I am an accessory

[Anonymous 3]

I am a purgatory of 3 weeks outside my home and living in a hotel. My wife medical conditions demand that we travel to another city for treatments.

Outside these sporadic medical appointments I have been in and out of shopping centers all days! This is like a medieval torture for me.

So today I had a 15 minutes walk by myself and it was like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. I was free!
I started thinking on why just walking around with the wife would be so difficult. It sure is better that shopping!

Then I looked around and noticed the faces on couples. Women had a look of determination and confidence. Guys where distracted, bored or simply looked trapped. And the older the couple, the worst it is. I noticed the holding hands, and the elbow. All of these a sign of how is the owner of whom.

In those 15 minutes I walked at my fast rate, I was going by the sunlight and I crossed the road with red light for pedestrians because there where no cars.
If my wife where there she would restrain me from doing these things. Usually with a anoyied remark, just like you chasticize a kid: “get by my side!”, “I can’t be in this sun!”, “I don’t want to be run over by a car!”.

Walking with your wife is only about her. You are there as an accessory.

How do we end up like this. Where is my manly strength?

My strenght is the physical and mental capability to solve problems, initiate aggression or run for my life.
Women use these strengths against us.

They create problems that have no solution, usually faster than we can ever think on them. Then they go on torpeeding our solutions.

They use verbal aggressions to provoke an adrenaline rush on a man, like he needs to fight or flee. But you cannot do either, and their manipulative brain remains as cool and relaxed as ever, picking the best ways to press all your buttons.

You end up with a kind of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder).
It is what happens when people are under stressful, life threatening situations, for a long time.

The way a husband survives is disconnecting.
We try not to feel anything. We numb ourselves.
But they are relentless.
So we do everything to avoid the dreadful displeasure of the wife.

We are just there for what they need. Isn’t that the definition of accessories?

[OldBillParticipant]

So, you just noticed this? Let me ask you two questions then:

Why are you still married?
Why aren’t you actively planning for your divorce?

Reclaim yourself and live again.

Do not date. Do not impregnate. Do not co-habitate. Above all, do not marry. Reclaim and never again surrender your personal sovereignty.

[hellraiderParticipant 2837]

yup, zenstate you need to stop being a sock puppet.

Youre wife has here arm UP YOUR ASS controling you like a puppet.

Just leave here alone and enjoy your life.

[HitmanParticipant]

do you LIKE being her accessory ?
then STOP.
you choose to be in this situation..
you can change it .

[experiencedParticipant]

I’m sorry for what you’re going through.
Your post is very reassuring for those of us who’ve been there and are glad we’re completely out of it; it really is a relief.
Although the price is high initially, you might want to temporarily get it into your mind that you’re through with her and that it’s over. With this temporary objectivity, take her to places of your younger days Before you met her. Then, the total Contrast of what she currently is versus what your hopes were then, may wake you up to the extent of your situation. Another option is to go to the places the two of you went to Before marriage/engagement/commitment so you can see the changes in her, also known as the emergence of her true self. Women’s cloaking devices draw a lot of amperage and soon they can’t be bothered with paying the bill.
Of course there’s always the option of avoiding all of the above. You probably know more than me, I just grabbed my nickname here from a favorite song by Jimi.
Good luck.
Stay in touch with the guys here as they can help you.
There was a guy that wrote here a lot named Brainpilot.
He would stress the vast difference between two entirely separate things:
the woman you know now,
and the woman in your mind that you keep wishing her to be.
The second one is dangerous. she is not reality.
Always take the time to differentiate to yourself which one you are thinking of.
If it comes to divorce she will rip at you with razorlike efficiency with whom she actually is, by bringing up memories and pushing every button of the early imagined her.

"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."

[Biggvs_DickvsParticipant 3725]

Anonymous wrote:

So we do everything to avoid the dreadful displeasure of the wife.

I have a social group I belong to that has a lot of older members. I constantly hear the “if she’s not happy than NOONE’s happy,” “she’s my better half,” etc etc etc lines we’ve all heard. It horrifies me how afraid some men are of displeasing their wives.

