i returned to my blue pill hell part 3

[Anonymous 43]

where did I leave off…oh yes, a week after I met up with oldschool in where I used to live.

He invited me to go back and hang out for the weekend. So the night before, both of us were chatting here with a brother who was struggling. Oldschool and I have both been in this feller’s place and we could see bad things happening. to all of our collective relief, this guy came back the next morning all sobered up and dumbfounded that there was a bunch of strangers caring more about him than any of his own friends.

I get being so frustrated with life that I was ready to end it all. Jebus on the cross, I refuse to let another man die for a c~~~ if I can do something about it. Part of the reason I reached out to oldschool, thank you brother for taking my hand. We helped each other.

Sooo Its a couple hundred miles from where I’m staying and oldschool’s place. lol went to bed at 3, up again at 5 on the road. I stop at a gas station about 10 miles from the c~~~’s house, gas and some breakfast. Holey Fuk, my car is surrounded by 6 police cars…supervisor, 3 of his goons, a couple sheriff cars and an evidence tech truck.

I am 10 miles from the c~~~, the last time I was in the same county, there was a tracking device on my car, and she was chasing me through town…f~~~. It can’t be, that car was traded in in Florida, this car i’m in is clean, unseen by the c~~~, one cop is looking at the front of my car…no front plate, and he looks at the back…Kansas is a no front plate state. I get in my car and drive slowly away. It is 9am, I’m guessing this is the morning shift change rally point or something. ummm yeah. 10 miles from the c~~~, high conflict divorce, im in contempt for a couple things and I have a firearm in the trunk. oh f~~~ oh f~~~ oh f~~~!

Oldschool, I hope to f~~~ you appreciate the chances I took for you brother drivin 200 miles and running the gauntlet of cops, and I hope you also appreciate that you are worth it. lol

So after a big ass steak burrito breakfast and c~~~ blocking some random strange, we set off for a shooting range. Oh s~~~, I’m out of state, but I have my FOID card…fire arm owner id card required in Illinois. Oldschool is a regular, waves his hand in some mystical way and says you don’t need to deny him access to the range…and the guy mumbles something about my card is fine proceed to the range. I am in awe of this man.

so then we fire off a couple hundred rounds, such that one of oldschool’s targets almost completely fell off the rig. just a savage display of marksmanship.

I like taking long shots, putting shots in a small circle from 75 feet away is crazy awesome, while oldschool prefers to do his shooting up close and personal…like gunfight in a closet I guess. 9mm for him, .22 for me.

as he showed me around his place, he told me about his struggles with his c~~~, standing in the yard where he had his go/no go moment. I couldn’t help but be moved, and marvel at the mental and emotional strength of our brother to continue to live in the house where he almost met his end…the one phone call is too real for our friend.

Oldschool is the third MGTOW brother I have met, and we all have that one moment when a c~~~ made the one phone call that set in motion a chain of events that led us to this forum. That moment is so important to us, it is one of the defining moments in a man’s life. The ultimate betrayal, and the total surrender of all sovereignty to the state for adjudication. I do not wish that moment upon anyone except the our c~~~s who will share a seat on the bus to hell, fare cheerfully paid by us, paid in full.

I don’t know about you guys, but shooting at the range is a religious experience. All the steps of preparing the bench, unlocking the cable lock and unlocking the weapon, clipping up the target all feels like watching the priest prepare the
Holy Sacraments. There is an order, a solemnity, and a purpose to each step. I am holding the means of my destruction in my hands. This is my final defense against the c~~~ and the state from f~~~ing me over one last time. The revolver I use is quite heavy for firing such small rounds. Please God, keep my hands straight, and my ammo ready for when I need it. Jebus on the cross a 9mm is a loud fukn round!

