Massive realization of how codependent and 'perfect' I had to be (advice?)

[LightBringerParticipant 440]

Man guys, I have been in a really weird and rough spot the last 2 weeks.  I ‘broke up’ with this older woman who was a FWB that turned serious (and that she was living with husband didnt help) but the entire thing F~~~ED with me, I was super needy for her calls, would switch between highs (when meeting) and lows of the weeks of silence.

Anyway, now that its over, I see I have a pattern of narcissistic/BPD/high drama women and this has led me into some dark self-examinations that have left me in tears a few times.  Essentially (if there are questions I can answer, just trying to keep it short) most of my life I always excelled but it was NOT ENOUGH, I had to be ‘perfect’ and only then did I have value.  I have very little ability to self-validate and it is no wonder I fell into emergency medicene as a way to ‘prove myself” (as if when someone is DYING and they NEED ME, I ‘must’ have value).

I dont really know what to go from here.  So many of my thoughts, decisions etc were based out of childhood patterns of trying to prove my worth, meanwhile allowing me to ‘rescue’ damaged woman who utterly destroy me through the addiction of feeling needed.

Seriously thanks for any help.

[FermatParticipant 3478]

Being forced to prove myself is the primary reason I became MGTOW. It’s bad enough we have perform near perfection at our jobs. To go home to a woman that demands even more perfection from us while lying and saying that she doesn’t is so damn backwards it makes me physically ill. You sound like you have a great career and can fend  for yourself.  Own this. Don’t let emotional attachment to others destroy you. All this nonsense in the world of connecting yourself emotionally and mentally to as many people as you can to experience the warm fuzzies in life is bullcrap. You just need an elite and select group of people in your life who you know have your best interests in mind and THAT IS IT. Cut emotional leeches from your life today and don’t regret at a damn thing.

I have discovered a truly remarkable list of reasons why women are not necessary for a happy life, but alas this margin is too small to contain it.

[RoyDalParticipant]

Previous posters said it for me. Let me add this:

We humans have a built in trait for seeking the approval of others. It doubtless held tribal groups together back in the Stone Age. When I’m on top of my game, I recognize the times when this trait trying to take over my behavior, and I modify my behavior accordingly. I’ve sidestepped lots of self-destructive urges by doing this.

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[welshhibbyParticipant 86]

@lightbringer give me your email address I’ll send you a book which has helped me. I’ve had the same conclusion as you about myself.

[FullMetalExoParticipant 2383]

Fermat wrote:

Being forced to prove myself is the primary reason I became MGTOW. It’s bad enough we have perform near perfection at our jobs. To go home to a woman that demands even more perfection from us while lying and saying that she doesn’t is so damn backwards it makes me physically ill. You sound like you have a great career and can fend for yourself. Own this. Don’t let emotional attachment to others destroy you. All this nonsense in the world of connecting yourself emotionally and mentally to as many people as you can to experience the warm fuzzies in life is bullcrap. You just need an elite and select group of people in your life who you know have your best interests in mind and THAT IS IT. Cut emotional leeches from your life today and don’t regret at a damn thing.

So true. Very good post man.

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[EnactParticipant 59]

Good one Stealthy MGTOW!

[EnactParticipant 59]

Keep it up Light Bringer. It’s good to see other men notice the horrible effects women have on them. Even relating to women whose behavior is good, there are chemical and electrical signals within the man that are devastating to him. The only way out is the same as any other dependency. You got your support group here, and you got the self care described by Stealthy MGTOW.

I like the part of the MGTOW Quiz that describes the media characters. Han Solo v.s. James Bond is pretty revealing. As Han Solo knows, the mysteries of the Universe are a much better pursuit than women.

[PhantomParticipant 3328]

LightBringer wrote:

but the entire thing F~~~ED with me

Any time I see that happening, instead of f~~~ing and being physically f~~~ed by a woman, is always a constant reminder to me of why I started down the path of MGTOW.

Of course, I had to learn the hard way and get shredded many times to learn this life lesson.

I got tired of being mind f~~~ed…

RoyDal wrote:

I’ve sidestepped lots of self-destructive urges by doing this.

this is by far, a way better return

[LightBringerParticipant 440]

Welsh, I dont know how to pm on this site.

How do I know what are my own desires vs what I felt like I needed to prove?

[Author]

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