Meister commented on my introduction with the painfully true sentence “Your story was painful to read. Like the mangina diaries.” After re-reading my intro I think I’ved left out quite an important part of this story. Namely, what happened right before and right after I discovered MGTOW.
I ended my intro something like this: “Yeah, then I got another girlfriend, that sucked and then I found MGTOW. Thanks dudes. Where’s the beer? Oh, in the fridge. Who would’ve known…”
I ended my last relationship, not in particular because the relations~~~ sucked (’cause they all do, one way or the other) but because she wanted to get… wait for it…. married! I already stated many, many, many times that I’m opposed to marriage on a fundamental level. But no, her feelz were way more important than my deeply rooted and clearly explained views. I didn’t like that. Didn’t like that at all. I wouldn’t cave in, but didn’t want her to leave as well. At that time an internal war was going on inside my head. The little red pill me was furiously fighting the powers that were (blue pill me). I saw her change into a woman I’ve never met before. After more than 5 years of more or less happy and love-filled togetherness, the mask started to drop. The chameleon changed to natural colours.
The whole relations~~~ went completely sour and the day came that I received a text message from her. It said (literally) “Maybe it would be better if you went your own way”
I have never felt so relieved in my life. It was a very, very strange sensation. I still very much loved (the image I created in my head of) her. For once I trusted my instincts and broke up with her. Edit: She manipulated me in breaking up with her so she wouldn’t be looked at as the “bad guy”.
Now, what I thought would happen didn’t happen. Previous breakups would without exeption end in severe depression and anxiety attacks on my part. Didn’t happen. Sure, there were some moments of confusion and “loneliness” (a strange term that doesn’t mean what it says it means). It all felt like a loss of Self. Wich it wasn’t. I didn’t lose myself in this breakup, I’ve lost myself in this and previous relations~~~s. Quite enlightning. I don’t know were that realisation came from, maybe because I was simply becoming older and seeing patterns more clearly.
A new found curiosity was born. Why would I instinctively leave the coolest girlfriend I’ve ever had? Well, coolest girlfriend until the baby-rabies and the hypergamy kicked in. Searching the Nets I stumbled upon a few loathsome (current opinion, at the time I was just searching for answers) people. “Coach” Corey Wayne anyone? Female nature… Yeah. Real kick in the face finding out about that. I binge read Rollo Tomassi’s blog in a weekend and was really, really schocked as so much pieces of the puzzle fell together. I began to understand the origins of my depression and my anxiety. My misconception of what “love” really is. My misguided emotional investment in a delussional concept.
This, my brethren, has saved my life.
Not long after that, say, a day later, I found MGTOW as a way to cope with these new realities at first. And now as a way of life. It gave me the necessary strength to deal with the enormous confusion in the beginning, this huge paradigm-shift. And now MGTOW functions as my default state.
It took a while though. I spend the last 2,5 years coming to terms with this new reality. Going monk didn’t used to be my style, for blue pill me would hop on the next available piece of pussy when the chance occured. Depressed or not. So f~~~ing stupid when I think about it now.
I’m glad that struggle is over. Life’s good now. And that’s an understatement! Sure, there are some battles to fight, but I think I’ve already won the big ones.
Proost broeders,
Moker
Anonymous 2 years, 8 months ago.
