Marriage Pressure

[tony618Participant 38]

Hey guys new to the site and was hoping to get some perspective on how to deal with the constant feel of “shame” that gets dumped on me for being a 36 year old (oldest of 3) in an Italian family that will shortly be the only one that’s not married out of about 10 cousins.

First, I don’t give a damn what anyone else thinks but it seems the more I read this site- the more I appreciate my life (I do whatever I want – bang whoever I want, have a good job etc) but when I try to talk to my parents or anyone else about my desire to NEVER getting married- they think I’m insane and/or gay (not that there is anything wrong with that)

Why is it that being divorced and having kids is more socially acceptable than never being married?  How can I phrase it to my friends and family to make them understand – this is who I am, I am happy, I can still have great relationships with woman and not get married, I love kids that’s why I’m lucky to be a great uncle- I don’t want/need my own, and I’m not gay!!!!

Thanks and glad to be apart of this group.. Seems like it’s the support I need that I can’t/won’t get from family and friends.

[RoyDalParticipant]

I tell my friends, “I haven’t met Miss Right yet.” If they try to fix me up with one of their friends, I tell them, “I’m broke right now. Can you give (not loan) me enough for a fancy dinner for two?” That usually cools their jets.

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[kizellParticipant 368]

Since family always seems to think they know what is best for us, they will likely not stop hounding you about it.

So what I do is just take the sexist approach (sexist in their eyes anyway).  I tell them how terrible women are and that I refuse to be bound to one.  Having been married and divorced already,  they know I’m not joking.  And when they say that I just need to find the right woman, I tell them no woman is worth that much effort.

[conscientiaParticipant 6]

When it comes to relatives or someone I care about, making them swallow the truth and dealing with it is better approach that telling a temporary lie.  Lies like “I am broke” or “I haven’t found the right one yet” could potentially end in people acting for your lie and trying to “mate” you to some creature. Let them swallow.

[ILiveAgainParticipant]

1. Tell them you’re gay in theory but not in practice. That gets the wheel turning.

2. You’re thinking about the church life.

3. You’re a lesbian in practice but not theory

Or …. just tell them to f~~~ off and go nag someone else who gives a s~~~.

[MgtowWaveParticipant 4352]

I’m having too much fun being single.I go where I want,when I want and how i want.I don’t worry if I don’t do dishes for two or three days.

If I want to take a week off work and Go hiking somewhere I do it.If I don’t like my job and I know it will take me a couple of weeks to find another I don’t worry about it.

I have money in the bank in my pocket and on the microwave.

If I wanna accept a job offer across the country   I do it.

Bottom line being single is a carefree lifestyle .If only I knew what a blessing I had 20+ years ago.

Love and sex are way over rated.

The rating system for romance and sex are utterly corrupted.

No thankyou I like being single and free.

frankly my dear i don't give a damn

[sidecarParticipant 35837]

Tell them the truth: You never, EVER want to go through a divorce. The only way to avoid that is by never marrying. You have nothing against women, love, sex, or children (other people’s). It’s marriage that you disagree with. Tell them marriage is not what they think it is. Not any more. And what it has become is not for you.

Not that marriage has ever been anything but a raw deal for men, but you don’t have to go into that.

[AntaresParticipant 208]

tony618 wrote:

Why is it that being divorced and having kids is more socially acceptable than never being married?

Because it’s proof you’re not playing the game and buying into the bulls~~~. I know what you mean though. At work I’ve had probes about why I’m not married, and I say “Been there, done that, ain’t doing it again!”. I get acknowledgement for that, but I know it would be harder to explain if I never got married in the first place. The problem with explaining it even in simple terms like “I enjoy my freedom”, implies everyone else is doing it wrong in their minds. To them there is no “way of the individual”. You won’t change their mind on the way “life works”, which is what you’re asking. Most of us here would say, don’t even bother, use deflection if you can get away with it.

Brain Pilot has a lot of great responses for this sort of thing, so I’d look up his posts on this kind of topic. In a nutshell the most effective tends to be:

1) Self depreciation – “I can’t find a woman who will put up with me.”

2) High Standards – “I just can’t find that girl who’s perfect for me”. Inevitably this leads to a speech about how you need to make concessions and put up with a woman’s bulls~~~ and so forth. Otherwise it does seem to mostly work. Just keep raising the bar so no woman meets the standard, but you might be surprised at how low it remains.

Price is what you pay, value is what you get. -- Ben Graham

[BDParticipant 1146]

Any parent or relative that tells you how to live your life and even attempts to shame you about marriage and kids is ignorant, tell them to hit the bricks.

I see parents shaming their kids all the time because they want grand kids, they want grand kids because they are bored with their lives.

My parents were realists, the world actually is overpopulated, and my parents have their own lives. My own parents told me never to get married and that they do not want grand kids, they feel women nowadays are greedy useless vindictive c-bombs, and they want what is best for me.

