I let that happen

[TriviumParticipant 1029]

By now you probably have seen an endless litany of things that should’ve served as red flags but here are my personal ones as a warning to all and a reminder to myself that if I ever get confronted by someone trying to limit me in these and other ways (male or female) that I will be of sound enough of mind to throw them to the curb as soon as possible:

1. You can’t play that
Early on in the relationship this one reared it’s ugly head. Now admittedly I am always up for a game of something (PC, board, pen and paper of any genre, length or complexity) but I am also a code both in hobby as well as work. ‘She’ however though all I did was game, I could show her what I was doing in visual studio and I was still just playing, I could run her the java applet I had been working on and it was still just a game, I could be working on an ABAP RFC in SAP and I was socializing. If I was playing a game I was also always cheating even if it was single player. I had so many arguments and fights about spending a few hours on the computer every day it was ridiculous. By the end of the relationship I wasn’t allowed to play ‘any’ multiplayer games or anything with a connection to the internet.

I let that happen.

2. You never hang out with me
I hate shopping. I hated it so much that even the thought of having to follow her around being nothing more than a carrier and a mobile wallet drove me absolutely nuts. I told her as much and all I ever got was ‘You never hang out with me’ Which was the one stop fix for pretty much everything I didn’t want to do but was eventually brow-beat into doing anyway. We lived in the same house, we talked every day. By the end of the relationship I was so well training I would propose a list of activities and let her pick her favorite. I didn’t even bother adding anything I would enjoy because she would just say that I want to get away from her.

I let that happen.

3. You can’t say that
Words… they’re all just words. I use a lot of them. I string them together in creative, sometimes arbitrary ways occasionally annoying who is ever forced to read my walls of text but I was never restricted to use words until I met her. She didn’t like certain words. She mostly didn’t like anything British. By the end of the relationship I had to use ‘the american’ version of everything. Frankly I don’t care whether it’s an elevator or a lift, braces or suspenders, trainers or sneakers and for the most part I can’t correctly determine whether it was british or american. Language was a complete minefield of trigger words, war could ensue over words that could even be clearly traced back to ancient greek or roman roots.

I let that happen

4. You can’t go there
If you think it’s bad asking for permission to play a game try having to ask for permission to hang out with friends. My friends are all electricians, coder geeks and mechanical engineers. The most dangerous thing we do is play catch with charged capacitors or occasionally hijack some electronic devices. We didn’t go out to clubs or bars or any place that would even bring us near to ‘her’ competition.
By the end of the relationship I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere without her except to work (and even then she thought I was just having fun).

I let that happen

5. You can’t see him anymore
My friends are all either married or I just simply have lost touch. It was always the same. She had to go wherever I went and then she would say afterwards: “I don’t mind him, it’s his girlfriend I can’t stand/have nothing in common with”. By the end of the relationship I was talking to the only person whom I had anything in common with. Myself.

I let that happen

I think you can see a pattern here… I let all of that happen. I could blame her for who she is or my parents for not raising a man but in the end I let that happen.

It’s like a sickness… an addiction to something that is inherently bad for you but you just can’t shake. The only thing I can figure is that the only way not to get addicted is not to get exposed… I’ve never really gotten much further than that. I am not sure about the accuracy of the analogy… Is knowing that something is a trap enough? I know fire is hot but I still burn myself on a pan or overheated engine once in a while.

"Listen to all, Follow none"

[PistolPeteParticipant 27143]

Every woman alive should be made to read your post, not necessarily for the reason you might think but rather to illustrate how and why you are stronger and better than they are. You did something they can never do—utter the words “I let that happen” and take responsibility. And now that you have you’re free. They will always be slaves to their own delusional thinking and their failure to ever be held accountable. Bravo brother!

[TaxGuyParticipant]

It’s the old story about the frog in the pot of water. They just keep slowly, slowly turning up the heat. You barely notice it at first. But eventually you realize you are being cooked.