ZenState you poor bastard. And with medical problems you would seem like a total tool if you ditched her now. That said, you don’t have to take her s~~~. What’s she going to do – divorce you? I say great – let her. Just tell her one day “Honey, I’ve had enough. I’m going to treat the living room like my own man cave.” Hang up a neon beer sign or two, throw a keggar. Put your feet up on the coffee table. Tell her your done being an accessory and worrying about whether she is happy or not. That’s not your problem.

Get a fleshlight and a big porn collection and show her you could give a s~~~ whether she has sex with you or not.

At the very least, she’ll respect you more. And you might be surprised – if she perceives a *credible* threat that her power over you might be gone, she may have a very abrupt attitude change. That’s what I would do. Hell, that’s exactly what I have done in relations~~~s, and it works if – and this is a really HUGE and critical “if” – the threat is credible. Try to bluff and you’re going to lose guaranteed.

Of course I know nothing about your situation, so take it for what it’s worth.

"Data, I would be delighted to offer any advice I can on understanding women. When I have some, I'll let you know." --Captain Picard,

[Anonymous 3]

Thank you all for the support.

I am plotting my escape. I had 20 years of this, so I can hold one more. Just enough time so that these medical problems are forgotten.

Then I will have my life back.

[OldBillParticipant]

Anonymous wrote:

I am plotting my escape.

I’m very happy to read that, ZenState.

Code Bunker is another married MGTOW here. Like you, he’s waiting for certain parts of his specific marital situation to change before initiating his divorce. He’s working hard to lay the groundwork and thus reap the best possible outcome he can.

Keep working towards that goal, brother, and, when the best time for you arrives, strike hard, strike quickly, and strike without mercy.

Good luck.

Do not date. Do not impregnate. Do not co-habitate. Above all, do not marry. Reclaim and never again surrender your personal sovereignty.

[Anonymous 5]

Anonymous wrote:

The way a husband survives is disconnecting.
We try not to feel anything. We numb ourselves.
But they are relentless.
So we do everything to avoid the dreadful displeasure of the wife.

Biggvs_Dickvs wrote:

I have a social group I belong to that has a lot of older members. I constantly hear the “if she’s not happy than NOONE’s happy,” “she’s my better half,” etc etc etc lines we’ve all heard. It horrifies me how afraid some men are of displeasing their wives.

“Happy Wife, Happy Life” means one thing when you marry, but means something totally different after years of marriage.

You go into marriage determined to give her the best of everything. A nice house, a nice car, nice cloths, security, protection, the best of everything. You want to give her a terrific life. It’s a goal.

After many years of marriage you realize nothing keeps them happy for long.
The more you give, the more they want, and the less they feel they have to give in return.
Within a decade or so, “Happy Wife, Happy Life” means you say or do ANYTHING for the peace.
It’s a “white flag of surrender” policy that reduces nagging and the silent treatment, but never eliminates it.

[BeeParticipant 700]

I’m in that boat. We’re at the point neither of us like eachother. I want out but don’t want to hurt my kid. If I knew then what I knew now… there was little information back then (as early as y2k, the internet was in its infancy compared to now). Things have changed too and blue pill life has gotten that much harder.

[guestParticipant 14]

You can hire an escort (not a mistress) if you need sexual desire to be released. Even better if you fly out to another country like Canada (very close to USA and easy and cheap to get to) and get one off backpage. Get a new girl everytime and you will have zero risk of any headache. Most men like food, sex, sleep, and sports in some random order. Why work in life if you can’t enjoy these? The material stuff is not that great imo. You get bored of it quick. But good food? Good sex? Good sleep? and a round of watching your favorite sports? It boggles my mind that people go to work and their lives suck. Why work in the first place then?

[Symmetric MGTOWParticipant 570]

Dear Zenstate,

Your post made me think of the days in which, while married, I had to go to family reunions with my wife. As my family lived in a far away state, I would spend most of the holidays with hers. To me, that was torture: to be with people that, even though I could communicate with and understand, did not genuinely care about, while trying to smile, talk to them and be as pleasant as possible while wondering. Thinking: “why am I not at home chilling, playing video games, reading a book, or doing some scholarly work?.” I did my best to keep up with appearances, and I am not going to lie: many times I enjoyed it. But being the person I have always been in my life I knew that it was not my crowd. Very few people are my crowd as I enjoy and prefer to be on my own in life.

