How rumors and lies, from strangers, poison families

[Faust For ScienceParticipant 22521]

I am sure some of you have dealt with these problems? I want to know how you handle it? Because, I am at my wits end over the s~~~ I have deal with in my life, and I could use some advice.

Two years ago, I caught hell from my family, and I could never figure out why. Then, today my father let slip that two years ago some doctor, whom I have never met, had called them and accused me of something.

This is the first time I have heard about this accusation. I asked for details, but my father said the accusation was not worth mentioning. And I cannot get the details. But, my family sure as hell believed this false accusation was worth taken that false accusation out of me, without telling me why they were giving me so much grieve.

This merely confirms what I have known for decades. People get their jollies by spreading rumors about me, behind my back.

I have come to realize that no matter how much kindness and honesty I show my family, my family will always think the worst of me, because they believe the lies of strangers over me.

Over time, in their minds they come to believe the lies and rumors told about me, and for them these lies and rumors are truth. With all of them refusing to even trust me enough to be informed of these accusations.

And there is no why I can defend against these false accusations because I am never inform of these lies, let alone am I told what I am being accused of.

I am made to suffer for things I have never been informed of. And this has be going on since I was a child.

It is not paranoia if someone is really out to get you. And people are clearly out to get me. And they are doing it just to some sick joy out of doing so.

It is actually nice to know that what I suspected was correct, because my family also use to accuse me of being paranoia, while they knew people were out to get me.

This is one of the many reasons I look forward to the collapse of civilization. I will bring marshmallows, as I roast them over the funeral pyre that was once called a society.

[RoyDalParticipant]

I have seen this odd phenomenon all my life. Someone whom I have known and trusted for years turns on me based on something heard from a newcomer, someone they’ve known for weeks or months. I can’t figure it out, but it keeps happening all around me and to me. It’s just human nature, I guess.

Edit: I realize they are your family and all, but if they are that easily swayed on the word of a stranger; if they were mere friends, then I would ditch them without a second thought.

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[Faust For ScienceParticipant 22521]

RoyDal wrote:

Edit: I realize they are your family and all, but if they are that easily swayed on the word of a stranger; if they were mere friends, then I would ditch them without a second thought.

I would really like to do so. But, I have no options. I am in poor health, though after years of effort I have managed to improve my health to the point that I can hold a part time job. Still, I cannot afford to live on my own. And with the job market in the toilet and getting worse. I don’t see how I can live on my own any time soon.

I have worked out the math of just basic necessities, such as shelter, food, running water, electricity, and I cannot afford to live on my own.

Though, in a year, maybe two, I might be able to get away from most of them from the most part. Yet, the time before then is going to be difficult.

The fact they are swayed so easily does not hurt the most. It is the fact they don’t tell me to my face why they occasionally treat me like s~~~ that bothers me the most out of this. No one has the courage to tell me why to my face. Maybe they are afraid they will be forced to admit they are right and take responsibility, which seems responsibility seems to be rarity in this day and age.

[Anonymous 1]

Hey Faust,

Your situation is complicated indeed. I’ve been through something similar (but instead of an unkown doctor, it was a close relative spreading rumors and making my life hell). Unfortunatly, my advice would be the same as RoyDal: trying to move out.

Even if you say that is not possible for you, I would say this: try little by little. It is never too late to learn a skill and try to improve. Focus all the energy you have into improving yourself on somethng you enjoy doing and that you can make a living. Try to make progress, it doesn’t matter how little it is. It doesn’t matter how things are now, they could get worse. And the worse it could happen if you fail on your attempts, is that your situation will remain the same. However, if you try, and keep trying, there is always the possibility of you succeeding. If you do nothing, than failure is certain.

And try to do/get something to put your head away from your families opinion. I know it is hard when the people you live with is giving you s~~~ (believe me, I’ve been there), but there are things you can’t just change. You can’t change how your family thinks, and what they do. But you can control YOUR actions. So focus on that. Don’t argue, pick your battles, don’t fight those that there is no chance for you to win, and, who knows, you might surprise yourself one day on what you can achieve.

When I was trying to put my life together (and I still am, by the way) my biggest fear was not to fail. But to be afraid to even have tried to succeed. And compared to where I was a couple of years back… I came a loooong way, and I am not going to stop.

Be strong, but also be compassionate towards yourself.

Good luck, I don’t know if any of these help, but I hope at least it made you feel a little better.

Take care.

[Faust For ScienceParticipant 22521]

Anonymous wrote:

Even if you say that is not possible for you, I would say this: try little by little.

BadKan, that is my plan.

When is comes to my family, a lot of things will be happening with my immediate family, including shift changes in living arrangements. If I play may cards right, I might end up either living partly alone, or alone all the time, with minor costs, within two years. But, it is a gamble. And I don’t really see much I can loose by trying to work the situation into my favor.

[RusskyParticipant 13503]

You can rent a room for next to nothing. It’ll be well worth it

proud carrier of the 'why?' chromosome

[MemberParticipant 323]

Sucks to hear. Your family doesn’t sound at all like a supportive or trustworthy group. Hope you find a way to avoid or move away asap!

