Hey dudes.
First of all. I’m hammered. I went out for my buddies 30th birthday party tonight, and it what I experienced was on the cusp of a bachelor party. We ended up and a strip club with just as many chicks as we had dudes. Strippers wouldn’t leave us alone after they got off stage. But i digress. I only wrote this paragraph as an intro. What I have written below may be a bit lengthy, but it’s a gem of wisdom passed down from a 59 year old sage.
One more caveat before I begin… Its been a while since I’ve posted. You might have even thought I didn’t go through with my divorce. I did. happier than ever. The story that I’m about to tell is proof.
Met a solid dude tonight at the bar. So we’re outside smoking a cigarette and the topic of narcotics came up. He invites me to his hardware store nextdoor to the bar and we indulged in several of them, narcotics that is. Anyway, the topic of women came up, and after the general pleasantries of getting pussy were discussed, he told me that he hasn’t put in more work than dialing a number from the back of a cheap smut mag to get some pussy in the last decade. So i started to ask him what was the secret to getting hot young escorts… what follows will blow your mind…
mind you, this is knowledge gained from experience… 59 years and two divorces worth. he told me the first time he used a magazine ad, he ended up with a 55 year old bag. He told her he was sorry but he was expecting something different and that he’d pay her anyway. She said all she wanted was to come in and get high and they preceded to talk. She shared with him the only two lines you will ever need if you wish to hire an escort.
Here is how the decision tree works.
Your first statement is always. “Hi, i’m looking for someone at least 40.”
The girl will respond in one of two ways. They will either tell the truth and say they are 40 or 50 or however the f~~~ old they are.
In which case you hang up.
But call the same exact number back immediately. The same old skank you were on the phone with just a moment before will likely be on the phone with a different poor bastard who doesn’t know hes about to order a used up old hag. These 1-800 or 1-900 number are routed to “working girls” phones automatically.
So you repeat the same statement. Claiming to want a 40+ year old girl. Continue until you get an innocent s0unding voice that says. “I’m only 29, or 30, or 35, either way, she’s not OLD”
At that point, you’ve got your girl. Your next STATEMENT is “I’m just over here catching a buzz (read: I have drugs), how fast can you get here.”
They’ll be there as fast as you can say F~~~ me.
See… the point is, these girls only want to get high and get f~~~ed, they don’t care about you for a second. So now you’ve got a hot young piece of ass, speeding over to your place to get high with you (name your high) and then f~~~ your brains out. And the best part is that she feels she owes you something because your first statement to her was, “I’m looking for someone older than you”
I’ve never paid for sex, and I won’t until I have to. But I’ll be damn sure, when I get to that point. this will be the tactic that I use.
Stay high my brothers.
Rasta
Deus Ex Machina 4 years, 12 months ago.