So driving home, I get the biggest jolt of my life. Next to me in traffic, just ahead of me a half a car, in the other lane…I see an old car, I know this car very well, as I have paid for it, repaired it maintained it, washed waxed gassed it up and drove it for 12 years before being thrown away. It is my older daughter! omfg I saw my daughter driving in my old car. I think she was going to work I didn’t think I’d see her on my trip to my blue pill hell. she didn’t see me, wouldn’t expect to see me. I was at her 4 oclock…blind spot. I’m supposed to be 900 miles away, and she wouldn’t know this car. omg my daughter is alive and well singing to the song on the radio, driving to work? understand I have a no contact order on her as a minor child, now she is almost 19. my daughter. my beautiful daughter, my child. 10 feet away. oh this is too much too much. I had to pull off the road and just breathe. just breathe. I hadn’t seen her since August of 15, in a s~~~ty little town halfway between my place and the c~~~’s house. I was going to Kansas that week to live and teach. she told me to go and be an awesome teacher, she said she and her sister would be fine. omg my child was right next to me and I watched her drive away. I wanted to run after her, like Zhivago running after Lara…f~~~ Id probably have a grabber too. and she would just keep going. my baby. f~~~, I let her just drive away oh come back please. please

she wrote me a letter at Christmas time telling me in perfectly worded sentences and beautiful penmanship for a 17 year old to go f~~~ off, and the perfectly worded soliloquy delivered by my then 13 year old daughter seemed way to perfect, no cross outs, no corrections, no ummms, likes or upspeak. the c~~~ poisoned them. the letter seemed practiced, and so the speech. crushed doesn’t describe how I felt that day…lost in court, lost my apartment, and lost my kids.

I wanted to share my joy with you brothers, my elation that I saw a quick glimpse of my lost child. Oldschool, I cant thank you enough for the invitation to hang out. I am truly sorry what you had to go through to intersect with me and for me to have this happy encounter. Your association brought me an unexpected bonus. Bless you Oldschool as you go through your days.

I drove home the 200 miles very slowly shaken, numb and just hoping the car knows the way home. my daughter. on the one trip through this county I will make in this decade and i saw my baby. I don’t know who to thank for that small gift. it can’t be concidence, this is a heavily populated county, is it southern Cook county? 4 million people live in this county. F~~~ the odds, thank you whatever got me that close.

I slept very soundly that night, all night for the first time in years I think. I saw my daughter. she still has no way of contacting me directly, and I will continue to assume the court order still applies, I do not want the c~~~ knowing I am in this state. I don’t need another assraping in court for a random encounter. but I saw my child.

ok I’ll shut up now, I am blabbering like a moron, and losing frame. but I had to share my good fortune with my mgtow brothers. I’m moving this week, with a smile on my face.

[MGTOW_MikeParticipant 6253]

Anonymous wrote:

. Oldschool, I cant thank you enough for the invitation to hang out. I am truly sorry what you had to go through to intersect with me and for me to have this happy encounter. Your association brought me an unexpected bonus. Bless you Oldschool as you go through your days.

I and the other brothers are so happy that you are happy! It was a gift from a higher energy. I am not a father, so I will never truly understand how you feel.

A scene I enjoy watching, when I am feeling so depressed and down:

A tranquil mind is neither happy nor sad, it is uninfluenced by external conditions.

[AposematicParticipant 2671]

Parental alienation. Your DD has to “Hate” you to keep xYf “Happy”. Something so common can hurt so many men , so badly! In Australia, in a contested divorce, the parents have no “rights” to see their child other than what the bench gives them. To easy to amputate and throw Dads away. Sorry, I have nothing but compassion for estranged fathers.

Afinogyny.. from the Greek Afino {to abandon/ to set down/ to leave /to allow/ to let } + Gyny {Women} MGHOW’s philosophy to not engage women without “hating them”. Narcorca =Narcissistic Orca typically spouting to a bathroom mirror taking an arms length selfie ; Wallinate describes post wall females whose SMV is terminally negligible New Years resolution "To not make women happy" . Instadestitue: yet another Neologism for Men that cohabit with women that decide to pull the handle of intervention orders.

[Billy&The CloneasaurusParticipant]

Wow. Very powerful post, thank you. If I had any tears left, your story would have brought them to my eyes.

