Introduction and request for advice

[Shindo KokoroParticipant 6]

Greetings and Salutations.

I have a lot to cover, so I suppose I’ll break it into sections to make it easier to digest. First, a little bit about myself. I just recently turned 30, West Texas born and raised. You might consider me in some ways to be MGTOW-lite. I’m a very traditional Christian guy, and we’re commanded to go forth and multiply. It’s always been my dream to get married and start a family, and still is. And to be honest, if I ever did find that magical unicorn, I’d marry her.

I’ve never been good with women. Or average. Or anything but nonexistent to them. I’ve never had a girlfriend, never been kissed, and of the amount of dates I’ve had (All from dating sites) I could count on my fingers. I can’t talk to women, I just freeze up. Social phobias, I suppose. I’m the type of person that puts everyone above myself (Read: Doormat) and for the longest time what I was most afraid of was somehow ruining a girl’s day by letting her know I found her attractive.

You may think I’m pathetic, which is fine, because I certainly did. I spent quite literally the vast majority of my 20’s drifting in and out of suicidal depression and basically waiting to die. I believed I was worthless because there was no woman that wanted me. And it was really only a year ago that I realized we have reached the point where most women aren’t worth having.

It may not seem like a big change, but it feels like it to me. Most of the desire for suicide is gone. The depression is still there, but it’s different. Instead of focusing inward and hating myself, I’m just kind of sad at what society has become. I’m up over 350 lbs now, where before it was because I just couldn’t ever be loved, now it’s because there is no carrot to lose weight. There’s no wife at the end of the rainbow (There’s no rainbow), and I accept that.

My mother was a fine woman who loved me dearly, but suffered from a genetic terminal illness (I am adopted) and she passed away when I was 14. I live with only my father now. I don’t have any real income, but he is on oxygen all the time, and so I do help out around the house quite a bit. My situation now is that I find myself trapped between a rock and a hard place. Part of me knows that I need to start working, but the other part of me knows that to work a job and pay taxes would be forfeiting the only way I have to fight against the system that has created broken homes, broken men, and entitled women.

I am very politically-minded. Many of my past teachers would say that I am far too smart for my own good, and I’ve known for a long time why ideas like communism and socialism lead to disaster. So when the “social justice” movement came into full swing, I knew exactly what that was really about. And when Gamergate happened, and social justice started mixing with feminism, and common sense started rocketing off the cliff, I saw good people stand up and band together, and I finally felt like I had a little bit of agency back.

So here I am, for the first time in a long time standing on the precipice of finally feeling like life is worth living, and my first step now is figuring out where to start. That’s why I’ve come here for advice on how to do that, hopefully from some guys that understand and are sympathetic. All I need to get me going is a little motivation, so advice, encouragement, stories of similar situations to know I’m not alone, anything would be great.

[OldscoundrellParticipant 412]

Welcome. Losing a parent at a young age is a tough hand dealt.

From reading your intro, it is apparent that you have a martyr/white knight mentality. No shame in it, I was there once.

So if you are not ready to put yourself first, any advice on here is more than likely to fall on deaf ears.

That said. Hope you stick around for a while and read through all it has to offer.

[EntropyParticipant 902]

Hey man, thanks for sharing your story. I’m 30-as-f~~~ too!

This is NOT advice, nor am I telling you what YOU SHOULD DO… because you are the f~~~ing BOSS of your life… this is just what worked for me.

SIMPLIFY.

“People often associate complexity with deeper meaning, when often after precious time has been lost, it is realized that simplicity is the key to everything.”

Therefore, I guess the first thing you COULD do… the first thing I did… is just figure out what MGTOW means to YOU (which, i know, is way f~~~ing easier said than done).

Put some serious thought into it… once you figure that out- you will KNOW what to do.

I’m not being intentionally vague here… but thinking about what the next step is- only helps when you know where you are going.

(but if i WAS going to give you any advice, it would be: NEVER f~~~ing let a 130 lb sack of p~~~ed off cats get past the front door of your house… no matter how tight you think the bag is tied…)

Good luck brother.

"Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves" -BBR

[Shindo KokoroParticipant 6]

Oldscoundrell wrote:

Welcome. Losing a parent at a young age is a tough hand dealt.
From reading your intro, it is apparent that you have a martyr/white knight mentality. No shame in it, I was there once.
So if you are not ready to put yourself first, any advice on here is more than likely to fall on deaf ears.
That said. Hope you stick around for a while and read through all it has to offer.

