I'm screwed

[hidden_withinParticipant 59]

I was just introduced to this site by a friend and I have to say I love it.
Now on to my f~~~ed up situation. I have been married for 15 years and we are currently living with my in laws. We lost everything and had to move back to Michigan (with the in laws). We have three kids with the oldest being a 13 yr old girl. The only money we have is the weekly paycheck I bring home. The wife finds a way to burn through that by Monday (I get paid on Fridays). We had all of our stuff in a storage unit and we lost it as well(long story) she blames me for everything. She has turned my 13 yr old against me and my in laws hate me. I can’t really afford to get a place yet and our credit is f~~~ed.
I don’t mind sharing the blame because we’ve both made decisions and here we are but she blames me for everything. Not only that we had a great sex life and she was very affectionate right up till we lost the storage unit. It was like a switch was flipped and her emotions went the opposite way. I’m pretty sure her heart turned to dry ice. How do they just turn the emotions off?
My mother in law hates me and my father in law is fighting Alzheimers so home life is a riot. My wife stays at home (she is a an RN but she doesn’t have her Michigan license yet) and listens to my M.I.L. spew hate towards me while I’m out working my ass off to try and earn money to get out of here. Of course as soon as I earn the money she spends it. “the kids need this, we had to pay for football etc..”
Sorry to sound like a pussy but I needed to rant. All of my friends seemed to go away about the time I got married….
We are supposedly christian’s, in fact she is at a church function with our little two right now. I guess the whole “till death do you part” thing is ok to ignore for the women. I have never cheated on her.
Sorry for the tirade it I hope it makes some sense. Thanks for being here for me!
Andy

[TattooDaveParticipant 6952]

Whatever you do realize that this is all just a temporary situation that the person that you are right now is not going to always be the same. You can have peace of mind even in the most horrendous situation if you know that there is a way out and there is. Begin by stashing away some cash to make your Escape. Sometimes these things are just necessary but you have to begin by helping yourself. Start putting money away to leave now

I can see their heads have been twisted and fed with worthless foam from the mouth. Bob d

[TuneoutParticipant]

Welcome brother and yes an ‘escape plan B’ is always
good to have in case Plan A doesn’t work out.

Lifes a bitch,but you don't have to marry one!

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Hello Andy and welcome!

hidden_within wrote:

I was just introduced to this site by a friend and I have to say I love it.

Tremendous. But I do wish it was under better circumstances!

hidden_within wrote:

I don’t mind sharing the blame because we’ve both made decisions and here we are but she blames me for everything.

That’s what women DO — blame men for EVERYTHING — as if she’s not even an active participant and played no part in it. If you’re not careful and you allow her to do this, you can end up blaming yourself for everything too.

But how can women blame men for everything when they refuse to acknowledge if the man didn’t DO anything – nothing at all would have happened?

Very quick to blame, but very slow to congratulate.

You don’t need “blame” when there is such a thing as personal responsibility. Be very careful with what you shoulder responsibility for, and you’ll find MOST of what women blame you for isn’t your fault. It’s a big mistake we men tend to make.

• “I didn’t say the right things”
• “I didn’t listen enough”
• “I should been there more”
• “I shouldn’t have worked so much/hard.”
• “I should have brought her flowers when she behaved like a bitch”.
• “I should have practiced my “game””.

It’s all bulls~~~.

It’s very important for your peace of mind to be clear on what you are responsible for. If a conflict is 100% avoidable by HER, then she doesn’t get to blame YOU for that.

hidden_within wrote:

It was like a switch was flipped and her emotions went the opposite way. I’m pretty sure her heart turned to dry ice. How do they just turn the emotions off?

A more appropriate question might be… how do they just turn it ON??

Women can say “come here/go away” in the same sentence, and go hot/cold at the flip of a coin. If she can turn it OFF so easily, then she can act the OTHER way too.

You see a woman flip so easily, you begin to wonder if she was “acting” the part of wife the whole time. They actually end up treating their husbands – the man she once pretended to “love” – WORSE than if she never met him at all.

Creepy as s~~~.

hidden_within wrote:

She has turned my 13 yr old against me and my in laws hate me.

Social manipulation is their warfare. Men use fists, bombs , & guns to neutralize a threat. Women use backstabbing, social manipulation and ostracizing from a group. Nothing is more devastating to a woman than being ousted from a group or ignored, so they “fight” using those weapons against men.

