"I Don't Kiss on The First Date."

[GrefParticipant 203]

Saw this cute girl on OkStupid, messaged her, got phone #, made a date (easy peezy).

 
We met at a cafe/restaurant. She got there before me and had already ordered her own food, good to see she doesn’t mind buy her own stuff. We ate and talked, things went smooth, we went to Dave and Busters played a couple games, then went to the mall and got some Boba Tea. She’s more interesting than most girls she legitimately enjoys video games and nerdy stuff like computer programming (things most girls hate.) There was light touching and arm/hand holding at points.

 
Date lasted about 4 hours, at the end I was dropping her back off at her car. I went for the kiss and she tells me “I don’t kiss on the first date” and then some stuff about how she just got out of a rough relationship only a week ago yada yada. As she leaves she tells me “I really hope to hear from you again.”

 

I’m a little confused here, what’s going on in this situation?
My current game plan is to call her back but to wait a while like 4 or 5 days. She doesn’t deserve my immediate attention (calling her the next day) because she rejected my advances.

[url url=http://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2d6337/i_was_divorce_raped_dont_be_me] I'm paying her 25% of my salary over the next eight years. I had to pay my lawyer, her lawyer, 50% of all my retirement funds and give her another few thousand dollars to make her go away. It cost me $20 to get married and will cost me over $220,000 to get divorced. [/url]

[StargazerParticipant 12505]

I wouldn’t say the no kiss on the first date thing is a deal breaker… some girls are desperate to avoid the feeling that they are easy so they put up blocks for themselves just as often as they do for us. As a rule I’d say get to second base by the end of date two, drinks and third base by the end of date three and straight to bed the fourth time you see her or you’re just getting played.

Telling you that she just got out of a bad relationship, though, that’s a MASSIVE red flag for me. If you want to see her again, I’d text and ask her to explain that first. “Before I can see you again, I need to know the story of this bad relationship so I can have an idea how it might effect me if we were to get together.” Make it clear that this is a strike against her and will have a major impact on your willingness to meet her again. Then if it looks bad (she dated an abusive drug dealer who just went to prison for six months or something) you say “sorry, I can’t accept that” and move on. If it’s some bulls~~~ about “well guys are only interested in sex and I want to make sure…” then say “you obviously don’t understand men or want a normal guy in your life” and move on.

This is a either a bulls~~~ bluff To get you to overcommit before getting anything or she’s damaged goods and you don’t want her anyway. Either way, even f~~~ing her once is probably a bad idea and you should most likely bail right now and forget about her.

[tsParticipant 109]

I don’t kiss on the first date

Such a lie is good start, isn’t it? Of course, she kisses on the first date, as every female does. When it is the right (most likely violent) guy, who gives her the tingles, she also f~~~s him on the first date. This was a classic s~~~ test and you failed it.

She’s more interesting than most girls she legitimately enjoys video games and nerdy stuff like computer programming (things most girls hate.)

“Nerdy” stuff like video games is mainstream currently and females always like mainstream. She will immediately start to dislike it, once it is out of fashion (most likely when this TV series “Big Bang” whatever ends).

Your OkStupid seeks for another beta orbiter to add to her harem and give her free attention. So even if she considers you bed material, she thinks you have to work harder for it than those other guys. Buy her more gifts (video games, hint! hint!) and so on.

Let’s face it: This date flaked and was a complete waste of your time. Drop her immediately by telling her she can f~~~ off, she doesn’t derserve your attention.

[BrainPilotParticipant 7662]

Let’s be an accountant here. She’s not willing to kiss you on the first date, but she did pay her own way. (That’s better than the usual woman I’ve taken out who doesn’t kiss or pay on the first date). All it cost you was a little time. You said she was interesting to talk to. So far, I’d say that when you’re not looking for sex, and only want to spend a little time playing video games with someone who’s interesting to talk to, then time spent with her might be a fair trade.

Note that monogamy, commitment, loyalty, protection, affection, or any other form of sacrifice from you are not part of this deal. Also, note that when you’re trying to get other needs met like affection and sex, this girl hasn’t shown much promise here.

If you have time leftover from getting laid by other women, and after you’ve gotten all your other needs met, whatever they are, and you want to spend that leftover time playing video games and talking, this girl may be useful to fill that time. Politely explain all this to her as you continue to pursue other women, and call her back when you only want someone to play video games with.

Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you

[GrefParticipant 203]

The majority of girls are f~~~ing boring as s~~~ outside the bedroom. I’d really like to have a girl that’s also cool to hangout with, the thought of f~~~ing someone and then playing video games with them afterwards sound great.

