Home › Forums › Relations~~~s › I have turned into a weak wuss..
This topic contains 30 replies, has 19 voices, and was last updated by 
vincentosaurus 4 years, 7 months ago.
- AuthorPosts
First I would like to thank you all for contributing to such a great forum. I have been reading for months but now feel it is about time to introduce myself and share my problem with you guys.
I am a successful 35-year-old guy. I make a decent living, own a mortgage free condo, a paid off car and live well below my means. But nevertheless I am a big f~~~ing wuss and is about time I start acting like a real man..
I am in a relationship with a woman that has been going on for about 20 months. Things are now getting serious and way outside my comfort zone…You guessed right; she wants babies and marriage (surprise surprise).
She is still treating me well enough now but I am scared that she is going to f~~~ me over and/or turn into a total bitch once we tie the knot. I do not want a family at all and I most definitely DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE WANT MARRIAGE. What makes it even more tragic is that I am not even a family guy or a one man woman (at least not in the past). I was not even a wuss before I met this girl and had no problem breaking up with women without even giving it a second thought. What happened to me?
I want to break things up with her but find it so damn difficult to do. Even though there are no particular warning signs at this point, I want out. When I tell her that I am not ready for marriage or children she usually tells me it is ok and that we can wait. However, a week (sometimes only days) later she starts nagging me about marriage again.
What scares me is that I’m sure many other guys must be in my situation, letting their girlfriends talk them into marriage and/or children. I sure as hell do not want to be that guy.
I would really appreciate some advice on how to take control of the situation and dump her as soon as possible. She can be very persuasive and will usually find a way to convince me to stay in the relationship.
I feel sexually attracted to women, but I never want a serious relationship again. I want to become a MGTOW, but honestly feel I have not earned the title until this relationship is over.
Additional info: we do not live together on a regular basis as she has her own apartment 50 miles away.Does she have keys to your place? Maybe it’s time to change the lock? Here is my advice get a vasectomy and tell her after a while. Do not have sex without a condom considering the fact she will can get pregnant. Once you get the vasectomy maybe she will move on since she will think it’s over. If you don’t want to then you can just tell her up straight you are too stressed in the relationship and need time alone and slowly fade away from her.
"If pussy was a stock it would be plummeting right now because you've flooded the market with it. You're giving it away too easy." - Dave Chapelle
A friend of mine was in exactly your position, condo and all. We used to hang out often. He married his dream girl, a strong independent woman with a good income. What could go wrong?
Three years later, she had everything, their only child, the condo, and a whopping settlement. He barely escaped being convicted of molesting their child. She used molestation charges to lever the divorce settlement.
Do you really want to stick your dick in the long term relationship wringer?
Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?
A friend of mine was in exactly your position, condo and all. We used to hang out often. He married his dream girl, a strong independent woman with a good income. What could go wrong? Three years later, she had everything, their only child, the condo, and a whopping settlement. He barely escaped being convicted of molesting their child. She used molestation charges to lever the divorce settlement. Do you really want to stick your dick in the long term relationship wringer?
God damn, women can be vile. Molestation? Really… they throw the ugliest things out there like candy. “Oh I was abused,” “Oh he raped me,” “He molested the kids [and I of course didn’t do anything until our divorce]. “
GET THE F~~~ OUT …… NOW …. NOW … NOW
I’m not kidding.
What you may lose now is NOTHING compared to what will happen if you carry on.
Now I may just be getting this all wrong …. but lets see what others say.
You said there are no red flags yet but you also said she can be very persuasive and convinces you to stay in the relationship, also she tells you no kids is fine then pesters you again later. The first thing is called manipulation and the second is deception. Two big fat red flags right there. If she actually cared about your wants and needs she would drop it or move on but she doesn’t she is just trying to wear you down to get her way regardless of your boundaries. She will do much worse once she has you tied to her through a child or marriage. Stand your ground or get rid of her and if you never want kids then crazycanucks suggestion of a vasectomy is a good one. If she is baby crazy I wouldn’t even trust condoms unless you have them safe guarded. I have known girls who poked holes in them. Women generally aren’t used to being told “no” and they will go to extreme lengths to get what they want.
She is still treating me well enough now but I am scared that she is going to f~~~ me over and/or turn into a total bitch once we tie the knot. I do not want a family at all and I most definitely DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE WANT MARRIAGE.
Hi and welcome to the forums! I enjoyed your opening.
