Marriage: Duty vs Happiness

[StealthParticipant 5330]

Offshooting a thread from “Where are the Henrys?” in which May writes:

Anonymous wrote:

I used to love doing things for my ex, and my family. it satisfied some internal do my duty thing inside me.

Today, I don’t want to do anything that does not benefit me in some real way.

whatever that do your duty for women thing has died.

Its a shame, really. Because I’m not the only man who feels that way. Women aren’t women anymore, they are things in my way, annoying things that make annoying noises, and toxic things to be avoided.

Marriage for my spouse and me was about morality, and had nothing to do with happiness. It was our duty to maintain the family structure and be grown up citizens. It was based on willpower and basic respect. This was drilled into both of us by our parents and religious communities. That we would spend more time doing housework together than anything, and it is simply a matter of putting in the work. In fact, we had no rights to happiness if it conflicted with said program.

This is why it sounds so strange when other people say, even on this website, that I hoped she would make me happy and she didn’t, so I should just move on and seek my happiness elsewhere. Or when those same parental forces flipped the script and encourage not just divorce but all out destruction if the wife didn’t feel happy one day.

Of couse, I myself in particular was not granted those same rights to happiness. If I had been, then according to the wife and her family I should have just f~~~ed around and stolen from her like she did to me, whenever I felt less than perfectly fulfilled in the marriage. Which was from the very beginning. Once I began really asserting myself in the relationship, it caused her to catch a whiff of the same air I had been breathing for ten years, and she couldn’t take it.

Looking back, staying married out of a sense of duty cost a lot of life, but it is the program that was sold to us. And it makes sense, because domestic partnerships don’t really work if both parties are 100% selfish (narcissistic).

I still agree that marriage is not and should not be relied on as a source of happiness. Your own personal happiness is up to you, and if you’re not ecstatic all the time, who cares? You still move forward without wreaking havoc on society. But people confuse marriage with popular love–that mythical, everlasting fever of butterflies and eternal candy raining from the sky. And if the candy isn’t falling, well, the marriage is broken and it’s time to move on.

"Once you’ve taken care of the basics, there’s very little in this world for which your life is worth deferring." -David Hansson. "It’s not when women are mean or nasty that anything is out of the ordinary. It’s when they are NICE to you that you have to be on high alert..." -Jackinov.

[AwakenedParticipant 35201]

Marriage can’t be counted on for “Happiness”, but it sure as hell can be counted on to Create a LOT of UNHAPPINESS.

In a World of Justin Beibers Be a Johnny Cash

[UntamedParticipant]

Marriage: the death of individual freedoms and happiness.

If you want a miserable life and then more than half your s~~~, money and kids stolen from you then marriage is right for you.

Don't let them Blame, Shame or Tame you!
Give 'em NOTHING, not even an answer!
#GenderSegragationNow!

[Ranger OneParticipant 16836]

Awakened wrote:

Marriage can’t be counted on for “Happiness”, but it sure as hell can be counted on to Create a LOT of UNHAPPINESS.

Exactly!

I’ve never known a guy who was unhappy before marriage, to end up becoming happy through marriage.

But I’ve known plenty of guys who where happy before marriage, and ended up miserable.

All my life I've had doubts about who I am, where I belonged. Now I'm like the arrow that springs from the bow. No hesitation, no doubts. The path is clear. And what are you? Alive. Everything else is negotiable. Women have rights; men have responsibilities; MGTOW have freedom. Marriage is for chumps. If someone stands in the way of true justice, you simply walk up behind them and stab them in the heart-R'as al Ghul.

[Anonymous 43]

marriage was supposed to be safety, security, I got your back, for better or worse. It was supposed to be working toward raising our kids, maintaining a home and saving for the future. marriage was supposed to be a partnership.

It’s too bad my ex had different ideas. our marriage started out as fraud when she spermjacked me. I married this bitch for the good of my child. I made this child, I had to do the right thing. my parents helped us for me and my children. the bitch never realized to what extent my parents were helping us.

during the marriage, the c~~~ kicked the crap out of me, and I stood there and took it, so she wouldn’t beat our children. I couldn’t hit back, I had to just take it. I was not in a partnership, it was slavery.

Divorce saved my life. I did not understand that at the time. I thought my life was over and not worth living. God damn that woman to all consuming eternal burning Hell, for breaking my spirit to the point where burning myself to death was the best option for me.