I’m doing no-contact until I call her in a few days for a second date. This let’s her know I’m not desperate or eager for her, but I will give her a second date at least. If there is no kissing during the second date I’ll next her.

TS said:

Your OkStupid seeks for another beta orbiter to add to her harem and give her free attention.

Haha I know, and I’m NOT that guy because I’m not texting her 24/7 in between dates showering her with attention.

Whatever happens with this girl I don’t care too much as I have other girls I’m seeing. Tonight I have a date with a girl I met at a club last week.

 

[url url=http://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2d6337/i_was_divorce_raped_dont_be_me] I'm paying her 25% of my salary over the next eight years. I had to pay my lawyer, her lawyer, 50% of all my retirement funds and give her another few thousand dollars to make her go away. It cost me $20 to get married and will cost me over $220,000 to get divorced. [/url]

[tsParticipant 109]

She’s not willing to kiss you on the first date

She is doing that, because she firmly believes she can do that with Gref and still get a second date with more free attention. And she was correct. 😉

She wouldn’t dare to tell something like that to a 6’5 tall gang leader, who would throw her away immediately, if she doesn’t get right on her knees and start sucking his dick. No, she would beg him for it on her first encounter with such a male and then try to change him. 😀

So, moral of the story: If a female tells you, she doesn’t do this or that on her whatever numbered date, it’s pure BS. Of course, she does. She is just playing the beta orbiter game with you, because she can. She is also a total slut, because only sluts need to play those games to pretend not being one.

[flamesabersParticipant 55]

Maybe she’s trying to minimize the amount of time she is single by dating before she is fully over her last relationship?  Or perhaps she is now trying to date by not repeating the same behaviors she engaged in with her last relationship?  Either way I think your game plan sounds good.  Since she wants to take things at a slow pace, it’s only fair for you to do the same.

[Anonymous 23]

Haha, I really enjoyed reading Doc’s post, at the start he’s all “hmm, should be okay” and then it gets gradually more cynical until the end when it’s “nah she isn’t worth it, get rid of her.”

My 2 pennies gref, I agree with others that she s~~~ tested you, and you failed. No disrespect, I have failed that one many many times. 😉

[GrefParticipant 203]

Ynys said:

I agree with others that she s~~~ tested you, and you failed. No disrespect, I have failed that one many many times.

Haha okay, well how do I pass that s~~~ test then?

[url url=http://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2d6337/i_was_divorce_raped_dont_be_me] I'm paying her 25% of my salary over the next eight years. I had to pay my lawyer, her lawyer, 50% of all my retirement funds and give her another few thousand dollars to make her go away. It cost me $20 to get married and will cost me over $220,000 to get divorced. [/url]

[Anonymous 23]

Gref said:

Haha okay, well how do I pass that s~~~ test then?

I would have steered the date in such a way to make sure that she was completely aware that she was at the disadvantage and had to be the one to keep me interested and not the other way around. The only reason she even tried that s~~~ test is because she got the impression from you that she could get away with it. The less you appear to care whether or not she kisses you/opens her legs, the more she’s likely to do it.

I’ve found this can be applied to any girl in any situation – The less you appear to care, the more interested they get. You are doing the right thing to salvage the situation by not texting her for a while. 3-5 days is good, make sure if you end up texting her first, keep it really short and keep the conversation down to 4-5 texts before letting her know you have something else you need to do and you’ll text her later (even if that’s BS) – That will send her the message that she isn’t particularly important to you and that she needs to pull her finger out to keep you interested. 🙂

[StargazerParticipant 12505]

at the start he’s all “hmm, should be okay” and then it gets gradually more cynical until the end when it’s “nah she isn’t worth it

Yeah, well there’s no simple answer in any of these types of situation. I believe you’ve got to read flags in groups… any one thing could be viewed in a number of ways but when I see a few red flags grouped together, that’s going to color my response.

I wouldn’t ding a female who didn’t want to kiss me on the first date because I can understand there are legit reasons why she may resist that… in fact I had a first date with a female who WANTED to kiss me and made the first move and I dinged her for that… because I knew from her body language and expressions that she was NOT into me so I had no faith in the kiss… I saw it for the manipulative move that it was.

You’ve got to consider the context in which an action occurs, not just the action itself. Yeah, I wanted to kiss that girl, but only if she really wanted me… not as a part of some game to try to get me to commit myself to something she wasn’t actually onboard with.

[….Participant 305]

@ Gref…I know you are probably kidding when you ask “how do I pass that s~~~ test then”? May I put forth that the first s~~~ test will be the first of hundreds or thousands in the future…if you allow it..I don’t think any of us really care to pass the first one. If you are sure it is a s~~~ test…fail it…big time.  You only fail it in her eyes…failing it is a victory for you. Her:  “I don’t kiss on the first date”   You :  “So a blowjob is out of the question?”

