Home › Forums › Marriage & Divorce › Impact of divorce on your ex
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Soldano 3 years, 2 months ago.
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It truly is irrelevant as far as I’m concerned. My ex looks to be happy with her life, but I know better then to trust what I see on the surface, and really don’t care either way. I take that back, I do care because she’s still the mother of my kids and I would not want them to suffer in an unstable household.
I’m sure many would look and say she got the better deal. No one would say that I’m not better off then what I was before. Where would I be if we were still married? Don’t know, it’s not possible anyway. What’s done is done.
I’m not a fan of karma, there is really just cause and effect. I don’t want my ex’s happiness to tie in to my own happiness in anyway. Taking any pleasure in her unhappiness, or being upset about her being happy…just not how I want to live.
Ok. Then do it.
Me: “will getting divorced make you happy?”
xW: “NO! NOTHING will ever make me happy!”
For once, I have no reason to doubt her.
It truly is irrelevant as far as I’m concerned. My ex looks to be happy with her life, but I know better then to trust what I see on the surface, and really don’t care either way. I take that back, I do care because she’s still the mother of my kids and I would not want them to suffer in an unstable household.
I’m sure many would look and say she got the better deal. No one would say that I’m not better off then what I was before. Where would I be if we were still married? Don’t know, it’s not possible anyway. What’s done is done.
I’m not a fan of karma, there is really just cause and effect. I don’t want my ex’s happiness to tie in to my own happiness in anyway. Taking any pleasure in her unhappiness, or being upset about her being happy…just not how I want to live.
This is again a good attitude and a healthy outlook and I respect it. I guess the Karma thing again weighs in my mind because I wanted some vindication. Some justice after everything she put me through. But I’ve also I think reached a turning point recently after 4 years since the divorce started when I realized I just don’t want to hang onto that anger and bitterness anymore. Trying to let it go.
This is again a good attitude and a healthy outlook and I respect it. I guess the Karma thing again weighs in my mind because I wanted some vindication. Some justice after everything she put me through. But I’ve also I think reached a turning point recently after 4 years since the divorce started when I realized I just don’t want to hang onto that anger and bitterness anymore. Trying to let it go.
Three years for me and I feel like I am in a really good place now and it just keeps getting better and better. So nice just having to think about myself and not having to worry about trying (and failing) to keep some grumpy woman happy all the time. I am saving as much money as I can and I am looking at buying a house in the next few months. I actually feel as happy as I did in my early 20s when I had zero responsibility in life.
My ex on the other hand has got herself another blue pill wallet and I am so happy she is his problem and not mine anymore. I know her SMV is everything to her and that is rapidly going downhill so in a few years she will be anonymous and that will destroy her.
Mother nature is going to destroy her more than I could ever dream of.
For women, everything eventually boils down to Alpha Fucks, Beta Bucks.
9 yr dated and married for 28 yrs.
She looks older, the cats look older. I make ends meet and I see light to behold after the end of nine yrs spousal support (in six years). I am happier than ever. I still plan an early retirement even though it may be a wee subdued. I shall live accordingly and happily.
The impact on her> she is envious? disappointed that I’m happy and disappointed that I do not give her satisfaction to see me in hateful misery. I don’t hate her. An’ I don’t give a f~~~ about the money because I’d have spent it on her or us anyway. No real loss in fact I think I get out cheaper in the long run. I like my minimalist refrigerator. She didn’t spend me into debt but she spent $30-$50 ten times a week. She has not learned to budget or plan well. Perhaps her wallet finder gave a false reading.
She will not afford to keep the house.
Suspicion her to pretend like nothing happened and expect me to return to her. I cannot and I will not.
Something odd is about though.with joy/without hate
I like my minimalist refrigerator.
Not sure if it is minimalist or frugal or some other label, but I know I put out a tiny fraction of the garbage I used to when married.
When you realize you don’t really need much of anything to live well, that is a win.
Anonymous0Within 6 months of our separation the Chad she left me for dropped her for a hotter co-worker. She dyed her hair bar whore blonde, started wearing clothes 20 years younger and 30 pounds smaller and ventured out into her post-wall world only to find out she’s useful only as a wing girl (or is it swamp donkey?) to her better looking albeit shallow and temporary hive friends.
