Moral dilema

[SpacemonkeyParticipant 1481]

For some years I have been playing the white night to a single mother. The single mother in question, call her C, was a girlfriend 30 years ago but I have zero interest in going back there. C is constantly hard up so I buy her kid, M, christmas and birthday gifts and occasionally slip C a couple of hundred. We don’t really have much contact, maybe meet up a couple of times a year when I happen to be in the country.

This year I contacted C to ask what M wanted. She told my M wanted a new phone and I agreed to buy one.

I made this promise to C, not to M who knows nothing of it.

It has subsequently come to light that C has absolutely no regard for me or my friendship.

So, am I honor bound to keep my promise and buy the phone for M? Or should I go back on my word?

Note the cost of the phone is imaterial.

In any event this would be the last thing I ever do for her.

“Long is the way and hard, that out of Hell leads up to light.”

[Symmetric MGTOWParticipant 570]

I don’t know man.

On the one hand, it sucks as a man when you are debating yourself in between being fair to yourself or keeping your word to a person who doesn’t give a s~~~ you.

I am not in your shoes, but from my perspective I would just say f~~~ it and stay away. If you know everything is a lie, why bother? If you ever see her again and she asks about it just tell her the truth and don’t engage in any arguments/discussions about it. Keep going and f~~~ it.

The other alternative is to just buy the goddamn phone and move forward.

If the woman in question doesn’t give a damn about you that should be the only answer you need to your question IMHO.

[RoyDalParticipant]

Spacemonkey wrote:

It has subsequently come to light that C has absolutely no regard for me or my friendship.

Dump her.

Spacemonkey wrote:

So, am I honor bound to keep my promise and buy the phone for M? Or should I go back on my word?

Keep your word and then dump her. Honor is honor. No one but you will know you are honorable, and that is everything.

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[sidecarParticipant 35837]

Spacemonkey wrote:

So, am I honor bound to keep my promise and buy the phone for M? Or should I go back on my word?

Yes. You are. If men failed to keep their word based on the actions of women, they would be no better than women.

In the future, don’t make promises.

[TorchemParticipant 453]

Keep your word. Dump her after and tell her the ATM has been removed.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

You guys are straight up good people.

Be “the better man” stick to your word… then eject and bail.
He who giveth can taketh away.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[QuietlyquietlyParticipant 728]

Entirely up to you what to do, the only thing you need to do is to make sure your decision firmly aligns with your own value system, so that every time you are reminded of it, you will be satisfied that you made the right decision. This way, it won’t haunt you EVER.

Option 1) keep your promise, because that’s the most important thing for your own conscience. Scrap the friendship.
Option 2) tell her you changed your mind about the whole thing, including the friendship, since she doesn’t care about either. Rest easy knowing you dodged a bullet.

She won’t hold it against you any more than normal if you tell her you changed your mind, women do that multiple times an hour. It’s only your own conscience you need to sit well with, so you can sleep well.

[SpacemonkeyParticipant 1481]

Keymaster wrote:

You guys are straight up good people.

Absolutely, thank you all for your responces. I guess I knew the answer to start with but its good to get confirmation from you guys. M gets the phone and C gets sweet fa….

“Long is the way and hard, that out of Hell leads up to light.”

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Spacemonkey wrote:

I guess I knew the answer to start with

It’s also reasonable to ask “what would SHE do?” and we know the answer to that. But there is much to be said for giving and then turning off the tap. Just make it final and DON’T CAVE later. When that phone rings again, you already will have paid for the luxury of never answering and feeling damn good about it.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[pabsawakeParticipant 1761]

Im in line with what everyone has suggested, its proper to keep your promise. However this is a great example of learning to be SITUATIONAL AWARE of what we are doing. A man should do his very best not to make any promises to anyone unless he knows for certain where that person is truly coming from. Spacemonkey…… the moral code that you live by is not the dilemma, that seems to be solid and sound. I would suggest that you increase your dosage of red pills so that you become more SITUATIONALY AWARE.

"You can either love women or understand them, you can't do both". Truth over everything

[TheroniusParticipant 975]

I guess there’s also the question of how you feel about the kid, as a person. Some kids are pretty nice and if you have seen them a lot you can get pretty close, even if you care f~~~-all for the mom. If you were getting the kid the phone just as a favor to the mom, and your relationship with mom is based on deceit on her part, I seriously think you have some leeway, since the kid doesn’t know about it.
A man defines his own honor, and sets his own limits. I won’t be judging you on this one.