Last year’s Xmas and New Year I spent them all on my own. It was very different, but it was very liberating as well. If you don’t feel happy right now, try to free yourself from your shackles. In my case, it was my ex who liberated me. She divorced me; she wanted it; she punished me for my mistakes and left me thinking I was a monster for some of the things I did and said over the years.

I am sorry that you are going through these pains, and I hope that you can find the clarity of mind required to become freer. It will be better, after all, if it happens on your terms than hers. When it happened to me, it was mostly on her terms, and it was hellish.

Now all that’s left are the memories, some sweet, some bitter, and my determination to continue living this life to see what new heights I can reach. Live on, brother! Life is there waiting for you.

J

[hollowtipsParticipant 681]

That’s so typical to hear. Whenever a man dates a woman he must become acustomed to all his girlfriends/wives family members and get along with them, people he barely even knows and act like their his own blood in mere months.

Men literally are expected to sacrifice all their friends and family yet their is no societal expectation for woman to make any sacrifices of their own. I never realized how much of a spoiled brat my girlfriend was until about 9 months into our relationship.

I wanted a future with her, not her 12 family members and friends who act like I’m a feral raccoon that will eventually turn on her. I’m sorry that you ended up having to go through a divorce before you realized.

[Anonymous 3]

Symmetric MGTOW wrote:

I am sorry that you are going through these pains, and I hope that you can find the clarity of mind required to become freer. It will be better, after all, if it happens on your terms than hers. When it happened to me, it was mostly on her terms, and it was hellish.

Thanks J,

In a way I think you got it worst. From a total white knight state I followed the enlightenment road to MGTOW. Now that I look back, it all pointed here. It appears that you did not have that “luck”, since your red pill was the divorce itself.

At this point I dont care about anything, because I had to deal with everything at some point. I went through all these phases:
1 – Could not conceive the ideia of divorce;
2 – Could not bring myself to hurt her;
3 – Could not bring myself to hurt the kids;
4 – Was afraid of life after divorce (will I met someone else?);
5 – Now I only want to be alone!

I am just waiting for a proper socially acceptable moment to pull the plug. I live a small island and everybody knows everybody. She has an health problem, so I am waiting for her to resume normal life (less than 6 months) so people can see she has solved her health issues.

[narwhalParticipant]

Zenstate, I appreciate your thought you need to wait, but to me personally, divorce isn’t the issue. Whether you divorce or stay married, you need to learn to set your boundaries and say no to all the crap that is thrown your way. You need to learn to accept that people are going to shame you for your decisions.

I am not a fan of divorce in most cases. I would recommend that you first concentrate on making your decisions and choices based on what you want and what’s true, instead of trying to make someone else happy or avoid confrontation. There is no need to wait before you start doing that. You may find your wife’s behavior changes accordingly and maybe you don’t want to divorce anymore. Maybe not. I couldn’t argue with ‘probably not’. At the very least, you will be a better man for it, and you will be able to leave knowing she had her opportunity to get right and chose not to.

Ok. Then do it.

[Anonymous 3]

narwhal wrote:

I would recommend that you first concentrate on making your decisions and choices based on what you want and what’s true, instead of trying to make someone else happy or avoid confrontation. There is no need to wait before you start doing that. You may find your wife’s behavior changes accordingly and maybe you don’t want to divorce anymore.

[…]
At the very least, you will be a better man for it, and you will be able to leave knowing she had her opportunity to get right and chose not to.

Thank you Narwal for those words. You are quite to the point, so much that you stated exactly what I came to realize about myself and my marriage.

Three weeks ago, when I wrote this subject, I had just found MGTOW. I have changed much through time, and certainly I will need to change more. After processing some MGTOW concepts, one week ago I wrote another post in the philosophy forum about “Men’s Self-control”, where I stated a new plan to do just what you said.