Thinking that would be the pinnacle of Karma, her employer chose not to renew her contract when it expired due to the drama between her, Chad and the co-worker.
Heard most of that from phone calls received at the hunting lease or on one of several hunting trips to Argentina.
Life just keeps getting better…….
Within 6 months of our separation the Chad she left me for dropped her for a hotter co-worker. She dyed her hair bar whore blonde, started wearing clothes 20 years younger and 30 pounds smaller and ventured out into her post-wall world only to find out she’s useful only as a wing girl (or is it swamp donkey?) to her better looking albeit shallow and temporary hive friends.
Thinking that would be the pinnacle of Karma, her employer chose not to renew her contract when it expired due to the drama between her, Chad and the co-worker.
Heard most of that from phone calls received at the hunting lease or on one of several hunting trips to Argentina.
Life just keeps getting better…….
“bar whore blonde” HAHHAHA. That reminds me. Back in 2012 when my divorce was really getting going after I moved out Christina Perri was popular with that “Jar of Hearts” song and she had that blonde streak of hair dyed through her dark hair. One day my ex showed up to pick up our kids at my apartment and had her hair dyed that way. Blonde streak. She was 36 at the time and she’s asian. I just thought it looked ridiculous. Plus she had those stupid eyelash extensions in. I opened the door and started laughing when I saw her. I told her she looked like a whore. She didn’t take that very well.
If young women had my job and could see the divorced women who get to the end of their working years broke and alone, they’d think twice before they go running to the divorce lawyer. Men lose in more divorce in the short run. Women lose much more in the long run.
If young women had my job and could see the divorced women who get to the end of their working years broke and alone, they’d think twice before they go running to the divorce lawyer. Men lose in more divorce in the short run. Women lose much more in the long run.
THIS!
Is precisely why older guys have to be effing careful. When all of a sudden you’re fascinating / genius / wisest / funniest … sorry, but they are getting desperate. They don’t want a shot at your wallet,
They.Require.It. Or else the life they are currently trying to have will come crumbling down around Them."It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."
Sorry to tell you the completely opposite side of the story…
but my ex, is having her time of her life.Maybe it’s just because her new relationship is fresh,but they travel all the time ,go for dinner to fancy restaurants, having good time at night clubs…nothing compared to “life inside a marriage”.
She is more happy than ever.
Don’t know though if it’s gone stay that way.But for the time being…I suffer…she enjoys life.
Life turns on a dime
Sorry to tell you the completely opposite side of the story…
but my ex, is having her time of her life.Maybe it’s just because her new relationship is fresh,but they travel all the time ,go for dinner to fancy restaurants, having good time at night clubs…nothing compared to “life inside a marriage”.
She is more happy than ever.
Don’t know though if it’s gone stay that way.But for the time being…I suffer…she enjoys life.
Oh that is definitely how it’s been for me. The last four years were hell. Actually the last year after help from my family giving me a chance to start over and helping me go back to school and start a new career; well things are finally looking up. But it has sucked and it seemed like my ex was living the high life. Everything was great. But, recently I’m seeing some signs the honeymoon is over. She’s asking for more and more money ostensibly to help my sons but it’s not money I’m obligated to pay and I’m already paying plenty. Plus my sons have started texting recently about the behavior of my ex and her new husband. And my sons are very content with me; they don’t usually complain. So…
anyway. I think as others have pointed out the ultimate goal is to get to the point where we are at peace with things and just don’t give a f~~~ anymore. I think I’m getting there.
Of course I care about my sons. And in a couple of years the window will be open for them to come live with me if they choose. And it’s looking like they will. Hell my younger son has been saying since immediately after I moved out that he wanted to live with me.
Anonymous3Maybe it’s just because her new relationship is fresh,but they travel all the time ,go for dinner to fancy restaurants, having good time at night clubs…nothing compared to “life inside a marriage”.
I would say for us to take Narwal words very seriously, as they are very wise.