"I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that I do is the longest sentence?" - George Carlin

[Anonymous 0]

Keymaster wrote:

You guys are straight up good people.

Be “the better man” stick to your word… then eject and bail.
He who giveth can taketh away.

Better to leave with your honour

[SpacemonkeyParticipant 1481]

A note for clarification.

C has never asked me for a penny nor has she ever given me any come ons.

The kid is cute, but I don’t have a lot of contact with her or her mother.

My motivation for buying gifts and the odd cash donation were honorable, I thought I was doing the right thing for an old friend and by the kid. Only it turns out she is not my friend at all so that turns my giving into a pure charity case.

“Long is the way and hard, that out of Hell leads up to light.”

[RockmaninoffParticipant 1641]

I don’t believe there is a single other manosphere website where the people would recommend keeping your word. Every single other one would say be as good as she is.

I’m actually amazed. You guys are amazing.

OP, if you’re going to get M a phone, give it to M directly, yourself. Don’t tell C about it.

Keymaster wrote:

It’s also reasonable to ask “what would SHE do?” and we know the answer to that.

Been occupied with the question for ages. Women are not going to change. They are what they are. I can’t control what they do; I can control only what I do. So I can choose to go about life in one of two ways:

1. I can be the “moral,” “honorable” man of integrity, and for the rest of my life, I can shake my fist at every dishonorable woman who treats me poorly, never allowing myself to stoop to that level, being “right” and always at odds.

2. Or I can try to get what I really want, get the results I so crave, only by being just as dishonest and dishonorable as they are.

I can be Job, the man of integrity, but suffer for it. Or I can sell my soul to devil and get what I want.

Still don’t have an answer.

". . . elle, suivant l’usage des femmes et des chats qui ne viennent pas quand on les appelle et qui viennent quand on ne les appelle pas, s’arrêta devant moi et m’adressa la parole"—Prosper Mérimée

[BeerParticipant 11832]

I’m just curious…why the hell were you giving her money and buying her stuff to begin with? Single mothers should be left to suffer in their own stupidity.

[GrumpyParticipant]

Compassion, Dignity, and Honour are admirable traits to openly express.
How open does this leave you to financial or legal abuse?
My experiences so far have conditioned me to always think about every possible worst case ramification regarding my finances and well being.
I detest extending a helping hand in kindness, only to have my hand, arm, and wallet removed by a court of law due so some remote perception of “intent” or “relationship” claim.

Solving a moral dilemma is about how it affects yourself foremost (IMHO)

There was a time in my life when I gave a fuck. Now you have to pay ME for it

[JustSomeGuyParticipant 60]

I would go ahead and get a phone, however, make it a cheap prepaid phone and “forget” to buy any minutes for it. That way you will have kept your word but done so at the lowest possible cost.

Once you have done this dump them like a hot rock.

[OgreParticipant 5863]

I’d personally get the kid the phone, since I would know I told C that I would.

I’d also let the Mom know that in the future it can be used to call somebody who gives a damn about any future plight she gets herself into.

30 years is a long time to keep somebody around just because the relationship is financially beneficial. The woman is a class A liar, so basically 97 percent of all single mothers.

I failed to realize in my youth that I was the prize. I was going to work. I was going to earn. Little did I realize that due to feminism, that no longer meant I had to share. Road soon, Desert after.

[SpacemonkeyParticipant 1481]

Beer wrote:

I’m just curious…why the hell were you giving her money and buying her stuff to begin with? Single mothers should be left to suffer in their own stupidity.

Her husband was killed in a bike crash. Not her fault she was left alone and she is a nurse so does a good job but gets s~~~ pay. I like to get the kid stuff because I remember being bullied at school for not having the latest and greatest rugby boots while these days it is phones and trainers.

“Long is the way and hard, that out of Hell leads up to light.”

[Enjoy The DeclineParticipant 1719]

Man, if I were you, I would get a phone that was a top seller a few years ago that is much more affordable now like the Samsung Galaxy S4. I might even get a smart phone like that one day myself since it is a great value phone for what you get. You can actually get that phone unlocked on the Samsung website if you do not know a mobile service company that offers it(I seen some companies still offer this phone though at a lower price than it once was when it came out).

"Question everything" - Albert Einstein

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