Gentlemen,
I’ve been a long time lurker of these forums, and thought to finally come forward. Especially the introduction section has been very enlightening to me. Seeing that other men went through the exact same thing as I did is very supportive.
I’m Dutch, 29 years old, a scientist on my way to getting my doctorate. I’m looking forward to a future of working in science and doing my own thing all over the world to the day I die.
Two things stand out in GMOW, a life without a woman to bring me down. Sorry if the intro is too long.
My little brother got ‘fathered’ (a term I trademarked) at 21 after only a couple of months of dating. Oops, the birth control pills suddenly did not work. The mother of his child quickly changed (undiagnosed bipolar style), but my brother was raised to be kind and responsible, just as I was, and of course stuck around. His daughter was born and he stayed in the relationship for one year, while his girlfriend destroyed his self-esteem, his happiness and will to live while losing 15kg/30pounds of weight. I will always remember my parents calling me (they were on vacation) that my brother left his wife and child going to my parents’ home saying he would kill himself. I raced home (all the while imagining him hanging from the ceiling) to find him alive and completely distraught. They divorced, the best thing that could have happened to him, and he sees his daughter every other week in the weekend. The mother of his child keeps changing the rules of the initial child arrangements. He has no other option than to hire a lawyer and fight back every time this happens. He does not earn much, so my parents pay the lawyer bills and are very supportive.
I love my niece (who is 5 now) more than anything else in this world. But her mother and her grandmother are pure evil and are completely incapable of properly raising children. Unfortunately my brother is exhausted of continuously fighting for his child and unable to gain full custody.
My own experience with women is fortunately not as bad as my brother, but bad none the less. Girls annoyed me all the way through high school, I only started dating during my Master studies. These dates were with well educated women and were utterly horrible. First dates where I was used as a meal ticket, a girl that was already spending the little money I was going to make in the future on the decorations of our future house together (???), or criticizing everything about me and still expecting me to f~~~ her afterwards.
That was until I found the NAWALT. I thought I found someone who genuinely cared about me and who I was as a person. We shared interests and the sex was great. She was depressed and miserable from the start, because of a previous relationship where she was treated badly (something I now seriously disbelieve), so I spend all my energy and time on making her feel good about herself. I kept being myself, meaning I did not fall for ‘s~~~ tests’ or any of her bulls~~~, right up until she dumped me (four months in). It broke my heart, but she immediately told me she hoped we would get together in the future. Only now do I realize it was a way to break my spirit to make me more pliable in the future. And that was what happened, we got back together (I loved her) and I started sacrificing everything about myself to make her happy. We moved in together, got a cat and she started to criticize everything about me and expected more and more from me. In the end she dumped me because we were too different (no s~~~ Sherlock) meaning I wasn’t performing to her satisfaction, and I lost my home and my cat (this hurts the most), my happiness and my self-esteem.
I’ve been telling myself for over a year that she was different, that she cared about me and that the two years together were not wasted. But she only ever cared about herself. Truth sucks.
I look at women and see these high expectations without offering anything in return. I look at society and see that men are disposable and fatherhood is completely unappreciated. Most of my friends are now getting married and all I can think is why? There simply is no positive future with women, relationships, marriage and children for any reasonable, well thinking gentleman. When the game is rigged, don’t play. I’m going to do my own thing and I want to thank the creators of this site for creating a place of comradery and belonging but also all the contributors for their stories and support.
Cheers,
On the Path
Binary Logic 4 years, 6 months ago.