Let me ask you…. can you wait 1 or 2 months? Because we have an AMAZING solution to this problem planned and you would be the perfect test subject. I am totally confident you will LOVE it. It applies specifically to men in your current situation – where she is pushing for marriage and kids. I am wondering if there is a real sense of urgency that you have to do something about it RIGHT NOW. or if you can deflect the issue for a month or two. Labor Day (Sept 1) is the planned reveal of this.
I am in a relationship with a woman that has been going on for about 20 months. Things are now getting serious and way outside my comfort zone…
That’s what I am concerned about. Perhaps you can put your foot down and say you will not even DISCUSS it until the 24th month mark. But the first thing I would recommend is to say to her “Is that a proposal?? Where’s the RING? Since we haven’t even been together 2 years yet, it had better be NICE!! Minimum 5 carats and UP!”
That will bake her noodle.
If you do it right with a sly smile and playful but perfectly serious meaning, she will back the f~~~ off. But in the mean time, guard your sperm like Fort Knox. Set it straight. If she is not going to work for a year to save for a ring and get down on her knees to ask for permission to love you until DEATH…. she will not bring up the subject again. Ever. If that is going to happen it will be YOUR IDEA and by your own initiation. Not hers. When you’re good and f~~~ing ready…. and when you feel like it.
You can say this to her face. OR she can propose with a ring and KNEEL DOWN.
I want to break things up with her but find it so damn difficult to do. Even though there are no particular warning signs at this point, I want out.
This is natural. You are invested. It’s a very dangerous point. But I will tell you, I have been there and not calling it off (when I felt in my sack that I should) was a serious mistake. It ended anyway. Listen to your manstincts.
I feel sexually attracted to women, but I never want a serious relationship again.
Of course you don’t. WHO WOULD? The only relationship worth having is a FUN relationship or none at all. By prodding you with this marriage and kids s~~~ ( without proposing properly herself )…. she is removing the element of FUN from the relationship. Make sure you are verbal about that. That’s your rule. It’s going to be “FUN” or you will want no further part of it. I got sick a d tired of women using the word “SERIOUS” to describe a relationship… so I was direct and said “serious??? why don’t you go find someone ELSE to have SERIOUS relationship with. I am only interested in having FUN relationship with you. If you want serious, honey, you got the wrong guy”. Now she f~~~ed herself into a corner. And she will be less likely to be a buzzkill when you’re just looking to go to a movie of have a peaceful lunch you can enjoy.
Additional info: we do not live together on a regular basis as she has her own apartment 50 miles away.
Great news.
Remind yourself: it is not your responsibility to give women whatever they want and make their dreams come true.
It’s not your responsibility to be the man SHE wants.
It’s your responsibility to be the man YOU always wanted to BE.Don’t deviate from your course, captain.
If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.Holy f*ck she is using a classic manipulation ploy. One week she says she wants kids, in the next breath says she is willing to wait – but a week or two later the manipulation becomes rinse & repeat.
You live 50 miles away. I hope SHE is the one always driving to YOUR place, if not that would be the very first step – assert yourself and let her chase you at all times.
Remember that women are “backsliders”, just like addicts. They can not fight what they want, even if they say they don’t want it – eventually they will.
Sovereignty above all else.
Hey Larry. Ever heard of the band aid effect? It means ripping it off fast and taking the hairs along with it. The truth is you have to look out what is best for you. You shouldn’t be worrying about hurting her feelings. Think of the flip side. You don’t want marriage or kids but she doesn’t care about your feelings. Think of it from that stand point. Just do it fast and quick.
Hi Larry, welcome!
Bottom line up front: break up with her now. Get rid of her. I know, it ain’t easy when she lives with you, but it has to be done. She’s making you unhappy, and the possibility of an “accidental” pregnancy is high! If she wants marriage and children, then she will get it one way or the other. Trust me dude, the break up won’t be easy, but the weight of the world will be off your shoulders once you’re free and clear. I’m speaking from experience.
I have to say that I was in a very similar situation to you. I had a woman live with me in my condo for three years from age 34-37. Like you, I was in a good financial position, and I wasn’t interested in marriage and/or children; however, she wanted marriage.
I told her that I didn’t want marriage due to the risk of losing a big chunk of my assets, and she was okay with that. She claimed to be a NAWALT and had no problem signing a prenup. I also told her that I didn’t want to waste a lot of money on a wedding, and she also agreed with that. She even agreed to pay for 50% of the wedding from her own money.
