Yo. Long time between drinks fellas, I’ve been reading regularly, I just tend to post when I have something worthwhile to say.
Just saw this poor schmuch living in blue pill hell.
Hopefully this helps identify some narcissistic tendencies and fires off some red pills to anyone living in the developing stages of such an unbalanced matrimony.
I have been with the same partner for 15 years, 5 of them married. We have 4 children all very young. I have tried to be the perfect husband/partner for years. I do the bulk of the cleaning, all of the shopping, bills and I spend most of my days off looking after the 4 children. On my days off I let my wife sleep in sometimes till 10am or later if she wants. I look after the children while she has a relaxing day not doing too much other than helping me here and there. Even on my work days I get up extra early get all 4 kids up, dressed, feed then rush out to work and repeat that when I come home from work to get them to bed. I bath them, take them to the park while she stays home, won’t help me bath, won’t take out rubbish. She refuses to go grocery shopping, saying it’s a man’s job to life the groceries, yet when I go to the shops I don’t see many men, mostly women shopping for the family. She does handle the laundry which is a big job, even with that I will often hang it out for her. Change the beds as the mattresses are hard for her to life.
When our twins were babies it was me up every night feeding them (she expressed and we used formulae) I did not feel human for 6 months until they slept through the night for the first time. I repeated this with our next 2 children, I did the night shift and also help a lot during the day. Even when I working full time I still did the night shift, I do handle nights a lot better than her plus she had C-sections so need the time to heal and I gave her that time.
I am not a lazy man by any stretch and I handle the bulk of everything for the family. This does not leave a lot of time for me to plan romantic nights, trips and such and I’m too tired anyway. By the time the kids are in bed I just want to relax watch TV or use the computer, I like my games as a way to unwind and relax, I think I earned it. We do spend time together but it is very hard over recent years as the romance faded, the sex has almost vanished and I am not perfect, I have made my mistakes with finances and lost her trust awhile back, it was all for the family but I did not tell her about a few things as she was heavily pregnant. I just took too much on my shoulders thinking I was doing the right thing, but it wasn’t it was a lie and it cost me her trust. I still continue to do all of the above but our romance and sex life faded long prior to losing her trust.
I am at the point now what more can I do, I work full time, plus do 800+ hours over time per year to provide the nice house and all the mod cons. I still do all of the above with the kids and work around the home. My wife rarely cooks (she has cooked a bit more lately), will not clean much at all, won’t go shopping, basically won’t do much at all. Despite all of this I would not mind, I don’t mind doing more but now I don’t have any intimacy with her or very infrequently and when I suggest sex or talk about it she just thinks I’m a sex crazed maniac. Yes I would like sex 3-4 times a week, perhaps not even that sometimes as I am tired as well, not just sex but intimacy, touch and yes I give her massages from time to time, but if I want one it’s too much hard work.
Being attracted to her is not the problem she is very attractive and I want more intimacy and sex. I have talk to her about this but it normally involved her bringing up problems from the past 15 years and around and around we go. Avoiding the issue really. She says I do not romance her, well if she did more of the chores around the home I would have the time and energy to put more effort into that side of life. I also told her she can romance me, if im doing most of the work she has the time to plan these things but she won’t, she wants the man to do it.
So I’m stuck, I don’t want to leave for the kids, would be devastating. It is constantly on my mind though that I would likely be much happier once I am over the shock of the split and seeing the children less, despite the financial mess it would cause I can accept that. Am I being unreasonable to expect my wife to spend more time with me for intimacy and sex, that she should make an effort and plan events for us as I handle nearly everything else. I have said to her many times, let’s not watch TV, I won’t use my computer, let’s spend real time together, be intimate. No im too tired (your tired OMG), headache or the many other problems she can think of, she does have a few medical issues from having the children which we are looking into. I take her to every medical appointment, to all the scans and doctor appointments for the children and when she was pregnant. Yet if I ask her to come with me to the doctors it’s a huge effort. Even last year I was in hospital for 4 days with a bad infection, she abused me on the phone for leaving her with the kids and she actually had to go do the shopping, despite her parents staying over and looking after the children (they help a lot).
So I am at my wits end. I can’t physically do any more, I’m tired, mentally exhausted from constant arguments and no improvements. Yes I like to use my computer, it’s my unwind time that I need otherwise I would go nuts if I’m not already part way there. If I give that up I have nothing more left for me. My family is basically gone as they and my wife do not get along due to many issues, I have only a few friends other than work as I have no time for friends, I don’t have time for myself. I am over weight and I wish I had the time to get to the gym and the energy to use it.
I think we are close to divorce and have talked about it. I think I would be happier divorced if it was not for the children. That will hurt.
Is anyone else in a similar situation or been through a similar relationship. Advice?
Tic 2 years, 6 months ago.
