Jokes

[ChristopherParticipant 2478]

Tommy Cooper

I had a meal last night,
I ordered everything in French,
surprised everybody,
It was a Chinese restaurant.

“So I got home, and the phone was ringing.
I picked it up, and said ‘Who’s speaking please?’
And a voice said ‘You are.'”

My wife phoned me just before the show and said,
‘I’ve got water in the carburetor,
I said ‘Where’s the car’
She said ‘In the river’

A man walked into the doctors, he said “I’ve hurt my arm in several places.
The doctor said “well don’t go to those places”

I knocked at my friend’s door and his wife answered the door.
I said ‘Is Jim in?’.
She didn’t reply, just stood there looking at me.
So I asked again. Just then a woman appeared at his wife’s elbow.
‘Sorry luv’ she said ‘We buried him last Thursday’.
‘He didn’t say anything about a pot of yellow paint before he went, did he?’

I was cleaning out the attic the other day with the wife.
Filthy, dirty and covered with cobwebs….
but she’s good with the kids….

I was in Margate last year for the summer season.
A friend of mine said, “You want to go to Margate, it’s good for rheumatism.”
So I did, and I got it….

So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov and there was a check
tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

I bought a greyhound about a month ago,
A friend of mine said to me,
‘what are you going to do with it?’
I said ‘i’m going to race it’.
He said ‘by the look of it, I think you’ll beat it’

“So I rang up my local swimming baths.
I said ‘Is that the local swimming baths?’
He said ‘It depends where you’re calling from.'”

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.
And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.
It’s either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin.
Or my younger brother HoChaChu.
But I think it’s Colin.

Feminism was funded by bankers/politicians to create more taxpayers. MGTOW IS FREEDOM https://archive.org/details/mgtowisfreedomblurayready

[MarketWatcherParticipant]

I asked a Rabbi how much he charges for circumcisions. He said, “nothing I just keep the tips”.

[It’sallbsParticipant]

Two old maids on a beach, streaker ran past, one had a stroke, the other one couldn’t reach.

Man says to his wife: ‘Pack your bags, I’ve won the pools.’ She says: ‘What should I pack? Something light, something warm? Where are we going?’ He says: ‘We’re going nowhere. Just pack your bags and fcuk off.’

http://www.leavemeansleave.eu

[GregB0Participant]

The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested. I hear they’re gonna give him a really tough sentence.

​"​My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.​" - Clarence Buddinton Kelland

[ChristopherParticipant 2478]

Feminism was funded by bankers/politicians to create more taxpayers. MGTOW IS FREEDOM https://archive.org/details/mgtowisfreedomblurayready

[Anonymous 12]

A single mother is organizing her welfare payment and the man behind the counter asks her how many kids she has. The woman says “Six”. He asks their names, she says “Darren, Darren, Darren, Darren, Darren & Darren” the man asks “Isn’t that confusing?”

She says, “No, when I want them all I just say Darren, come here”. “But what about when you just want one?” he asked.

“I call them by their surnames”.

[GregB0Participant]

Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.

​"​My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.​" - Clarence Buddinton Kelland

[Black MaskParticipant 1572]

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says “I would like five beers.”.
—
A blind guy walks into a bar, a fire hydrant and a parked car.
—
How do you make copper wire? Toss a penny between two jews.

"Man honesty is misogyny." - Patrice O'Neal

[ChristopherParticipant 2478]

Feminism was funded by bankers/politicians to create more taxpayers. MGTOW IS FREEDOM https://archive.org/details/mgtowisfreedomblurayready

[HermitParticipant]

I got up this morning and while brushing my teeth, the faucet lever snapped off. I went to leave the house and the doorknob came off in my hand. Reached for the car door and the handle broke off.

I haven’t taken a p~~~ all day.

-Rodney Dangerfield-

The evil in women’s hearts leaves them no moral bounds as to inhibit them from descending to the lowest levels of darkness to acquire their self entitled desires.

[ChristopherParticipant 2478]

Feminism was funded by bankers/politicians to create more taxpayers. MGTOW IS FREEDOM https://archive.org/details/mgtowisfreedomblurayready

[Anonymous 14]

“What are you, like 24? Talk to me when you are 44 desperate and drunk sitting by the nickel slot machine…”

[Black MaskParticipant 1572]

How do you get 10 black girls into a Volkswagen Beetle? Throw in a welfare check.

How do you get them out? Throw in a job application.

"Man honesty is misogyny." - Patrice O'Neal

[hmskl’dParticipant 6405]

First of all let me preface by saying my ancestry is Norwegian ..
so I feel I can tell this joke .. about myself any my people.

How can you tell if an old Norwegian bachelor farmer is standing straight? .. and not leaning to one side.

.. the chewing tobacco juice drips down his chin .. evenly from each side of his mouth.

[JustAnotherGuyParticipant]

Why do shepherds f~~~ their goats on a cliff?

So the goat pushes back.

—

A spic, a Brit, and a yank jump off a roof to die.

The spic splashes into a colossal mess.
The Brit stops to clean the mess, have some tea, and then dies.
The yank stops at every floor to scrawl “f~~~ you” on every window.

Cupcakes are Cold. MGTOW is Absolute Zero.
“Let us wait a little; when your enemy is executing a false movement, never interrupt him” –Napoleon Bonaparte, 1805

[black_knightParticipant 2602]

Did you hear about the agnostic and dyslexic insomniac?

He was up all night wondering if there is a dog or not.

[JustAnotherGuyParticipant]

What’s the difference between a mallard and your mother? I forget the punchline but your mother’s a whore.

Cupcakes are Cold. MGTOW is Absolute Zero.
“Let us wait a little; when your enemy is executing a false movement, never interrupt him” –Napoleon Bonaparte, 1805

[harpo-my-“SON”Participant 2410]

A female walks into a bar and says something
intelligent.

I was bound to be misunderstood, and I laugh at those who misunderstand me. Kind mockery at the well intentioned, but unfettered cruelty towards those would be prison guards of my creative possibilities. This so as to learn as much from misunderstanding as from understanding. Taking pleasure in worthy opponents and making language fluid and flowing like a river yet pointed and precise as a dagger. Contradicts the socialistic purpose of language and makes for a wonderful linguistic dance, A verbal martial art with constant parries that hone the weapon that is the two edged sword of my mouth.

[Blood AxeParticipant 1179]

How many SJWs does it take to grease a combine?

Two, if you run em through real slow.

Back off Barbie!

[ResidentEvil7Participant 9540]

Jokes from Bill Cosby Himself:

https://themanszone.webs.com/

[Author]

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