Beating them at this game requires an understanding of how they “fight”. You don’t use a fighter jet to win a sword fight. You have to play the same game in order to “win”, and you may have to start being more creative.

hidden_within wrote:

I needed to rant

By all means. Feel free.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[hidden_withinParticipant 59]

Thanks for your replies guys! I was almost starting to believe the “you’re no good and it’s all your fault” BS

[KeymasterKeymaster]

hidden_within wrote:

I was almost starting to believe the “you’re no good and it’s all your fault”

She WANTS you to think that. It’s attempted manipulation and nothing more. Do not let her get away with it.

REPEAT: If a conflict is 100% avoidable by HER, then she doesn’t get to blame YOU for that.

She’s your WIFE. You’re not *supposed* to have any conflicts with your wife. She vowed to love you until death. So once you’re married, it’s not about “who started it”…. it’s who could have AVOIDED it. The idea is to stay married that’s her responsibility as much as yours. If that’s not her mission anymore, then what the f~~~ is she doing making vows in the first place?

You have to think like that.

Women often start squawking in a marriage and suddenly turn “cold” / unaffectionate / complaining etc. but it’s her DUTY to not complain about the very man SHE CHOSE to marry.

Else one day a man wakes up and reads about all of his shortcomings on Oprah and CNN.

“Happily Married Dreaming of Divorce” and blaming him for EVERYTHING — including greeting her ungrateful aging ass with a SMILE in the morning. just because she would rather behave like a bitch before 10AM.

Can you imagine blaming yourself for that??
Unacceptable.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[Anonymous 54]

Oh Man…We’re all pullin for ya Brother!

[TattooDaveParticipant 6952]

Thank you mgtow mentor

I can see their heads have been twisted and fed with worthless foam from the mouth. Bob d

[TattooDaveParticipant 6952]

Hard to believe but it is rarely your fault if ever the women are always putting us to the test. Time for an epic fail not your part

I can see their heads have been twisted and fed with worthless foam from the mouth. Bob d

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Here’s another gem: “Research finds women feel happy when their husband or partner is upset”. That’s how they convince themselves “the relationship is strong”. Yes really. That’s how f~~~ed up they are.

You were asking how they can flip so easily??

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/9126265/Research-finds-women-feel-happy-when-their-husband-or-partner-is-upset.html

So perhaps you’re actually not as “screwed” as you might think. You’re better armed to understand what the f~~~ is going on and can act accordingly. No need to blame yourself, and you won’t permit her to blame you for it anymore either.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[Anonymous 54]

So one would conclude that women percieve contentment and tranguility as apathy.And then they have to start some s~~~ so they know you care. WTF. ..Stash some cash. Plan your escape.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Anonymous wrote:

So one would conclude that women percieve contentment and tranguility as apathy

Yes that’s what “I’m bored” means.
That’s what “he’s too nice” means.
That’s what women mean when they say “he just doesn’t do it for me”.

MANSLATION: He doesn’t give the crack addict her fix for attention, drama and conflict, and stupid mundane s~~~ to gossip & complain about with her “friends” and Oprah.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[The Manipulated ManParticipant 1856]

Greetings HW,

Since your situation is so screwed up, it is a bad idea to give out your real name (Andy) here.

hidden_within wrote:

I was just introduced to this site by a friend

That is a good friend.

I am surprised that the wife and Mother in Law has not sabotaged that friendship.

hidden_within wrote:

We lost everything and had to move back to Michigan (with the in laws).

It helps to write about it for yourself and for others who may be going through the same thing. And to warn others about the land mines ahead.

You can start a thread in the Money section of the Forums or you can add it here on your introduction thread. There is no time limit or maximum limit on words.

Here are two threads that I am planning to write about on the topic of “losing everything:”

A couple of musician friends lost their home because of a s~~~ty loan through Band of America also known as “Scank of America.” For a few years, they only had to pay $1200 per month. This couple spent every extra dollar on home improvements. Fish pond/ garden; deck; new roof; recording studio; kitchen; bathroom; and electrical service upgrade. At some point, the bank increased the monthly payments which my friends never believed possible, but it was in the fine print somewhere. The monthly payments increased so much that they could not afford to make them (5X the original) and the bank eventually foreclosed.

