Loss and pain

[SolowayParticipant 63]

Today I received a call from my wife saying she’s filing for divorce. And right now it’s hitting me… I don’t want to mgtow, I don’t want believe this s~~~ is really happening.

How the f~~~ can someone I trusted, loved, and had future plans of a family life destroy me with no hesitation??

I don’t want to die alone, I hate waking up without her on my side. The apartment is a ghost town, echoes of a time where we made love, had laughs, and then the fights.

She changed for the worse and I thought seperating would fix that. She’s still the attention craving, alcoholic, abuse monster that metamorphosised months into our marriage.

I worked on myself she clearly didn’t. Now she’s filing and is living her life of partying and clubbing while I keep on working, reading, and gym.

It hurts my brothers. I’m scared to see the truth. I don’t want to accept the divorce and I don’t think I will ever be the happy man I once was. Sorry for the emo post and poor structure, this is just happening and I’m losing my mind.

[OgreParticipant 5863]

You are here because you had a feeling it was coming. If you truly acknowledge, deep down you want to be red pill because then it would all fit in.

Because it’s happening right now in your present of course it hurts and I can empathize, but the divorce isn’t how you’re losing the woman you thought you married. You said right in your post that she has become an “attention craving, alcoholic, abuse monster”.

There are two options for you, go back to sleep and either be her whipping boy or be one for whoever the next deceitful c~~~ is that fools you.

Or continue taking your red pills, and wise up to the fact that what you are going through is not due to a deficit in you. The bitch is hollow inside, whether that predates your marriage or not is a useless chicken or egg argument.

We’re here for you brother, but she’s made her choice. Even if she comes crawling back and says she was just angry, deluded, wrong… she is the one used the D word, and it will be used to modify your behavior forever if you don’t fight through it this time and cut yourself free of the wreckage.

I failed to realize in my youth that I was the prize. I was going to work. I was going to earn. Little did I realize that due to feminism, that no longer meant I had to share. Road soon, Desert after.

[WolfParticipant 890]

Hang in there brother!

You’re in a rut right now, but things will get better. Like you said in your post, she changed for the worst, so getting clear of her will benefit you in the long run. Positive thinking is key.

It will take some time to heal….in the meantime, live life and be productive. Hit the gym, play sports, hang out with your buds and family, and pursue your hobbies.

[JackinovParticipant 5229]

Soloway wrote:

How the f~~~ can someone I trusted, loved, and had future plans of a family life destroy me with no hesitation??

You answered that yourself.

“She’s still the attention craving, alcoholic, abuse monster that metamorphosised months into our marriage. I worked on myself she clearly didn’t.”

This is a good thing. You come out on top in this situation. She never actually loved you. She never trusted you. She had future plans, yes, but not your version. That’s how she can do this.

are you a chia pet in man drag

[SolowayParticipant 63]

Thanks guys trying to keep my head up

[hellraiderParticipant 2837]

hey Soloway i know you fell bad right now but you will see that in the future you are better off without that woman.

[Anonymous 42]

Hey soloway, you just gave me a flashback to point in time when my insides felt just a hollowed out as yours are now. Time time time time, give it TIME. When the clouds break (and they will) you’ll rejuvenate! Weather or not you go “mgtow” or not, you still have the underlying issues about the damage deep down inside.
The way your wife has conducted herself is typical of most modern women in the Western world.

Hit the gym, hit the bag, but don’t hit the bottle!
Keep burning your lean mean muscle machine! (endorphin)
Eat good and try to get some sleep at night by looking forward and telling yourself “this is only TEMPORARY”. Keep your eyes on the bridge to the future, don’t look back. just forward! Trust me, when the storm of emotions finally subsides (and it will) you’ll be in much better shape to be optimistic instead of drowning in pessimism, the key is keeping your head above water and focusing on the things you need to get done.
I feel for ya bro, don’t just “hang in there” START CLIMBING!

[RoyDalParticipant]

A trauma like this will propel you through the five stages of grief: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model

The important thing is to survive it and find ways to thrive, which the previous posts have amply stated. Like the saying goes, living well is the best revenge.

Here’s some more hot tips:

Post-traumatic thriving: Recover from a crisis by doing something positive with your life. Make thriving one of your core values.

Get away from toxic people, narcissists, sociopaths, borderline personality disorder (look ’em up, if I post links, this will end up in the spam folder). You cannot change them. They cannot be talked into seeking help. All you can do is get away and survive, better yet thrive by going your own way.

