Not entirely sure if this is the right place, but it is divorce related.
I just found MGTOW a few days ago, and that same day I had a brief visit with my grandmother. She was relaying the latest developments in my cousin’s ongoing separation battle. Afterwards my mind wandered back to a moment in time late in 2008, to a situation where I thought I did the right thing. And then it hit me like a slap in the face: I f~~~ed up. Every man needs to be in charge of his own destiny, but without my intervention things could have been different. So to share the tale:
In late 2006 my cousin got me a job in the oilfield. We were roommates and also worked on the same crew, it was a lot of fun. About 6 months later he started dating a girl 5 years younger than him. I never really got a good feeling from her, seemed like a split personality or maybe just a good actor. He never seemed truly happy with her, but it was sort of tough to gauge. Our work was away from home, so he’d head home on his days off to be with the girlfriend. She’d occasionally come to visit on a weekend while we were working. Anyway, near as I could tell he was close to breaking up with her. And then that life changing news: she’s pregnant. He didn’t speak as to how he felt, but I could tell he was uncomfortable with the situation. He decided to quit his job and find work close to home to do “the right thing” and be a father to the child. And in true oilfield fashion, we had a going away party for him on his last day and the booze was flowing like crazy. The town bicycle was at the bar, she was all over him and he all over her. Now, I am not an outspoken person. Not even close. So when I told my cousin “think about what you’re doing”, I feel like the impact of my words may have stopped him in his tracks. Whether that was one of those “butterfly effect” type moments or not, I’ll never know. But it just hit me now that it very well could have been that had I stayed quiet he would have cheated and destroyed the relationship he was in.
As it turns out, the reason he was uncomfortable was she trapped him. “I’m on the pill, don’t wear a condom, yadda, yadda”. And then she pulled the goalie. She “thought he wanted a family” and made the executive decision to stop taking her birth control. He paid to put her through school, bought her a more reliable car and later a brand new SUV. Sold the modest house he had paid off and moved into something twice the size and much newer. All while things were less than peachy. Any time I stopped to visit for a weekend, it was always an uncomfortable situation. She was less than hospitable and I was slightly disturbed by the way she would turn something as minor as a discussion over what to have for supper into a war. I could tell things were degrading, he was a man just existing and quite clearly contemplating making a split.
And then just as he seemed close to pulling the pin, it happened again. Number two is on its way, go figure. He says in retrospect he should have clued in. She was never intimate with him, and then she was suddenly all over him again, quite clearly with a purpose. But for him this was enough, he finally decided he couldn’t live with somebody trying to control his life while at the same time trying so hard to make it unbearable.
His battle has just begun, and I must say it is ugly. Fortunately, it seems he has a pretty good lawyer and is a level headed guy, and better yet is dealing with a judge that isn’t an idiot. His ex, on the other hand seems willing to cut off her nose to spite her face and almost every move she makes backfires. He’s slowly gaining ground, but regardless of the outcome he’s going to be as broke as the day he was born. But worse than that, the ex is using the kids like pawns right now. I hope they can make it through this undamaged. Sadly though, despite that red pill dangling right in front of him my cousin has not grabbed it and shoved it down his throat. He’s got a new woman. She seems nice, but then again most of them do try to seem nice.
So there it is, a moment I’m stuck thinking back to. My idea of damage control may have actually done more damage in the long run. I don’t blame myself, but I do wonder “what if….”.
Nathan R. Jessep 3 years, 4 months ago.
