Landwhale Development Guide

[TrapperParticipant 2912]

Lately, as we all know, society has accepted, no demanded, fat is the new sexy. At least for women. This has left the once “in” crowd scrambling for solutions. The Skinny girls. They must now gain weight to be popular again. But how? Many have been fit their whole life.

In a moment of weakness my blue pill side has chosen to step up like a white knight and help.

First and foremost diet is key. Or lack there of. A quick rundown of a common day will be given for prospective landwhales.

00:01- midnight depression snack. Eat ice cream straight out of the tub, nobody is watching, dig in. Wash down with whole milk. Eat stray piece of pizza near milk. Return to bed.

08:00- Arise and drive, do not walk, to coffee stand. Double latte with whip cream is a great starter. Energy and Fat.?

Proceed to McDonald’s drive through. Order anything you want. Nothing there will keep you skinny. And it’s cheap. Bonus!

12:00- LUNCH TIME! For this nothing beats Golden Corral. Avoid the salad bar, except to get ranch dressing for your fried chicken. Eat till it hurts. No pain, no gain. Ha

14:00- nap

18:00- Settle in on the sofa. TV is mandatory for this to achieve the finest results. Shopping network is perfect. You can now get in shape AND shop for new outfits AT THE SAME TIME! FUN RIGHT? Oh, make sure you have chips and cookies near the sofa.

20:00- Order an extra large pepperoni, bacon, Italian sausage pizza with extra cheese. Bonus for cheese stuffed crust. Don’t forget the breadsticks! Soda isn’t needed. A classy girl drinks wine in the evening. If unable to finish, set leftovers near milk in fridge. Pass out anytime you like.

Day over. YOU DID IT!

Further advice:

Lifestyle- absolutely critical!

Cancel any gym membership you have! You won’t need it and it takes money from the food budget.

Dogs are not to be walked. This counters your goals. Cats are preferable for this reason.

Slang- Fat bitches be witty. YouTube is good for researching this topic. Don’t forget mannerisms! Hand in the face, wag your finger. All good stuff.

Clothing- Back in the day skinny woman used to look good in almost any attire. Only TIGHT CLOTHING looks good on ham beasts. Spandex is a favorite. Or drop it all together and wear a bikini. You worked hard for that body! Show it off!

To fit in further I’ve added a few additional ideas to ensure your body turns heads

-Tattoos, lots of them. Fatty areas of the body are best.

-Hair colors. Go bright! Neon! Guys dig that s~~~.

-Hygiene, don’t bother. If he can’t except how your body naturally smells, he doesn’t deserve you!

Okay ladies! This plan has been painstakingly designed for YOU! It will remain on this forum until exactly 3 seconds after Keymaster notices it. Further study will need to resume in the litter box forum.

Men! If I’ve missed something, please add to this

[TaxGuyParticipant]

I would only add that there are times when you are going to feel like you made a mistake, like men won’t find you attractive anymore. But, all you have to do is hold your camera up high (because that angle hides the fat the most), take a picture, and throw it out on Plenty Of Fat. Now, every time you question yourself, just log on and see all of the attention you got from men on there. That’s all the reinforcement that you need to let you know you’re on the right track.

Don’t worry about the fact these men are WAY below your standards because, let’s face it, aren’t ALL men below your standards? You’re like Sleeping Beauty, a princess. Just don’t call the police and charge Prince Charming with rape when he kisses you and wakes you up from your slumber.

Order the good wine

[Anonymous 43]

ok trapper,

Good job helping women develop the physique…but you neglected the mind and the attitude.

First thing in the morning…scream F~~~ at the alarm clock…and smash it with a fist. then throw it across the room and then get out of bed. screaming f~~~ f~~~ f~~~ looking at the pile of clothing on the floor

make the bed, and put each of the 23 pillows and 63 stuffed animals on the bed just so.

getting dressed…leggings and a crop top, hmmm change the belly button ring yes, all the tattoos showing, yes, good to go.

breakfast, three cinnamon rolls, a big orange juice and a cigarette.

look at the cellphone, and pick up the gym pass, ah f~~~ the gym today, Chad the trainer isn’t there today. God dammit why does Chad hang out with that other gym trainer bitch, I’m so much better than she is, I bet he has no idea I can suck a bowling ball through a garden hose. oh well his loss

Get in the car…car is scratched, dented, valves ticking and paint is faded…car is a green 1995 Honda Civic…the college graduation present. Last boyfriend promised her a new car, but kicked him to the curb, who buys their girlfriend a Ford F~~~ing Focus? She wanted a RAV4 or a CRV. Next boyfriend…better f~~~ing deliver a CRV with a moonroof.

