Mortgage + Kid w/ No Marriage

[sohcahtoaParticipant 29]

Boy, have I got a story for you guys!

I stumbled on this place when someone mentioned the “MGTOW” acronym in a forum elsewhere — I looked it up and found this website…I think I’ve found a new home!

For starters, I’m 36 years old. My “girlfriend” and I have had an on/off relationship for nearly 7 years. It has always been volatile – we’ve had plenty of fights and off-time, but about 2 years ago we moved in together in order to “advance our relationship” and “for financial convenience”…in hindsight, I feel like a complete moron for falling into this trap, because my story is about to get worse.

Up until I met her, I was living the life of a bachelor. For a decade I smoked cigarettes and weed, drank and played video games to my hearts content. I went to parties, I slept in, I worked from home (score!) and most importantly, I DID WHAT I WANTED TO. I got a dog as my “co-pilot”, and he’s only been loving and loyal…I can’t say the same about any woman I’ve ever been with.

One day she decided she wanted her own place. My working from home also came with issues due to back-taxes, so I wasn’t able to even begin discussions with a lender to get on the loan with her, so she was forced to buy a cheap 900sq ft townhome on her own, but asked me to move in with her anyway.

Since then, I’ve cleaned up my drinking and tobacco habits (mostly), I work 100x harder and I pay all of the bills. I pay the mortgage even though it’s not in my name, I pay for her RIDICULOUS reality cable TV (I swear it enables her sandy vagina), internet, electricity, car insurance, gas, HOA payments and credit card bills. I repair everything in the house and even put in several thousands of dollars into improving the place with new floors, paint, trim, light fixtures, etc. She works a few hours in the morning for a measly $18/hr (I make much more) so she can “get out” and feel some self worth.

In December of 2016, she found out she was pregnant, and I “manned up” and took responsibility for everything. I now have an almost 7/mo old son who I love more than anything (including her) and would do anything for. I’m unable to work for the first 5-6 hours of the day because I’m busy taking care of the munchkin. Obviously, this creates a huge problem with my work hours. I enjoy my work, but as with many, many other things, I’m not allowed to stick with my own schedule because it has become HER schedule to manipulate and manage.

Everyone I know has commented on my changes in life. I’ve taken responsibility, I deal with whatever comes my way, I’ve hardened up and mostly become that model man of the house you’re expected to be according to society’s standards. I go to church with her on Sundays and CostCo afterwards (yeah that s~~~), I go hiking with her so she can feel feel better about her getting exercise (she got a bit chunky over the years), I’ve even been paying $120/hr for couples therapy in an effort to make things better. Her friends frequently tell her they’re jealous of what she has (good man, family, no $$$ worries, etc.) yet she’s pulled her emotional outbursts in front of them, so I know for a fact I’m not the bad guy here…

Now, regarding our fights — most have been alcohol fueled; until recently I’d still been smoking weed, (which is legal here in Colorado) but she has always insisted that drinking her cheap chardonnay is OK, even though it turns her into a sobby emotional and sometimes violent succubus. Occasionally I’ve drank with her, but s~~~ always seems to hit the fan because my own frustrations with her come out in a blackout rage, and she always feels victimized by EVERYTHING in the world that doesn’t work according to her ridiculous standards. She has slugged me many times, told me to go kill myself, called me names, complained about not getting that f~~~ing $$$ diamond ring, etc. I have to admit I’ve been no angel, either, but I feel like no matter how hard I try (which is a lot), chaos ensues and she HAS to find SOMETHING to complain about. A few days ago, I furiously broke down the storm door at 5am while trying to leave the house (it seems I couldn’t find the lock while drunk). The neighbors got involved (fortunately not the cops), and I woke up in my truck in a distant parking lot a few hours later, feeling like a hungover monster and a bad partner. As with other occasions, I “pulled up the lettuce lips of my mangina” and shamefully went home and apologized to her. I’ve been laying off the sauce and the weed because I’ve decided my wits are more important than my comfort and my stoned zenlike personality, so when I woke up this morning to yet another raging tantrum about how I was supposed to take care of the baby so she could sleep in on her day off, I realized on a new level that what I’m dealing with is unreasonable, complete bulls~~~.

I’m tired of the emotional bullying I put up with (saw that link here — she’s a 10!) I’m tired of not being respected or appreciated, and I’m tired of her irrational, overemotional, crybaby personality. I’m tired of her temper, I’m tired of her blaming me for where her mom went wrong (yep, she has huge family grudges and ugly history), I’m tired of her routinely crying over every…little…thing, and I’m tired of being slowly drained mentally and physically.

I’ve spoken to a lawyer briefly about the baby, but I don’t want 100% custody (no matter how angry I am at her I know it’s not fair to take a kid from his mother) but I also don’t want her thinking she can just dump him on me whenever she wants to go out and spread her legs to the local lounge lizards, which, I know she’ll do. I’ve stayed with her this long because of the kid, but I know now it’s only going to get worse and I can’t raise my son in this kind of household. I dread his having to deal with his mother’s temper and instability in the future, but I figure that can be dealt with as he gets older and can begin to see things for himself.