I know how you feel man. I haven’t seen my daughters in a month now (nothing compared to you, I know)…a no contact order is in place and I’m losing my mind. I hope I can see them soon.

I love hearing about mgtow helping fellow brothers out. The shooting range sounds awesome. When I finally get a new place to call home I’ll be able to unpack my stuff and hopefully get out to the range…unless the cops seize my collection, which is a possibility with the charge the ex filed on me. I will know more later this month.

Be strong guys and hang in there.

The answer, is no.

[Anonymous 43]

why is my daughter rolling around in a 19 year old rusty faded economy car with over 250,000 miles? didn’t my child support go to helping my child?

this tells me the c~~~, having spent $300K on the divorce and having bought a second house is just getting by. on 150 thousand f~~~ing American dollars a year, plus what I give her!

[joetechParticipant]

There are no words to describe a father’s love for his daughter, but your words came very close to doing exactly that. The fires of Hell will burn quite brightly when your ex graces the Devil with her presence. I’ve never even met her, but I have such contempt for her.

"Don't follow in my footsteps...I stepped in something."

[Back in BlackParticipant 1732]

May 7,

I feel for you. I hope your daughters someday realize how much you love them. They need you and don’t realize it. I appreciate how you expressed yourself. I would struggle mightily in your shoes. I have a young son and daughter I adore and their c~~~ of a mother is always trying to alienate them from me. It is a long war. We are warriors. I salute you my brother in arms. Keep taking care of yourself, you never know what the future will hold.

BIB

"Women are directly adapted to act as the nurses and educators of our early childhood, for the simple reason that they themselves are childish, foolish, and short-sighted—in a word, are big children all their lives, something intermediate between the child and the man, who is a man in the strict sense of the word. Consider how a young girl will toy day after day with a child, dance with it and sing to it; and then consider what a man, with the very best intentions in the world, could do in her place.” Quote from Arthur Shopenhauer, 17th century philosopher

[MarketWatcherParticipant]

Another great topic May and I hope Oldschool sees it. What are the odds of seeing your daughter on the road? Crazy story brother.

[OldschoolParticipant 2481]

May 7th, I was so glad to have hung out with you that morning, talk about a MGTOW morning, eat big fat steak burrito, shoot guns, then you got to see my house and “spot”. The week before it was a MGTOW night at my campground partying our asses off, mind f~~~ing woman ( they had no idea who they were dealing with) a me drinking a “few” beers till the sun came up. Next time we meet up we will figure out a way to fill an afternoon with some other MGTOW stuff to round out our day so to say.
As for your daughter… Here is my take, you drive a few hundred miles to help me out because you know the s~~~ vortex and you reach out to me. This was God, the universe, Karma, whatever, paying you back for your kindness. You came to check on me, to help if you can, you received a friend and a glimpse of your daughter. The stars are starting to align for you now, hang on brother it’s gonna be a fast ride to the top!!!!
Ps. stay out of those sorority houses.
Oldschool.

Get a vasectomy.

[Anonymous 43]

thank you brothers for sharing my joy and bittersweet pain, god dam it, theres something fukn with my eyes. allergy or something;)

when I finally get the life I want, and finally roll out of the last of my s~~~ vortex, I will be standing on the shoulders of giants, you my long lost brothers.

I know my children will come back someday, if anything, out of curiosity. maybe to apologize for what they had to tell me.

long ass trip to get here, and I watched a total jackwagon blow out the bottom of his car, metal clanking in the road, puking oil and coolant driving hard weaving in and out of traffic. there is go your own way, then there is going that way, lol

my daughter looker healthy, maybe happy? well, happy in spite of the hole in out hearts that we share, missing a loved one so far away. or next to us in traffic. I saw my baby. I can’t stop smiling, my cheeks hurt!

[NerdTunnelerParticipant]

Great post May…Your story and struggles is an inspiration to the countless others who are struggling…Hope your life is turning around now and you are getting stronger….Good luck brother…Your daughters will find you…

I stand with feet apart and let my balls hang free...Manginas dont have balls...See how they stand and sit at the whim of their masters...

[Author]

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