The store…she walks in and everyone stops and stares…or so she thinks…she marches up to the counter like the runway model she wishes she was and demands to see the manager
manager is a sorority sister from back in the day…OMG Becky, I thought I saw you working here I had noooo idea you were manager…I need a special friends and family deal on this purse…

The lunch, with Becky and the new Purse at 65% off. Lunch is slow and our bitch on wheels already layed into the server… I am more important than everyone else here, I am with my important friend, and I have an important purse. Serve me first.

Work, paints her nails, opens email, surfs Amazon for shoes, answers the phone a couple times, spends the rest of the day in the lavatory, laying on the couch moaning once in a while about cramping.

the club…5 guys looked at her and stayed on the barstools. No one came over to complement her on her new purse. Asshole men don’t know what they are missing. omg I’m so drunk i’ll go home with anyone just to brag at work tomorrow. yeah that guy…last guy at closing, he’ll want me

What how dare you reject me, the princess of all I see.

goes home to cat, waiting patiently for dinner. Aww MR Whiskers, you waited up for me, you love me don’t you wont you mr whiskers its you and me forever.

falls asleep in the couch in front of tv, quart of icecream on the floor, empty…tv on all night

[joetechParticipant]

Anonymous wrote:

goes home to cat,

You mean 4 cats. And…not to be critical, but I thought it was a golf ball through a garden hose. Jesus, I may never go bowling again.

"Don't follow in my footsteps...I stepped in something."

[StargazerParticipant 12505]

Hungry At Any Size

[Anonymous 43]

golf b~~~~ are for amateurs…I want to experience full body prolapse through my urethra

[TrapperParticipant 2912]

Anonymous wrote:

golf b~~~~ are for amateurs…I want to experience full body prolapse through my urethra

I may know the perfect girl for that.

I forgot to mention cosmetics! Ladies, shave off those annoying eyebrows. Paint super thin lines in their place. Honestly, this has NEVER caused a guy to stumble backwards. Your eyelashes on the other hand should be no shorter than toothpicks. That combination is irresistible.

Toss a stud in each eyebrow and one nostril. BOOM! Men won’t be able to look away

[Anonymous 43]

lol I see that combination 20 feet from me now…hideous

[FrostByteParticipant 19005]

Do lots of dead lifts. So when that magic moment comes you can hold your fat roll up off your crotch for extended periods of love making.

If you rescue a damsel in distress, all you will get is a distressed damsel.

[Old RottweilerParticipant 1520]

She says ” I’m not fat, I’m plus sized. More to love. There was a plus sized model on the Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover.”
” What’s your problem, are you a hater?” ” Don’t fat shame.”

The fact that fat is unhealthy and will cause her knees to go is not a problem. They have electric carts at Wall-mart and she is not going to do any physical work anyway. You will notice all her friends are fatter than her, to make her look better among the land whales.

Back when I was dating I was with a size 00 at a theater. She was 32 and a runner in college.The woman behind us commented to her date ” The woman holding the torch on the opening credits was too thin”. He held his comment. They have changed women’s dress sizes over the years. Now what was a size “9” 50 years ago is a size “2”. That is where the “00” size came from, to try to embarrass the thin women.

Just imagine what a fat young woman will look like at 50 or 60. Even if she loses weight she will need surgery to get rid of the excess skin.

Scary.

[Greg HondaParticipant 6406]

Anonymous wrote:

ok trapper,

Get in the car…car is scratched, dented, valves ticking and paint is faded…car is a green 1995 Honda Civic…the college graduation present.

It really saddens me to know that such well built reliable cars as the 1990’s civics are being abused by such careless owners. One of the best cars I ever had. 1999 3 door Civic. Steered like it was on rails and solidly built IMO.

What a waste 🙁

It's Time to get Wise

[Author]

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