[Faust For ScienceParticipant 22521]

Russky wrote:

You can rent a room for next to nothing. It’ll be well worth it

Actually, rent is expensive and job opportunities are very little.

Member wrote:

Your family doesn’t sound at all like a supportive or trustworthy group.

They find me useful, and I use that to my advantage as I works towards financial freedom to live on my own.

Member wrote:

Hope you find a way to avoid or move away asap!

Thank you.

[RusskyParticipant 13503]

f~~~ – share a room then. but get out from this toxic environment.
there was one time when I was 21 and just came in the US – we rented a 3 br townhome. the number of residents varied from 5 to 11 (one night). We slept on blow-up mattresses we later returned to the store. On average it was like $150 per person including utilities. But it all worked out because everyone was always at work, you must step outside of your comfort zone to get to the next level

proud carrier of the 'why?' chromosome

[Faust For ScienceParticipant 22521]

Russky wrote:

f~~~ – share a room then. but get out from this toxic environment.
there was one time when I was 21 and just came in the US – we rented a 3 br townhome. the number of residents varied from 5 to 11 (one night). We slept on blow-up mattresses we later returned to the store. On average it was like $150 per person including utilities. But it all worked out because everyone was always at work, you must step outside of your comfort zone to get to the next level

I will think about that.

Thank you to all for you advice.

[experiencedParticipant]

Yours is an extremely difficult situation.
Russky’s correct, get out of your comfort zone.
Until then, INSIST on direct “one on one” communication. You with one person of the group. Later, one on one with another person in the group. As for those who don’t reveal what was said etc. ask them directly.
You can’t break even against a hive / family network / etc. It just doesn’t happen.
Ask each, “AND what do YOU think? What is your view? What is your opinion regarding this?
Also be aware that if they were really on your side, the other person would not have felt comfortable badmouthing you to them.
Also ask them why this person did not come directly to you with this concern and then ask that original person why they didn’t come to you directly with the concern.
This is an important reason for getting to know ANY laydeez’es family! If you get even one whiff of this type of behavior early on, dump her like a handful of ….
Consider renaming this thread,” Rumors, lies, strangers, poison families.”
It’s poison families that allow falsities to take root.
Non poison families say, “WTF are you talking about. Don’t be talking s~~~ about my brother. You’d better have facts and proof to back up what you are saying.”

"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."

[J.D SilvernailParticipant 383]

Faust For Science wrote:

I am sure some of you have dealt with these problems? I want to know how you handle it? Because, I am at my wits end over the s~~~ I have deal with in my life, and I could use some advice.

Two years ago, I caught hell from my family, and I could never figure out why. Then, today my father let slip that two years ago some doctor, whom I have never met, had called them and accused me of something.

This is the first time I have heard about this accusation. I asked for details, but my father said the accusation was not worth mentioning. And I cannot get the details. But, my family sure as hell believed this false accusation was worth taken that false accusation out of me, without telling me why they were giving me so much grieve.

This merely confirms what I have known for decades. People get their jollies by spreading rumors about me, behind my back.

I have come to realize that no matter how much kindness and honesty I show my family, my family will always think the worst of me, because they believe the lies of strangers over me.

Over time, in their minds they come to believe the lies and rumors told about me, and for them these lies and rumors are truth. With all of them refusing to even trust me enough to be informed of these accusations.

And there is no why I can defend against these false accusations because I am never inform of these lies, let alone am I told what I am being accused of.

I am made to suffer for things I have never been informed of. And this has be going on since I was a child.

It is not paranoia if someone is really out to get you. And people are clearly out to get me. And they are doing it just to some sick joy out of doing so.

It is actually nice to know that what I suspected was correct, because my family also use to accuse me of being paranoia, while they knew people were out to get me.

Welcome to the club bro. You are right about the fact that everyone,including your parents are out to get you. The strategic thing to do in a situation like this is to decide that instead of them being out to get you, you must turn the tables and start being out to get them and anyone else who bothers you. First “Know thy Enemy”-Tsun Tzu. Then once you have a significant amount of information about them you can either save it and build up a pretty good court case against them or you can confront them with it. So far it sounds like you are approaching this whole situation the wrong way. You make it sound like you are on defence when conventional wisdom would suggest that you should be on offence. It’s like the old saying “The best defence is a good offence”-unknown author.

I'm married to the game,but she broke her vows.

[J.D SilvernailParticipant 383]

I hope my advice is useful. Please tell me how it works out for you.

I'm married to the game,but she broke her vows.

[AttonParticipant]

Be done with them if that is the way they treat you, there is no reason for you to have to deal with that crap.

A MGTOW is a man who is not a woman's bitch!

[John DoeParticipant 743]

If it is any comfort, I am still an asshole to people in their face. So those type of people are still out there you just have to think positively and believe.

Joking aside, most people don’t get along with their families. It is a sad truth. Most societal bonds are broken, not just marriage. You have to understand this when dealing with people as part of a cure is first acknowledging that there is a problem. Simply acknowledging the problem itself can sometimes make it feel smaller than it really is.

You have to also remember that a large portion of this forum is a support group for men who either have been or feel like they been “f~~~ed” by society. So in many respects you are not alone. And you not only have to acknowledge this, but you also really have to understand this. You are not alone.

[Author]

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