Losing my mom has given me a unique perspective on grief. When you deal with an extended terminal diagnosis, you get it out over a long period, so others might see you as rather callous towards the entire situation.

I wouldn’t say I have a white knight mentality. I think men need to be men and women need to be women. I believe in the family and I think it’s under attack; not by men but by feminism, media, government, etc. I think a lot of men who are in touch with their masculinity have a strong desire to be loving husbands and fathers, and also that it would be insane to do so in a society that actively punishes them for it. Hell, I think alimony and sole custody are grounds for justifiable homicide. And I think it’s fantastic and so very appropriately male that there’s a movement that says “Until you fix everything that you broke due to your own actions, we’re going to let you suffer and go unfulfilled.”

But if you think I’ve got the definition of white knight wrong, please say so. I’m new here, and I want to learn.

[RoyDalParticipant]

Welcome!

Since you asked for it, my advice is to study up on the Stoics: http://99u.com/articles/24401/a-makers-guidebook-9-stoic-principles-to-nurture-your-life-and-work

In addition, study up on the truths found in the book 48 Laws of Power, by Robert Greene. It’s a best seller, so most libraries will have it. It’s on Amazon, of course. I recommend this for the sake of your recognizing the manipulations individual people and society in general inflict upon us daily — recognize them and counteract them.

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[Anonymous 42]

Kokoro, where does it say we should serve women in the bible?
Where does it say our wives should be arrogant whores?
Where does it say men should bow to the will of a woman?
Be fruitful and multiply? 2X2= WHORE!
What are the “fruits” of a modern woman?Ask Planned perenthood that question!
What is actually multiplied, misery?
We’re in uncertain times, our civilization is surpassing that of Sodom & Gomorrah!
Take the fire escape, This website and it’s contents will guide you to safety!
LIVE, LEARN, and LIVE AGAIN!

[Governor Megachris%Participant 3584]

Anonymous wrote:

Kokoro, where does it say we should serve women in the bible?Where does it say our wives should be arrogant whores?Where does it say men should bow to the will of a woman?Be fruitful and multiply? 2X2= WHORE!What are the “fruits” of a modern woman?Ask Planned perenthood that question!What is actually multiplied, misery?We’re in uncertain times, our civilization is surpassing that of Sodom & Gomorrah!Take the fire escape, This website and it’s contents will guide you to safety!LIVE, LEARN, and LIVE AGAIN!

Agree with this. If anything, I think Paul in the Bible had a serious point when he said it’s “better not to marry.” I’d have no problem protecting and providing for a family if I knew the woman would serve HER part. But the fact is, modern women DON’T. I don’t think it’s a coincidence women have an Eve-like rebellious nature.

[HitmanParticipant]

welcome ! be warned ..marriage is the only legal contract in which you cannot sue the other person for BREACH OF CONTRACT ! they may not marry you FOR your money , but they WILL DIVORCE you for it ! btw , getting a job is not ” serving the system ” in my opinion ..it actually makes you a productive tax-payer who EARNS their benefits when needed ..like social security , ssi , food stamps , housing ..emergency medical care , PLUS , earning your own money empowers YOU ! just sayin bro , just sayin.. plenty other ways to fight the system than not working .

[John Woods 13Participant 2855]

Welcome Shindo!
I think that you had that family life in your head and always waited to find that nice girl to marry and start living that life. But now that you realized that that girl might not exist, you feel there’s no purpose in even trying.
Well, let me tell you what happened. I did find that girl (or so I thought) and started “living the life”. All I can say is that had I been alone I would have been twice as productive, 4 times more wealthy and infinitely more happy.
The thing is, you were stuck in the Romantic Movie dream in which you see that the happy ending is when they get married. That is not what life is about. Nobody tells you what happens after that, because it’s boring as hell.
You may not realize it, but you are LUCKY. You can start living any kind of life you want, except the loving family life. But you would not be able to live the family life you ‘dreamed of’ anyway. Believe me, there are many of us here that tried and it always end up the same.
My advice is to think what kind of a man you would have liked to be in that “Life” and become that man. Then, when you can afford it, you could focus on other Christian values like charity, volunteering and other such activities.
Remember, a woman will not magically bring out your true potential. On the contrary, they will always stifle it.
You try and become the best man you can, physically, mentally, financially and spiritually, and you will be able to have whatever life you choose after that.

The answer is NO. “I could but I won’t”. Memini murum!

