Money after the divorce

[narwhalParticipant]

For those of us that are divorced and still have to deal with our exes (through kids or whatever), I’m curious to hear some of the major and minor stories you’ve experienced.

Here is a minor one. In general, my ex will often drop little hints about money being tight and so on. It seems as thought she wants me to care about that. The most recent case requires a bit of background.

I have 2 kids with her, and they are both active with school activities, often with fees. In generally let her pay for it (with the child support money), but will pay occasionally if it’s something I want that I don’t think she’ll pay for. She also has a older kid from before we were married.

She is taking the kids on a Mexico vacation this year, and needed me to assist her with getting passports. It requires signatures from both parents. The oldest is 16 and apparently doesn’t need both parents. Anyway, I agree to meet her the courthouse (about a month ago), and she is prepared. She has paperwork filled out and checks already made…except she made a mistake on the check for the eldest (not mine) and is short $30. It wouldn’t be a problem if she brought her checkbook, but she didn’t do that. I did though, so I offer to write the check so that she doesn’t have to comeback later for the eldest. I figure she can pay me back later.

Fast forward today, and she tells me that my son’s Football banquet tickets are $10. I ask her to cover it for me, since she already owes me, and then we’ll be even. Yes, I know I’m out $20 on the deal, but since she wasn’t making an attempt to pay me back anyway, it’s not worth the effort. She accepts, and then tells me that she’s not going to pay for our daughter to go as well because money is too tight.

Of course, timed right after I asked her to pay for something (even though she already owed me). She wanted me to pay, but I just ignored her.

And btw, the Mexico trip is just one of two vacations she’s taking this year. I know, because she’s already asked if I will be with the kids when she and her husband go on their separate vacation.

How do you say that money is tight when you have 2 vacations planned? I know it doesn’t have anything to do with money, she just wants to make me feel like I should pay.

Ok. Then do it.

[AwakenedParticipant 35202]

Women LOVE to PLAY games !!

You can definitely see from the forefront that it’s ‘partially” about MONEY, but it’s also about Control !!

If I was you, I would have deducted the $30. from your next check payment, and make a note of it in the memo.

Women will take any and every opportunity to suck just a few MORE bucks out of a Man, and it’s NOT just about the Money.

They take PRIDE in “winning” these lil S~~~ Test.

As they say, NO GOOD DEED Goes Unpunished !!

It’s SAD because if it was a friend that you helped in a bind with a few dollars, MOST Men would go out of their way to get it back to you, but NOT so much with MOST Women !!

In a World of Justin Beibers Be a Johnny Cash

[TaxGuyParticipant]

All I can say is don’t sweat the small stuff. $20 here and there to keep the peace is money well spent.

I pay child support every month, plus all of the expenses for soccer and dance, which is each about $4-5k per year. So, $8-10k on top of child support. A few time when she has started in about how maybe she should go back to court to get more money, I just remind her of that fact and that she will then inherit that bill along with the money. Once she realizes that she isn’t going to get ahead, the bitching stops.

For the little stuff, it’s just keeping the peace. But I hear you on the vacation. Mine does the same. She can afford the vacation, but then wants me to take them clothes shopping because it’s so hard to be able to afford being a single parent…. Welcome to the hamster wheel.

Order the good wine

[TaxGuyParticipant]

Awakened wrote:

You can definitely see from the forefront that it’s ‘partially” about MONEY, but it’s also about Control !!

Yup.

Awakened wrote:

If I was you, I would have deducted the $30. from your next check payment, and make a note of it in the memo.

Nope. It’s not worth the $30 to short her on the monthly. You can be dragged back into court over that $30 if she is vengeful enough.

Awakened wrote:

They take PRIDE in “winning” these lil S~~~ Test.

Yup, so let her. It will get her off your back for $30. As they say, divorce is expensive because it’s worth it. But what it does do is deny her anything to fight about. And that’s what she really wants. The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s apathy. Fighting is hate, so she’s just checking to see if you still have feelings for her. Just paying the $30 and going about your day is apathy. And that will drive her crazy.

Order the good wine

[narwhalParticipant]

Awakened wrote:

If I was you, I would have deducted the $30. from your next check payment, and make a note of it in the memo.

Can’t do that. I have my wages garnished, and don’t have ability to adjust them. That makes it so much easier for me anyway.

TaxGuy wrote:

All I can say is don’t sweat the small stuff. $20 here and there to keep the peace is money well spent.

I agree. I’m not really bothered by it, I just make sure I recognize when it happens. If I don’t notice it, I could be fooled by it. Honestly, I wouldn’t have even bothered with telling her that she already owed me money, it was just easier this way then having to get $10 to her for the football banquet.

TaxGuy wrote:

Fighting is hate, so she’s just checking to see if you still have feelings for her. Just paying the $30 and going about your day is apathy. And that will drive her crazy.

Eh, I don’t know. She definitely shows more skin around me then she did when we were married. I’m sure I’ll never know exactly why that is. I’m sure she wants to be able to convince me to spend money on things for the kids whenever she wants, and hates it when I tell her “I don’t want to”…which is why I like to say it.

TaxGuy wrote:

I pay child support every month, plus all of the expenses for soccer and dance, which is each about $4-5k per year. So, $8-10k on top of child support. A few time when she has started in about how maybe she should go back to court to get more money

I pay for very little of the extra stuff. I feel what I provide in child support should pay for that. She’s tried to tell me otherwise, but I don’t buy it. What she hasn’t figured out that is she refuses to pay for something the kids need, like soccer and dance, I will pay for it she won’t, but I will make her not pay for it first.

I don’t think my ex will take me back to court because she knows it will cost her, I’ll make it difficult for her, it will bring a lot of tension between us. There is very little for her to think it could possibly make anything better for the kids or even her.

Ok. Then do it.

[TaxGuyParticipant]

narwhal wrote:

I agree. I’m not really bothered by it, I just make sure I recognize when it happens. If I don’t notice it, I could be fooled by it.

Yup. It’s worth a few bucks every once in a while to be reminded how the red pill works.

narwhal wrote:

She definitely shows more skin around me then she did when we were married. I’m sure I’ll never know exactly why that is.

Because she wants you to want her, so she has power over you. My ex will do the same thing. Show a little extra cleavage to try to get her way. No thanks.

narwhal wrote:

I don’t think my ex will take me back to court because she knows it will cost her, I’ll make it difficult for her, it will bring a lot of tension between us. There is very little for her to think it could possibly make anything better for the kids or even her.

There is where our exes differ. IF my ex thought she could get more, she would do it in a heart beat. But she knows she can’t. I ran the numbers for our state, and even if she didn’t make ANY money, she couldn’t get more child support based on the alimony I pay. And if she went after more alimony, the child support would drop. And alimony means she pays the taxes, where I pay it on child support. She knows she’s got a great deal and can’t do better. But she would if she could, tension and the kids be damned.

Order the good wine

[BlakeGuyParticipant 287]

I Like this line

The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s apathy. Fighting is hate, so she’s just checking to see if you still have feelings for her. Just paying the $30 and going about your day is apathy. And that will drive her crazy.

I really hope mine does not think there is any chance of any feelings left. That would suck.

Let the good times roll

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