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Tagged: anxiety, male figure, Newbie, Single Mother
This topic contains 36 replies, has 30 voices, and was last updated by Antipathy 2 years, 8 months ago.
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I discovered MGTOW on Sunday, after a weekend that ended with a woman I was dating telling me I was not worth her time and that if I tried to approach her again she would tell the entire office I’m a virgin. I explained that in detail in my intro. Before this weekend I had no idea about the red pill or any of the ideas discussed here, but I know that if I hadn’t found it, I wouldn’t be trying to crawl out of the hole she got me in. I would have probably ended my life, the emotional pain I felt was so much. This incident was the final straw, it wasn’t an isolated one but the accumulation of everything just really got to me.
It has been so hard to try to understand why this happened to me or why it happens to a lot of men. In all honesty, is hard to change a lifetime of trauma in only a couple of days here, but I’m trying my hardest. I promise. I’m reading and listening to everything all the guys here have sent me. But I still woke up this morning feeling very sad. I’m 25- years-old, and I know my life hasn’t been great, and that maybe I should much stronger mentally but this morning, just thinking about going to work and seeing this woman walk around the office, just made want to vomit out of sheer anger. I’ve suffered from panic attacks since I was a teenager, and I’m afraid that it might happen to me at work. The level of cruelty she showed towards me, make me believe that she might enjoy seeing me like that. Not sure if anybody else here has ever had a panic attack in a public setting, but it’s one of the most horrifying things ever.
I guess I’ m not sure why panic attacks happen to me, but maybe it’s connected to how I was brought up, or maybe is genetic. I don’t know. The past couple days I’ve been thinking a lot about how I grew up. I was raised by a single mother, who had a lot of boyfriends throughout my childhood, my aunts, and my grandmother. I never had a male figure in my life, so I never really knew how a man had to behave. My mother’s love always felt conditional. If I behaved the way she wanted me to then she acted caring. She wanted me to always be polite, a gentleman, and be quiet. She always told me she didn’t want me to become like my father. None of the men she dated ever stuck around for long. As a kid I honestly always hoped one of them would stick around and be my dad. Like, I just wanted someone to take me to the park, or an ally in this house full of women. I never had a voice in this house.
All my childhood and teenage years my mom wanted to have just caged at home. I never had any friends because I had to go from school straight home to take care of grandma or help my aunts. I didn’t mind. I’m not ungrateful. They did provide for me, but I never felt much love. I always felt like my aunts, my mom, and my grandma would project their hatred towards the men in their lives on me. Sometimes I just wanted a hug you know? Or like to feel protected or like someone had my back. Of course, I was always super shy and quiet because that’s how my mother taught me. I was an easy target for bullies at school. When I showed up with a black eye or bruises none of them told me to fight back or that they would help me out. They would instead be mad at me. I always felt they were so ashamed of me just because I was a boy.
My mother didn’t want me to hang out with other boys or young men. She never allowed me to play sports, or to join any activities. I wasn’t allowed to bring friends into the house and I had all the duties of “the man of the house.” Whatever that meant. To me it meant that on weekends I had to mow the lawn, or clean the house, or run errands. It was a pretty sad childhood and teenage years. When I became a teen I felt like me being a young man caused a lot of conflict at home. Like my mom and my aunts didn’t want me to be masculine. I was just normal you know? Like any other 16 or 17 year –old boy I wanted to do things. One time one of my aunts accidentally caught me masturbating, and it was like the end of the world was coming. She told my mom and she scold me. She told me I was disgusting and that nice people didn’t do those things. I felt so ashamed and embarrassed. Little by little I just became a shadow of a boy. It was like she didn’t want me to be a man, or like being masculine was a crime. It really messed me up, and of course, I had to dad, no uncles, no grandpa, and not even cousins because my aunts never married or had kids. I was the only boy in that family. I felt so alone and like they didn’t understand me or wanted to.
