Marriage and retirement

[narwhalParticipant]

So, I’ll be honest.  I have been toying with the idea, that after my kids had grown, I could consider ‘settling down’ with a woman in some way.  Assuming she had no debt or financial burdens to deal, with the downside would be rather limited.  I think I was rather wrong with that idea.

Yesterday, I spent the day with a good buddy of mine and his wife.  He married this woman about 3 years ago, his second marriage, and has a grown daughter.  He’s a bit older then me, in his lat 50s, but still pretty active, he made a great deal a few years back and got a house with a beautiful pool, his own little oasis.    We’re chatting and I bring up that he’s basically set now that he’s got a great living arraignment.  He tells me not quite as he doesn’t intend to live in this house forever, he and the wife were thinking maybe Florida.  He could retire in another 4 or 5 years from now.

There’s one big problem though.  The wife.  Although he has retirement money saved up, his wife has…none.  Nothing.  She has a job that adds some value, but doesn’t really contribute to the nest egg.  We’re talking about this right in front of her.  He calls her a ‘retirement anchor’.  I correct him and say she’s a financial anchor.  She chimes in, with ‘at least I didn’t bring in any debt when we got married’.  Yes, yes you did.  You can’t take care of yourself, therefore you bring in debt.

The dude is screwed.  He even considered the possibility that his daughter could possibly help him out in retirement.  So no, there is no scenario where you can settle down.  Even without divorce, she’s going to screw you over in the end.

Ok. Then do it.

[Crazy CanuckMember 4215]

I have few questions. Does she work full or part time? Does she do most of the house duties?

"If pussy was a stock it would be plummeting right now because you've flooded the market with it. You're giving it away too easy." - Dave Chapelle

[kizellParticipant 368]

I got into a very long discussion about this very topic the other day.

My friends and I came to the conclusion that a wife brings burdens/debts to a marriage even if she makes more money than the man.  Her “needs” are a marital debt no matter how you spin it.

But most women don’t make more nor have more, so basically your making an arrangement to financially support some while at the same time trying to fulfill her “needs.”

It’s bulls~~~ no matter how you look at it.  It’s the same thing as dropping $100 on dinner for a woman but in the end she nags you because you didn’t talk much.

[narwhalParticipant]

Crazy Canuck wrote:

I have few questions. Does she work full or part time? Does she do most of the house duties?

She works full time.  I don’t know the specifics of who does what, but from what I can tell she does a good portion of the work.  I know she does her share of gardening (and they have a ton of that) and she seems to do most of the grocery shopping.

I recall a few months after they were married, that she had not yet started chipping into to help out with the house and utilities, and he was wondering how he was going to approach that.  I don’t know if that ever got worked out.  They do maintain separate bank accounts, but I don’t know who pays for what.

I have no doubt that he could afford the house and such on his own without her help, she is not a plus in that department.  Now that he is thinking about retirement, he is forced in to some not so pleasant options.  He will have to stay where he is now and retire there, so that she can continue to work.  He will have to work more years to cover her retirement needs as well as his own.  Or he will have to live with a lot less, 401k will likely run out and go SS only + whatever he can get from his kids.

His best option financially is to divorce her ASAP and bite the bullet.  He owns the house so she can only take a % of the increase in home value.  She can take 50% of the retirement money earned  while married.   That is going to be a lot less then what it will cost to take care of her for the next 30 years.  He won’t do that of course, not now.  And yes, that sounds cruel, but how cruel is it for her to be such a financial burden on him?  It would be bests for him to go florida alone and find companionship with all the single blue hair down there.

Ok. Then do it.

[BeerParticipant 11832]

This is part of the reason why I don’t want to marry.  I’ve been planning for and working towards an early retirement since I was 18.  I don’t want to end up like your friend where suddenly my retirement funds need to double or I need to work another 5-10 years because I’m taking care of 2 people instead of 1, and I especially don’t want to ever be in a situation where I’m a few years away from my early retirement goal and get spanked with a divorce and lose half my s~~~.  If I remain unwed and do find a long term partner…at least I have the option of saying “Well I have enough saved to retire, I’m gonna do that and you can have fun working 10 more years, and if you don’t like that, get the f~~~ out.”