A man has to create and cherish his own happiness, regardless of others.Don’t even care if your wife is temporarily happy. If she becomes miserable, can you be happy with that?
I know a woman would. They are ruthless and vindictive creatures.
But men are not.
The best we can do is not care. No f~~~s given.
If we dwell in revenge and anger, then we might as well dig two graves. Thats what one gets by giving a f~~~ where it was not longer our place to give a f~~~.
As one of our brothers says: not my circus, not my monkey.
Sorry to tell you the completely opposite side of the story…
but my ex, is having her time of her life.Give it time. My ex left me for another man 11 years ago and I saw the same things you did for years. Hard to take. The chinks in the armor started after about 5 years when she began to realize living with a pirate is not all its cracked up to be. They barely see each other now and she openly admits the best part of her new marriage is when he’s not there.
I know it’s not the easiest advice to follow but concentrating on your well being is the best thing you can do right now. It took a long time to get my head cleared, sometimes it’s impossible to be positive with all the crap going on in your head but things will change:
Men lose in more divorce in the short run. Women lose much more in the long run
Believe this, it’s true. I can’t think of any decent guy I know who had a woman walk out on their marriage, that isn’t doing better than their ex. Hang in there.
Fun Fact: This past summer my oldest daughter told me she had to go see my ex to help cheer her up. Apparently her new husband decided that to celebrate her birthday he would book himself in for a colonoscopy. She spent her whole day in the hospital. later that night he took my ex and my youngest daughter out for a birthday dinner and when the cheque came he asked my daughter to split the bill with him (she’s 18 and a student). When he went to the washroom my ex slipped my daughter some money to pay the bill and apologized for him being a complete jerk. I commented to my daughter: “I don’t know why she was so upset, any birthday spent with an anal probe shoved up his ass all day should be considered truly special” . My daughter told me a few days later that she repeated my comments to my ex and apparently that helped cheer her up considerably.
My ex tried to hook the guy of her dreams, the one she wanted for 14 years, i.e. during our entire relationship. She told me so the week I put her on a plane to her home country (The states). She didn’t get what she wanted, she figured out the guy she wanted wasn’t good enough for her and now she’s miserable, stuck in a dead end job. She’s proud that she can still get men but doesn’t realize she’ll never have a relationship longer than a few months ever again.
She’s in therapy now for who knows what and of course wants me back. While she does want me back she doesn’t seem to have a single thought for what she has to offer me now which is a big fat nothing.
In a way I feel sorry for her. She had a perfect slave catering to her every need, didn’t have to work a day in her life while she was with me and basically could commit to any hobby or activity she wanted to, which incidentally she didn’t do because she preferred sitting on the couch complaining about the things I did, didn’t do or said.
So the impact on her I’d say is quite significant but I don’t feel like doing anything about it anymore. I think in the end our collective will to do stuff for women simply erodes away in the endless waves of bulls~~~ they throw at us. Once we don’t feel like ‘working’ for them anymore we become useless to them and we find freedom through non-cooperation.
"Listen to all, Follow none"I think in the end our collective will to do stuff for women simply erodes away in the endless waves of bulls~~~ they throw at us.
Another great post on this Sunday. I feel we finally realize the thankless job we have been toiling at is truly thankless.
And who needs that?
My wife told me our marriage was over when I was hospitalized for a serious medical condition.
She said she couldn’t take the stress of me being so sick (ie having her golden goose threatened, with no back up plan).
When I left hospital, I had to move into my own place, and beg to see my kids for a few hours each week.
She met another guy. I took it hard.
But then karma caught up with her.
I won’t go into details, but I am doing brilliantly, and she has hit The Wall hard. The guy eventually figured out how much of a c~~~ she was, and left her.
I gave her most of my assets to f~~~ off. It was a hard hit, but more than worth it.
And I fought for my kids. And won.
NGE
My wife told me our marriage was over when I was hospitalized for a serious medical condition.
She said she couldn’t take the stress of me being so sick (ie having her golden goose threatened, with no back up plan).
When I left hospital, I had to move into my own place, and beg to see my kids for a few hours each week.
