“(Thanks for reading, I would like your hones opinion about this situation)”
One of the oldest bad memories I have about my mother is her telling me “you will never be like your brother” (referring to the older one). Also, she telling me that she “will prefer any of my brothers over me”
I said bad memories because I want to be realistic. No everything was bad in my childhood and I even I am glad about those memories because they made me angry and thirsty to become better.
Growing up I did not communicate anything about my personal life with my family. I went to school and I solved my own problems. My mom became aware about my problems in school because my peers parents or teacher but not by me. I became emotional independent at a young age. I did not asked for advise to my parents or brother or any relative when I had problems. My mother wanted me to drop out of school so my father did not pay for it any more. When I was in the university my older brother told my mom to start charge me for food and room in my own home. By then he was a failure who drop out of school because a woman (that is another good MGTOW story).
It was me against the world, that is how I saw it. I had a job, I had good grades, everything a young man at age 19 wanted and needed to be happy.
I also start dating my high school sweet hard. Beautiful girl, tall, skinny, white skin, perfect smile and eyes. Because I did not give a f~~~ about my parents opinion about my relationship. I used kick my youngest brother out of our room and spent long hours having sex with her in the afternoons. It was a small home and my family heart us. Then I started to do it in the nights too. This make my oldest brother angry because he did not do those kind of things at my age (we were a conservative family back in the day). My mom told me to stop but I did not care. I was looking for myself and my pleasure at the time and I have great time. My older brother ended up leaving the house and I keep going with my life.
My mistake was to fall in love with that girl. I help her in many ways and with many things. After all ended (2 years and half) I started to think why I helped her and I did not help my parents or brothers. I felt guilty for helping someone who left me so easy. I felt lonely and started to relay emotionally more and more in my mother, my father and my youngest brother. I started to help them more and more with easy things. Then I help them to get a home. I took my youngest brother under my wing and I started to advise him. I also got him a gym membership. I showed him all I knew about fitness. We had our fights here and there but normal things, I thought. My mom never took my side but I did not care. However, last month I took my mom and youngest brother to a trip to our hometown in Mexico. I was having fun with a girl I met. So, my brother got together with one of my cousins. Suddenly, I started to feel some aggressive behavior from my brother towards me in front of my cousins. I did not expect that so I stayed quiet. I was having fun with the girl at the motel in the nights so I was getting really late to sleep at the place where my mom, brother and I were staying. My brother was texting me thinks like, “you are really loud” “you do not care about my mom and I, we need to sleep.” I let it pass.
This behavior keeps going until today. He becomes hostile towards me more and more often.
Today, we were eating and we (the family) were joking around. Then suddenly my dad got mad with me and left the table, I did not took it personal it does that very often. However, my brother started to scream at me and blame about it. He say thinks like, “you do it all the time.” “Why you treat our father like that.”
Then I try to deescalate the situation saying that it was not a big deal that my father behaves like that from time to time.In the past my father said that I disappoint him for no reason. That really got me, I did not show it but that really affected me. I letter found out why he said that, and to be hones it was a stupid reason. My brother keep going. They I try to get help from my mother, I told her that my brother was being aggressive towards me in the last days. She did not do it nothing to improve the situation. She took my brother side. Then, I defend myself until I shut the f~~~ up my brother.
I started thinking about the time before I started caring so much about my family feelings and their personal grow and I reliance that I was happier. When I had that hard broke up I started to put my love and care on my family forgetting about myself. My family became the substitute for my feelings after that girl left. However, they did not look for my best interest ether. I do not blame them, I am guilty. I have to see for my best interest. What I think is happening with my brother is the same thing that happened to my older brother. I think he is a little jealous and he is letting it drive him. I am going to let him crash and burn. I will start meditating about the time before I started to built all this s~~~ and focus only in my success. I going to become a passive member in my own family like before. My firs step is cancelling the gym membership for him because he has better genes that me and he could f~~~ me up someday..lol.
Anonymous 3 years ago.
