I was hoping it was Melanoma

[MGTOW@50Participant 225]

Somehow posting blue-pill behaviors and some of the other screwed up things I used to think is therapeutic. I hope that’s okay on this forum, to share this kind of stuff.

A couple years ago I noticed an asymmetric spot on my left shoulder blade about 3/8″ wide. There was a dull pain that seemed to radiate when I touched it. I could not recall any reason for its presence; no injury, etc. Decided to watch it for a few days.

Now, to put a little context to my thinking and state of my marriage at the time. I was not happy. This I knew but I had not yet even articulated that to myself. I don’t know if you can understand that. I guess I hadn’t even asked myself the question but if someone had asked me, and I thought about it for a moment, I would have realized I was not pleased with my marriage. For a little more context, 2 weeks ago I told my wife I wanted to divorce.

Anyway, this thing on my back seemed to be getting worse. I used a couple mirrors to have a closer look and damn if that thing didn’t look like a melanoma. I worked in the pathology & cancer diagnostic field at one point and have seen plenty of ‘nomas. So I researched it further.

I was quite certain this was a melanoma. For those of you who may not have encountered this in your life melanoma is really bad. That s~~~ spreads VERY quickly and kills a lot of people. Now for those of you who have experienced this yourself or in your family please know I am not minimizing that horrible experience. I’m just sharing my thoughts which were indicative of the state of my marriage.

So I played it through in my head and came to the realization that I wanted it to be cancer. How sick is that? I wanted to escape my marriage and life so badly that I was wishing for this. I was looking for the most immediate solution to my situation. I recall I put quite a bit of thought into it: not telling anyone, allow it to spread, cash it in.

It cleared up about a week later and disappeared. I was a little disappointed.

Looking back I’m disgusted. But at the time it was a wake-up call that I was not willing to answer. It was a very strong statement of the situation I had placed myself in but I simply did not want to acknowledge what needed to be done. I felt a complete failure that my 2nd marriage was terrible and failing and I couldn’t quite put my finger on why it was like that.

So I drank.

That’s not a very good solution either but one that I think some others can relate to. I was trying to ignore the problem and having several beers was a pretty effective way to do that.

So there it is. That’s the effect a woman can have. Favor death over facing the problem. I made a decision a few months ago to move on. Fight through it. Get to the other side of another crappy relationship.

Thanks for listening.

[Anonymous 42]

I haven’t tasted gun oil in 32 years! Yippee!

[GregB0Participant]

Keep hanging in there and walking the path towards peace.

There are many men here who prepared to pass away if things did not resolve in their favor because of any number of situations and reasons.

Some actually attempted suicide but were unsuccessful, chalk it up to having more walking to do …. if nothing else comes to mind instead.

The important thing for all of us in this situation is that we get to educate and mentor others now. great post and thanks for sharing.

​"​My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.​" - Clarence Buddinton Kelland

[GregB0Participant]

Talking about what stresses us is one of the best approaches for curing that which stresses and harms us.

MGTOW.com is a fantastic sounding board.

Someone either has direct experience with your issue or knows someone else who does.

They either work in the field of question or have a passing interest in it.

Someone is usually available with good advice and counsel for any question or concern you might have.

Usually!

​"​My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.​" - Clarence Buddinton Kelland

[Faust For ScienceParticipant 22521]

MGTOW@50 wrote:

Favor death over facing the problem.

When the problem is everyone else. From knowing that no one will have your back and defend you, to the fact that almost everyone you personally know is out to screw you, with the system set up to prevent you any avenues for a solution. This all becomes a question of how and when you want to check out. This is a natural reaction because you have exhausted all your other options.

Though, since Donald Trump won the Presidency, almost everyone that wants to screw me, you, and those like us, has gone apes~~~ insane, while having almost all my beliefs validated, I am patiently seeing how all this plays out.

[MattNYCParticipant 2329]

MGTOW@50 wrote:

blue-pill behaviors

Wanting a s~~~ situation to be over isn’t bluepill.

Glad you made it out and are still with us.

[DocParticipant]

It’s a dark place we find ourselves when death becomes attractive.
You will not be alone in that experience when visiting this forum.

Sometimes it’s us who are the problem, other times it’s something else.
Life has taught me that we can usually take control and change it. Whether that be the world we operate in that is a problem or aspects of us that are the problem.

Suicide – and trust me I have been there. Is not the answer.
CNUTs win if we go that way.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape, finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. Marcus Aurelius

[Johndom999Participant 376]

The problem with suicide is – it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

[Anonymous 4]

When the reality of the situation really sets in the darkness that follows is overwhelming. But it’s not forever you are not alone the gentlemen here that speak from bitter experience is proof that although things may never be the same it will improve. The wounds may be deep in time they become scars.

[CarnageParticipant 22113]

RUN KUNTA KINTE RUNNNNNNN

YOU WERE NOT BORN TO BE A SLAVE.

To those following me, be careful, I just farted. Men those beans are killers.

[Anonymous 1]

My ex actually told me more than once that my dying by whatever means possible, was the best thing for me. WTF?
No. it was the best thing for her looking to cash in on my Pension death benefit.
Not a care in the world, it all came down to money.
The psychological torture I endured at her hands is now a fading memory. This is a woman who was trained to care for the mentally ill, god help those poor people she looks after.
There were many black days, but I came through it.,

[CombatRollParticipant 2594]

@mgtow@50
This post is a reality for many men who probably never articulate that they’ve felt this way.

I remember one week in the late 90’s when I was so miserable I thought about simply driving off the cliff one of the mountain roads that I frequently drove for work.

I contemplated how my kids would have insurance money (albeit that their mom would have p~~~ed it away probably).

Where I sit now I can’t believe I ever thought that way, but I’d be willing to bet there are hundreds of thousands of men out there with outlooks like you and I have shared.

[Author]

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