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[VettenParticipant 110]

Brother, know that I and others empathize with you. Most have been on the journey you are about to embark on. It will feel like you are having to walk through a mile of s~~~ holding your breath. Take care of yourself, focus on that and you will come out the other side, scarred, but you will survive.

I went through the same thing about a year ago. You will think you won’t survive at times, you will, you must, you have too to live.

The best advice I can give you is don’t neglect ‘your’ well being, physical & mental. You must keep the gremlins out of your head. Stay focused & stay laser sharp on the objective to get through this and emerge a whole man. You are in for the battle of/for your life-psychologically, emotionally and financially.

In the beginning I had to take life in hourly increments and work out from there, it was all I could do survive at the time. You have to find a way to stay strong and stay focused.

Take care and stay here-so much knowledge and good people that have experienced what you are going through.

[Blue SkiesParticipant 15665]

brotha, we’re here for you. You’ll have to start a new chapter in your life but do not worry. Mgtow is the path to freedom and fulfillment.

MGTOW is not a movement, it is a way of life.

[Symmetric MGTOWParticipant 570]

Soloway wrote:

Today I received a call from my wife saying she’s filing for divorce. And right now it’s hitting me… I don’t want to mgtow, I don’t want believe this s~~~ is really happening.

First of all I want to tell you that I know how you feel. It’s devastating and soul crushing what you are feeling at the moment, and for a while it will feel like NOTHING we say and nothing you do will change the way you feel.

Now take a deep breath and please be mindful of this: you will be alright. You will get better, you will make it through this and you will become a better person in the process.

I know it’s painful but I and the others are here for you if you’d like to chat, exchange messages, release some steam, etc… we kinda are your family now.

Soloway wrote:

How the f~~~ can someone I trusted, loved, and had future plans of a family life destroy me with no hesitation??

I asked myself the very same question. She blamed it on me. It was all my fault when it came down to the wire. I, according to her, singlehandedly destroyed our marriage. It has taken me several months of analyzing and deconstructing everything that happened to come to the truth. And the truth as it often happens is way more complicated and nuanced than what she said/keeps saying. Don’t fall for that trap. Always question everything you did, everything she did and reason will fill in the voids as needed. Don’t justify yourself or her. Over time you will see the real, truthful nature of your relationship with her and will be able to redefine your thouhgts and conclussions as time passes.

But right now you are hurting and you need to embrace it.

My first recommendation for you would be to read Pema Chodron’s “When things fall apart”. Buy it as an ebook on amazon and start reading right now. Understand why you are feeling this way and realize that the best thing you can do is to embrace these emotions that ATM are consuming your spirit and soul. Embrace it brother, and read that book. It will help you to get through this if you read it with an open mind. It will also help you to let go of many many things that you never thought you could live without. It will help you understand what makes us truly free as individuals.

Soloway wrote:

She changed for the worse and I thought seperating would fix that. She’s still the attention craving, alcoholic, abuse monster that metamorphosised months into our marriage.

In one of the last conversations I had with my ex wife I asked her why was she leaving me like this, and treating me like the ultimate POS on the planet Earth in spite of her promising to work on our relationship and improving the way we interacted together. Her answer, and I quote verbatim: “I changed my mind. I have a right to change my mind”. There, that’s women for your my friend. Such a simple, cold, devastating truth. Never ever trust a woman to keep her word. They will f~~~ you over and won’t give a s~~~ about love, your past with her, what you did for her, etc… they will just do what’s best for them or feels better for them at any given moment, even if time proves them wrong, or right, they won’t care. they will just do it.

Soloway wrote:

I worked on myself she clearly didn’t. Now she’s filing and is living her life of partying and clubbing while I keep on working, reading, and gym.

Good. Keep doing that. It will save your life and change who you are for the better. You won’t feel like it’s entirely worth it ATM but over time it will pay off and you wil be happy you did.

Soloway wrote:

It hurts my brothers. I’m scared to see the truth. I don’t want to accept the divorce and I don’t think I will ever be the happy man I once was. Sorry for the emo post and poor structure, this is just happening and I’m losing my mind.

We all have been there. It gets better gradually but you will have to work hard to get to where you should and want to be: a better place where you are in control of yourself, your emotions, and your destiny.

You will get there. It’s only a matter of time… you’ll see.