When I finally moved out of that house I tried to start a normal life, but it was very difficult to get my mind off what I had been trained to feel. Believe it or not my panic attacks and anxiety actually got worse once I moved out. I felt so incompetent, like I didn’t know what to do with so much freedom, and that would make me freak out. For the first time in my life I started trying to go on dates, often very unsuccessfully. I’m not a model or an actor, but I think I look Ok, so I always thought that if women were not paying attention to me it was because of my personality. Sadly, even at this stage in life I couldn’t find supportive men around me or friends. Co-workers at the office were all married with kids or in long-term relationships with their girlfriends. Sometimes I just wanted to go out for a beer you know? Like to have a buddy to talk about that new movie or that one awesome football game, or whatever. I noticed that most of the guys at the office either hanged out with other guys that were married or with their high school friends. I didn’t have any high school friends and at some I just stopped trying to invite co-workers out for beers. Rejection hurts a lot, and I guess I was already wrecked emotionally to take more. When I turned 21, a few years back, I thought of looking for my dad, but I knew my mom wouldn’t tell me anything, and maybe he wouldn’t want to see me.I kept on trying to date. Back then I felt like asking a girl out was the bravest thing a guy could do. Sometimes they would say yes, but then when I asked for a second date they would just act like if I was harassing them. Dating apps just made me feel even more stupid. I felt like it was a job interview just to get a date. I thought, “Is there really not a single woman that’s interested in me?” That hurts a lot. It make questioned whether I was the problem, or maybe if I had listened to my mother, or maybe if I had a better job, or if I started going to the gym they would find me more attractive. At the same time, I often feel like I have no voice, like nothing I say matters. At work and everywhere else I’m often told, “You shouldn’t talk about that because you are straight white male.” I just feel so dismissed, like my thoughts just don’t matter for being a straight male. I mean just because I’m a straight male doesn’t mean I can’t feel compassion right. Why do women and society have to make me feel like I’m the worst monster just because of how I was born?
For those of you who don’t know yet, I was recently dating a woman from work, which I now see was a terrible mistake. We went out for a couple months, but she didn’t want to have sex. I’m a virgin, and of course I was excited with the prospect of having sex. After a couple months dating I decide to plan a weekend getaway as a special occasion for us to finally be intimate. She cancelled on me the day we were supposed to leave (Friday). Then she wouldn’t reply to my calls or texts. There was no reason for her to act that way. We hadn’t argued or anything. I was really upset and shocked by her behavior. I went to her apartment on Saturday and she very aggressively told me she wanted to do with me and that if I approached her again she would tell the whole office that I’m a virgin. It just f~~~ing broke me down badly. I’m still not fully ok, but thanks to the fact that I discovered this site I’m trying to get out of this hole. This girl would always tell me that she thought I was too innocent and pure for her, but I guess I thought she meant it in a good way. I don’ t do drugs, I don’t drink often, I have no tattoos, I’m respectful. But now I see that being innocent or naïve is a negative quality for women.
Saturday I did drink a lot after she told me those things. I got really drunk because I was angry and hurt. On my way home I took an Uber, and the driver told me he had seen the same “lost puppy” eyes I had on so many other young men. Then he told me about MGTOW, and that’s how I go here. I don’t want to be a mangina. I don’t want to disappoint all the guys that have shared their wisdom with me here, but I know still feel weak mentally. It really makes sad that I never had a father in my life. I wondered how different I would be if I had had an ally in my life growing up. At 25 I still feel like a child and not a man, and that angers me with myself. Sorry for the very long post. I just have a lot of thoughts in my head right now.
Welcome to the big Dysfunctional Family of men.
Let’s just clear up one thing all mothers are single mothers so don’t feel bad doesn’t mean you’re a mangina or whatever it just means that those are the circumstances. You’ll have plenty of chances in your life to get laid, and many more chances to turn women down which feels really good.
Most of us were brought up by our mothers who taught us to not trust men, once the process is reversed Life starts getting better. Take a deep breath and have fun on your journey
I can see their heads have been twisted and fed with worthless foam from the mouth. Bob d
Go Easy ….