For years after she removed me from my home, for 6 years we were constantly in court, she was using the court to kick me. Moving away from my kids broke my heart and saved my life.

my sense of duty was extinguished when my kids were poisoned against me. wife of 11 years rejected me, my children were coerced into rejecting me. I am barred by court order from contacting my kids. I no longer have any connection with them except for 24 more checks of $500.

men are genetically programmed to have this sense of duty to maintain the family and next generation. thinking and working for my own best interest is so strange and alien, selfish. I learned to be selfish. I like being selfish. no one else is going to take care of me if i don’t.

[Buller100Participant 2189]

Like many I married as it was the program , I stayed married as it was what was done, I knew before I married I should not have , but that was 35 years ago the world is a different place , one thing it did was made me work hard and we agreed a fair split.

But I gave a lot of the best years of my life away, as all married men do.

Was I happy … not really , but you carried on your duty….

[GeraldParticipant 3620]

Until we stop teaching male children that to be happy you must fulfil some duty, this cycle will continue

No longer can we walk away, we must run. Remove the motive power.

[harpo-my-“SON”Participant 2410]

Happiness is an emotion.

I have no agency or authority over anyones
emotions, but my own.

I am the highest authoritative agent over my own emotions

My happiness has become my only duty.

Love and respect to all

I was bound to be misunderstood, and I laugh at those who misunderstand me. Kind mockery at the well intentioned, but unfettered cruelty towards those would be prison guards of my creative possibilities. This so as to learn as much from misunderstanding as from understanding. Taking pleasure in worthy opponents and making language fluid and flowing like a river yet pointed and precise as a dagger. Contradicts the socialistic purpose of language and makes for a wonderful linguistic dance, A verbal martial art with constant parries that hone the weapon that is the two edged sword of my mouth.

[Anonymous 42]

Marriage? What’s that? I dunno?

[Anonymous 43]

Here, Tower. This is what marriage is like. Educate yourself

[Anonymous 42]

Anonymous wrote:

Here, Tower. This is what marriage is like. Educate yourself

Sorry, no thanks, I’m a hands-on kinda guy when it comes to getting educated!

THAT’S AN EDUCATION I DON’T WANT!

I’ll leave it up to the geniuses! I sure can’t figure it out!

I love that clip! You know that s~~~ really happened somewhere, the only difference is (unlike the movie) the guy never got away!

[experiencedParticipant]

Anonymous wrote:

Here, Tower. This is what marriage is like. Educate yourself

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Great film, “Ordinary People” Nails the false mother / wife.

"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."

[Solo MAN’S WisdomParticipant]

harpo-my-“SON” wrote:

Happiness is an emotion.

I respectfully disagree.

Happiness is an outcome — a byproduct — of health.

Physical Health.
Spiritual Health.
Relational Health.

Note that only the Spiritual Health is solely your responsibility. Both Physical and Relational health can be positively or negatively impacted by others.

When women lead, destruction is the destination. -- Me.

[StealthParticipant 5330]

Solo MAN’S Wisdom wrote:

harpomason wrote:

Happiness is an emotion.

I respectfully disagree.

Happiness is an outcome — a byproduct — of health.

Physical Health.
Spiritual Health.
Relational Health.

Note that only the Spiritual Health is solely your responsibility. Both Physical and Relational health can be positively or negatively impacted by others.

The ancients would agree with you.

Happiness is not a candy-colored emotion, but fulfilling your life as a person, as a man… meaning health and living a life of excellence.

The moderns would twist this slightly to say fulfill your individual calling, the unique voice that is yours alone.

A decayed, consumeristic version is to be a dead person that merely receives stimuli which create pleasurable responses. Note that this is at the heart of consumerism and is propogated primarily to sell things to people.

Aristotle considered happiness to lie in the pursuit of a virtuous life.

"Once you’ve taken care of the basics, there’s very little in this world for which your life is worth deferring." -David Hansson. "It’s not when women are mean or nasty that anything is out of the ordinary. It’s when they are NICE to you that you have to be on high alert..." -Jackinov.

[OgreParticipant 5863]

During a disagreement at the outset of my waking up I referred to my job as plowhorse. She argued strongly and offered a single carrot. I haven’t leaned into my work since, and the harness is extremely worn.

My wife had it all. I’m calculating the route out where she doesn’t kill herself. She’s as good as women get. Sadly, with half my life left that just isn’t enough to pull a plow for another twenty years so she can sit in the shade and enjoy the harvest.