[OldscoundrellParticipant 412]

Shindo Kokoro wrote:

colbshank wrote:

Welcome. Losing a parent at a young age is a tough hand dealt.From reading your intro, it is apparent that you have a martyr/white knight mentality. No shame in it, I was there once.So if you are not ready to put yourself first, any advice on here is more than likely to fall on deaf ears.That said. Hope you stick around for a while and read through all it has to offer.

Losing my mom has given me a unique perspective on grief. When you deal with an extended terminal diagnosis, you get it out over a long period, so others might see you as rather callous towards the entire situation.
I wouldn’t say I have a white knight mentality. I think men need to be men and women need to be women. I believe in the family and I think it’s under attack; not by men but by feminism, media, government, etc. I think a lot of men who are in touch with their masculinity have a strong desire to be loving husbands and fathers, and also that it would be insane to do so in a society that actively punishes them for it. Hell, I think alimony and sole custody are grounds for justifiable homicide. And I think it’s fantastic and so very appropriately male that there’s a movement that says “Until you fix everything that you broke due to your own actions, we’re going to let you suffer and go unfulfilled.”
But if you think I’ve got the definition of white knight wrong, please say so. I’m new here, and I want to learn.

My advice was in the form of a poke, not a jab, for the advice that followed me. Mgtow is individualistic. It is easy to get caught up in a the way it has the effect of a movement when the numbers are steadily gaining.

So instead of moving a mountain, you are just climbing up for a better view.

[heads-upParticipant 320]

Shindo Kokoro wrote:

Most of the desire for suicide is gone. The depression is still there, but it’s different. Instead of focusing inward and hating myself, I’m just kind of sad at what society has become. I

This is what I would ask you too focus on for now comrade,just this.You did something big just coming here and opening up,maybe saying things you have never spoken to another person off.Big step right there.
You are struggling with a lot of issues here and we all feel you on that.’Can I ask that you make posts on these issues one at a time over time,theres no rush.
Depression can really stun the brain,bit like having a broken leg and trying to walk to a hospital.Its hard but as you accept things as they are and feel the sadness of it you are slowing turning things around.
Hope you stay focused on this road,
Good luck.

[Shindo KokoroParticipant 6]

I appreciate the advice from everyone. Maybe I should reveal a little more about my schedule to give things a little more context. I know some people were saying to find things to occupy my time. I try to adopt activities of meaning when I can. I don’t go out much, but I’m sociable if you approach me.

I have a small “job” with my church, which is little more than going in and opening/closing our school’s gym for local teams that want to rent it out. It’s not much but I do get paid. This takes about a half hour on certain weeknights or Saturday mornings. It’s not much, but it does give me a good opportunity to practice good work ethic.

Once a week, I lead a group in Trail Life USA, which is a program similar to the boy scouts. I lead the Mountain Lion group, which is the oldest of the elementary-age groups. This I consider my most fulfilling activity, as I get to mentor young boys, which is something I consider vital in this day and age. They’re too young for me to go into the pitfalls of modern women with them, but I get to teach them outdoor survival skills and concepts of masculinity, like honor.

Once a week on Sundays after church, I get together with a group of friends and we pay a tabletop game similar to D&D, but it’s Star Wars-themed. I’ve taken an immense liking to it. I get to directly contribute and help my friends fulfill their objectives. It probably doesn’t seem like much, but it’s been a great self-esteem builder.

I’m involved with a local chapter of a veteran’s organization. I was able to join because of my grandfather. For a couple years before he died, I’d help him go around to local elementary schools and talk about what it was like to be in WWII, and he’d tell various stories to the kids that reflected values of the times. I kept going to the monthly chapter meetings after his passing. I find being around people of that generation to be incredibly refreshing, and I try to soak up as much as I can to adopt those same mannerisms in my own life. It helps keep me grounded.

That’s about all I can think of that’s significant. If you guys can think of anything to suggest for me to attend that might benefit me, don’t hesitate to say it.

[Anonymous 29]

Shindo Kokoro wrote:

When you deal with an extended terminal diagnosis, you get it out over a long period, so others might see you as rather callous towards the entire situation.

Yes, been there and done that. Many individuals who have not watched or cared for a person who is slowly dying over a period of many years, that this person has mentally gone into a self preservation mode or else.
It is not that the person in question has lost all feeling or humanity, but must be more pragmatic and insulate them selves from a soul crushing situation.

Welcome.

[Author]

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