There’s an accounting concept that works well in relationships. It’s called a sunk cost. In accounting, let’s say you are looking at fixing an old piece of equipment. It’s 20 years old, you’ve already fixed it a couple of times, and it’s been around and done a great job for years. Absolutely none of that matters, it’s in the past. The only thing that matters is how much does it cost to fix and what will that repay you. And you compare that to a new piece of equipment (or doing without the equipment).

We tend to spend more time looking back over how long we’ve been in the relationship and all of the blood, sweat, and tears that we’ve endured without stopping and saying “what am I getting out of this NOW?” The last four years with her? It’s a sunk cost. The choice today is am I better off with her or without her?

Good for you for not letting it happen any more.

Order the good wine

[Mr. ManParticipant 2916]

Trivium, this is a great format for listing the places where we men caved in. I’m sure any guy who has been in a LTR can look back and see exactly where he should have said that magic word — no.

But we all know what would have happened in any of those instances had we used such a daring word. There would have been total chaos and yelling or crying or we-need-to-talk sessions or worse, loud silence.

Thank you for taking the time to write up such an insightful post.

[HitmanParticipant]

Don’t let it happen anymore brother.
That’s why we are here.
Thanks for the excellent topic and share. .
Let us all not let anyone else set limits for us!

[OldBillParticipant]

TaxGuy wrote:

It’s the old story about the frog in the pot of water.

I was that frog once. Several years ago, the last long term “relationship” I had or will ever have.

She knew when the strike. I was between careers, scrambling for consulting gigs, facing some health issues, approaching 50, all the usual s~~~. Like any predator, women always go for the weakest members on the herd.

I even move in with her for about 2 months, but some Red Pill core in me kept paying for a furnished studio. She really worked on me too, “training” me to be good Blue Pill provider. Towards the end, I couldn’t whistle because she didn’t like it.

I can’t say why I woke up, but am I ever f~~~ing grateful for whatever flipped the switch. I was out and free in less than 24 hours.

There’s an accounting concept that works well in relationships. It’s called a sunk cost.

That’s an excellent analogy and one I’ll be borrowing from you from here on out.

Do not date. Do not impregnate. Do not co-habitate. Above all, do not marry. Reclaim and never again surrender your personal sovereignty.

[narwhalParticipant]

I’m a firm believer in simply just doing what you want to do, but the reality is that sometimes you have to do what you don’t want to do to get what you want. So with women, it’s not even so much that they ask you to do what you don’t want to do, it’s that they reward you with more demands.

Taking the shopping thing for example. Yep, you hate it. She doesn’t even acknowledge that it sucks for you. She doesn’t try and make the experience more fun for you, or do something you like to do in return. No, she simply guilt’s you into in with some made up ideal that it’s a BF duty.

Say it’s a buddy that wants you to go shopping with him. First off, he wouldn’t ask you to go unless you knew a lot about what it was he was shopping for. He wouldn’t do that to you. Second, he’d over to take you out for beers or something afterward. He would never claim that it’s your duty as a friend.

As far as recognizing it’s our own fault for letting it happen, absolutely agree. At the same time though, we must recognize that we’ve been manipulated and it’s in our nature to want to please a woman. Learn from it and let it go.

Ok. Then do it.

[SolidusXParticipant 854]

I have experienced everything you have listed with women, I used to suck down the blue pill horses~~~ that was everyday life being around s~~~ women and it made me feel terrible. When I finally took the red pill everything became so clear, I learned how to say “no” ALOT and did what I liked. If a woman said I could not hang out with a friend or anyone else I would show her the door. If a woman said I could not game, I would show her the door. If a woman complained about anything that was ridiculous she would get a one way trip out the door with her pink slip. I don’t f~~~ around with it anymore I am to old for bulls~~~. I feel for you buddy and I am glad you saw the light!

Knowledge is power..... Don't waste your brain on bullshit

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