children of single mothers do poorly on every imaginable scale: they have more emotional problems, experience more stress, are more likely to grow up poor, they have lower educational achievements and experience more behavioral problems than children who grow up with both parents. Depression, suicide, drug abuse, jail and psychiatric medications are all more common in populations of children raised by single mothers.

My ex-wife, who once easily earned five figures every month, was encouraged by her lawyer to abandon her career, and hinge her family’s entire wellbeing on a single wage earner (“sitting on your biscuit, never having to risk it”). Not just any wage earner, but her ex-husband. How smart is that? As another divorced woman told me, there is nothing worse than being dependent on a man from whom you are trying to separate.

My ex-wife admitted openly, under oath, that she prefers to be poor and underemployed than move somewhere where she could find lucrative work. It was naked, brazen contempt for the idea that everyone should work to support their children. I guess it’s okay for me to move somewhere harsh and disagreeable to earn money. But not her. She claimed she needs more than $8000 a month to run her household, and it’s assumed that such a pricey albatross should be placed entirely around my neck, even if I have to go back to s~~~hole warzones to earn it.

Once upon a time, I lived and worked not far from the Kingdom of Bahrain. My ex-wife is a realtor and a savvy high-end art dealer. Bahrain has real estate and art galleries. Wealthy Arabs are consumers. She could easily work in Bahrain, and return to her previous income. I never suggested we all live under one roof, but we could all live in Bahrain and make money. My daughters could have their father back and go to American schools. Is it crazy that I suggest we all live in Bahrain? Maybe. But I think it’s crazier that my daughters grow up poor and fatherless in Virginia where neither my ex-wife nor I can earn a decent living.

My Family Court nightmare has left me black and blue. My head is bloody, but unbowed.

God bless peace and freedom.

[RoyDalParticipant]

It says error not found when I click on it, don’t know if it’s just me. It’s not coming up.

Same here, “error not found.”

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[TicParticipant 4329]

sorry, I can’t get the link to work. You may have to copy and paste that address for now until administrator can fix this. the address works though

God bless peace and freedom.

[GnosticParticipant 2491]

Here, is that the correct story?
http://black.blue/Story%28page1%29.php

There is no magic in MGTOW, just recognition of the truth and logical decision how to avoid dangers. The red pill is but the truth, it is no magical potion. Do not think in this modern world men have no longer have natural enemies, men are prey to women and government.

[TicParticipant 4329]

yes. thank you.

God bless peace and freedom.

[HitmanParticipant]

no lube for him…
scary .
hope the young guys see what a marriage can do for to you ..

[ShinyParticipant 2307]

Thanks for posting that, fathers like that need a voice.

[AttonParticipant]

If I was him I would burn my American Passport and live on some forgotten island.

Any other action would be the wrong action.

A MGTOW is a man who is not a woman's bitch!

[VarunParticipant 2981]

I feel sorry for the daughters. They might never know what they have lost because of the nature of their own gender.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

[BigDParticipant 3024]

I’ve worked in the Middle East as a contractor since 2004. What he says is not a one off. It’s almost every man out here.

Don't stick your dick into anyone you aren't willing to put up with for eighteen years and nine months.

[Faith+1Participant 866]

F~~~ sake my heart goes out to the guy

[Deadly RaverParticipant]

As an old saying goes,”How can I love my country when my country doesn’t love me?” No way in hell do I ever want to go through anything like that. No rings on my fingers unless they are for me and me alone.

Learn from the past, Control the present, and you will know the Future.

[aeragoanParticipant 1186]

Just love your daughter and try to provide for her..it’s better to not give a s~~~ about your country who did not respect your sacrifices

[Author]

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