Another friend lost his home after a fire and the misplaced trust he gave Wifey to pay the Home Owner’s Insurance. He worked hard unloading trucks at the docks and she had some college education in accounting, so he never expected her to be stupid enough to allocate the money needed for insurance payments to pay for her shopping sprees. The house burned down while she was out at the mall. He was still responsible to pay off the loan for the house.

hidden_within wrote:

we lost the storage unit.

Like the banking scams, these storage places will auction off your stuff as soon as you miss the payments. It is happening at an alarming rate.

hidden_within wrote:

It was like a switch was flipped and her emotions went the opposite way. I’m pretty sure her heart turned to dry ice. How do they just turn the emotions off?

Nice description HW.

When it happened to me, at first I did not have the words or concepts to describe what I was witnessing, even though I knew something was wrong.

There are some great posts on MGTOW which discuss this phenomenon. It is important to have ideas to help us understand the objective truth of what is happening. The Archives are a Gold Mine.

When a man first comprehends this strange behavior, it is easy to think that she a “special case” and maybe he just picked a “bad one,” but the truth is AWALT.

This took a while to sink into my thick skull. After my divorce, I thought I was safe dating numerous women. But, I was always shocked how cold blooded my “Soul Mates” were when that “switch got flipped.”

A common dodge that woman use to hide the “switch being turned off” phenomenon is their frequent “health issues” which is a favorite among married women. I was fooled by this scam too often.

hidden_within wrote:

We are supposedly Christian’s, in fact she is at a church function with our little two right now. I guess the whole “till death do you part” thing is ok to ignore for the women. I have never cheated on her.

There are some good things about a spiritual life that you should not give up, but you will do better by being aware of the risks and protect yourself.

I have found that there are too many “Loop Holes” in the churches and Holy books that allow the parasites to take advantage of us.

There are a lot of terrible things happening to men involved with organized religion that are just like the story mentioned above about how my friends lost their home to B of A, or “Scank of America.”

What happens when a man finally comprehends the cold and calculating thoughts that are going through a woman's mind, while her eyes are brimming with tears?

[Jan SobieskiParticipant 28791]

No you are not. This is temporary. You will survive.

Welcome home brother.

Love is just alimony waiting to happen. Visit mgtow.com.

[hidden_withinParticipant 59]

Our daughter has had quite a bit of trouble with bullying, cutting, suicidal thoughts etc…she has been hospitalized several times for these “problems”. The lady I’m married to and I were talking to my daughters counselor in December about our daughter and the counselor told my wife that the worse thing she could tell our daughter was that she (wife) was going to leave me. She had told my daughter that she was going to leave me 2-3 times up till that point. We always stayed together because I ate my pride and bowed down to the demands of my wife.
About four months ago the wife got p~~~ed at me because I was let go from a job. At first she was all “so sorry, I know how hard you tried, you will find another etc…” that lasted two days and then it was “get out”. My wife told my daughter at that time that we were splitting up. We stayed together until my daughter accused me of hitting her and said she wouldn’t stay in the same house as me. (Social Services knows that my daughter lies and they don’t believe anything she says) I actually did leave for a month or so. Slept in my car for a few days and then went up to family in N. Michigan. During this time my daughter was calling suicide hotlines and cutting and blamed it on me. We did get back together and the daughter actually straightened up and started doing well.
Fast forward to two weeks ago and my wife told my daughter that we were splitting up. Due to financial reasons (we don’t have any money or any where to go) we have been together and sleeping in separate beds. Lately my daughter has been “struggling with suicidal thoughts again”.
My daughter and I were on our way home from a church function making small talk and she told me that when mom finds a house I am not moving in with them. She then went into the house and plopped on the couch and started texting. After a few minutes she said she was going to take a shower. I asked how she was doing and if I needed to sweep the bathroom for sharp stuff. She said she was fine and then promised she wasn’t going to look for something to cut with. My wife just took her to the ER. My daughter is fine but she did cut in the shower and she is saying she wants to die. I know my daughter is doing this to cause chaos and divorce. My wife knows she does this too. Right now it is of course all my fault.
Sorry this is so long. It probably doesn’t make sense. The moral of the story is I have my wife against me and my 13yr old daughter.
I have to say that we have been to numerous counselors and psychologists for my daughter and they all agree that this behavior is for attention. I do take the behavior seriously but she uses it as a tool. A means to an end. Maybe I’m a s~~~ty father too.