She met another guy. I took it hard.
But then karma caught up with her.
I won’t go into details, but I am doing brilliantly, and she has hit The Wall hard. The guy eventually figured out how much of a c~~~ she was, and left her.
I gave her most of my assets to f~~~ off. It was a hard hit, but more than worth it.
And I fought for my kids. And won.
NGE
That’s horrible. When I was going through my divorce reading relationship articles and books, trying to process and figure out where I went wrong (blaming myself, like my ex blamed me); I read a lot of statistics. But one that really stood out in my mind was I read that in cases of one spouse leaving the other directly because of a crisis (job loss, bankruptcy, illness); in 90% of those cases it was the woman leaving a man.
Seen this with my ex and also mates with there ex.woman pre plan 12 months before and after brake up ,attention and act like a teenager for 12 months on a f~~~in high they have ripped ya heart threw your arse hole and having pre manipulated every one into thinking your an arse hole.drama and attention and on the carousel. After the first 6 months i have seen this many times chicks go full c~~~ mode.so any guys with kids plsn your offense immediately because she will not remain amicable.it will be all your fault.
Totally agree, my ex wife had been planning the breakup and her new exciting life for a while. First she joined a gym, lost loads of weight, bought new clothes and started going out on girls nights out. Then she became obsessed with Facebook and would spend every spare second on it. What I didn’t appreciate at the time was she was messaging guys and meeting up with them in secret (although she denies it to this day).
Anyway,I find out, we split up and she makes out it is all my fault and gets excited about her new carousel life. I know she f~~~ed some 20 something guys (number one on any new separated woman’s list) and was messaging a guy who she knew who was into swinging (MFF 3some, number two on the bucket list)
6 months later she must have realised she was pump and dump fodder and moved another man into the house. Was this the rich, exciting, Brad Pitt lookalike with the right mix of decent guy/bad boy attributes she thought she deserved? No, it was an older dad from school with two children who left his wife for my ex!
About a year later I started getting the “I miss our chats” messages from her, probably while her new beta wallet was snoring next to her. She is still with the guy after two and a half years but she has turned him into a total slave, plus has taken out massive loans with him to buy me out of the house.
So although they are not married she is 6 figures in debt with him and I suspect she is bored of him being a total mangina. She is nearly 40, put the weight back on and is rapidly loosing any SMV she had left. I think she will have a massive crisis when she hits 40 and will be desperate to get back on the carousel but cannot afford to get rid of this guy due to the debt they have run up.
I on the other hand have zero debt and a nice 50% cash house deposit in my give a f~~~ fund. I am f~~~ing younger and hotter girls than her and I know that p~~~es her off.
I think the impact for my ex was that it hasn’t quite panned out how she thought, she has ended up with a beta older than me and they have 4 children between them. But I suspect she knows if she now dumps him she will be broke and end up pump and dump fodder for a few years before smashing into the wall hard.
Crazy. Your story is the same as mine, except my ex used weight loss surgery instead of the gym.
For me, it’s only been 7 months, but I wonder if my (her) future will mirror all the stories I’ve read here. Seems like it probably will, you guys have been better than any psychic so far.
Shit tested, Brother approved.
Sorry to tell you the completely opposite side of the story…
but my ex, is having her time of her life.
Maybe it’s just because her new relationship is fresh,but they travel all the time ,go for dinner to fancy restaurants, having good time at night clubs…nothing compared to “life inside a marriage”.
She is more happy than ever.
Don’t know though if it’s gone stay that way.
But for the time being…I suffer…she enjoys life.This is exactly / precisely what MEN have Got to internalize.
The sheer gall of laydeez, putting men through hell, and some into hell via laydeez actions AND THEN EXPECTING US TO COME BACK FOR MORE!F~~~ing c~~~s.
No empathy whatsoever.
No shame.
No remorse.
It’s the quote out of Terminator: “It’s what they do! It’s all they Do! You can’t stop them”- once they have the upper hand AND Society has given them precisely that.Never Again.
No Repeats.
Never.
Lady lurkers – f~~~ you! Fix what you’ve done or kiss my ass.
"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."
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