Go Out Today and SPOIL YOURSELF, Give Yourself a Break…
When first encountering the Red Pill TRUTH, YOU can become shattered to realize the LIE that YOU have been Living under your ENTIRE Life.
With some TIME and EDUCATION, this sadness usually turns into Red Pill Rage.
With even MORE TIME and EDUCATION, the Rage TRANSCENDS into No F~~~s Given / Peace / Tranquility.
Life is a series of Processes, MGTOW Theory/mind set is No Different.
In a World of Justin Beibers Be a Johnny Cash
Anonymous43Jebus on the cross, there is nothing to forgive brother. Please stand and hold your head up. There is nothing to be ashamed of. You are the product of your environment, and your society. But you are also a product of your biology. You are a man. Accept my handshake man to man.
We have all been in this bewildering place, you are understanding that everything is a lie designed to crush you.
The way to defeat blackmail is to out yourself, and proclaim that you have a superior position, and that no woman is good enough for you. It is the truth. I sold out at age 21, and regretted it for the rest of that relationship, she wasn’t worthy, and I caught her in bed with an ex boyfriend about 3 months before we were to get married.
Women want to wreck you. Men will work with you to build you up.
You will come to bless the name of the Uber driver who dropped you off here.
please ask questions, float ideas, theories and rants. Do it here, not in the real world where there are real consequences.
the drinking thing, that usually makes things worse. Altered consciousness f~~~s you up for a while, then you are back in the same spot, with a hang over… no Bueno amigo.
The redpill requires clear headed thinking.
Anonymous42I discovered MGTOW on Sunday,
That was the day your life was handed hope that springs eternal, you became one of the awakened.
You were raised in a pow-wow teepee where the women menstruated at the same time and life became storms of rogue waves you set you clock to about once a month!
Musta been hell around that time of the month!
Don’t apologize for anything that happened to you in the enemy POW camp! We too know how to often women can be cruel, sadistic, hate filled vengeful creatures, your fingernails will grow back.
Welcome to a group of brothers that really care about men like yourself wanting to shed the cloak of darkness that has been cast over you, lift the deception, straighten your thinking!
Relax brother. We all have emotions. Just accept and understand their origin. You will get through this. Welcome and take a load off, like other said, don’t beat yourself up, you’re only human.
My father committed suicide when I was 13 years old. He left us when I was 5 years old the first time. To make a long story short life can be cruel! It’s ultimately your decision whether to fight and survive or just lie down and wish you were dead. Today I don’t have much time to write but just know that men everywhere are silently suffering. In a sense what does not manage to kill you Will make you stronger.
If you feel like it check out this topic about surviving that I posted a while back. Hang in there young man.
You must own a better Crystal ball than I@DB I’m going to agree with May here on this one. There is nothing you need to ask forgiveness for. This is part of a beggar’s mentality. It is part of your conditioning. Conditions change for men. Men make them change. Once you’ve been here for a while your life will improve. Your thoughts will become clearer. You’ll understand that your work chick is not worth one ounce of worry.
Stick around. Brothers got ‘yer back man.
My mother’s love always felt conditional. If I behaved the way she wanted me to then she acted caring.
This may be the most significant point – early on you learned that love is conditional on FEMALE APPROVAL. That explains why you (and many of us) go to women = to get from them what we couldn’t get from our mothers. When the girls dont give it to us, we are once again frustrated.
The solution for us is now realizing WE DO NOT NEED FEMALE APPROVAL to be loved, just OUR OWN APPROVAL.
Anonymous54If you boil feminism down to its root core, it is about emasculation.
You, unfortunetly have paid the price for this.
Your upbringing is not yours to opologize for.
It is for the women who stole from you to opolgize for.
Hang out here.
20,000 plus big Brothers to show you the way.
Be Proud to be a F~~~ING MAN!!!
Just because you are!
This quote is all that needs to be said man. I had a s~~~ty upbringing too, but only YOU can shape YOUR future.
There is no need to apologize things YOU can’t control.
However, YOU can control YOUR future.