[survivorParticipant 610]

Andy:

Hello I’m survivor and like you I’m a married guy (still) and a Christian also. Yeah, there are some married guys here, not many, but some. Marriages don’t come up often here, understandably. First you have my deepest sympathies on the crappy situation. Like me, you and I both found the red pill after marriage, and I’ve decided it’s cheaper to keep her and it would be a sin anyway to divorce now at this point, which is going on 20-years unless I catch her in bed with someone else.

Your situation is salvageable.

Pray and search diligently for jobs that pay enough to get out of your in-laws house. That’s your # 1 thing. God said a man and woman who get married should leave and cleave to each other. That can’t happen in your wife’s house and that’s why the sex has dried up some, too. Find a place to rent that is at least 30-minutes away or an hour away. It’s far away enough for you to be alone and an independent family but close enough to help with relatives with Alzheimer’s. Also your mother-in-law can’t just wander from room to room spewing garbage at you like she does now. Here where I live I rent in another city 2-hours away from my in-laws though I do have enough cash saved up to outright buy a new place in my wife’s hometown which is cheaper. But I’m not going to live 20-minutes away from my wife’s mother and her sister who sponges off of her mother and everyone else’s goodwill because she can’t handle things like waking up and facing the day. Plus it’s stinking hotter than blazes there, too.

Also, don’t let your wife stick you with the blame for the whole situation. Remind her of the mistakes she made. Say: “Yes, I did this but you also did this and this.” Don’t let her pin it all on you and remind her you’re working on getting out of it as soon as possible.

Don’t let your daughter get away with crap and priss around. She is still under your authority and if you need to physically enforce discipline in a situation, no matter what it is.

On top of that, as a Christian you need to pray and see what God’s will for you is as a family. That’s a whole different subject but if you’re not in His will things will not go well. The further away you are from His will the louder He will shout through situations and circumstances to get you back where he wants you. God might even lead you back to where you were originally, who knows? Pray and listen to him and his voice in His Word and at church. Being in His will can erase many of these negatives in your situation, instantly.

Peace.

survivor

"Shot through the heart, and you're to blame, You give love a bad name, I play my part and you play your game, You give love a bad name."--Bon Jovi

[StandUpGuyParticipant 334]

Hold on here. I think that you are being played by some messed up people.

In this kind of situation find a reason to do two things.

One: Give your wife an allowance so you can save up some cash. She will bitch and threaten; but it is only way to get into a better situation for you and your family. Remember, she blames you so turn it around on her. Tell he that, you need to be more responsible by budgeting better and that your working on it. See number to for what else to do.

Two: Be out of the house and away from the bad situation as much as possible. I nice second job that is very easy to do but may pay little is a great way to do this. Also job training, schooling, recycling for money; bottom line anything that gets you out.

Keep your chin up and know that many on this site feel your pain and are here to help. We have your back brother.

[EyeswideopenParticipant 2930]

Keymaster wrote:

Yes that’s what “I’m bored” means.
That’s what “he’s too nice” means.
That’s what women mean when they say “he just doesn’t do it for me”.

MANSLATION: He doesn’t give the crack addict her fix for attention, drama and conflict, and stupid mundane s~~~ to gossip & complain about with her “friends” and Oprah.

Your so correct Keymaster.

When my ex took off, one of the many excuses I was given was “I need someone to have a good fight with”. At the time, I was absolutely floored. I thought at the time a couple was suppose to work through problems rationally and compromise. Over our whole relationship I never raised my voice to her.

To the OP, don’t be me. Don’t blame yourself and cause needless emotional scars. It’s just a woman being a woman c~~~.

- Marriage is described as an institution. You would have to be crazy to be commited to it. -"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not people or things" Albert Einstein

[FrostByteParticipant 19005]

I can’t offer any better advice than what’s been given.
Hang in there and welcome

If you rescue a damsel in distress, all you will get is a distressed damsel.

[hidden_withinParticipant 59]

Thanks for all the support guys. I understand God’s will and we are not fully under His umbrella. Our finances have been separate for awhile. My wife is a bit of a shopaholic as well. I understand I need to sack up and get it together with her as far as finances go. We lost everything. That’s a message. Especially for my covetous wife. It’s hard to take authority when there’s only one person who wants to work at the marriage.
That’s where I’m at now. Try to fight for the marriage again or squirrel away money and leave. I’m tired. I hate to break my little ones hearts though. Another part of me says don’t make any decisions until we get our own place and things settle down.

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