Explain the facts to the relatives, divorce rates, alimony, how about the fact about retiring at a reasonable age and living your life, if they don’t like it tough s~~~ for them.

All I have ever encountered is women who want me to pay for them, and if I am paying for someone to spend time with me then it is a business relations~~~, social prostitution is no longer part of my world.

Steve Jobs said “Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people’s thinking,”

Because in order to be able to think, you have to risk being offensive.

[ThomasQuinnParticipant 50]

Try not to let it get to you.

It is your life.

 

I am 36 newly born MGTOW and at the happiest point in my life. Have 4 siblings that are all married with kids.  1/4 of them seem to be happy at the moment. 2 of them wanted divorces , 1 sister who got divorced and remarried. ALL have KIDS I am an uncle 8x over.

If you are happy then there is no issue to feel shamed.

My guy friend who is married…..cant even visit my house for more then 3 hours and cant visit on the weekends, cant go out when he visits…all because he has no b~~~~ in the marriage. I can’t even visit HIM at his house… unless it is approved weeks in advance….. he has no friends since he has been married….

My bestfriend, cant even talk on the phone without his wife in the room,she snoops on him 24/7 including his emails,  so he can never call me unless she is out of the house (spending his money)  Just today he emails me (85% of my marriage sucks but 15% is great I only tell you about the 85%)  I can only conclude that 15% is the sexlife that he has had sense being married vs. when he was single and never getting laid but desperate to get married (ingrained in his head to get married by his mom)

I have always said to myself ever since high school that I would never want kids, and never get married and along the years have seen so much bulls~~~ from friends/family members and their marriages. Somehow I lucked out and never got married and finally realized how much of a scam it is for the male. It is no wonder why females WANT to get married to bad. So they are guranteed financial support for life and as most do, want a child, so they get both there dreams come true with all the safety nets attached with a marriage contract while the male gets some vagina visits when it suits the wife to allow the husband visitation. That’s all he gets.

 

[tony618Participant 38]

Thanks.. Really Appreciate all the great feedback…

[The_Meek_OneParticipant 30]

Hi there.

I would just say to them, “Look, I’m doing what I think is best and I’m happy. Don’t you want me to be happy?”

As a parent, I can tell you, the main think I want for my children is to be happy and safe, among other things, of course. If they are like me at all, then they will understand your decision and respect it. If they don’t, then I think you should respectfully stick to your guns.

Just my thoughts.

 

Joseph.

[lonestar77Participant 406]

Tony618, Same situation here. I’m 38 and both parents are off the boat. Their old ways are so ingrained into their brains that all the reasoning in the world won’t change their opinions or stubbornness at all. I don’t expect ANY support from them whatsoever. Yes I’m sure my family thinks I’m gay at this point but who really gives a s~~~? I stopped caring to what everyone thinks years ago because it’s MY life that matters. Not theirs. I can’t wait to see the look on all my relatives faces in Italy this summer when I tell them that I’m still single and plan on remaining single! Italian women are nothing but constant whiney nags anyway with princess complexes.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me

[MantelarParticipant 77]

Tony, your question is valid, and given the scope of this movement, I do not think you can find an answer that will be satisfying in the long term.

From a MGTOW perspective, or in a more limited way, from a male empowered perspective, marriage is a bad deal.  I’ll off this up there to you.  Women claim that their is a pay gap of 26%.  There is no pay gap because of marriage and the risks associated with it.  Your chances of getting divorced, if you marry only once in your lifetime is 50%.  70% of those divorces will be initiated by the woman and will overwhelmingly cost the men involved 50% of their assets plus child support and alimony.  Alimony in a single income marriage is approximately 10% of the breadwinners income, almost always a man.  That is a 60%/40% split.  Considering most divorces happen within 7 years, about 15% of your working life, this equates to about 8.5% of your lifetime income.  Not counting child support there is approximately 35% chance your marriage will cost you at least 58% of your life’s earnings…for the male population at large this represents a 20% involuntary redistribution of income from men to women.  I’m confident if you incorporated child support, it would edge close to 26%.  And beyond that, how much money do girlfriends, and even “good” wives manage to get men to “voluntarily” redistribute to them?  In the end, given a reasonable tolerance for risk, marriage as its currently constructed in western society is simply too risky for most men to participate in any longer.

There is a broader problem, however, that I don’t think this movement has worked out.  And that is the continuation of the species, and perhaps more importantly, ensuring the proper upbringing of our male offspring.  Single mothers are not up to the task of raising boys.  The statistics speak for themselves.  Men need fathers badly.  If this movement catches on with the unmarried population, more likely than not, many of western civilizations best potential fathers will opt out of fatherhood altogether.  And that is troubling, if you want subsequent generations to thrive.  Like I said, worth thinking about, but not much in way of answers.

In short, your families concerns are valid.  But they are not in your best interests.  You can avoid decisive conversation for as long as you like.  But the risk-reward piece above is valid, if you’re pressed to answer.  Best wishes.

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