Fuck bitches... literally and metaphorically
I think you turned out to be a decent guy given your upbringing. You need to learn to forgive yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong, the same kind of thing has happened to me with women. You can give them the world and they will still ask for more. It’s not you, it’s them.
I know it’s hard but try to forget what your mom and aunt’s taught you. You are a human, you are a man, you are in control of your life. If you base your happiness on the actions of other people, you will not be happy.
You learned your lesson about dipping your pen in company ink. Try to look to the future, do things you want to do, do things that interest you, and you will find happiness.
And by the way, the c~~~ at work, isn’t worth YOUR time.
Disenchanted,
Welcome. Your mother and aunts don’t love you unconditionally. You are ok to them if they can use you as a utility. AWALT. Your experience with these women is not unusual. In fact it is the norm, unfortunately.
Glad you found this site. Keep posting and read all the posts you can. There are many good men here who will care about you more than your blood relatives.
I would strongly recommend reading “the manipulated man” by Esther Vilar. It is available for free via downloadable PDF or you can listen to it on youtube. There are some other good resources I have found and would recommend you tubing: sandman, tfm, and redonkulous. there are many others I’m sure.
I would hate to be your age nowadays (I am about twice your age). There is nothing wrong with being masculine. Find it in yourself and embrace it. Anyone who doesn’t like it can f~~~ off.
BIB
"Women are directly adapted to act as the nurses and educators of our early childhood, for the simple reason that they themselves are childish, foolish, and short-sighted—in a word, are big children all their lives, something intermediate between the child and the man, who is a man in the strict sense of the word. Consider how a young girl will toy day after day with a child, dance with it and sing to it; and then consider what a man, with the very best intentions in the world, could do in her place.” Quote from Arthur Shopenhauer, 17th century philosopher
Anonymous1One time one of my aunts accidentally caught me masturbating, and it was like the end of the world was coming. She told my mom and she scold me. She told me I was disgusting and that nice people didn’t do those things.
Anonymous1So, first of all, there is nothing to forgive, work on that attitude because I had that aswell and it sucks. I can guess that comes from feeling guilty, is that possible that you felt guilty because your father was not there for you? like you were the reason for the missing of your father in your life? If you answer yes to this question GET THIS THING OUT OF YOUR MIND BECAUSE IT IS NOT TRUE.
I ask that because I felt guilty when my father passed away, even if I had nothing to do with his death. I share a lot of experiences with you, I spent a lot of important years without a father, basically to be a man I had to turn into one by myself. It is f~~~ing hell, but I have done it, you can do it.
After discovering MGTOW and TheRedPill you are already in a better spot, I’ll share with you one of the points from the main redpill constitution:
21.) Single Mothers Breed Weak Men:
Single mothers are ill-equipped to breed men, and overwhelmingly lack the tools necessary to give a boy the guidance he needs to reach a higher stage of male development. Boys don’t meet their potential, they are poorly disciplined and have little sense of purpose or life direction. Poor discipline breeds low confidence and passivity, qualities which are inherently anti-charismatic in nature and hence deleterious to a man’s romantic chances.
As bad as it seems, I think this is true in 99% of the cases.
If you want to read more there you go: https://illimitablemen.com/archives/understanding-the-red-pill/red-pill-constitution/
Welcome again!
Ho’s ain’t s~~~. Including your female relatives and the one at work.
I think you got a classic lesson in my rule #1 (“don’t crap where you eat”). I had that rule for decades before going red pill. (If I had only gone red pill back then) Never chase pussy at work, because work pays bills.
I’ve discovered good jobs are harder to find than pussy. I used to suck at getting pussy but it is easier now with age… my SMV goes up and the female SMV does down.
All my life I've had doubts about who I am, where I belonged. Now I'm like the arrow that springs from the bow. No hesitation, no doubts. The path is clear. And what are you? Alive. Everything else is negotiable. Women have rights; men have responsibilities; MGTOW have freedom. Marriage is for chumps. If someone stands in the way of true justice, you simply walk up behind them and stab them in the heart-R'as al Ghul.
