Know any good MGTOW jokes?

[FrostByteParticipant 19005]

In a divorce hearing::

Judge: “It says here that you’re getting a divorce over the movies? Could you please explain that?”
Wife crying : “I asked him to make love to me like in the movies and he knocked me down and butt f~~~ed me”
Judge: “Sir, why in the hell would you do that?”
Husband: “Your honor, we don’t watch the same movies.”

If you rescue a damsel in distress, all you will get is a distressed damsel.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

It’s legendary, but if you haven’t heard it…

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 – These men have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where
the sign reads:

Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

‘That’s nice,’ she thinks, ‘but I want more.’

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely
Good Looking.

‘Wow,’ she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead
Good Looking and Help With Housework.

‘Oh, mercy me!’ she exclaims, ‘I can hardly stand it!’

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead
Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic
Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor,
where the sign reads:

Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for
shopping at The Husband Store.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[GeraldParticipant 3635]

Keymaster wrote:

The Husband Store.

There is a reverse of that also, a wife store… something along the lines of the guy goes in and explains what he wants, and the clerk tells him it doesn’t exist, here is your money back, go enjoy being MGTOW! (It is much more eloquent than that… )

No longer can we walk away, we must run. Remove the motive power.

[Faust For ScienceParticipant 22568]

Three men walk into a bar.

They sit beside each other on one end of the counter.

They all look at a beautiful woman on the other end of the counter from them.

The blue pill man stated, “I am going to go over to the beautiful woman and make her my girlfriend. I will shower her with everything I can, and enjoy her company.”

The pickup artists stated, “I am going to go over to that beautiful woman, convince her to f~~~ me for a night’s company, and dump her the next morning.”

The MGTOW look at the woman, then he turned towards the two men. The MGTOW stated, “I am going to stay right here. And you two do not know the difference between f~~~ing and having company. Here with you two is company, because I know if we all have a drink, with true company, I am not going to pick up the tab.”

[Anonymous 16]

This guy is in a bar. A land whale is bugging him from like 1 hour ago.
He is trying to avoid but not being too rude.

She comes to him and wisper in his ear.
“lets go to my apartment, tie me to bed and do what ever you want”
He looks surprised and says… OK.

They go to the room, he tie her up to bed.
Then walk away and go back to drink his bear in peace while she screams.
🙂

[RusskyParticipant 13503]

I was in a pub when this really brutally ugly girl came up to me, squeezed my arse and said, “Give me your number, sexy.”
I replied “Have you got a pen?”
She smiled and said “Yes.”
I replied, “Well you better get back to it, before the farmer notices you’re missing.”

proud carrier of the 'why?' chromosome

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Q: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: RAPE!!!!!

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[Total LeeParticipant 1573]

Know any good MGTOW jokes?

“Gender Equality”.

[BlacqueJacqueShellacqueParticipant 6890]

Mickey Mouse is in divorce court with Minnie

The judge asks Micky to approach the bench and whispers “You want a divorce because you think she’s a little crazy?” Mickey yells “NO! She’s f~~~ing Goofy!”

[Anonymous 18]

Phone rings. Doctor picks up.

Mr. Jacobs (on the other line) : Doc, do you have my wife’s test results?
Dr: Yes, we do. But its not confirmed. She either has AIDS or Alzheimer’s.
Mr. Jacobs: Whaa? So… what can we do?
Dr: Drop her a couple miles from home. If she returns home, she doesn’t have Alzheimer’s. But don’t f~~~ her.
——————–

They say Einstein was divorced once.
Now the question shouldn’t be ‘Do you take this woman to be your wife?’ at the altar. It should be “Do you think you are smarter than f~~~ing Einstein?”

