I have devoured this site over the past couple of weeks. I’ve learned a few things, identified with some of it, and generally been entertained. So I (reluctantly) feel it is only right to give back and contribute my story. Here it is.
I’m 29. From birth until I was 20, I got zero pussy. None. No female interest at all for 20 long years. All attempts to ask a girl out, ask a girl to dance, ask a girl to kiss me, was met with utter disgust and contempt. I was a bit overweight and a late bloomer. I was about six months to one year younger than everyone in my grade and was young looking to begin with, but I was not a disgusting monster or anything close to that. I let my utter lack of success with women kill my confidence. It completely consumed me and was constantly a source a discontentment. I had basically given up on pursuing women, only making the occasional half-hearted attempt, knowing what the outcome would be. It forced me to learn how to live life without women. I always had a large group of male friends, was a solid athlete, and loved to read. My life was generally good, but I always felt something was missing. Which is why every night, I would go to sleep just a little sad, praying to the big man upstairs, to “please, please, I just want one woman to love me.” Well, you know what they say, “when god wants to punish you, he answers your prayers.” And that is exactly what happened.
By 20 I was a junior in college, a virgin, and I was fed up. Over a two month period, I lost about 25 pounds, got in shape and started to mature and look older. No exaggeration, two months, basically overnight, girls started to f~~~ing throw themselves at me! I went from 0 to 100 in no time. Quite frankly, I couldn’t really believe how fast it happened or to the extent it happened, and I became completely jaded at the 180 degree drastic shift in women’s attitudes and behavior towards me. Women who just two months ago wouldn’t even look at me twice, basically pretending like I didn’t exist, were now all over me. Women in high school who unabashedly turned me down (a few in particular) were now acting all super friendly to me, acting like I was the man. I was the same exact person. Nothing changed about me other than my appearance. Literally two months ago I was the weird, creepy guy at parties with girls asking my friends, “why did you bring this guy?” Now I was the tall, dark and handsome guy, with girls asking my friends “to hook me up with him.”
After graduating college, I moved to the city to attend law school, and s~~~ just accelerated from there. Before this, I thought (was taught) that women were the fairer sex, demure, had manners, worthy of being worshiped etc … and that too got blown to pieces. In the past, I would think if (insert girl here) just liked me, I would treat her right. Now these same girls were getting unattractively sloppy drunk, following me into men’s bathrooms and whispering the most vulgar s~~~ in my ear. They were using every manipulative tactic in the book to try to lock me down, get me jealous, and get me to do things for them. Married women, women in relationships, would have no shame in completely talking s~~~ about their husband/boyfriend while flirting with me. Don’t get me wrong, all this new found success with women was f~~~ing great! But this drastic shift threw a hard truth right in my face; these women didn’t love “me.” They really didn’t give a s~~~ about me at all. And it made it hard for me to love them in the way I truly wanted to. Whereas before there was nothing I could say or do to get a girl to like me, now there wasn’t a thing I could say or do to get a girl not to like me. It was great, and utterly depressing at the same time.
Now that I had pick and choice of all these women, I couldn’t trust that a single one of them really loved me, or ever would love me beyond superficial things, like looks or what I could give them. My personality, who I was, was glaringly f~~~ing meaningless to them. How could I trust that if I ever fell on hard times, or got sick, or lost my hair, or whatever, that I wouldn’t immediately turn right back into that creepy, weird guy. Having the cold hard truth about women thrown in my face, unable to deny it, I have always kept them at arm’s length, never letting any of them get in too close or manipulate me out of all my freedom.
And now I am 29 and am expected, pressured by my family, society and married friends to finally settle down. But unfortunately, after everything I have gone through, from nothing to everything in the blink of an eye, I’m not sure that woman is out there. And I can’t help but think God is looking down at me, laughing, that he answered my prayers ten-fold, and I still go to sleep every night, still praying to find that one women who really loves “me.”
Keymaster 5 years, 3 months ago.
