I suppose I need to add some context to this. Since I have never been married, and have not had long term relationships, I feel I must say something about my childhood.I was born into a completely Latin American family, was born in Venezuela, and both my parents were from there. Since little my mom and my dad had always been separated, divorced I think is a better word, and while I lived with my mom, I did get to see my dad about 4 times a year, a weekend a pop. While as a kid I didn’t see it because he distracted me with toys and “family gatherings”, he truly hated me because my mom left him, and so he would belittle me as a child. Things like turning all the lights of in the house at night, hiding, and scaring me with terryfing masks in order to “rid myself of those fears”. I don’t believe thats a good way to treat a 3 year old. My mom I felt was kind and the like, now I can see her twisted, too faced ways, and my stepdad taugh me basic skills which have helped me until today. Having issues with my dad saying that I was “a f~~~ing freak” and my mom guilt tripping me about her marriage with my dad, bullying took an even harder toll. So with no confidence, terrible body shape, and very little experience involving women, Elementary school, middle school, and early high school became a mix of masturbation and mockery by “friends” about my constant single-ness. In Junior year of highschool I finally said, f~~~ it, did some weights and tried picturing myself the way I wanted to be, and it worked. Got a few chicks here and there, a cupquake (I’ll get to her later) that lasted about a month, and then that year was over. All the while I had friends in commited relationships to whom I gave advice, and to my surprise they never listened. I call those people askholes after I heard it in youtube. And every now and then they would take my advice, and it would work perfectly, and seemed like it would get better for them, only to have it fall back because they didn’t follow ensuing advice. Over the summer I began doing a lot of studying because I had to take the SAT that very year, and whilst studying I began to see a pattern. Every relationship I had, I would bend over backwards to try to please her, thinking this would get me laid, then they would all say that they would save themselves from marriage, I would say ok, then they would dump me, and go f~~~ a random dude, and never look back. I tried analysing even further, and realized that I was never “the first choice”, I was just another sheep in their pen of manginas, and next in line for the slaughter house. I then recalled the cupquake, I met her right after a different girl ended thing with me and all I could say was that she herself was incredible. She was intelligent, caring, and quite fun to be around. She was the first girl I ever oppened up to almost comepletly, which I no regret, and I thought that int “the long run”, this would be good. The first date we had she said that she had been physically abused (which at the time I believed), and I undertood comepltetly that she might not want to have sex until later on, when she could trust me. However she told me that she “never EVER told” anyone. I began hearing this everytime I would hang out with her and other people, and a couple of shots in she would tell it to everyone in the room, twice, before trying to play it off as if it bothered her. She completely opened up, and we would talk daily. I felt a connection (blue pill was strong), and thought I might even say the “L” word, something that I have not said to a woman until this day. Then all of the sudden she RANTS that she doesn’t want to have sex, I said okay. Then she says she doesn’t want to make out, again I said that if she didn’t feel confortable, I wouldn’t go there. Then said no hugging, or cuddling. Now I can say with all my soul that I enjoy cuddling, since it actually allows me to fall asleep easier. This was the last straw, but again I allowed a little lee-way, at this point HPING I could lose my virginity later on. Nothing, nada. Then, one day I tell her to come to the gym after school, because there is a basketball game happening, she shows up, next thing I know she is massaging me, carressing me all over. This was the end, I didn’t even turn to look back, instead I started to flirt with her best friend who was right next to her, while she was carresing my body, like literrally from lower back to tip of the jaw, and everything in between. Later on that week we mutually broke up, week later I find out that not only did she have sex with a random guy, in a bathroom in the club, but also clainmed she got pregnant, and HINTED it was mine, then said on that I “played” her and all I wanted was her best friend. I could not fathom why they would be so cruel. How can they SEEK to raise people’s hopes up, to later on crush them? Then It hit me. They aren’t people. The more and more I thought about this, the more it made sense. They would all play mindgames, gather in f~~~ing herds during lunch to discuss which type of sheep they would try next, they would complain about not having equal rights, but claim that opening car doors for them was a “must, since that is being chivalrous”. I then thought to myself, well if they aren’t people, I certainly don’t have to treat them as such. The next year in highschool I made up for all my wasted time in 9 and tenth grade, by making out and f~~~ing random chicks, all because I barely looked at them, never listened, and cared less and less about who or what they were. Then I came across, bar bar in youtube, then Sandman, and then the whole concept of MGTOW, and felt aliviated that others felt the same.
I know I don’t have a lot of similarities in others’ backgrounds, and that I might still be a “kid”, but I am very much aware of some horrors women can do, either first-hand or through media. I am sorry if there are any spelling mistakes. Hope you all have a great day!
jambear 5 years, 3 months ago.