I failed to realize in my youth that I was the prize. I was going to work. I was going to earn. Little did I realize that due to feminism, that no longer meant I had to share. Road soon, Desert after.

[KevinStylesParticipant 2580]

Anonymous wrote:

marriage was supposed to be safety, security, I got your back, for better or worse. It was supposed to be working toward raising our kids, maintaining a home and saving for the future. marriage was supposed to be a partnership.

Ya thats what it was suppose to be. Today’s people are too self involved, too worried about self happiness, their own careers, their own fulfillment to make marriage successful.

[MGTOW_MikeParticipant 6253]

KevinStyles wrote:

Ya thats what it was suppose to be. Today’s people are too self involved, too worried about self happiness, their own careers, their own fulfillment to make marriage successful.

Exactly!

People must be true to themselves. In other words, not trying to have it all. One or the other, not both. If a man loves his career, so be it, best for him to remain unmarried. If a man wants to have kids, so be it, focus on being a great father, not trying to chase promotion after promotion after promotion.

A tranquil mind is neither happy nor sad, it is uninfluenced by external conditions.

[Rolling Tin FistParticipant 484]

Anonymous wrote:

men are genetically programmed to have this sense of duty to maintain the family and next generation. thinking and working for my own best interest is so strange and alien, selfish. I learned to be selfish. I like being selfish. no one else is going to take care of me if i don’t.

That duty thing was super strong in me, part cultural, part upbringing. Then a few years before the Red Pill someone referred to me as a mule, but in a playful manner.

I was internally furious…because it was so true. I learned the very hard way, which ultimately led to the Red Pill, that NO ONE will care more about a man than the man himself. I was also reminded that each of us, but especially men, are responsible for our own happiness.

"Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another" - H. L. Mencken

[UltimaThuleParticipant 32]

Anonymous wrote:

marriage was supposed to be safety, security, I got your back, for better or worse. It was supposed to be working toward raising our kids, maintaining a home and saving for the future. marriage was supposed to be a partnership.

I haven’t gone through anything as terrible as you have and I hope I never will. But I was gravely mistaken when I thought marriage would be for (financial) safety, security and both partners watching each other’s back. It is not. My wife loves shopping and while she has always paid her bills on time, she is one paycheck away from her thousands of dollars of debt falling on me. In contrast, I’m a big saver and investor. I’m acutely aware of the potential of life throwing all manner of curve b~~~~ and nasty surprises at any time.

I hate my job. I put my wife through college when she switched careers. That cost a pretty penny and now that she’s got someone to pay the bills, all she does is pay for food, our child’s clothes and an endless stream of s~~~ she orders online that comes through mail. She takes no responsibility for her sometimes excessive shopping at all blaming it on my causing her to feel bad about it implicitly and thus triggering said behavior. My parents helped us a lot the financial worth of all the direct and indirect help being to the tune of $100,000. My wife has never shown on iota of gratitude towards them.

My wife does not accept me for the kind of person I am. She has managed to guilt trip me into feeling bad about my hobbies, many of my personal preferences, character traits, and ways of relating to the world. I have many times shared something completely harmless with her and been met with a cold shower of disapproval and scorn. There is something left of the connection we once had but it has been in the process of slowly dying over for many years.

A few years ago, she wanted another child. I refused. I only stay in the marriage because I don’t want to fight over custody to the detriment of our child’s well-being and because I don’t fully trust her ability to look after our child properly on her own. And the fact is that we’re doing a better job caring for her together than either of us alone. But when our kid leaves home for college it will be time to give my wife an opportunity to change her attitude. If she doesn’t, I will leave.

I don’t see another relationship let alone marriage ever happening after our probable divorce in the future. This marriage has cured me of any and all desire to be with women. Everything about our relationship turned for the worse after we got married. If this has to do with my shortcomings as a man and a husband all the more reason for me to stay away from women for good.

The ability to live your life without constant judgement for choices that are genuinely harmless and a peace of mind are vital.

[Sky-OParticipant 18936]

It is impossible for a man to be happy while in a marriage once he senses

01: Pumpkin is only in the marriage as long as she can continue to benefit

02: Pumpkin will roll and discard him if/when a potentially better deal becomes available

03: He was never his wife’s first and/or ideal choice and she fantasizes about men other than the one she is married to on and does so on a daily basis

[Author]

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