[TaxGuyParticipant]

Guy goes to the doctor. Doc says “What the problem?”
Guy: Well, my wife is a nympho. First thing when we wake up, we f~~~ for like an hour. Then I get dressed and go to work. Now, here’s the thing, I’m banging my secretary too. So at some point in the morning she gives me head. At lunch I have to go back home and bang the wife again or she goes crazy. Then I f~~~ the secretary in a closet before I go home. After I get home it’s another three hours of so of f~~~ing to keep the wife happy.
Doc: That’s an interesting story, but why are you here to see me?
Guy: My penis REALLY hurts when I masterbate.

Order the good wine

[TaxGuyParticipant]

Married guy that works at a pickle factory. His wife wakes up one night and he looks like he’s having a nightmare so she wakes him up.

Are you ok? You looked like you were having a nightmare.
It was the most intense dream. I was at work, and I, I put my penis in the pickle slicer.

This goes on a few nights a week for about 3 weeks. The wife is driving herself crazy, thinking it must mean that she is doing something to make him feel emasculated. She’s talked to all her friends, a shrink, anyone she can think of.

The next Tuesday he comes home from work early.

Why are you home early honey?
Remember that dream about the pickle slicer?
OH MY GOD! You didn’t!!
Yeah, I did.
What happened?
I got fired. That’s why I’m home early
No, I mean what happened with the pickle slicer?
Oh! Yeah, they fired her too…..

Order the good wine

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Luigi and Angelina are an Italian couple who’s sex life isn’t going so well. One day, Luigi comes home from work and Angelina says……

“Imma gonna give you da SIGN.
When I wanna have-a de sessa wid you…
I will squeeza my right-a breast-a once-a.
When I NO wanna have-a de sessa wid you…
I will squeeza my left-a breast-a twice”.

Luigi thinks about it for a moment, and since he’s a regular visitor of mgtow.com , he says:

“Ok Angelina, I gotta sign-a for YOU.
When you wanna have-a de sessa wid ME…
You pull on my dick-a ONCE.
When you NO wanna have-a de sessa wid ME…
You pull on my dick seventy-five time.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[FrostByteParticipant 19005]

Old one
God tells Adam, “I am going to give you the woman of your dreams, she will cook, clean, and obey your every command. However, it is going to cost you an arm and a leg.”
Adam replies, “What can I get for a rib?”

If you rescue a damsel in distress, all you will get is a distressed damsel.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

FrostByte wrote:

Old one
God tells Adam, “I am going to give you the woman of your dreams, she will cook, clean, and obey your every command. However, it is going to cost you an arm and a leg.”
Adam replies, “What can I get for a rib?”

That’s one of my favorites of all time.
In fact, we made it into a screensaver.
(click on the screen to preview it)

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[FrostByteParticipant 19005]

Keymaster wrote:

That’s one of my favorites of all time.
In fact, we made it into a screensaver.
(click on the screen to preview it)

That is f~~~ing great! I love this site it has totally changed my mindset in a positive direction.

If you rescue a damsel in distress, all you will get is a distressed damsel.

[GoneFishin’Participant 189]

Part II of the Husband Store joke above:

The Wife Store
Floor 1 has wives that love sex
Floor 2 has wives that love sex, and can really cook
Floor 3 has wives that love sex, can cook, and are gorgeous
Floors 4, 5, and 6 have never been visited.

[RusskyParticipant 13503]

This is not a 100% MGTOW joke, but here it is:

A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her labia reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.
Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor. ‘I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!’
The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him: ‘I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself. The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and understood because she had had the same procedure done some time ago.’
‘And what about the third rose ?’ she asked.
‘That’s from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears!

proud carrier of the 'why?' chromosome

[BoarParticipant]

Total Lee wrote:

“Gender Equality”.

“Strong, independent woman”

Untamed wrote: Quit complaining and Go Your Own Way in whatever manner suits you best.

[FrostByteParticipant 19005]

Russky wrote:

‘That’s from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears!

I knew a girl like that. Dumbo could have flown with them. LOL

If you rescue a damsel in distress, all you will get is a distressed damsel.

[Author]

Posts