I never did propose to her, but this was the plan if we ever got married. After a couple of years, she really started putting pressure on me to propose. This matter was complicated by the fact that she was very irresponsible with her own money and was on a path to financial ruin (unless of course I saved her, which I refused to do). After putting the pressure on hard core for a couple of weeks, I couldn’t take it anymore, and I told her in no uncertain terms that I wasn’t ready to propose to her, particularly due to her financial situation. It worked, and she stopped pressuring me.
As our relationship continued, her financial situation got worse and worse. Despite this, I had decided that I wanted a house. The plan was to buy the house in my name only and use my money – none of hers. She was okay with this. However, when I finally did put an offer in on a house, and used my name only, she got all weird. She was with me at the realtor’s office when he specifically asked if it would be in my name only, and I said yes. Her body language and behavior instantly changed after that statement was made. While driving home, she brought it up. She felt that it wouldn’t be her “home” without her name on the deed. I told her in no uncertain terms that her name wouldn’t be on the deed. I was putting 200K of my own money into the house, she was on the verge of bankruptcy, and the last thing I needed was creditors going after my property for her financial problems. I was pretty aggressive about it, so she asked me to stop talking about it, and she never brought it up again.
She wasn’t going to pay for any of the house (or own it), but I did reiterate to her though that she needed to get her own finances in order because I was not going to bail her out under any circumstances. And buying the house would limit any help I could provide, even if I wanted to. She agreed. However, her finances continued to get worse.
Luckily, the offer I put in on the house wasn’t accepted; however, I did continue to shop around. While doing this, I really started to think about my relationship with her and her contradictions: saying it was okay for the house to be in my name only and then getting all p~~~ed when it became real, and agreeing to get her finances in order but her actions were the opposite.
So I decided to end it. She was bad news. After our relationship was over, she started talking about seeing a lawyer to see what she could get out of me. Honestly, I wasn’t surprised, but she did tell me on many occasions in the past that she was a NAWALT. Another contradiction. However, I wasn’t concerned about her threats to see a lawyer because I know the common law in my province quite well, and I was careful to play by those rules.
Ultimately, it wasn’t a dramatic breakup, and I did help her with the transition: I gave her a bunch of my furniture, and bought a few things for her new place. I didn’t have to do this, but I believe it helped end the relationship and smooth over her transition. I believe a cup of honey will get you further than a gallon of gas – you don’t want to p~~~ off a bitch anymore than necessary! And I have never received any court notices in the mail.
Additional info: we do not live together on a regular basis as she has her own apartment 50 miles away.
I missed this point. This makes it much easier. Like another poster said here, do it like pulling off a bandaid – fast which minimizes the pain. Tell her that you ‘re not compatible. She wants marriage and kids, and you don’t. And that’s not going to change. Tell her that you’re unhappy and want to move on. She will resist and try to convince you otherwise, but don’t give in. Once the conversation is over, cut all ties. Don’t give her opportunity to manipulate/coerce you into getting back together. Ignore her texts, emails and phone calls. Change your number if you have to.
Thanks for your replies. No, she does not have a key to my place. I use condoms and I am very careful. Besides, we do not have much sex these days anyway. You know a woman’s desire to have sex with you plummets with the duration of the relationship. As far as a vasectomy goes, I am considering it and have for a long time. The more time I spend with my friends, who have children, the more confident I get about not wanting my own kids. However, I know I still have to be very careful to avoid an accidental pregnancy.
As keymaster says, “it’s not our responsibility to give women what they want and make them happy.” Further, I totally agree on what he says about the word “serious”. I f~~~ing hate women using that term all the time. I loved dating in my early twenties, because when I was younger also women were looking for “fun”. Now all they want is “serious, providing men”. Moreover, if a man is not “serious” he is an asshole. Goddammit.
I believe many men, such as myself, delay or put off the breakup because we are afraid of hurting the women. But in the end we hurt ourselves.
Besides, I dream about working only 50 % and/or start my own business because I do not have high monthly fixed costs. I can certainly kiss that dream goodbye if I get married or even stay in this relationship. I barely spend money when I am alone. Women expect you to spend tons of money on them. Although the stock market is highly priced, it would most definitely be a better long-term investment.
Keymaster, what is this test you are talking about? My goal is to get out before September 1st, but I have been saying that for months now.
Wolf, thanks for sharing your story.A woman wants a more serious relationship with a man.