[GrefParticipant 203]

Dagigisup

If you are sure it is a s~~~ test…fail it…big time.  You only fail it in her eyes…failing it is a victory for you. Her:  “I don’t kiss on the first date”   You :  “So a blowjob is out of the question?”

Haha you passed the s~~~ test. As far as I know you pass a s~~~ test by ignoring it, say no, or throwing back some sort of s~~~ty/witty response. I went the ignore route and tried to let her know it didn’t bother me. So I probably failed because she probably knew it bothered me a little bit.

I need to get better at thinking on my feet when s~~~ tests are thrown at me, yours is a good one. Another good one would have been to say “Maybe you’re just hiding that you’re a bad kisser.”

[url url=http://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2d6337/i_was_divorce_raped_dont_be_me] I'm paying her 25% of my salary over the next eight years. I had to pay my lawyer, her lawyer, 50% of all my retirement funds and give her another few thousand dollars to make her go away. It cost me $20 to get married and will cost me over $220,000 to get divorced. [/url]

[JimboParticipant 162]

Dude, the “no kiss on first date” is a first on me. I could understand her saying no sex on first date (though it would probably not get them a second date) but not “no kiss”. Usually though, you should have tried to lead her in bed no longer than 3 hours. Once the date starts getting stagnant, that is the wrong time to take her back home. You needed to have done that before then.

Okay, here is my advice. If she calls or texts, wait a while before you respond. If she doesn’t, don’t give her anymore attention. If she does wish to go out again, do not make it easy for her, make yourself seem unavailable for a little bit. The next step is to have a date with 2 or 3 parts with no more than 45 minutes at one location and the last stop needs to be your home for a movie. Once you two are together alone, that is when you make your move.

[Cap285Participant 6007]

Which means she won’t f~~~ after the third date. Eject.

Fuck this planet.

[TheNinjaUWannaH8Participant 386]

Fuk a Kiss!  I expect to F~~~ on the 1st Date…let alone Kiss.  That’s why I don’t use ‘OKCoochie’, ‘Plenty of Hoes’ or ‘Smash.Com’ unless they tell me they are trying the f~~~.  That’s what the last girl who had LTR as her relationship goal said on our first phone call: “It’s not like I’m trying to date you or something. I just want some Dick.”

So….I say: “F~~~ a 1st Date”….B~~~~ Deep.

[…Spectator 1165]

good job Lodos! have some:

[jskqParticipant -1]

It’s funny how you’re doing the same thing a woman would do on first days, you would think you have the upper hand now that you’re playing the avoid for 5 days card? I’m certain that you’re not because now everyone knows these rules of dating and both men and women play by them.  And to be honest they’re high school games.

You had the advantage of talking with your date on Okcupid, you could’ve told her your intentions and expectations from the very start, this would’ve saved you the awkward kiss rejections and now you’re not even sure she’s going to kiss you on the second date, so you’re just wasting your time now.

About the 5 day rule thing, you flunked it! When you said she knew you were bothered by the kiss thing, do you think she wouldn’t expect you to avoid her for a while to get the advantage again? Anyone could’ve known that, it’s a world wide rule and a very childish thing to do!

I have to tell you that you have no upper hand here, and if you’re not forward with her and tell her verbally what you’re expecting from her then it’s going to be a game until you move on to the next one.

Don’t expect everyone to be stupid, don’t expect everyone to not know about your game play, the majority would know because let’s be honest it’s a common thing, everyone does it. It’s all over the internet if you don’t believe it Google it.

The minute she said I don’t kiss on first dates, you say I don’t do high school games and walk away.

I rate you senior beta.

 

[…Spectator 1165]

damn today’s world is too f~~~ing complex. back in the day we would just lean over and kiss them when they said that. now, its a lawsuit. f~~~.

[GrefParticipant 203]

Thanks for all the replies.

I never called her again. The juice wasn’t worth the squeeze for a second plate. I was busy with this other girl I’ve been seeing for a few months I met on campus, and I recently picked up another girl on campus I’ve been f~~~ing.

Just keep picking up and spinning plates. Eventually they fall off and break, oh well get a new one.

 

[url url=http://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2d6337/i_was_divorce_raped_dont_be_me] I'm paying her 25% of my salary over the next eight years. I had to pay my lawyer, her lawyer, 50% of all my retirement funds and give her another few thousand dollars to make her go away. It cost me $20 to get married and will cost me over $220,000 to get divorced. [/url]

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