I’m 56, white male 5’8″ 190#. Worked my ass off all my f~~~ing life. Hard work. Physical work. I’m a f~~~ing mechanic, but not cars. Monster s~~~. I’m self employed for 7 years now. I trained myself long ago to look at bigger pictures, in all things. Bigger, and bigger, and bigger. As much as your mind can handle, then stuff some more. I didn’t become an engineer because I saw that I could make more money and gain more satisfaction as a tradesman. I also wanted to become a doctor, but my basic problem with that was that I don’t like people lol. I’m an introvert for the most part.
I don’t care about me, I care about our future as a species. I f~~~ed up, created progeny, and inextricably tied my fate to humanity. Dammit all ta hell lol! Otherwise I’d have been gone. I think. I hope! Oh well, it’s my story and I’m sticking to it and yup I’d like to think that if I hadn’t f~~~ed up, then this species could just go right ahead and self exterminate without my having contributed one iota.
Because:
I saw through it all so long ago, that all I wanted was disassociated with civilization. Not through brilliance I don’t think, but bullheaded refusal to accept contradictions. I had it incredibly simplified at an early age and when folks asked me what I wanted to do when I was a prepubescent 12 year old, the answer was always 3 short words. Go to Alaska. That f~~~ing simple.
Like I said, I f~~~ed up, the Alaska dream disappeared before age 20 for sure, now fast forward almost 40 f~~~ing years. Yeah, I never made it to Alaska but it’s cool, if I don’t die first my plan is to ride my f~~~ing Harley to the goddam North Slope in the next few years unless I f~~~ it all off and do it this summer after I ride to the Black Hills. Last year I rode Utah for 2 weeks. Had my beautiful little 42 year old whore driving my truck with doggies and pulling the MC trailer from campsite to campsite. She would go her way in the truck with doggies, me and my buddy would go ride our bikes through chapter after chapter after chapter of God’s own petroglyphs all day. It was glorious and hilarious, how irrelevant we truly are. How overimpressed by ourselves. (Not me, I think we’re imbeciles as a species LMAO).
In my little life, the females that have twisted up my world consisted of:
a Shelly whom I never even kissed but is the one I compare all others to. We were best friends but I just wasn’t good enough to be her male. God we clicked. So long ago, and the yearning for that connection is still there. I think to myself, if she and I had made babies and done the American dream…. she’d be 57 and all saggy baggy flabby, and I’d probably want every woman I saw except her LMAO!
Anyhow she broke my f~~~ing heart lol, and on I went.
I had a beautiful blonde with huge t~~~ and 3 or 4 more women that I can recollect almost 40 years later while I was in the process of trying to figure out how to get my young ass to Alaska when out of nowhere I get blindsided by lust and love and babies hence 20 years later we have Ex1, and a Thai whore, and a steady gf for 7 years, then a bunch of whores from OKstupid. Then Ex2 for a couple years followed by 2 years with a gorgeous 42 year old Lost soul widow-girl, an intelligent imbecile that couldn’t understand nor assess and remember her own stories, and even though none of them except Ex1 hurt me financially(other than the money you’ll waste on any c~~~)(and I had a prenup with Ex2) and I had long ago figured out the fallacy of feminism and the malice of marriage, I once again found myself with mutha f~~~in PTSD like symptoms when my absolutely worthless, drunken, absolutely self centered and absolutely inconsiderate, 42 year old widow-whore recently went her own way.
Even though I totally and absolutely disliked her for the most, I freaked the f~~~ out.
The only reason I took her was as a whore, I figured hey no loss when she leaves. I knew she would leave,x wanted her to. But no, not this dumb mutherf~~~er, not me,,,I f~~~ing freaked out when the drunken little brat finally realized she was nothing to me except a whore and she left….WTF is wrong with me? Why the hell would God make me so goddam stupid that I feel I need an unarguably worthless f~~~ing c~~~ to make me feel fulfilled?
I think the species is f~~~ed, all things considered insofar as economy and technology and geopolitics and overpopulation and etcetera ad nauseum, with a MASSIVE correction absolutely imminent.
I think it’s a man’s job to see through the irrelevant bulls~~~, work his stupid ass off and fix some s~~~. Or leave it to the real men, because a whiny c~~~ can’t fix s~~~.
I can’t believe that I’m stupid enough to post on a forum. I saw through forums years ago, I thought. Maybe I was wrong, I told myself as I wrote. I can always disappear again. I’m f~~~ing good at that. I choose not to disappear, because I THINK WE NEED TO MAKE MEN, TO DO THE IMPENDING MAN’S JOBS! IT IS BY GOD COMING!
Meanwhile, I think I need the pain of realizing how stupid I am so that I can just stay clear of women the rest of my life. Except to f~~~ one of them every once in awhile, but I’m not there yet. Right now I need to embrace my stupidity, see through it, conquer it.
Later
smith3472 3 years, 9 months ago.
