Mothers Day
when I was married was always breakfast in bed for her, then a long shower for her until the hot water tank drained down, a day of shopping at the mall, clothing shoes jewelry, purses, hand bags, phones, little zen gardens, candles, more wrought iron s~~~, baskets, pillows, more useless s~~~ I don’t have names for, followed by a huge ass dinner at some expensive restaurant in Chicago. Expensive useless preprinted cards, flowers, the whole thing. The Friday before, the kids and I would dig up the front planting area and plant a pile of flowers. The kids would decorate the driveway with sidewalk chalk. The c~~~ would come home, nod and smile at our flowers and drawings, then go in the house and work on the computer all night.
Fathers day
I would go out early and buy donuts and chocolate milk, While at the store I would buy 200 brats, 200 burgers, soda, 8 bags of ice, a couple of cakes and a dozen bags of chips and 15 jars of salsa in anticipation of the onslaught of relatives coming over for lunch, staying for dinner and leaving the kids at my house for a sleepover/camping in the back yard, breakfast and lunch with the offspring. I needed a couple shopping cards to carry all the provisions this invading army was going to consume, and my minivan suspension groaned with this load out. This would cost about $900.
I’d clean up the yard, plug in the fleet of power wheels jeeps, fleet? yeah 3 of them, clean out the play houses, yep 2 of those, set up the 2 tents (Who the f~~~ has two backyard screened in tents?), put out the extra patio sets. (Who the f~~~ has three sets of patio furniture?), wax the slides (Who the f~~~ has 2 big ass wooden swing sets in their yard?) hook the bug spray up to the hose and coat the yard with malathion, dioxin and PCBs and open up the pool getting the 20 pool noodles and other air filled toys ready and then come in to greet my family at about 10:30 just in time for the c~~~ to bitch me out for getting donuts with red sprinkles, instead of blue. Did I get a donut? lol I got to clear the table.
While I was out at the store or while I was preparing the yard, the kids would make me some hand made cards…the c~~~ would suddenly remember and goad the kids into making cards. I still have many of these cards. The ones made in ball point pen, half finished are my “favorite.”
At noon I’d park the lawn tractor and trailer out front for everyone to put the camping s~~~ into, when everyone arrived, I’d drive it out back.
My Fathers day was spent behind the grill, or sit and watch the idiot brothers in law play fantasy league baseball, hold their money in personal side bets, and maybe get in the pool for 10 minutes oh and at some point inventory the pile of camping gear. Someone was always missing something, and I’d hustle down to the store to get the missing items, so the c~~~ wouldn’t bitch me out for her sisters kids not having something.
lol side bet money I was holding, I used to invest it in DRIPs and pay them out as bets were done. When we were divorced in July of 2009, I was still holding these cucks’ money and subsequent investments, still making money today.
It’s funny, women never notice the behind the scenes things men do to make sure things go well, anticipating future disaster through preventative maintenance.
So judging by all the inlaws having kids born in late March and early April, I know what they were up to.
Over night, while my brother’s in law are f~~~ing the c~~~’s sisters, making more future child support, I was up all night out in the back yard with 20 scared, over tired, bug bit, over sugared kids. Invariably one will want to go home at 3am, and another will s~~~ himself and smear it all over the inside of the tent like some Lascaux cave painting. Idiot parents never cleaned out the tent or the sleeping bag. F~~~.
So the Monday after Father’s day, after all the kids were picked up, all the furniture, tents, power wheels and pool stuff was deflated and put away, and everything was quiet, I would sit out in the back yard with a cold beverage in my hand for a few minutes of blessed silence. This was wonderful. Maybe I had 30 minutes to myself, depending upon the state of things in the house and the mood of the c~~~. 30 minutes to just look at the sky, or the condensation of water on my can of soda before I was found and immediately put to work. F~~~.
oh, no Father’s Day nookie for me, she was too tired or she had her period… some such bulls~~~. Maybe I got a nipple pinch, then she would roll over n bed and die. TYVFM bitch.
Well, I wonder how the live in Chad likes doing all this s~~~ for everyone else, and not being thanked. I’m out…for the past 8 years lol.
Stargazer 2 years, 7 months ago.