Women hate to think about this s~~~, but this is part of the problem with delaying marriage until you are 30 or older so you can enjoy the c~~~ carousel.  Unless they are bringing equal assets and earning potential to the marriage, they are a liability, as your friend is finding out.  If I married at 21 when I didn’t have much and was doing well at 31, I’d consider the wife a partner.  To marry at 31 when I’m 100k+ in the black and most women around my age are in debt…all I could consider them financially is a bad investment and a burden.

[EyeswideopenParticipant 2930]

Beer wrote:

This is part of the reason why I don’t want to marry. I’ve been planning for and working towards an early retirement since I was 18. I don’t want to end up like your friend where suddenly my retirement funds need to double or I need to work another 5-10 years because I’m taking care of 2 people instead of 1, and I especially don’t want to ever be in a situation where I’m a few years away from my early retirement goal and get spanked with a divorce and lose half my s~~~. If I remain unwed and do find a long term partner…at least I have the option of saying “Well I have enough saved to retire, I’m gonna do that and you can have fun working 10 more years, and if you don’t like that, get the f~~~ out.” Women hate to think about this s~~~, but this is part of the problem with delaying marriage until you are 30 or older so you can enjoy the c~~~ carousel. Unless they are bringing equal assets and earning potential to the marriage, they are a liability, as your friend is finding out. If I married at 21 when I didn’t have much and was doing well at 31, I’d consider the wife a partner. To marry at 31 when I’m 100k+ in the black and most women around my age are in debt…all I could consider them financially is a bad investment and a burden.

Very well said. This is the catch 22 of marrying or having a common law relationship in today’s society. By being successful, and delaying marriage till mid to late 30’s, a male with half a brain cell is left with few options when wealth has been aquired – what used to be known as “establishing” yourself in the older European generation.

You can marry a younger girl in her early 20’s who has nothing but debt, and 7-10 years down the road loose half your stuff when she enters her early to mid 30’s and have her jump on the carousel out of wondering what she missed. Then you are paying alimony and child support for the next 20ish years. Or, you can marry a 30+ women, who has a truck load of emotional baggage, little assets, and have her divorce you a few years before retirement. End result is the male gets f~~~ed in either situation.

Being successful truly becomes a huge liability when your male, and in a relationship. Risk/Reward analysts essentially prices you out of the market.  No wonder going MGTOW because the only viable option for the enlightened male.

 

- Marriage is described as an institution. You would have to be crazy to be commited to it. -"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not people or things" Albert Einstein

[AFTParticipant 2725]

narwhal wrote:

Assuming she had no debt or financial burdens to deal, with

+1, That’s a cracker, you should be a stand up comic.

Personally I’ve met tons of women that make big dollar$ in INCOME, some even more than me, but at the end of he day they spend it all on living the high life.  I have yet to come across ANY woman that has ANY assets other than the ones that came from the SPOILS of DIVORCE.

It’s not just how much money they make, it’s also how much they spend, they’re always in deficit, any surplus is quickly spent on another necessary pair of expensive shoes.

When the war cemeteries are half full of the corpses of dead conscripted women, only then will women have earned the right to speak of equality. Sidecar “A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do.” - Bob Dylan

[narwhalParticipant]

I used to think I’d be ok with a woman financially if she didn’t spend more then she earned.  However, you do have to consider the retirement aspect as well.  Not to mention the fact that she is under no obligation to maintain her income, since she has you now, and her spending habits are surely going to increase when she realizes that your cash flow is at her disposal.

Ok. Then do it.

[experiencedParticipant]

Better work real hard another five years and also buy her a life insurance so when you’re six feet under due to the beginning of this sentence, she’ll be comfy, and probably with someone else.

"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."

[BeerParticipant 11832]

He moved to florida. He pleads poverty to all the rich Jewish women and they buy HIM dinner. They are so hungry for a man…. He said, even when his willy no longer works, getting a blowjob from a woman who can take her teeth out is unreal.

Haha…I used to joke around telling people if I never got married I’d just retire early and move down to Florida and at 45 I’d be a stud to slightly older well off widowed women.  I stopped saying it in jest…as I realized it actually seems like a better way to spend my life than getting married and being broke and miserable.

[Author]

Posts