I realize I’ve dug my own grave – I tried too damn hard to succumb to this woman’s unreasonable “needs”, and there were a million warning signs I should have considered. In retrospect I’m glad I have a son, who gives me a sense of real purpose in life, but I refuse to go about it this way anymore, and I will not be treated like s~~~ by this woman anymore. I’m looking for my own place now, and the moment I get my stuff out I’m cutting off my credit cards she has authorization to. I intend to start getting regular exercise so I can get the natural dopamine and adrenaline fuel for my mind instead of the bulls~~~ “legal alternatives” that in the past have only made me lazy and weak.

I feel I’m on the right path (MY path), but I would love it if some of you guys could share your advice and experience so I don’t go about this the wrong way and create more issues for me and my son. For the younger MGTOW crowd, I suggest you soak in this story and learn from my mistakes!

Thanks in advance!

[JVBParticipant]

Welcome brother. You pay the mortgage and it’s not in your name ???? And she treats you like this. Get the f~~~ out now !! You will take a big hit but your future sanity is up to you bro.

Listen to your brothers on here.

Peace is > piece.

[surfdude12Participant 4103]

Dude I have similar situation (minus the kid): live-in girlfriend of four years, bitching about buying her ring, Costco on Sunday LOLOL

Just kicked her out today. FEEL AWESOME

You can too bro. Just get your own place, then meet with the lawyer again, tell him your preferred custody schedule to have your son and have him send her whatever paperwork is needed for a custody agreement. My guess is if she agrees, then it’ll be easy, if she fights the custody arrangement you propose, youll just have to go to court and argue before a judge why certain time of the week are best for you (e.g. the only availble work you can get is at X times, so thus that wouldn’t work for having your son, etc)

You could either move out now and then contact lawyer or contact lawyer NOW and ask him what’s best. For example, he may tell you “don’t move out yet, that may hurt your argument to get custody of your son at certain times, etc”, so I’d ask lawyer first what is best move re: having best arguments for custody)

[Greg HondaParticipant 6406]

I just gave you your first star 🙂

Your journey begins into the harsh world of rejecting the lies and waking up to the reality.

It’s gonna’ hurt, but you’ll get over it and never be fooled again.

Then you are free to enjoy life and women on your terms and still be a free man.

The future is bright.

Welcome.

It's Time to get Wise

[Anonymous 0]

Welcome home Sochatoa
Beer’s in the fridge
Look forward to hearing from you

[sohcahtoaParticipant 29]

@surfdude12 – Congratulations bro, things get a LOT more difficult when kids are involved — it sounds to me like you’ve dodged a bullet. Good for you, and change your locks! There’s a good chance a woman like that is going to show up pounding at your door when she has an emotional outburst, and if she does it drunk — call the cops!

Regarding the lawyer info, mine suggested I keep a record of those “emotional outbursts” since they come in handy in the event of a custody battle. He also told me to keep my cool, and to never say anything to my son that would “turn him against her”, since it’s actually part of an interview process in determining custody (that is unacceptable behavior according to the courts.) They can also perform a mental health exam on both parents to determine the safe guardian…guess who will win that one?

[sohcahtoaParticipant 29]

@jvb I appreciate the feedback – it makes no sense to me, either. You would think a person would be grateful! I’m working on my options, and bouncing this stuff off you guys really helps my nerves…I pumps me up knowing how so many of you have dealt with your fembots, and it reminds me there’s a light at the end of this dark, murky tunnel!

[sohcahtoaParticipant 29]

@greg Thanks brother – I know there will be some hurt, but I’ve already been through so much I’m confident I can handle it. I’ll be reporting back here periodically (or frequently) to keep current and future MGTOW members in the know. To a bright future!

[sohcahtoaParticipant 29]

@M52 I’ll have a beer with you gentlemen when the battle is over. I look forward to it.

[BlakeGuyParticipant 287]

If you have yet to select a separation date. Liquidate assets before you do. If you have not moved out yet, try and get her to pay more of the bills and save a little.
Stash cash and even consider selling physical assets for cash. Understand how all the important calculations are made before you select the separation date. start mostly ignoring her.

Let the good times roll

[PuniShredderParticipant 2268]

File for joint legal custody with a visitation plan. Retain attorney. Cut off all finances and anything in your name she has access to and get your own place. You f~~~ef up jack and it’s gonna cost you A LOT..But you’ll have your son and freedom. UNC~~~ stay single work your ass off, stay debt free, focus on your kid. You’re young and can recover. Now go get it done and report back.

Be professional be polite but always have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

[sohcahtoaParticipant 29]

Thanks for your advice and support, everyone. I’ve had a few blue pill moments where I “feel bad” and feel the need to retreat, but I know that’s just part of the process. Looks like I’ll be moving out at the end of the month, and we’ve both lawyered up for the sake of our son. I’m working on liquidating all of the assets I can, changing passwords, moving some tools and equipment to my sister’s house for safe-keeping and working on getting a place nearby so I can keep close to my son. As much as I love the $4,000 king-size bed I paid for, I think I’m going to leave it behind because it’s just too damn big and heavy…I’ll bring it up with the lawyer and hopefully I can get a few bucks out of it in an agreement. Trying not to let money become an issue because it will cause a lot of further problems, and frankly, I can make more — not really worried about that part. Part of me wants to C~~~ PUNCH the bitch financially, but I’m not really interested in starting another fight…I just want to UNC~~~, and UNCHAIN myself from this f~~~ing mess.

I will never marry or cohabitate again — I’m even thinking about getting a vasectomy just to make sure I can’t possibly get wrapped up in this kind of mess ever again…

To victory, and freedom!

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