I get that you don’t feel like you are in a good place emotionally, but you actually are in a rather good place physically. You are young and a woman has not ruined your life yet. You have your whole life ahead of you!
I get that you have this need of gratification from women, and somewhat from other men. That isn’t real though, as those men and women don’t have the power to define you. It may come to a point where you start getting the attention you want, but you still won’t have control over your happiness because you placed it on someone elses hands.
So I’d recommend that you understand that you have a journey ahead. Don’t expect big changes overnight. Keep ready. Do things that you want to do without regard to how others might feel about it. If you want to play sports, then look into doing that. Maybe start off small by just going to the gym or jogging. Work on listening to yourself above everyone elses voice.
Ok. Then do it.
First of all, give yourself a pat on the back for being man enough to speak openly about your worries and fears; it is something a lot of men are too fearful to do. Secondly, realise that your reaction is expected under those circumstances – but also misguided. Do not be angry, be grateful – you’ve dodged the proverbial bullet. You will realise as time goes by that almost if not AWALT.
She cancelled on me the day we were supposed to leave (Friday). Then she wouldn’t reply to my calls or texts. There was no reason for her to act that way. We hadn’t argued or anything. I was really upset and shocked by her behavior. I went to her apartment on Saturday and she very aggressively told me she wanted to do with me and that if I approached her again she would tell the whole office that I’m a virgin.[…] I don’ t do drugs, I don’t drink often, I have no tattoos, I’m respectful. But now I see that being innocent or naïve is a negative quality for women.
This behaviour is more common than you would think. I think a lot of men have experienced this sudden “change of heart” – do yourself a favour, and promise yourself that when she comes sniffing back around, you’ll respect yourself enough to not play into her hands. Women like innocent guys they can play with, to give them a sense of power and dominance. They will pick you up and put you down whenever it suits them, deluded into believing they are the almighty species and their superhuman vagina can ensure men are forever their slaves. Perhaps they use if for affirmation, or validation, or maybe (and more likely) they’re just a c~~~ who feels powerless in all other aspects of their life, and using a decent bloke to make themselves feel important gives them a modicum of reassurance.
I’ve sworn off women for good – they can take their toxic, negative, manipulative, deceptive bulls~~~ and f~~~ themselves with it until they are overweight and depressed middle aged women with f~~~ all in their lives besides a beta cuck and a bottle of gin to keep them company.
Go forth and prosper brother, you are in the world of reality now where you can focus on yourself and your own emotional stability and spiritual well being without exhausting your energies on undeserving c~~~s.
No-one's yet explained to me exactly what's so great // About slaving fifty years away on something that you hate // About meekly shuffling down the path of mediocrity // Well if that's your road then take it, but it's not the road for me.
I was raised by a single mother, who had a lot of boyfriends throughout my childhood, my aunts, and my grandmother. I never had a male figure in my life, so I never really knew how a man had to behave. My mother’s love always felt conditional. If I behaved the way she wanted me to then she acted caring. She wanted me to always be polite, a gentleman, and be quiet. She always told me she didn’t want me to become like my father.
N~~~~ you need a healthy helping of getting angry as f~~~. I’m not even being figurative. You don’t even know how to be a predator. Your mom’s bulls~~~ turned you into a declawed, neutered, dwarf cat inside of a man’s shell. You aren’t just beta, she turned you into an omega. On top of that you give way to many s~~~s. It’s no wonder you have panic attacks. You should have tried to shoot a wad into your aunt’s eye to even justify the bulls~~~ that would have come out later.
You need to go to the gym, then learn to box, get angry and pound a punching bag and spar, and do all sorts of s~~~ to build what seems to be almost no real confidence. You provide about as much fortitude as those fainting sheep you see online. Sweet lord your mom’s resentful, controlling, passive aggressive character may be the reason men bounced like she was a carnival ride.
Little tip, dear lord be MORE like you think your dad must have been. I feel for you mang, we are all going to make it, brah. Have some inspiring words from Zyzz-
1. Become your own Positive Male Role Model.
2. Go outside and play.
3. Stop giving any f~~~s.
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