[TheroniusParticipant 975]

Welcome, friend, and sorry to hear of your troubles.
Remember, this isn’t anything wrong with you. Women do that kind of s~~~. You tried to do what’s right. She is just being a female.
I would avoid talking to her as much as possible. There is nothing for you to gain. Get a lawyer, and protect yourself. Her true colors are flying, and she is not your friend anymore. That’s the hardest thing to accept when females explode, that the woman you loved is not there anymore, and nothing you can do is likely to bring her back. She has become the enemy, and the legal system is on her side. Defense is the order of the day.
And again I’ll say it, it’s not you, it’s her. She is a female, and they all are capable of this kind of crap. There’s not anything you could have done, nor is there now anything you could or should have to do to put things back like they were. You may as well argue with a flood or a mudslide. All you can do is head for high ground and try to keep your powder dry.
There is a wealth of good information here, and more sympathetic ears than you will find anywhere else. Don’t hesitate to take advantage of it, even if you just need a good place to scream.
Be nice to yourself, because no one else is likely to do so through this ordeal. You deserve to be happy. She… who gives a s~~~ at this point. Be at peace with yourself and your life will heal much sooner

"I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that I do is the longest sentence?" - George Carlin

[BubParticipant 1410]

All the advice above is spot on.
Your “woman” has put you on a journey you did not choose to take, but you’re going anyway. Your hurting right now and the emotional stress is hard to deal with,
BUT……
You need to do a few things immediately….
#1 -Get a lawyer to represent YOU. She has a plan already in place against you. Protect yourself.
#2- you don’t mention children so we assume your don’t have kids with her. KEEP it that way at this point.
#3- read through the forums here at mgtow.com. Use search words and start educating yourself about what hell is headed your way. You can minimize the damage but you need to go in with your Eyes Wide Open.

The brothers here are helpful. Come back often for encouragement. We are all here to help and explain the bulls~~~ for you.

The view on the other end of the journey your are forced to take is magnificent.
You’ll emerge a stronger man.

Just rolling down the road

[mp357Participant 531]

Learn from the experience. Please don’t do a repeat and get duped again. Awalt

[EntropyParticipant 902]

You may not feel it now, but you just lost a 120 – 180 lb (presumably) soul tumor… you will soon look back and see today for what it really is, the day you got your life back.

"Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves" -BBR

[pabsawakeParticipant 1761]

Hello Soloway (our brother), I am replay sorry to hear about your troubles. So many men in these forums have been in this situation including myself (2009). Everyone is absolutely correct in saying that you will get through this. However this is the beginning, and it may get a little worse before it gets much better. So lace up your boots, roll up your sleeves, and tighten your belt. Just tap into your inner strength. You may think you don’t have it but it’s there! Continue to come on this website and reach out. I have been living MGTOW for four years now but I’m a newbie red piller. These men know what they are talking about. Certain things have already been mentioned I will say them again, don’t go to the bottle and don’t even think about harming yourself! Stick with us we are getting thru this s~~~ together.

"You can either love women or understand them, you can't do both". Truth over everything

[Anonymous 0]

Welcome Soloway,
All good advice in the previous posts and we really do mean that we are here for you. All I can add is this. Don’t talk to her without a lawyer. Whatever you say will get twisted around until it makes you look or feel wrong. Also, she may try to get back with you when she realizes what a mistake she made. Don’t talk to her. In my situation, I got dumped for her GF. Women are truly heartless. Stay with us we will help.

[uchibenkeiParticipant 7965]

do you have kids?

I bathe in the tears of single moms.

[HitmanParticipant]

greetings soloway, i feel for you because i WAS you !
my ex took our child,filed for divorce,pulled me through court and even had me locked up on a bulls~~~ charge ( later dropped by the d.a. )
three years later i’m putting in a home theatre ,surround sound, big screen ( a first for me ! ) ..
brother,the betrayal hurts SO bad i was thinking of just ending it ..if you get my meaning ..
i SWEAR TO GOD ,i stumbled across this site and a sense of relief, HOPE ,washed over me..
i bought a book called ” how to be a good divorced dad ” ..very helpful..
the men here have helped me in more ways than i can list..
as mgtower said to you TIME ..time is the mechanism which gives you a CHANCE to make this into something BETTER than what you originally had .
i’m not a rocket scientist,but i took all the god-damn lemons that bitch of an ex-wife threw at me and i made some mighty good lemonade !!!..
i look back and realize that her leaving was THE BEST THING that could have happened !
give it time man,you have a huge resource here ..keep us posted !!!

[bstoffParticipant 4873]

SOLOWAY,
Just imaging you’ve had a toothache for a long while and now you’re finally going to get that miserable tooth pulled out. It might hurt for a short while, but with proper preparation, it will be over quickly, and with little pain. MGTOW is your method to guarantee that you won’t have another “toothache” again; only nice shiny teeth with no cavities or toothaches.

[Author]

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