I changed my relationship with my wife and other people. I started saying NO many more times when it was necessary. I am putting my wife in her place and placing myself above her level; with quite interesting results! My wife is actually happy with this and is quick to agree with me. It is just a question of understanding the mindset and work with it, instead of against it.

However, I realized that I am to far gone.

When I moved into this Island, I was alone and I had an empty house. A friend of mine had arrived a week before me and had his home already “livable”, so I went to his place until my own house was ready. He was a nice guy, but after a week I could not stand being around him anymore. I left as fast as I could.

This goes to say that there are some people we cannot live with.

Men can be the greatest friends. I was a friend to these brothers through my engineering degree, and we spent all the time together. Yet, the first day that my wife meet them she learned many things about them that I didn’t know, and we where friends for more than 5 years! Needless to say that things worked out bad between my wife and my friends…

This goes to show that there is an ideal level of familiarity, not to close, not to distant. This is the formula for enduring friendships.

This formula works because it preserves the individuality. This is the one greatest things most men respect, other men’s individuality.

Women, on the other hand, want to merge in a bubbling melting pot of black tar intimacy. It is amazing to me to see my wife being so close and intimate with someone I know she dislikes completely.

A man can spend an afternoon with a friend a not say a word. In the end he would say: great conversation.

So, how can a man be with a woman? How can he preserve his individuality from the corrosive stickiness of their character?
Only if there is mutual advantage and both provide a service to the other.

I love my wife but I cant stand being with her anymore. We do not match. We do not share tastes and values. I sincerely doubt that I would ever find a woman that will.

And since I cannot find a single advantage or service for my wife… I select my individuality.

[SlingshotParticipant 171]

Hi ZenState. I’ve got a lot of empathy for you. I’m in a similar place to you and have been reading your posts. I have been taking purple pills for a long time and red pills for a couple of years now. I’ve found the more indipendent and No F~~~s Given (NFG) attitude the better my wife behaves. I’m talking about how she is showing me more respect and has started ‘trying’ to please me. The trouble is that I have gone too far now and don’t want to stay. My kids are all adults but living at home, and if I left she would fall flat on her financial face (she works part time).

She’s a Tran Con (only recently found out what that means). She has said that she thinks I hate her, but I have told her, and in all honestly, it’s her behaviour and the toxic (gynocentric) culture that’s the issue. I’ve realised I can’t fix any of it and she’s starting to realise the same. My plan is to take one step away at a time.

I like Code Bunker’s advice and Hitman’s ‘Cheaper to keep her’ (thanks H ) slap down was another sweet red pill for me. It’s tough to let go, but in the end I think NFG is the only way to go – who is John Galt. . . .

Good luck, I’m sure you’ll find the best solution!

[Anonymous 3]

@slingshot, thanks for the support.

Yes. I agree that an arrangement where the couple lives separated most of the time, and together some time, could work well.
In my case I think she is to proud to accept this… I might try it, there is nothing to lose.

[experiencedParticipant]

Sorry that you’re going through all of this.

Every divorce can be different. One factor that’s important, no crucial, to go over with your attorney is how much of the final settlement is hinging on “the clock is now ticking AND recording” calculations? Ask your lawyer!
In my case there were three accounts that she gets a larger and larger share of for every day that ticks by.
ALSO! Are you recently increasing your income? working more hours? In a higher paying position? If you are, SHE will get more of EVEN MORE. It goes against guy’s grain to think like this because most men are happiest when they’re pursuing results in full throttle mode, however, this will be used against you, in my case, three different ways. Your attorney, assuming you hire the best because unfortunately you have to, is not necessarily your “friend”. While certainly not your enemy, he or she will always be happy to spend time with you – – it’s your task to carefully discern whether this is for you or your account/money.
Remember, if SHE got to him first he would be behaving most likely in a parallel manner with her instead of you. Hopefully, she hires a jackass like mine did.

get enough sleep!
exercise!
best of luck to you
keep in touch with mgtow

"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."

[Author]

Posts