The man does NOT want it…
I do not see the problem here.
Tell her you do NOT want the relationship she is seeking.
Tell her the truth and drop her like a bad habit.
Why is this so complicated?
Am I missing something?
Resident cynic.
Tell her you don’t want marriage or children . That she deserves someone who wants the same things in life. Then say it’s not her it’s you. (We all have heard that BS line. Even she knows it’s her)
OR
Give her a cheap promise ring. F~~~ her for in every hole she has for two months while the ring has fed her ego. Then let her be KeyMasters guinea pig.
It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything
Durden is right. Just tell her you don’t want marriage and kids, and that she deserves someone that does. And do not fall for the “OK let’s get married, I can forgo children for you.”. They may think they can go that route, but subconsciously they are incapable of doing so. If she seems like she wanted kids, she eventually will again. If not, why would her subconscious let he get married? Whether by conscious thought or not, a woman is programmed to want children after cohabitation. Don’t fall for the shell game they play.
Sovereignty above all else.
You guessed right; she wants babies and marriage (surprise surprise). She is still treating me well enough now but I am scared that she is going to f~~~ me over and/or turn into a total bitch once we tie the knot. I do not want a family at all and I most definitely DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE WANT MARRIAGE.
As you said, you have a house and car fully paid for and no debt so she sees you as an excellent provider. Can I ask what she is bringing to the table finance wise aside from a s~~~load of debt from her c~~~ carousel party days?
What scares me is that I’m sure many other guys must be in my situation, letting their girlfriends talk them into marriage and/or children. I sure as hell do not want to be that guy.
I am that guy and I wish I had your fears when she first started making hints about marriage. I was totally Blue Pill back then and just thought marriage and children was what you did and everything would be OK. I had to make the choice whether to dump her or to marry her and unfortunately I did not have the guts to dump her as I was worried about being single for the rest of my life. We got engaged which bought me another 2 years, but once the roller coaster had started it had to reach it’s inevitable conclusion of Wedding, house and 2 children.
Once we moved into the big house and she had the two children she wanted everything started to change. To cut a long story short she moved me out and replaced me with her boyfriend. From what I hear he is pretty much a carbon copy of me.
If you want to be miserable, lose your freedom and half of your stuff with the added joy of paying alimony for 18 years then go ahead and marry her.
Durden is right. Just tell her you don’t want marriage and kids, and that she deserves someone that does. And do not fall for the “OK let’s get married, I can forgo children for you.”. They may think they can go that route, but subconsciously they are incapable of doing so. If she seems like she wanted kids, she eventually will again. If not, why would her subconscious let he get married? Whether by conscious thought or not, a woman is programmed to want children after cohabitation. Don’t fall for the shell game they play.
100% agree with this, once the baby rabies starts she will convince herself that secretly you do want children so she will see no problem in “accidentally” getting pregnant and trapping you for 18 years of Alimony as it is what you secretly want.
For women, everything eventually boils down to Alpha Fucks, Beta Bucks.
Anonymous6GET THE F~~~ OUT …… NOW …. NOW … NOW I’m not kidding. What you may lose now is NOTHING compared to what will happen if you carry on. Now I may just be getting this all wrong …. but lets see what others say.
Do what this guy said, I dodged a bullet a few weeks ago in a long distance relations~~~ and it sounds similar to what could end up happening to you, I got the hell out of mine before the s~~~ hit the fan, if it wasn’t for other peoples advice on this forum god knows where i would be now. They gave me that nudge I needed to end mine so i took there advice and I’m so happy today that I did what they advised me to do.
I did it!!! I finally told her it’s over. I told her I wanted to cut off all contact with her. She got very upset and told me she would make my life a living hell. I have already switched off my facebook account and blocked her from whatsapp. I know angry and hurt women are capable of doing all kinds of s~~~ so I am a little nervous..
Thanks to this forum and all you awesome guys I am now free from the shackles of the relations~~~. However, I am very nervous she will make my life miserable in the near future.
I feel so guilty and uncomfortable, but I know it will be worth it as soon as I am able to let this feeling go. I am not responsible for making her happy.
Congrats man. Just the way she reacted is proof that she isn’t someone you need in your life. She’s clearly bad news. You did the right thing.
Now just stay strong and keep with no contact no matter what she does, if you give in just a little bit she will smell fear like a hyena and pounce.
Keep strong and she will fade away.- AuthorPosts
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